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Why go on?

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This last guy really let me down..he lied so damn much I couldn't trust him, called me out of my name totally.( like messed up stuff..racial stuff) I want to cut him off it would be easy to just let go...


But then I just wonder if I could actually be happy living a life alone. Sure I would have my degree,,,work a nice job,,, but what good is a that when you have no friends or significant other? None. 


I have really really REALLY bad luck when it comes to finding companion ship in the form of friendships or relationships...to the point I genuinely believe I'm cursed.... 


No one should live such a lonely life especially when I reach out to people,,, I hate my job bc I just don't get it and I'm tired of going there wish I would get fired alredy, lost my passion for drawing...haven't drawn since May 10th, I want to leave this shxtty guy....but he is as good its gonna get for me...

At this point I don't care if he changed up on me and turns into a psycho on me.., most days I wish I were in a car crash so I can finally stop being in a world where its painfully obvious I don't belong.  

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I think you are selling yourself way too short to stay in a relationship where someone is abusing you. Yes abusing, calling you names and belittling you is abuse. 

Think of someone you love and care for. It should be easy, you sound like a very passionate individual. It doesn't matter if it's a sibling, online friend, parent, coworker or teacher, just think of that person you care for.

Now, think about if that person was being treated the same way you were by their significant other. How does that make you feel? Sad? Mad? Helpless? So why shouldn't you have those same emotions for yourself? You deserve to have those for yourself. You deserve better, if you keep on settling on the victim card you will never end up with better. You will never improve, you will settle on abuse and you will justify it for yourself and it will become the norm.

You are better than that, but you need to treat yourself better than that and believe it. If you're not putting yourself first and treating yourself well, how are you teaching others to treat you? You will be inviting more abusive individuals into your life!

I am only speaking from personal first hand experience. And in my experience it only got worse, from verbal to physical, from physical to sexual. It only gets worse if you let it continue.


People will come in and out of your life. You will inevitably make friends, and relationships, if you treat yourself better. I know it's hard to find the motivation when you've been beaten down so much, but I feel like working on yourself first and foremost is the only way obtainable way to reach out genuinely to others.


I hope this all makes sense. I hope some of this reaches you. Please feel free to message me any time about anything. Know that you don't deserve the life of abuse you're living now.

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