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Why would someone at work ignore me?


GAJ123

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I've been noticing this a lot where this one girl just flat out doesn't say anything to me at all but she talks to everyone else & is always talkative & friendly. Yet with me it's like I literally don't exist. I really think she doesn't like me at all for some reason & it bothers me throughout my shift whenever she's there when I notice she always talks with everyone else. I just don't get it. I just get vibes that there's dislike towards me. I remember I did say something to her at one point when I thought she was talking to me but she was really talking to someone else. And I think I possibly could have said it coldly or at least seriously towards her because I was going home at the time & didn't want to be bothered with anything else. But even before that happened she still would never say a word to me. But I just don't know if it would be that possibly. I really just don't know what it could be. I'm quiet/laid back if that matters at all but it annoys me when someone just doesn't like me for no reason. 

Edited by GAJ123
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7 minutes ago, WhyAreWeHere said:

Wish I could tell you why, but I can't.

 

 

People are funny, including me.

That's why I love animals (excluding the human species), animals just do things without thinking and live, whereas we humans "think" (too much).

Yeah, I don't know what the reason could be. I sometimes want to flat out ask what her issue is with me but I really don't want to get into a confrontation or anything. Since she would likely gossip behind my back to other co-workers about me asking why she doesn't say anything to me at all.

Edited by GAJ123
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Yeah, it really wouldn't lead to anything other than a quick satiation for yourself of wondering "why" or "I wish I didn't ask her", because it could be something or really nothing.

It's honestly how you feel in the moment if you want to ask her or not, obviously.  I would let it slide for a bit and see how it goes and if it still bothers the crap out of you, ask her if you get a chance alone.

Just a simple "hey (name goes here), did I say or do something to offend you?"......."(her answer.........)".............you reply with "oh okay, because I just got this vibe and if I did, it wasn't intentional, I'm sorry (optional), bla bla bla"

 

---assuming it wasn't intentional. ;) lol

 

 

Edited by WhyAreWeHere
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This may seem off-topic, but are you a straight woman? Is she straight, or gay? Have you ever considered the possibility that she could feel very nervous around you, or even intimidated?

Perhaps she doesn't say anything to you because she doesn't know what to say. Maybe she's more comfortable around the other coworkers. I just wouldn't rule this out as a possibility.

I only say this because I'm actually in a similar position to both you and her at the moment. I really like this woman at work, and I'm super quiet around her because I get so nervous whenever she's near. Sometimes I literally can't speak because I'm so anxious. I talk to everyone else, and I do sometimes talk to her a little, but not as much as everyone else. I worry so much that she thinks I dislike her because I'm quiet around her. She is also very quiet towards me and doesn't say anything, so I think she dislikes me too.

When you do have small interactions, does she seem slightly nasty and rude? Does she deliberately ignore you, exclude you or turn her back on you, to make you feel bad? If so, then I'd definitely confront her and just casually ask her if there's anything wrong. It's okay to do this - I know it feels hard, but you have the right to check if everything is okay.

On the other hand, is she fairly quiet and pleasant in her responses? Does she look down or away sometimes, or smile a bit? If this is the case, she may be a very shy person and possibly feels insecure. You simply never know what is going on in someone's head. I am PAINFULLY shy around anyone I really like, and sometimes my responses can be a little cold due to this shyness, even though I want to come across as warm and kind.

Either way, it wouldn't hurt to ask her if everything is okay. I think you should. It is better to be honest and open, rather than speculating about these things.

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9 minutes ago, sapphirerose said:

This may seem off-topic, but are you a straight woman? Is she straight, or gay? Have you ever considered the possibility that she could feel very nervous around you, or even intimidated?

Perhaps she doesn't say anything to you because she doesn't know what to say. Maybe she's more comfortable around the other coworkers. I just wouldn't rule this out as a possibility.

I only say this because I'm actually in a similar position to both you and her at the moment. I really like this woman at work, and I'm super quiet around her because I get so nervous whenever she's near. Sometimes I literally can't speak because I'm so anxious. I talk to everyone else, and I do sometimes talk to her a little, but not as much as everyone else. I worry so much that she thinks I dislike her because I'm quiet around her. She is also very quiet towards me and doesn't say anything, so I think she dislikes me too.

When you do have small interactions, does she seem slightly nasty and rude? Does she deliberately ignore you, exclude you or turn her back on you, to make you feel bad? If so, then I'd definitely confront her and just casually ask her if there's anything wrong. It's okay to do this - I know it feels hard, but you have the right to check if everything is okay.

