Jump to content

I feel like I'm invisible


Recommended Posts

Sometimes I think, what is life ? If I died would anyone notice ? At school I feel like a nobody people are selfish and talk behind your back, and when I here then gossiping about me I start to feel hot and dizzy and I feel like my chest is clogging up and I can't breath and other times I realise I'm by myself. I'm watching other people enjoy their lives on social media where I'm by myself. I know the phrase their is always light at the end of the tunnel but then I think maybe suicide is my ending. No one takes any notice of me and when they do it's to make me feel disgusting and worthless. I also think to myself is life really worth living ? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you are dealing with anxiety ontop of depression? I think they often go hand in hand. I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. 

People that talk behind people's back are cowards, and I am willing to bet, more self-loathing than we realize. Because if they have to put others down, especially people that are already down, how low must they feel? That doesn't justify anything they do, just a perspective.

I guarantee that if you were to go away, a lot of people would take notice, and it would affect many people's lives. I just think that most individuals are so self-absorbed that they don't see the warning signs. But it doesn't mean they don't care, they are just so inwardly obsessed they fail to look beyond themselves, sometimes until it's too late.

You are important. If you are here posting, you are making an impact on someone here reading, that can relate and maybe they're struggling, and seeing you with the same issues, and now you've made them feel a little less alone. You are worth something to us, and you are worth something to yourself. Depression lies to you, gets in your head. I want you to know you're worth something. You have an important imprint on this earth.

Don't let the selfish tendencies of humans destroy your soul.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gosh my heart goes out to you.  I can relate. I'm in my forties now. I had abusive family. My earliest memory is being told I wasn't wanted, I wasn't good enough because l was female. Even If it was just that alone, it impacted what l believed about myself. I wasn't assertive, all my body language, energy omitting was retelling that this was the case. I firmly believe it has repelled people and attracted those who willingly take advantage of the wounded. The thing I have learnt is, you are the only one who can give you what you need. You can do this, l swear it works.

 

For example I knew l was unloveable, unlikable, worthless, useless, will never amount to anything, to name but a few. Now if my parents suddenly actually felt sorry, it wouldn't stop me believing what l felt. And if anyone telling me different would only be just saying it, as felt they had to. When I started to treat myself better, and took the time to learn to love and accept me, other people's cruel views/actions of or towards me just weren't important in the slightest. It seems to be picked up by other people too, l get a little bit more respect. I hope this hits home and can empower you. Your hashest critic will always be you, which means it can be your staunchest supporter.  Eft is very helpful to reprogram negative belief patterns. If you don't believe it, there is a lot of free resources on net about how subconcious works, how negative beliefs can sabotage us, how eft works and free scripts to get you started if you felt could help you.

 

You aren't resposible for other people's behaviour, so try not to own it. 

Edited by Ba3inga
Missed a bit
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Whattheheckismylife, I'm sorry you feel so bad right now. I understand when you said suicide is  your ending. I hope you don't give up. People can say lots of things, we cannot stop them. It hurts, but we can't do anything about that. We can only do things for ourselves. I keep myself busy with my job. This has helped me with my life. I know its not easy for you. I hope you feel better soon. 

Edited by Camellia
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Ba3inga, Today I learn something from you. Your statement below really teach me something. I will try to remember this statement as much as I can so that I can be stronger. I have problem with my family too. I hope you will stay strong.  

Quote

 

"When I started to treat myself better, and took the time to learn to love and accept me, other people's cruel views/actions of or towards me just weren't important in the slightest."


 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Camellia - yes treating oneself to goodies is a first step, especially if you put youself last, deny yourself etc. However, It is basically cutting back to the raw pain and real truth.  I'm no expert and it is different for everybody. One thing we all do I've observed, is we run round in circles, instead of hitting trauma/pain/abuse etc head on, because it hurts. The problem is, by doing this it prolongs the pain, it keeps it locked up inside in a perpetual roundabout of torture. To love and accept yourself, if you are ready to, is layer by layer (begin with something less painful if easier) examining that situation that is causing discord. Really feel that hurt, not run from it, not rebuke it, not fault it. Emotions serve a purpose, they guide you to what is right or wrong for you. How I do it is visualise myself hugging that emotion for alerting me to what wasn't in my best interest and say sorry for ignoring it. This can then lead to reviewing the situation that caused it more broadly, some amazing revelations come from it. It isn't always easy to do or even get subconscious to cooperate, which is why I find eft and you might laugh but chanting helps. 

I've had to find alternative ways to handle my anxiety, because l react so badly to meds, alcohol etc but it prob worked as a blessing.

I'm probably not saying this very well, but loving yourself, you need to liberate yourself. If a child/friend/loved one was in the pain/torment that so many of us are, would we walk on by, or would we unconditionally love them, accept them and listen to them, so they can release? Give that to yourself. You earnt those emotions, you deserve to matter, they served a purpose to teach you boundaries. The sense of relief is well worth the horrific yet very short term feeling of the negative emotions.

 

I hope this helps, and am here 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote

" but loving yourself, you need to liberate yourself. If a child/friend/loved one was in the pain/torment that so many of us are, would we walk on by, or would we unconditionally love them, accept them and listen to them, so they can release? Give that to yourself. You earnt those emotions, you deserve to matter, they served a purpose to teach you boundaries.

 

@Ba3inga, thank you so much for your advise. "give that to yourself". I will try to remember this and do it for myself. I will try to remember about that boundaries.

I read your posts again and again because I really want to take care of myself so that I don't get hurt again. I will learn about that boundaries, I've never done that before, I hope I can do it. My tears can't stop while I'm typing this.

Thank you again @Ba3inga. I appreciate it so much. :hugs:

 

Edited by Camellia
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good for you. It really changed the way l deal with life for the better. I hope it does the same for you. It takes practise, and a lot of honesty with yourself, but looking back now is the best way of dealing.

It isn't about never getting hurt again. It's about not letting hurt define you and overpower you. We are built to feel emotion, it is communication. To not feel emotional hurt would be extremely detrimental to a person. I think perhaps you are seeing what you term as negative emotions as your enemy? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...