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landed myself in the hospital, help?


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I was feeling really depressed and frustrated today so I cut myself and I ended up cutting myself really badly so I'd need stitches. I went to the ER to get stitches and I thought I could lie and say it was an accident but obviously they figured out it was self inflicted. They fixed my cut but now they want me to be evaluated by a psychiatrist to determine if I need to be locked up in the mental hospital? I don't want to get locked up because I don't think that's gonna help me. I don't know what to do or say right now to get me out of here. Anyone gone thru something similar???

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Hi,

Yes I have. 

Don't freak out, you'll be fine... They won't lock you up, they will just keep you calm and probably keep you for a day or two... Don't be scared they genuinely want to help you and get you better.

Do you have any friends or family that you can call ? 

 

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No, I haven't been through this, but I wish they'd locked me up and forced treatment on me long time ago (srs).

Unfortunately we are not the best judges of what's best for us when we're depressed or manic, the doctors are much better at this.

So yeah, I would say don't be scared of the docs, because they're the only people who MIGHT be able to help you.

My advice: do as they say and don't be scared of them.

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Thanks so much for the replies. I'm still at the hospital waiting for the evaluation. 

I just much prefer to do treatment outside of the hospital. I've been seeing therapists for many years for my depression and taken many medications. My depression hasn't been responding to treatment so I don't know what kind of magic can possibly be worked up in a hospital. 

 

I'm calm now I just feel dumb for cutting myself. I think I just want my freedom. 

 

My my mom is here with me right now. 

When they ask me questions for my eval, do I tell them about my history of depression? Or should I just say it was a one off thing? If they know I have a history of depression, will that cause them to keep me longer?

i mean should I tell them the truth about my severe depression or should I downplay it? I don't mean to lie but I don't like the hospital and I'd rather continue my treatment on my own 

Edited by RainRainGoAway
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I wouldn't downplay it - you never know, they may say or be able to do recommend something that could really help you... I doubt they will keep you for very long especially if you mum is with you...As long as you feel safe going home ? Otherwise I would stay there....

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34 minutes ago, tpman said:

I wouldn't downplay it - you never know, they may say or be able to do recommend something that could really help you... I doubt they will keep you for very long especially if you mum is with you...As long as you feel safe going home ? Otherwise I would stay there....

+1

I'd tell them the truth. They DO want to help you. 

I know it feels easier and more normal to just go home, but sometimes we have to do what feels counterintuitive and go out of our comfort zone to get help.

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If you cut yourself, you obviously have some things to work out.  Tell them the truth and you may just get the help you need and want.

If you lie you're not really helping yourself are you? 

 

It's a not that easy a decision for you, but for us to post on a board with replies it's easy.

In the end, go with your gut, what do you feel you should do?

a) get help and maybe stop this self inflicted pain

b) lie, get out of there and do the same thing again?

Good luck, hope you do the right thing for yourself.

Edited by WhyAreWeHere
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Well they did lock me up for 4 days. It was the most stressful time in my life. Basically being locked in a place where you can't get out and you're being watched every moment and you have no freedom, not even to use your phone. The food was nasty and the bed was extremely uncomfortable, so I barely ate or slept. The first day was the worst, they didn't have space in the ward for people who could still function, so they put me in the ward with ppl who couldn't function and were really psychotic. I was so scared and crying all the time or having anxiety attacks. But I had to pretend to be OK so they wouldn't lock me up for longer. The next 3 days they moved me to a better unit with other depressed but functional people who I could talk to . The time was bearable but I got extremely homesick and stifled with the lack of freedom. Not to mention I felt so ashamed that I was actually locked up in the mental hospital. I did talk to therapists and psychiatrists and I told them about my depression but I didn't tell them the entire truth, at least not the truth that I am often suicidal and I find joy in cutting myself (I said I cut myself that time because I lost my cool and I had never done it before). I did it because I didn't want to be forever locked up. Because being locked up was causing me too much mental stress and anxiety and I felt the more time I spent there, the more mentally unstable I'd be. The therapists told me to try better coping skills and put me on heavier meds. Now that I am out, I don't feel like they really helped me, it was just the same as in the past, just popping meds left and right. 

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Now that I am out, I feel so anxious. The memories of me getting locked up keep replaying over and over in my head. Sometimes I'd forget where I am and get so lost in my memories, they're like a video playing in my head. And often when these videos are playing in my head, I get anxiety attacks like my heart races, my hands get cold and clammy. And also these videos start playing in my mind at random times, like I'd be at work and it'll suddenly start and  I'd need to run to the bathroom to calm down and squeeze my head with the palms of my hands.