On the other hand, is she fairly quiet and pleasant in her responses? Does she look down or away sometimes, or smile a bit? If this is the case, she may be a very shy person and possibly feels insecure. You simply never know what is going on in someone's head. I am PAINFULLY shy around anyone I really like, and sometimes my responses can be a little cold due to this shyness, even though I want to come across as warm and kind.

Either way, it wouldn't hurt to ask her if everything is okay. I think you should. It is better to be honest and open, rather than speculating about these things.

I'm actually a guy not a woman. But I just really am not sure. I remember a few days ago it was me, her & some other woman co-worker there talking about the same situation about some really odd customer in the store who couldn't pay for anything when she was there the day before but came back that day & still couldn't pay. We were all next to each other & I was chatting with the other co-worker who talked to me but the other girl basically would just look at me as I was talking but wouldn't say a word to me. But she would be talking to the other co-worker only & responding to her. I don't know it's just extremely weird. I shouldn't let it even be bothering me since I shouldn't be letting something like this bother me at my age lol. But I can't help not let it bother me when it's painfully obvious that she ignores me for some reason. I just don't like the vibes of being intentionally ignored. It just annoys me & makes me wonder what it is about me that she doesn't seem to like.

Edited by GAJ123
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22 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

I'm actually a guy not a woman. But I just really am not sure. I remember a few days ago it was me, her & some other woman co-worker there talking about the same situation about some really odd customer in the store who couldn't pay for anything when she was there the day before but came back that day & still couldn't pay. We were all next to each other & I was chatting with the other co-worker who talked to me but the other girl basically would just look at me as I was talking but wouldn't say a word to me. But she would be talking to the other co-worker only & responding to her. I don't know it's just extremely weird. I shouldn't let it even be bothering me since I shouldn't be letting something like this bother me at my age lol. But I can't help not let it bother me when it's painfully obvious that she ignores me for some reason. I just don't like the vibes of being intentionally ignored. It just annoys me & makes me wonder what it is about me that she doesn't seem to like.

 

Oh, my apologies in that case. Well, I still think you should ask her what's up then. Just say something like, "hey, I was just wondering if everything is okay...?"

It does seem weird that she was only responding to the other coworker and not you. You will never know the true reason unless you ask her.

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Maybe she thinks you have nothing in common with her, she doesn't like you or she could be intimidated. I am like that to where I just don't feel comfortable talking to certain people or more than one person or I will only want to speak to certain people in a group that I like talking to. Other people annoy me alot so I try to avoid them so they don't catch on that I dislike them because I don't want to hurt there feelings or get into a confrontation.

Edited by scienceguy
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4 minutes ago, sapphirerose said:

 

Oh, my apologies in that case. Well, I still think you should ask her what's up then. Just say something like, "hey, I was just wondering if everything is okay...?"

It does seem weird that she was only responding to the other coworker and not you. You will never know the true reason unless you ask her.

I just don't know if I want to though since than she'll likely naturally gossip to some others about what I asked her. I just am pretty sure she'll say something to others about why she doesn't say anything to me. Or she won't tell me the truth & give me some fake answer where it'll almost be like she has to force herself to say something to me after it when she really doesn't want to. 

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3 minutes ago, scienceguy said:

Maybe she thinks you have nothing in common with her, she doesn't like you or she could be intimidated. I am like that to where I just don't feel comfortable talking to certain people or more than one person or I will only want to speak to certain people in a group that I like talking to. Other people annoy me alot so I try to avoid them so they don't catch on that I dislike them.

I don't know how she would know I have nothing in common with her if we never even talk lol. And I don't know why she would be intimidated by me for. I just think she doesn't like me for whatever reason. That's the vibe I get when I see her chatting with pretty much almost every single other co-worker. It's just annoying more than anything since I don't want to keep sensing someone doesn't like me when I'm at work since it's all I'm thinking about. 

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If it bothers you that much it probably means you must have developed some sort of feelings and what she is doing is " hurting" you its your body natural response to dwell on it even when you're away. First off I'm positive its not you but her, most people would just approach the person and start a conversation to see what the issue is but you choose the guessing game. Tells me you're a shy and probably one of the nicest guy she will ever meet. Either way give her some time . you have other things to worry about . I can tell you 100 reason why she probably ignores you but a few that stands out are; she's probably immature and playing" hard to get". No mature person would just ignore someone else without thinking hey maybe ill make that guy feel bad by ignoring him and talking to everyone else . she probably got a big ego.  She's trying to impress you. She's nervous around you because maybe she got a crush . not sleeping and when you cannot shut your brain off you can notice a lot of things or can even tell how a person feels or what they are thinking from body language alone .that's me 

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3 minutes ago, Codename said:

