How Am I Going To Do This?

[Shadows22]

I don’t even feel like I can find the right words right now. I’m worried that whatever I say is just going to come out wrong. I feel like a lot of people, my care team included, see that there have been many times that I can weather through the tough times and because of that they just assume that I can pull it together and be okay. But, the truth is I’ve been struggling for months now and I just keep sinking deeper. I’ve missed a lot of work lately and God only knows how I’m going to make it in on Monday.

If you’ve read my earlier posts the plan is to move to Nevada in August to live with my brother. Realistically all I have to do is put up money for a car (that is a spare they already have)….about $1,000 I’m assuming (which I do have), pay the $50 a month for insurance on the car, transfer my Medicaid and then find a care team out there.

Right now with the way I’ve been struggling to function I’m just worried. Once I drop that $1K that’ll leave me with $2K. God willing I start to work again and build up some additional funds before leaving….but, I’m just struggling so hard right now. I worry that I’m not stable enough to properly function, so how can I just go out there and find a care team? My friend’s wedding is coming up, he’s included everyone in the wedding except for me. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to make it through that. I keep thinking that I’m going to start to gain momentum and get better, but it’s not happening.

[Tid322]

I think you pretty much summed it up in the first paragraph for me. People are expecting you to do these things alone. They think you're fine and capable, but it's hard for everyone sometimes. 

I know depression makes it difficult to reach out and ask for help, but if help is what you desire, then you will have to ask for it.

See if your brother or someone else in Nevada can help you find a care team? Or ask your current care team for references in that area, they might surprise you and know someone.

I'm sorry about your friend not including you. I know that can hurt, but it may not be about you. It could be his soon to be wife's decision or a matter of cost.

 

I hope you find the care team you need and desire and everything turns out for the best.