 I can't get these repetitive thoughts and memories out of my head. And I literally can't be left alone or be in silence. Otherwise I'd lose myself in these highly stressful memories.

Before I went to the mental hospital, I rarely had anxiety, it was mostly depression for me.

 

Also I still can barely eat anything and I feel nauseous even though I have no physical ailments.

 

How do I deal with this? 

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Also I lied to my bf and said I was sick with the flu at my parents' house. We've been together for 6 months and he doesn't know I have depression because interestingly all the time we've spent together, he thinks I am alright (I randomly asked questions like "do you think I am too sad or too negative" and he said "no." Either being with him makes me happier and I don't display my depression, or I am really good at wearing a mask. I hate this about myself. The fact that I'm depressed. I am so ashamed to have a mental illness and even worse, to have a mental illness and manage it so poorly that I end up in the psych ward.  

One of the therapists said it is OK to not tell him about my depression. My other therapist spent 30 minutes convincing me that I MUST tell him that I have depression and I went to the psych ward. I was like what?? She said if I don't, I am lying to him and I am being a bad girlfriend who shouldn't be in a relationship. Maybe sometime I'd be ok telling him I have depression, but NEVER that I went to the mental hospital. What do you guys think? Is it such bad thing not to tell him? I am way too ashamed to tell him.

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1 hour ago, RainRainGoAway said:

Now that I am out, I feel so anxious. The memories of me getting locked up keep replaying over and over in my head. Sometimes I'd forget where I am and get so lost in my memories, they're like a video playing in my head. And often when these videos are playing in my head, I get anxiety attacks like my heart races, my hands get cold and clammy. And also these videos start playing in my mind at random times, like I'd be at work and it'll suddenly start and  I'd need to run to the bathroom to calm down and squeeze my head with the palms of my hands.

 I can't get these repetitive thoughts and memories out of my head. And I literally can't be left alone or be in silence. Otherwise I'd lose myself in these highly stressful memories.

Before I went to the mental hospital, I rarely had anxiety, it was mostly depression for me.

 

Also I still can barely eat anything and I feel nauseous even though I have no physical ailments.

 

How do I deal with this? 

Man I'm so sorry you had a terrible experience. I think you need to get to the root, why you cut,  which is what got you in the hospital in the first place. 

Ask yourself, why do you cut and be absolutely honest...if you want to get better. 

What are you running from?  

What is causing all of this pain ? (Past trauma?) 

What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of happening and not happening?

 

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1 hour ago, RainRainGoAway said:

Also I lied to my bf and said I was sick with the flu at my parents' house. We've been together for 6 months and he doesn't know I have depression because interestingly all the time we've spent together, he thinks I am alright (I randomly asked questions like "do you think I am too sad or too negative" and he said "no." Either being with him makes me happier and I don't display my depression, or I am really good at wearing a mask. I hate this about myself. The fact that I'm depressed. I am so ashamed to have a mental illness and even worse, to have a mental illness and manage it so poorly that I end up in the psych ward.  

One of the therapists said it is OK to not tell him about my depression. My other therapist spent 30 minutes convincing me that I MUST tell him that I have depression and I went to the psych ward. I was like what?? She said if I don't, I am lying to him and I am being a bad girlfriend who shouldn't be in a relationship. Maybe sometime I'd be ok telling him I have depression, but NEVER that I went to the mental hospital. What do you guys think? Is it such bad thing not to tell him? I am way too ashamed to tell him.

No its not bad, you don't have to tell everyone everything. Even those closest to you....that's what your therapist is for.

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You don't have to tell your boyfriend you went to the hospital, but don't cut yourself any more. Just don't do it! You don't want to end up back in that hellhole. Do your best to endure the pain of depression and anxiety. It's a curse a lot of us have to bear. You're not alone, but normal people can't understand it. 

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Sorry for what youre going through. Im sure your boyfriend wont love you any less if you told him, 6 months isnt that long of a time though so I dont know. I would tell my loved ones if I had been hospitalized but thats just me personally and I dont have time for people who dont wish to even try and understand.

I hope you manage to work all this out and im glad youre out of that hospital, it sounded horrendous.

Edited by Doommantia
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Read through this and just felt like I had to say something, so I made an account.