If it bothers you that much it probably means you must have developed some sort of feelings and what she is doing is " hurting" you its your body natural response to dwell on it even when you're away. First off I'm positive its not you but her, most people would just approach the person and start a conversation to see what the issue is but you choose the guessing game. Tells me you're a shy and probably one of the nicest guy she will ever meet. Either way give her some time . you have other things to worry about . I can tell you 100 reason why she probably ignores you but a few that stands out are; she's probably immature and playing" hard to get". No mature person would just ignore someone else without thinking hey maybe ill make that guy feel bad by ignoring him and talking to everyone else . she probably got a big ego.  She's trying to impress you. She's nervous around you because maybe she got a crush . not sleeping and when you cannot shut your brain off you can notice a lot of things or can even tell how a person feels or what they are thinking from body language alone .that's me 

She's definitely attractive but she's way too young for me. I'm quite a bit older than her. But I just hate the feeling in general of feeling like someone doesn't like me for some reason when I never did anything to them. lol I don't think she's playing hard to get at all or anything like that. The honest vibe I get is of dislike towards me for whatever reason. 

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12 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

She's definitely attractive but she's way too young for me. I'm quite a bit older than her. But I just hate the feeling in general of feeling like someone doesn't like me for some reason when I never did anything to them. lol I don't think she's playing hard to get at all or anything like that. The honest vibe I get is of dislike towards me for whatever reason. 

I wouldn't worry about it. Depending how young she is her brain is not fully developed to comprehend another being existence or feelings . I've dislike many people at work because of really good reason but not once I've never ignored or make them feel bad. We are all not perfect let alone we have to spend 8hrs shift with strangers so we try to make things less awkward or less miserable for others. If someone doesn't get that means they are inexperience just give her time. She will come around. 

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Watching some Mooji videos and Eckhart Tolle stuff, that's your ego talking, it's bruised, it needs to find out why, the ego craves to be liked.

Otherwise, beat the ego down, tell it to get lost and it won't bother you anymore --- that's a lot easier said than done for sure. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

So in an update to this. I walked past that girl today & said hey & she responded saying hey back. Than as I was heading out she told me to have a good night before I said anything to her that time. So I guess maybe she thought I didn't like her or she was intimidated by me & didn't know what to say to me since I'm a bit quiet I suppose. I guess it was just all in my head about her not liking me.

Edited by GAJ123
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I knew a girl like this in high school. I wasn't so much offended as I was confused by her logic. She was a bit like that to everyone- "You're worth my time and effort today, you're not." "you were worth my time and effort until you said that, so I'm walking away without saying anything." "You're talking and you're not on my list of approved people today so I'm going to stare at you like you're crazy until you stop and then I'll continue like you didn't say anything." Sounds like a brat until you learn she grew up rich but now her sister has cancer and her government-employee dad contracted some incurable and fatal tropical disease (true story. I'm not even kidding). Once I realized it was a coping mechanism I noticed I kinda did the same thing. When I'm stressed or whatever it's sometimes easier to filter my conversations and people to a small, low-risk group.

I'm not saying her family is in extreme distress and she's on the verge of a meltdown, but there's a huge likelihood that there's a story behind her actions that explains everything and may not have anything to do with you personally. Or maybe you remind her of someone she associates negatively with, which would suck but it's not your fault one bit.

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6 minutes ago, Mernemern said:

I knew a girl like this in high school. I wasn't so much offended as I was confused by her logic. She was a bit like that to everyone- "You're worth my time and effort today, you're not." "you were worth my time and effort until you said that, so I'm walking away without saying anything." "You're talking and you're not on my list of approved people today so I'm going to stare at you like you're crazy until you stop and then I'll continue like you didn't say anything." Sounds like a brat until you learn she grew up rich but now her sister has cancer and her government-employee dad contracted some incurable and fatal tropical disease (true story. I'm not even kidding). Once I realized it was a coping mechanism I noticed I kinda did the same thing. When I'm stressed or whatever it's sometimes easier to filter my conversations and people to a small, low-risk group.

I'm not saying her family is in extreme distress and she's on the verge of a meltdown, but there's a huge likelihood that there's a story behind her actions that explains everything and may not have anything to do with you personally. Or maybe you remind her of someone she associates negatively with, which would suck but it's not your fault one bit.

I'm not really sure but she did talk to me today instead of not saying anything at all. She did tell me to have a good night as she saw me leaving so I guess maybe as I said she just never knew what to say to me or anything I don't know. It definitely wasn't in my head when I noticed she didn't say anything to me but if I were to guess I don't think she dislikes me or anything. Maybe just a bit intimidated or something since I'm a bit on the quiet side & she doesn't know what to say to me in conversation. 

Edited by GAJ123
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