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I'm so sad.


Camellia

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I request in my family chat group to forward me a video from the group. I've lost mine. Its been 5 hours now, nobody forward it to me. We are 9 of us including my parents. They said I don't communicate with them and they said I'm staying away from them, which I didn't.

But when I communicate with them, through chat group or any other means, they ignore my message. Nobody answer my message. If one or two did answer it, its only an emoji.  Out of 10 msgs maybe 2 or 3 msg that I received their response, either an emoji or 3 or 4 words and that is usually from 1 person or 2 of them. If the msg is from other family members, they will receive many responses. I'm not jealous, but I feel like I'm not belong to the family. And to make it harder, they said I distance myself away from them. 

I feel so sad. I have been living like this my entire life. My family don't love me including my parents. They're all well done in career, in studies. I ran from home when I was 18 years old because mum hit me many times since I was younger, and my sisters and brothers were in boarding school. Dad is always busy with work and I'm not close to him either. I'm the youngest in the family.

If sin is not the reason, I would have done it again. I have done it once, suicide, but it didn't successful.  

And as usual none of them response to my msg in the chat group, its so easy for me to think about suicide again. 

My family are ashamed of me to the neighbors because I don't do well in school and in career like other family members. My neighbors look up on them and they, the neighbors, keep asking my family why I'm not like the others. 

I keep coming back to my family in chat, but they don't care about me. If I distance away, they said I'm the one who distance myself. If I communicate with them, they ignore me. Doing suicide is a sin. If its not because of the sin and live in hell after I die because of the sin, I have done suicide again long time ago. 

Last thursday, I cry a lot, almost the whole day. I cannot find the reason why I cry. I keep busy with work but I can't hold on to it that I cried badly in my room at night, after work. 

Thank you for listening. I have to post it here, because I'm so sad. 

I appreciate all advise to help me stand up on my feet again. Thank you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Camellia
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I care... I'm sitting in my car dragging myself to the gym... I have work to do today and I'm dreading it.  Even though I know this is all in my head I feel like a zombie.  If I was with you id give you a hug and drag you to the gym with me. I hope you feel better. 

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Thank you Romanje. Despite you dragging to the gym, feeling like zombie, you reply to me. I appreciate it so much. 

I was wondering what have I done wrong in here that nobody care.

Thank you again Romanje. I hope you feel better soon too. Hugs you.

 

 

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1 minute ago, mulberrypie said:

Dear ((((((((Camillia)))))))), I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, and people aren't treating you, a beautiful gem, as they should!

Dearest (((((((((((((Berry))))))))))))))) Thank you so much. Thats all I can say right now. I don't know what else to say but (((((((((((((((((hugging you))))))))))))))))))). 

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I was going to add to that I was afraid you might sign off before you saw my post. And I'm also sorry I just now came here and found your thread, my dear friend. I have tears in my eyes! I'm not sure what time it is where you are, but it's about 6 in the morning where I am. I surely love and appreciate you!! :icon12::console::icon12: I'll be sending good feelings and energy your way all day!:hugs:Much love,

Berry

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5 minutes ago, Camellia said:

Dearest (((((((((((((Berry))))))))))))))) Thank you so much. Thats all I can say right now. I don't know what else to say but (((((((((((((((((hugging you))))))))))))))))))). 

I really am glad and fortunate to know you! ty so much for the hug, ((((((((((((((((hugging you back))))))))))))!!

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2 minutes ago, mulberrypie said:

I was going to add to that I was afraid you might sign off before you saw my post. And I'm also sorry I just now came here and found your thread, my dear friend. I have tears in my eyes! I'm not sure what time it is where you are, but it's about 6 in the morning where I am. I surely love and appreciate you!! :icon12::console::icon12: I'll be sending good feelings and energy your way all day!:hugs:Much love,

Berry

Thank you my dearest friend. You make me cry. I appreciate your reply to me more than I can tell you. Its okay my friend. You didn't do anything wrong. You might be having  your own problem too. Knowing you, I know you won't do that to me or anyone in here if  you saw their post. I love you too my dearest friend and I always appreciate you :icon12::icon12::hugs::icon12::icon12: But, I'm that I'm not good at saying it out in words. Thank you for the good feelings and energy. You don't know how much it means to me. Love you a lot :hugs::hugs:

 

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10 minutes ago, mulberrypie said:

I really am glad and fortunate to know you! ty so much for the hug, ((((((((((((((((hugging you back))))))))))))!!

Same here Berry. I'm lucky to have you. You welcome ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugging you))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Just now, mulberrypie said:

Love you too!! You've always been so kind and supportive to me, and you are an asset to DF and so important here! I hope you feel better and things improve for you very soon! Much love to you! Take care!!:icon12:

Love,

Berry:rose:

You has helped me Berry. Your love and care means a lot to me. I can never say enough for you. Much love to you. Take care to you too  :icon12: :hugs:

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45 minutes ago, Romanje said:

I care... I'm sitting in my car dragging myself to the gym... I have work to do today and I'm dreading it.  Even though I know this is all in my head I feel like a zombie.  If I was with you id give you a hug and drag you to the gym with me. I hope you feel better. 

You has helped me too Romanje. Despite your own struggles. 

Hope you feel better soon. Take care. Hugs. 

