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S1mon3

Losing my personality :(

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Can anyone relate? 

Since relapsing into depression I have found that it has taken my personality. My ability to engage with people, to have deep meaningful connections with close friends and family. I feel so isolated. I used to love to socialise, to ring my friends, to keep connected. Now I'm too busy wrapped up in my own head that I can't relate to anyone. I literally feel like I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. In conversations I forget words. I forget memories. I have nothing to add. No strong opinions. Iv lost my humour. It's such a debilitating illness because you kind of feel like your just floating through life.. going through the motions. 

After six weeks of utter hell, waking up each morning with anxiety, crying my way through the day and generally not wanting to be here anymore, I finally had enough & decided to take myself to the doctored. Iv been put on citalopram 10mg- and three days in I could feel the difference. My mood had completely lifted. I had energy. And even one day I rang my friend as I wanted to speak - that's a massive breakthrough. I felt like a part of me was coming back... but eight days in and I have plummeted. Today Iv sobbed my way through the day & it's as though my depression is back with a vengeance. 

What I wanted to ask was have anyone found that they lose a part of their personality through the illness? 

Iv found my memory is shocking - it's never been the best in general- but lately I'm forgetting what im

doing like making a brew or brushing my teeth, even taking a tablet... I won't be able to remember if Iv done it so il go to the kettle and make a fresh cup of tea only to find Iv just made one and it's waiting for me in the living room. Il wonder if I've brushed my teeth even tho I have only just done it five minutes ago without thinking. 

 

Has anybody else has similar experiences. I just feel like my brain isn't working properly. Like it's foggy. It's so frustrating 

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Hi and welcome to the Forums S1mon3 !

     Yes, that has happened to me too.  Depression turns my personality from color to black and white and though it forces me into another dimension.  Its just awful.  It also makes me feel unstable as though I am trying to keep on balance on smaller and smaller objects:  a big stone, a little rock . . . the head of pin.  Does that happen to you too? 

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Yes I can totally relate. It's just so frustrating because I want to be happy and social. I want the old me back. But every single day is a battle and unless you have experienced it you will never understand. Time seems to slips way becoz everything I do takes so much longer than it should. I just don't feel like being around people it's such a big effort for me to be social and then afterwords I'm exhausted for days. 

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Depression is so draining.  I've suffered numerous illnesses in my life [age 62] and I consider depression to be the absolute worst illness I have ever been afflicted with.  And yet unlike other terrible illnesses, it rarely elicits understanding and compassion from those who have never been stricken with it. 

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I can definitely relate. I feel like my brain has shrunk. (which I bet it probably has). I find myself spacing out mid sentence often, not so quick at coming up with words, not really funny anymore, fearful of doing things, trouble concentrating on work projects (this is a big problem for me), garbage memory. I think it's pretty common with depression. So you're not alone. And the good news is depressions do end. You're still early on in your meds, so give it some more time. Consider a psychologist as well. I feel like a different person too. A much worse person. But we'll come out the other end and be ourselves again.

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6 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

And yet unlike other terrible illnesses, it rarely elicits understanding and compassion from those who have never been stricken with it. 

So true, somehow it's our fault. If only we made an effort to think positive, to exercise more, or followed whatever new diet plan... I have yet to meet anyone other than a therapist who really gets it unless they have been afflicted themselves. 

36 minutes ago, S1mon3 said:

What I wanted to ask was have anyone found that they lose a part of their personality through the illness? 

Most definitely. I just lose interest in things and have nothing to say to anyone. In my case it's a mix between depression and social anxiety so pretty much the only thing I'm able to talk about is work with colleagues. My paranoid thoughts tell me that I don't have anything else worthwhile to say so in social situations I tend to just keep my mouth shut. 

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Depression definitely takes a part of you.  When I'm deep into it I certainly don't feel like myself.

