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GAJ123

This seriously feels like some sick joke

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When does it end? I'm so beyond tired & just need this pain to end already. It's beyond old & tiring being this way with nothing changing for me. I feel I did everything I could to try to get better & it all failed. I've even been going to the gym again regularly & it's done absolutely nothing to help me in any way at all except to be in a bit better shape. I just am not well enough to have a better job or go to school or have a relationship. Today at work I seriously just wanted to tell every woman I found attractive to go f themselves since no one would ever give me a chance with the way my life is & how i'm so far behind everyone my age. Too many health issues to go on yet I'm too big of a coward to ever end it. It's just too much to deal with everyday with seeing how my life has fell apart & feeling envy of others of how they have everything I want. Seriously screw this piece of s***t life it's just so damn tiring & am beyond tired. 

Edited by GAJ123

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If you're not up for that, allow me to offer you a few words of advice. Here's the thing: People will be shallow, ignorant, and downright cruel. It shows you that maybe, you're looking to the wrong people for adoration. Do you go out? Are you more of a bowling or bar kind of guy? As far as the health issues go, they're here to stay for the most part. It's deeply infuriating. What's just as infuriating is when the disorder in question specifically impairs your appearance. Such is the case with me. Women still talk to me regardless, although I always manage to ruin my chances at a date, Why? I refuse to make the first move. At least you're trying. Keep going with your self improvement. You'll be glad. 

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If anyone wants or needs to talk, I'm here for you. As long as you know I might talk about my own experience. If you have a bad day or a great day, I'm game to listen. It's nice to talk to someone sometimes. .

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12 hours ago, OnceandFuture said:

If you're not up for that, allow me to offer you a few words of advice. Here's the thing: People will be shallow, ignorant, and downright cruel. It shows you that maybe, you're looking to the wrong people for adoration. Do you go out? Are you more of a bowling or bar kind of guy? As far as the health issues go, they're here to stay for the most part. It's deeply infuriating. What's just as infuriating is when the disorder in question specifically impairs your appearance. Such is the case with me. Women still talk to me regardless, although I always manage to ruin my chances at a date, Why? I refuse to make the first move. At least you're trying. Keep going with your self improvement. You'll be glad. 

I just don't get what the point is if I'm never going to get better. I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's beyond old waking up everyday knowing I'm going to be dealing with the same issues all over again. I'm never going to have any sort of life being like this. I just want it to end soon to be honest. I feel I can only take so much until I can't deal with it anymore. 

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4 hours ago, GAJ123 said:

I just don't get what the point is if I'm never going to get better. I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's beyond old waking up everyday knowing I'm going to be dealing with the same issues all over again. I'm never going to have any sort of life being like this. I just want it to end soon to be honest. I feel I can only take so much until I can't deal with it anymore. 

I think you should reconsider what your expectations are, and what you think you can reasonably achieve. When I feel envious of others' lives because they have things I can't have, I try to think about the things that I have in my life that many others around the world don't have. And then I try to think of ways to be more appreciative of what I do have, while continuing to do what I can to make my life better, and work (even if slowly) towards the things I want.

I know it's a struggle every day for a lot of us on here, despite our circumstances, what we have or don't have, and what "fun" stuff life decides to throw at us that day. There are times when I feel like I have reached my limit, too, but because I don't believe that there's necessarily anything other than this life I have, I choose to keep going because it's this (which I could potentially improve) or nothing.

I feel like maybe you have some expectations that life should be a certain way for everyone, and that everyone should have certain things, but if you look around you'll see many people who have no job, no family, no real way out of the situations they are in. I think it is a matter of perspective and who you are comparing yourself to, and why you are choosing that comparison point. I would argue that, if you want to feel better, you should compare yourself to yourself (and look at your efforts), and to people who are worse off, rather than comparing yourself to those who have more than you, or who have the things you want but do not yet have.

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21 hours ago, myra_viveash said:

I think you should reconsider what your expectations are, and what you think you can reasonably achieve. When I feel envious of others' lives because they have things I can't have, I try to think about the things that I have in my life that many others around the world don't have. And then I try to think of ways to be more appreciative of what I do have, while continuing to do what I can to make my life better, and work (even if slowly) towards the things I want.

I know it's a struggle every day for a lot of us on here, despite our circumstances, what we have or don't have, and what "fun" stuff life decides to throw at us that day. There are times when I feel like I have reached my limit, too, but because I don't believe that there's necessarily anything other than this life I have, I choose to keep going because it's this (which I could potentially improve) or nothing.

I feel like maybe you have some expectations that life should be a certain way for everyone, and that everyone should have certain things, but if you look around you'll see many people who have no job, no family, no real way out of the situations they are in. I think it is a matter of perspective and who you are comparing yourself to, and why you are choosing that comparison point. I would argue that, if you want to feel better, you should compare yourself to yourself (and look at your efforts), and to people who are worse off, rather than comparing yourself to those who have more than you, or who have the things you want but do not yet have.

I get what you're saying but it's extremely difficult for me to not compare myself to others that have what I want. And what's awful is they get it so naturally it seems like. I have the life experience of an 18 year old at the age of 31. And nothing is getting better it seems like. Everyday is the same thing over & over with no end in sight. I'll never enjoy my life if I can never have the things I want that others seem to get without any effort. It just happens for them but nothing good ever happens for me & I'm seriously just sick of it. 

