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No self confidence cause of major depression (people hate me)


cb2

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I have zero self confidence and am frightened of people because I'm afraid they will tease me or make fun of me and I don't have friends because of this. I think this comes from being bullied as a kid because I was overweight. I've been in therapy for 2 years and it hasn't helped my self confidence at all. I think someone just telling me that I'm a good person and I should have more confidence isn't enough, like my therapists have done. However, my first therapist had me do exposure therapy to prove that people won't make fun of me, but instead of making me better it made me worse because of what someone said or did and it reinforced all my fears, instead of showing me that my fears were false. When I did the exposure therapy I wasn't ready at all and it damaged me, too much too soon.

Whenever I'm around adults I feel like I'm ten years old and am frightened they might bully or tease me. I don't feel like a man or an adult. Whenever someone has teased me I just take it and don't standup for myself. I can remember so many instances where a kid teased me and I just stood there and didn't say a word, same thing goes today, whether it's adults teasing or being rude. I need to find a way to raise my self confidence, to feel like an adult and a man. I've only seen female therapists because I feel that I can't open up to a man without being judged. Does anyone have any opinions on this?

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I was totally like you, in the past. I had a job in Taiwan and when I got there, being driven in a cab to the city where I would be working, I saw an undressed man taking a bath in a stream. This was like a Buddhist moment. I had been shy, and self conscious all my life. At that moment, I essentially got the message that it really did not matter what other people think. That guy taking a bath in the stream gave no cares about what all the millions of people on the big freeway thought. I realized that in order to get over my perception that people "cared" about my superficial appearance, and things they knew nothing about, I would have to be like that man in the stream.

Other thing is:  you should not fear events that haven't happened yet. Maybe you should look into "mindfulness" and living in the now type literature. What happened in the past is gone. There is nothing you can do about it. The future is unknown, and you should not think of that either (beyond save money for a rainy day). A person needs to live right now, not years ago, or years from now.

I am really sorry about the past. A child should not have the responsibility of defending himself against bullies, but sad to say, you have the choice to live in that past, or to throw it away like an old newspaper.  No matter where you go, and what you do, you are judged. The world is not judgement free.

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Yeah. It's a tough place to be. I was bullied a lot as a kid too--red hair, freckles, and I was puny because of health issues. My self confidence still isn't very good. If I screw something up in front of people, it sends me into a downward spiral. Somehow, I've managed to keep working all these years, in spite of not having any confidence in myself. I'm seeing a shrink and my boss has taken a "special interest" in me (which means he watches me like a hawk) but I am...surviving.

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I cant offer any opinions though I can say without a shadow of a doubt you arent alone.

I feel the same exact way, I have absolutely zero self worth or esteem. Its causing major problems for me in my adult life. I have a few friends but I cant really socialise unless Im drinking, I have never seen my friends without alcohol being involved. Im unemployed, and Im terrified of interviews and dont try to find a job as much as I could be doing because of this which in turn is causing a lot of problems for me; financial and because I still live with my mother its straining my relationship with her. I feel really worthless.

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I feel where you're coming from. I was teased a lot when I was a kid. Even as an adult I get teased on some occasion but not nearly as bad and I'm much better able to speak up and defend myself than before. What really helped me was when I did martial arts. I felt more confident and better about myself. That's something you might want to consider trying. At least go to a few martial art studios and ask if you can watch. Pretty much all places are fine with that.

Also going to the gym and lifting would also help build up your inner masculinity. There are other overweight people at the gym too so you don't have to feel as self-conscious.

 

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17 hours ago, standup said:

I'm in the exact same position. When I'm in a state of depression as I have been for the past 5 years (I'm treatment-resistant), I feel completely worthless. I'm back living at home with my parents and I rely on them for everything. I don't have a job and I do nothing all day. I have no money. I used to have a pretty good career but that's over now. I don't even know what kind of work to apply for, and the thought of an interview terrifies me. I'm not sure I can work anyways, but I still beat myself up. I just feel like a worthless loser. I feel like I have no dignity. I know most of these thoughts come from the depression, but it still hurts.

Yeah its really hard somedays to realise that it isnt our fault, its the disease but I can totally relate to your feelings. Its made harder by having parents who arent too understanding, I trust yours are? Sorry that your career is over, but maybe you could pick it back up down the line? 

 

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