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Having thoughts which 'aren't mine'


capulin

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Hello,

I'm not sure if I have posted this in the right place as it's not necessarily directly related to depression, but I am in treatment for anxiety and depression and have been fighting them for years, although currently it is mostly anxiety. I am just really hoping to find if anyone else at all has had this experience. I've tried asking the two people I trust and are close to me, but neither could relate.

For the past week or so, I've been having thoughts which 'aren't mine.' It's like I'm 'hearing' them but NOT out loud: it's rather in the same way that I 'hear' my own thoughts (as opposed to actual speech), except these are completely out of my control and catch me by surprise every time. I don't know when they will happen or what they will say. I feel a wave of fear & disorientation sometimes when it happens because it's such a strange feeling and it catches me off guard. It happens all throughout the day. Usually the content is random, but at other times they repeat my own thoughts (like an echo I can't control) or repeat what I'm reading moments after I have done so, sometimes word for word, other times they elaborate, for example adding an adjective that changes the whole meaning. 

Basically it feels like something/someone else is somehow shaping these thoughts in my own mind to 'speak' to the thoughts which I myself control. Sometimes they interrupt and distract me. They're going on as I'm writing this. Examples: 'You've convinced me.' 'In the basement.' I do feel compelled to 'think back' -- things like 'Shh, be quiet,' even though it's not technically actual noise they're making, just noise in my 'mind's ear.' I do feel like there are people or entities 'speaking' through these thoughts, and even if they exist only in another part of my brain, they are separate from me. Just now they said: 'Other people. Changes in you.' As such, I feel like I need to be careful what I think back to them.

Is there anyone else here at all who has experienced something like this, or knows anyone who has? Is it something I should be really worried about? I have a psychiatrist but am reluctant to tell her for fear of her assuming it's more than it is (again, I'm not literally 'hearing' them, I'm receiving them on a different, internal level of sound, and I know that other people around me are unable to 'hear' them and can distinguish between them and words that everybody can hear) and, I know it might sound bizarre, but it seems almost disrespectful to whatever is behind these thoughts ('Whatever needs to be done.'), as though I should really try to hear them out ...

Thank you for reading all of this; your respectful input would be appreciated so much

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So, occasionally my mind does go "shh" whenever 'intrusive' thoughts reach my head.

Although I think this is a bit different to your situation. For me, I have an inner critic, as  I feel I need to be disciplined in order to keep the Depressive thoughts away. Overthinkng is what causes my depression. My initial solution to this was coffee, as it made my mind focus on one thing. 

I don't want to say that your situation is schizophrenia, but I'm no professional. 

They are totally out of your control? 

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I have had the "echo" but my brain only repeated what I said verbatim, and it was always right before or during a panic attack. The echo felt out of my control, but it only repeated my own thoughts or words.

 

If the thoughts you're having are feeling out of your control, and saying different things than you are thinking, you may need to consider telling a healthcare professional. My husband when he was a young teen was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but he still believes it was demonic possession. He has described the same situation you've encountered, and they just prescribed him medication, which helped him, until he eventually just got over it somehow. Doctors are there to help, let them know, and they can take the necessary steps to figure it out and help you.

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Hi there, capulin, and welcome to DF. 

Sounds like what you are experiencing is maybe freaking you out a little. Mostly, probably, because you don't understand it?  And because you probably don't feel you can really share it with anyone?  

So...inner voices (and I know exactly what you are talking about, you described it very well - I experience this, too) can have a lot of different causes. Depression, trauma, dissociation, medical issues, all sorts of things.  I think, if you have a good rapport with your psychiatrist and you trust her, it is really important that you talk to her about them, and explain to her how they are, just like you did here. She'll probably ask you a bunch of questions, but if you just answer honestly, she should be able to help you figure out why you are hearing them. 

It has been my experience that it's easier knowing and I was able to get a better handle on them once I understand where they were coming from and why.

Best to you!

rhyl

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  • 1 year later...

Hi I'm Lili I'm 18 and I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depressed, anxiety, and some mood disorder that the doctor did not specify. 

I've recently been experiencing something similar and I googled it and found this site. 

I get random thoughts that aren't mine and sometimes they sound like a complete different voice. It's as if my mind was a bunch of radio waves and someone else's accident went through mine real quick. 

Once and a great while I'll get the echo too but sometimes it's as if it's mocking me and sometimes like it's trying to calm me. 

I also feel an internal fight like Hamlet's deseas when I'm trying to make decisions. 

I also sometimes feel like I'm dreaming someone else's dream. Kinda like the brain wave thing I said be and while I'm sleeping it's like my dreams will fight back and come back. Idk this is all weird maybe I'm just messed up in the head but idk I have a therapist that I've been with since I was 5 but im starting to feel more uncomfortable talking to him bc now it's like talking to a relative. I need to find a psychologist I think idk. 

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