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Just now, GAJ123 said:

I get what you're saying but it's extremely difficult for me to not compare myself to others that have what I want. And what's awful is they get it so naturally it seems like. I have the life experience of an 18 year old at the age of 31. And nothing is getting better it seems like. Everyday is the same thing over & over with no end in sight. I'll never enjoy my life if I can never have the things I want that others seem to get without any effort. It just happens for them but nothing good ever happens for me & I'm seriously just sick of it. 

Well, my fiance is sort of a late bloomer in many regards - he just turned 33 and I'm 41, and he's only been working full time for a year now; he finally took a retail job that doesn't use his degree because he was sick of sitting around with no money and not contributing to the household. My fiance also just applied for his first credit card. He's never rented an apartment on his own, either. People I know have given me crap for being with him when he was unemployed and unable to contribute because they didn't understand why I would be with someone I had to support financially. But it was my decision, and he was contributing to the household and to my life in other ways that I valued (cooking, chores, emotional support, etc.).

But, his best friend is the same age, and has just in the past year or two started to achieve a lot of the things most people have already done years ago: he's gotten his driver's license, gotten his first job, etc. My fiance's not sure if his friend is still a virgin or not, he's gone on a few dates in the past but nothing happened, but recently he's been meeting and hanging out with more women via his friends, so he may have been intimate with a woman. And he's not a bad guy, he's average looking now that he has lost some weight, probably average in intelligence. The fact that he still lives with his parents is working against him, but he's been saving up money and maybe he'll get his own place soon.

My point is just that some people achieve milestones much later in life than others. When you know you are in this group in some aspect (in your case, having a relationship), it doesn't help you to compare yourself to average people. Like I mentioned in another thread, I'm 41 and can't have kids. I've done a bunch of stuff hardly anyone has to do and still haven't had any luck. I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I ever will be. Do I get upset when I see people get pregnant unintentionally (so called, "Oops" pregnancies)? Yes, I do, if I let myself think about it and compare myself to them. But I know I'm not like those people. I have a problem that may never be corrected. 

I know it's natural to be envious, but I think you should try to refocus yourself when you find yourself envying people because they have something you don't. All it does is make you angry and upset - I know this from my own experience and pain, even though mine is  based on a different life milestone than yours. Instead, it's more productive to try to figure out how to achieve what you want, how to improve yourself. Compare yourself to yourself, and reward yourself for making efforts in the right direction.

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10 minutes ago, myra_viveash said:

Well, my fiance is sort of a late bloomer in many regards - he just turned 33 and I'm 41, and he's only been working full time for a year now; he finally took a retail job that doesn't use his degree because he was sick of sitting around with no money and not contributing to the household. My fiance also just applied for his first credit card. He's never rented an apartment on his own, either. People I know have given me crap for being with him when he was unemployed and unable to contribute because they didn't understand why I would be with someone I had to support financially. But it was my decision, and he was contributing to the household and to my life in other ways that I valued (cooking, chores, emotional support, etc.).

But, his best friend is the same age, and has just in the past year or two started to achieve a lot of the things most people have already done years ago: he's gotten his driver's license, gotten his first job, etc. My fiance's not sure if his friend is still a virgin or not, he's gone on a few dates in the past but nothing happened, but recently he's been meeting and hanging out with more women via his friends, so he may have been intimate with a woman. And he's not a bad guy, he's average looking now that he has lost some weight, probably average in intelligence. The fact that he still lives with his parents is working against him, but he's been saving up money and maybe he'll get his own place soon.

My point is just that some people achieve milestones much later in life than others. When you know you are in this group in some aspect (in your case, having a relationship), it doesn't help you to compare yourself to average people. Like I mentioned in another thread, I'm 41 and can't have kids. I've done a bunch of stuff hardly anyone has to do and still haven't had any luck. I've never been pregnant. I don't know if I ever will be. Do I get upset when I see people get pregnant unintentionally (so called, "Oops" pregnancies)? Yes, I do, if I let myself think about it and compare myself to them. But I know I'm not like those people. I have a problem that may never be corrected. 

I know it's natural to be envious, but I think you should try to refocus yourself when you find yourself envying people because they have something you don't. All it does is make you angry and upset - I know this from my own experience and pain, even though mine is  based on a different life milestone than yours. Instead, it's more productive to try to figure out how to achieve what you want, how to improve yourself. Compare yourself to yourself, and reward yourself for making efforts in the right direction.

Yeah, true. It's just I don't want to wind up being the 40 year old virgin that's never been with anyone though. There's no way I'm going to still be alive if I'm in my 40s & my life is still filled with all these problems. There's only so much the human mind can take before it gets to be too much. 

Also, sorry about the kids situation. Hopefully you'll be able to have kids one day.

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2 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

Yeah, true. It's just I don't want to wind up being the 40 year old virgin that's never been with anyone though. There's no way I'm going to still be alive if I'm in my 40s & my life is still filled with all these problems. There's only so much the human mind can take before it gets to be too much. 

Also, sorry about the kids situation. Hopefully you'll be able to have kids one day.

Thanks for the sympathy - I still have a few things to try before I give up on having kids (but not many, and not much time). Thanks for not giving me specific advice, though - I have heard and thought of it all :)

Regarding the envy - I have had to basically train my brain to ignore it and replace envious thoughts when I am aware of them with ones about what I can do in my specific case. But when all else fails (like when my ex has a baby with his new wife) I just give in and ask my fiance to bring me big milkshake and fries. It's okay to feel bad for yourself sometimes and acknowledge that you don't have what you want, but I find it's helpful to set a limit on wallowing and then get back to trying to do something productive about the problem.

 

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