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Depression and my boyfriend

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I may have posted about this before but I'm really getting anxious and depressed thinking about my relationship. My boyfriend is reliable, kind, understanding, and financially stable. The problem is, we have no chemistry anymore and he seems okay with it. I understand relationships have ups and downs. My bigger problem is that he is pretty much my only friend. He has been with me through my worst depression, but I feel like I need more in a relationship. He is okay with just sitting around watching TV and I can't do that all the time. I am very scared because we have been together for five years (we both don't want children or marriage). Somedays, things are great. But other days, I feel horrible. I have never been the kind of person to stay in a situation that makes me unhappy, but now with my mood, I can't imagine starting over. I don't have the strength. I'm not scared to be without him, but I do need to be around people from time to time for my own safety. If I'm having a bad day, my suicidal thoughts are rampant, especially if I'm alone. People are my protective factor when things are dangerously bad.... I don't know what to do here. 

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I'm sorry you feel that way..I feel like that with my boyfriend too..he's like my only friend..wespend a lot of time in bed when he comes to visit once a week..I'm starting to feel guilty about not doing anything else but talk .drink alcohol and have sex...I know I deserve more but don't know how to get it..my depression keeps me from making decisions. ..btw im 64 and have been very depressed since my husband died 4 years ago..I should be glad I even have a boyfriend. .

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