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Thank you Carmellia... I just came out of the gym and my first mission has been accomplished. Although my face says different and my energy is super low I am proud of what I did.  I basically ignored every ambition to stay in bed and do nothing... I advise you to do the same... 

 

FYI people care about you...dont blame yourself if you don't get replies quickly... It is very early in the morning so give it time... 

But if you havnt smiled or laughed yet today I encourage you to watch something funny and try to laugh... My favorite show now is "Always Sunny In Philadelphia"  I saw an episode while I rode the bike for 30min...it didn't cure me but it got me past 30min of cardiovascular which is my goal.  I smiled and laughed even though I feel like crap...

No matter what I have to stay active and keep moving until the worst of this episode goes away.  Try to do something aside from thinking... Maybe share a funny memory of the past..

Think of a time that you laughed so hard that it hurt... What did you come up with?

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I care.  I feel exactly like you do.  I don't feel like anyone cares about me.  I have a lot of love in me though but my whole life that love has been poison and misery to me.  In my opinion there is nothing worse than love always being one sided.  I show my love to someone and they can't wait for me to go away and never back.  That's how it always is.:sniffle1:

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23 hours ago, Romanje said:

Thank you Carmellia... I just came out of the gym and my first mission has been accomplished. Although my face says different and my energy is super low I am proud of what I did.  I basically ignored every ambition to stay in bed and do nothing... I advise you to do the same... 

 

FYI people care about you...dont blame yourself if you don't get replies quickly... It is very early in the morning so give it time... 

But if you havnt smiled or laughed yet today I encourage you to watch something funny and try to laugh... My favorite show now is "Always Sunny In Philadelphia"  I saw an episode while I rode the bike for 30min...it didn't cure me but it got me past 30min of cardiovascular which is my goal.  I smiled and laughed even though I feel like crap...

No matter what I have to stay active and keep moving until the worst of this episode goes away.  Try to do something aside from thinking... Maybe share a funny memory of the past..

Think of a time that you laughed so hard that it hurt... What did you come up with?

Thank you Romanje. I read and read again your post with the intention to nail it down in my head, so that I remember it, how you fight it, and you did it, and you're proud what you did and achieve the goal. I will try harder. 

Thank you that you remind me that it was early in the morning. I was so sad at that time, and I cannot do anything but to post it here. I don't have anywhere else to turn to and need support badly. Thank you again for reminding me. 

Quote

 

But if you havnt smiled or laughed yet today I encourage you to watch something funny and try to laugh... My favorite show now is "Always Sunny In Philadelphia"  I saw an episode while I rode the bike for 30min...it didn't cure me but it got me past 30min of cardiovascular which is my goal.  I smiled and laughed even though I feel like crap...

No matter what I have to stay active and keep moving until the worst of this episode goes away.  Try to do something aside from thinking... Maybe share a funny memory of the past..

 

I will try to this, to stay active and keep moving. I always keep myself busy with work to divert my mind. But when thing like this happen. it make me so sad and I don't know what to do. Thank  you again for your advise. I will remember that.

I hope you feel better today. You and others here has helped me. Thank  you so much. 

 

 

 

 

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22 hours ago, sober4life said:

I care.  I feel exactly like you do.  I don't feel like anyone cares about me.  I have a lot of love in me though but my whole life that love has been poison and misery to me.  In my opinion there is nothing worse than love always being one sided.  I show my love to someone and they can't wait for me to go away and never back.  That's how it always is.:sniffle1:

Exactly, this is exactly the same with me. As if you're saying it for me. I'm glad you posted here. I feel less painful when there's other people have exactly the same life experience with me. Thank you so much Sober4life. I really appreciate that you share. I can't say enough how I blessed I feel to found someone living life exactly like me. Thank you again Sober. It means so much to me. 

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I don't want you to have to go through the pain I go through.  What I go through is a fate worse than anything I would give to even a worst enemy of my life.  I constantly feel alone and abandoned by everyone at all times.  I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone in this entire world.  Each day this world makes me feel like I'm less and less if that's possible.

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16 hours ago, sober4life said:

I don't want you to have to go through the pain I go through.  What I go through is a fate worse than anything I would give to even a worst enemy of my life.  I constantly feel alone and abandoned by everyone at all times.  I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone in this entire world.  Each day this world makes me feel like I'm less and less if that's possible.

Sober, thank you for your concern. You're so deep in the problem that it is making you less and less each day. I try so hard to fight with this from long time ago. Trying to convince myself that I can go through this. But my family is always the trigger. I can't join them (black sheep) neither can I leave them because they're my family.  You give me strength Sober. From your story and from your name, I can now relate,. If they're not family I can just go and forget about them, but they're my family. I don't know what to do. But you're giving me strength. We're almost or exactly in the very same boat.

I have married once, with a father figure, but we divorced couple of years after that because his eldest daughter can't accept me. She said "do not disturb my family". Her mum have passed away many years before I married her dad. I just want to be loved and cared. That's all. My ex husband said he is alone, and need someone. But I didn't know after we married things become different.

Thank you for your advise. I hope you continue to be strong ((((((((((hugs Sober))))))))) 

Edited by Camellia
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Thank you everyone for helping me. Everyone here has given me strength. Thank you so much. I can never say enough for that. That strength is the one that I need. And you all have given it back to me. Thank you again. (((((((((Hugs everyone in here)))))))))))):hugs::hugs:

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