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I was feeling better but then today happened.


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I finally got some decent sleep and was starting to feel better. I was looking forward to the first family picnic of the summer season especially since I missed all of them last year. I pick at my skin and have a new large scar on my face. In front of several people my cousin and then my mom pointed it out and then asked me about it. I tried to brush them off and ended up waving my hand at them, turning around and walking away because in the moment I couldn't think of anything to say. I still can't find the words to say what I feel now. Obviously I'm aware of the large dark scar so why point it out to me in front of other people. It brings back painful flashbacks of other times people pointed out my scars and the feelings of shame and embarrassment are as strong as ever....

The thing is I've talked with my mom at length in the past about the skin picking and she knows how sensitive of a topic it is. And she wonders why I don't tell her stuff.....


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That sucks, I'm sorry. I pick at my skin too, and have trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling) which has left me literally without any eyelashes, so I totally relate to the embarrassment. And I haven't seen my mother since I pulled out all of my eyelashes, partly for that reason - I don't doubt that she'll say something that will make me feel horrible.

There's an advice blog that I love called Captain Awkward, because a lot of the letters deal with how to deal with family members or friends who make rude comments like this or have no boundaries. One of the things she advises saying in the moment is something like "Wow, I can't believe you said that" or just a simple "Wow" with an awkward stare. I don't know that i could do that to my mother (or other family), though.

I hope you can put it behind you as just their rudeness and get back to feeling better again!

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I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'm frustrated for you just reading it. I don't know if there was any ill-intention, I am suspecting not, but it doesn't make your feelings any less valid or real.

I really like the advice skblue, gave from that blog. It is quick, simple, and effective. How can they argue with something when they are so inappropriate? 

Unfortunately some people have no filter on their brains or their mouths, and it's a shame, because it ends up hurting the innocent most times.

I feel like a simple awkward "wow!" could be the perfect answer to avoid confrontation, and obviously move on from the uncomfortable situation. I also think your reaction to walk away, though you don't feel as satisfied, was a great reaction as well. It nudges to their inappropriate questioning and blatantly displays your discomfort in the situation, which they need to know in order to not repeat.

If you feel so inclined to speak with your mother on the issue, maybe do so before the next family get together. Ask her to refrain from the obvious uncomfortable conversations. If she cannot adhere to your request then give her a time out from your life. You don't need that kind of negativity. Best luck and wishes, I hope you do not let this dampen your beautiful spirit.

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