I think that in terms of the Citalopram the boost you felt was more psychological rather than physical.  By that I mean that because you took action to better your situation you subconsciously felt more hopeful and thus felt a lift in your mood.  As mentioned above pysh meds can take anywhere from 2 - 6 weeks to take effect, so don't lose hope.  You're also on a relatively low dose so the doc may increase that if things persist.

The important thing is that you're seeking help and addressing the problem which is commendable!  I hope you're feeling a bit better.

 

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I can totally relate. People would tell me I was witty and charismatic. I seemed to attract female attention pretty easily. But for the past few years I've been losing myself. Now I barely have a personality. It's like the old me is dead and long gone. I forget things, have trouble maintaining conversations.  So I avoid people (and life).  It's terrible what depression steals from you. I don't even think of myself as the same person I used to be, literally. 

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22 hours ago, S1mon3 said:
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Can anyone relate? 

Since relapsing into depression I have found that it has taken my personality. My ability to engage with people, to have deep meaningful connections with close friends and family. I feel so isolated. I used to love to socialise, to ring my friends, to keep connected. Now I'm too busy wrapped up in my own head that I can't relate to anyone. I literally feel like I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. In conversations I forget words. I forget memories. I have nothing to add. No strong opinions. Iv lost my humour. It's such a debilitating illness because you kind of feel like your just floating through life.. going through the motions. 

After six weeks of utter hell, waking up each morning with anxiety, crying my way through the day and generally not wanting to be here anymore, I finally had enough & decided to take myself to the doctored. Iv been put on citalopram 10mg- and three days in I could feel the difference. My mood had completely lifted. I had energy. And even one day I rang my friend as I wanted to speak - that's a massive breakthrough. I felt like a part of me was coming back... but eight days in and I have plummeted. Today Iv sobbed my way through the day & it's as though my depression is back with a vengeance. 

What I wanted to ask was have anyone found that they lose a part of their personality through the illness? 

Iv found my memory is shocking - it's never been the best in general- but lately I'm forgetting what im

doing like making a brew or brushing my teeth, even taking a tablet... I won't be able to remember if Iv done it so il go to the kettle and make a fresh cup of tea only to find Iv just made one and it's waiting for me in the living room. Il wonder if I've brushed my teeth even tho I have only just done it five minutes ago without thinking. 

 

Has anybody else has similar experiences. I just feel like my brain isn't working properly. Like it's foggy. It's so frustrating 

I am and it's terrible , I hope you have a break through soon and things turn around . I can only take each day as it is and keep breathing . I've given my self the ok to give up ,if I can't remember something I don't have the energy or interest to care much, I feel like it doesn't matter much anyway . Just getting through each day is all I need to do . I'm just staying in this cocoon until I'm ready if ever come out , I know I'll be different . . .how I don't know ,maybe more self preservation and not feel like I need to save everyone , more self care . . .IDK  .

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I feel this way too. I feel like I am boring, not creative in any way, and have no purpose on this earth. I also hate myself and find it very difficult to interact with people due to this. Getting out of bed is a major struggle for me.

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@S1mon3 I definitely relate, and it sounds like many others do, too (especially the feeling that you're brain isn't working properly!).

The biggest and most disturbing changes I've noticed in myself are: lack of interest/pleasure in socializing and huge problems with concentration (for me, this is most debilitating at work, but it also makes it very difficult for me to hold conversations).  I used to think of myself as funny, intelligent, interesting, and gregarious, but I can't recall the last time I cracked a joke or was able to have a stimulating intellectual conversation.

Hang in there. When you feel actively depressed or anhedonic, it can be hard to speak let alone have a personality. Be gentle with yourself.

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I can relate completely. I used to be so outgoing and charismatic sociable and creative. My music has suffered tremendously. Been unable to write a song and have doubt about everything I do or say. Loss of memory and trouble finding things to talk about. Depression is so self consuming. It sucks because most depressive people I have met care a lot about others but when your depressed all you can think about is your own nightmare. Hang in there. Socialize on here and know your not Alone 

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