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Sick of drugs and alcohol

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Hi, I'm new here.  I've been medicated since a bout of PPD in 2003.  I have had depression and anxiety since my teens but the PPD and the need to care for my child finally made me reach out for help.  

Prozac cleared up that initial problems and made me feel like a real person again.  But it also robbed me of sex drive.  Now, almost a decade and a half later and the loss of my two sisters and my subsequent addiction to alcohol--I'm trying to get help.  But.  I can't seem to find the right meds.  Wellbutrin, Zoloft...a few others didn't work at all (in fact those two made me have explosive episodes of rage). 

Finally, Effexor helped with the depression and anxiety but I gained 30 lbs and my typically low blood pressure went high.  Weaned off that to Prozac and then went to Cymbalta.  I am tired of fighting the depression.  I'm tired of not feeling attracted by sex with my husband (who I love!).

I'm back and forth with drinking.  I don't drink all day yet make up for that by drinking way too much in the evening. Nothing seems to quell the anxiety like drinking, but I know how bad it is for me.  My Pdoc says I'm not suffering anxiety but the feeling is actually depression.  I can't bring myself to admit to the Pdoc that instead of quitting drinking I've been on and off alcohol for months now...I really fear him making me get into a program.

I just want relief.

I have an ache in my chest like the loss of love and my arms yearn to be opened and drained of the emotional discharge.

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Hi Pintor and welcome to DF!

You have joined a community with wonderful members who look after each other through the rough times! There is a special forum on here about substance abuse which you can gain access to by continuing to be active in the community.

I look forward to reading more of your posts!

Waffles :flowers:

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