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Should I "Just get over it"?


Jellybear

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I'm only 19 and I'm hopelessly depressed. One of the things that contributed to my depression was basically just growing up and realizing the world is not the nice place I thought it was.

Most people eventually find that out and don't get depressed like I do. I, on the other hand, didn't take it very well. I have little faith in the world, and I really don't want to feel so cynical. I feel like I don't belong in this world?

I also feel depressed for other reasons, including the fact that depression is a disorder and I can't control it. I'm always sad/stressed/anxious for no reason. I'm down in the dumps 24/7 and sometimes the feeling is even beyond just being sad.

I know I should just never lose hope, but I've been trying hard to break out of this every single day for 4 years (perhaps even longer). It's gotten to the point where I'm furious. Why can't it just go away forever before it takes away any more years of my life. I'm beyond sick of being like this.

Unfortunately, some people's advice to me had been just "to get over it". Then I start feeling like I'm weak because I can't "get over it" like most people probably could. I feel so whiny all the time.

Sorry if this is pointless/venty, I just needed to vent and I'd really like someone to talk to?

 

Edited by Jellybear
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With depression there isn't an option to "just get over it." So, you're certainly not weak nor is there anything wrong with you. If someone is experiencing genuine depression there's no such thing as just snapping out of it. Anyone who says there is doesn't know what they're talking about. 

As you said it is an illness and unfortunately we don't have control over it. BUT, I can tell you from experience that you can learn to manage it and things can get better. 

I don't think you're being whiney. It gets frustrating and tiring. I think being able to talk about it is key.  Keep talking here and consider seeing a therapist if you aren't already.

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  • 2 weeks later...

We are all here for each other so we can try to turn the darkness into the light.

My input on depression is that there is always a way out of the deep darkness.

I just try to engage strategies to deal with the metaphorical depression/cave.

I really think we all have amazing abilities to devise tricks in our heads to turn our deep, dark depression/caves into something positive.

Keep posting and we will try our best to help.

 

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It's not pointless and I felt exactly the same way when I was 19 (and for many other years). On one hand I want to tell you it can get better, a lot better, but on the other hand depression may come and go throughout your life.

I understand the "just get over it" mentality, and I know that people who say that are "just trying to help" ... but most of the time it's not helpful and actually makes things worse as you mentioned. Obviously we wouldn't be depressed if it was that easy.

For what it's worth, here's some observations that may be useful,

Life is suffering, most people will lie and pretend this isn't the case, but life is suffering, it's cruel, it's unfair, and literally no one gets out alive.

There are many ways out of depression, but no one method will work for everyone, although it can be really fun trying different approaches (diet changes, meditation, writing and journaling, deep introspection, etc) -- in your life you'll likely find your way out of depression, just remember the way you learn to cope and/or overcome depression may not work for others who are suffering (and your advice may accidentally come across like the people who say, "just get over it"). But, it's absolutely possible to overcome depression, and it will absolutely get easier as you get older because you'll learn what works and what doesn't.

Some of the worst depression may happen in the midst of life going absolutely wonderful. Surprisingly, sometimes it is just diet, sleep, and/or exercise, and other times it's more complex, like just being sensitive to the suffering of life. The ability to cope with the inevitable suffering in life is made worse by depression but is often not the deeper cause. This is why people try to help by saying "get over it", they may have gone through terrible suffering in their own life and didn't feel the kind of depression you experience, they actually were able to "just get over it".

Let yourself grieve, let yourself be depressed. We live in a culture that tells us we have to get over it, but do we? Sometimes life is sad, we learn a lot from these moments, we learn to better navigate through life, we become wiser and more functional. One method (that works for some) is to embrace their depression, and recognize that it's their bodies way of gathering energy for a big change or transformation. But don't sweat it if this doesn't work for you..

Bliss is the flip-side of depression and suffering, I don't mean clinical manic-depression (although that's related), if you suffer from depression you'll likely also in your life be more sensitive to bliss. And I don't mean pleasure or happiness, I mean the exact positive opposite of depression... and just like depression, it will come and go. We can't 100% control these things, but we can learn to influence them, it's like floating down a river, we can steer away from dangerous rapids and try to avoid drowning, sometimes it will be wonderful and sometimes will be gripped in depression. This is why I said it can get better.

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JellyBear - Are you getting any medical help for this? If you have been fighting it for over 4 years, that's a long and no doubt tiring time.

The world is indeed a scary place but there are upsides. We have to allow ourselves the ability to see those things, which can be difficult. It is easy for someone who has never suffered depression to just say "snap out of it" or "try to be positive". You have to go through it to understand.

There are ways and means to combat this depression, such as meditation, exercise, mindfulness and therapy. You may be reluctant to go down the medication route but it can help. I assume you have spoken to a doctor about all this. 

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"Sometimes, ya just have to learn how to lose."

That is some of the best advice I have ever heard, uttered by the manager of one of the losingest baseball teams of all time, the Philadelphia Phillies. I think it was Jim Fregosi, can't remember. To me it means, all you can do is your best and if you are met with failure, it is not possible to do more.

By all means, don't keep doing the exact same thing and expecting different results. I find that depressive people, myself included, get locked into patterns of behavior and thought that lead nowhere. You will have to get creative to find your way out of it, and it certainly won't be an instantaneous process. It may mean revising your idea of what success or satisfaction is. See my recent posts in the thread on workplace depression to see how I has revised my expectations and goals for my work life.

 

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