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AD's and AP's


GoldenOne

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I will try to keep this as short as I can.

I started getting symptoms in 2012. In the period 2012-2015 I tried 10 different antidepressants and antipsychotics - none of which gave me any real relief. I have since the summer of 2015 not been on any drug. I have gotten a bit better since 2015, but I still struggle and suffer. 

So today my mother asked me if I had considered trying a med again, which immediately made me feel very bad. Why? Because I have been so very depressed and in pain for the last 5 years, and it all started with me trying drugs, which didn't seem to have any effect on me. And my mother asking me that makes me think that now I have tried everything there is to try, so I am back to the starting point: medication, and that thought made me feel really hopeless. 

I only want to get better, and if that means taking a med, I will do so. But it frustrates me a lot to leave my future up to whether or not a drug will work. And I begin to wonder whether or not the drugs I tried back then really didn't work. Could it be I was in so much pain that I didn't realize they gave me a little relief? Was I too focused on the side effects? What if drug number 11th is the one for me? All these questions run through my mind, making me even more hopeless. I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't exist. I feel like I had so much potential, but not this illness has ruined my whole life for me. It affects me too much for me to even lead a normal life, and it tears me apart, because I really used to think I was destined to do something great with my life. But now my illness has taken 5 years of my life away from me, and if it keeps going like this, I won't be able to do anything with my life.

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No offense to your mother, but that really isn't her place to make a decision about or to even comment on. Unless of course you warranted or asked for her stance?

 

If you feel you have been making progress, no matter how little, by yourself over the course of the last two years, why would you consider an alternative to what you have been successfully doing? It sounds like you need to decide what is best for yourself and stick to it.

 

If the question of medication is haunting your decisions, than speak with a health care provider that may be able to assess if that is the right option for you. Don't feel that taking medication is beating you. If a diabetic takes insulin, does that make them weak? No, it makes them a diabetic that needs their medicine in order to allow their body to work at maximum functioning capacity. So why wouldn't that be the same for you? 

 

Don't be so hard on yourself.

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