 

Sorry you're dealing with this.  I've been through the same boat myself, but unfortunately I didn't learn from it and it led to years of addiction.  I eventually got through it, but I definitely did ruin a part of my life.  Nowdays I still deal with anxiety, ADD, PTSD, and some depression.  The depression isn't nearly as pronounced anymore though, and in fact I got off almost all my medication a few years ago.  Just take a mild nerve pain medication that doubles as a mood stabilizer (off label anyway), and some ADD meds.  

 

Anyway, as for your stay in the hospital/mental ward, it sounds like my first trip to detox when I first tried getting clean, as well as my second, third, and fourth trips.  The two different detoxes I went to combined both the drug detox unit and the mental unit. So I was not only surrounded by fellow addicts in the thralls of acute withdrawal, I was also sharing the cramped space with the crazy people.  Sure there was the higher functioning ones who would hang out with us, but there was way more of the ones who were there because their families had them committed.  All of us could check out any time we wanted (although if were under care and not discharged, we were locked in and couldn't even go outside for a smoke), but the ones I'm talking about couldn't leave.  If they tried escaping (and a few did), they were "apprehended" and sedated.  It was quite the ordeal.  I can totally see how someone in your frame of mind was even more stressed out and upset for being there.  Our mental health system is so messed up.  While the doctors really do have our best interests at heart as do our loved ones, I never understood why we take already upset people and put them in an upsetting environment thinking they will somehow get better.  We need better solutions when things like your situation happen.

 I really hope you start getting down to the root cause of why you're so depressed.  From your posts, I gather that you're probably young.  Probably a teenager, most likely still high school age.  If I'm wrong, I apologize but it's just a feeling.  For someone so young it seems odd that you would be so depressed, but then again I don't know your circumstances.  Maybe you have a broken family, maybe you experienced a past trauma that's haunting you, maybe you're picked on at school, or a combination of any of these.  Whatever the case may be, I can tell you from experience and guarantee you 100% that nothing, absolutely NOTHING is worth hurting yourself over.  Hurting yourself won't solve any problems and won't make you feel any better.  All it will do is perpetuate your cycle of misery.  I recommend you get a counselor as well as a psychiatrist.  Psychiatrists just sit there with their pad and pen and hand out pills like candy.  They ask vague questions about your mood but don't get down to the nitty gritty.  Therapists just offer a benevolent ear to your problems and help get down to the root causes of your depression, then help you overcome whatever it may be.  Their end goal is for you to no longer need them.  A psychiatrist on the other hand will put you on addictive medications so you keep coming back for more.  Many people just pop these pills thinking they'll get better only to discover they have a whole nother set of problems.  While a pharmacological approach to depression is always a route to go, it's only one tool in your toolbox.  There's so much more.  For example meditation and spiritual exploration, or volunteering at something that gets you helping other people and thinking outside yourself (and seeing that maybe you don't really have it all that bad and it can always be worse), or taking up different hobbies or changing careers.  There's and lot that can be done, but it also takes one major and pivotal key ingredient: YOU.  You have to WANT to help yourself and WANT to get better, and you have to TRUST that a particular process will work.  

As for telling your boyfriend about your depression, my recommendation is that you tell him, and for a few reasons.  First and foremost being that you are obviously going through a tough time and obviously struggle with chronic depression.  With that in mind, wouldn't you want your support system to be as large as possible?  One of the key things that helps many through their illness is the people around them.  Secondly, you aren't doing yourself aren't you favors by not telling him.  You're hiding something from him which isn't only not totally cool, it's unhealthy.  It's unhealthy for the relationship as a whole and for you personally.  Close relationships like between spouses or dating couples are built on trust and leaning on one another.  How are you strengthening your bind with him by keeping secrets from him?  It's unhealthy for you because first of all you're dealing with the burden of guilt from not telling him and feeling like you're lying. This can cause not only immediate damage but over time can grow into something that completely destroys you, as well as make your already severe depression even WORSE.  Second of all, it's unhealthy for you because you're depriving yourself of what could be a key component in your recovery from depression, or at least what could be someone to talk to about it.  All things to keep in mind.  Another reason I think you should tell him is because I really think you're underestimating him.  People who care about us are generally pretty accepting and understanding of us when we're suffering.  Not to mention that part of what makes us human is our compassion for one another.  Everyone has their problems that are real to them, and to be honest most people in the world are dealing with chronic depression in some for or another, or some other mental illness.  In fact, I bet if you saw the numbers you wouldn't believe it.  What is it, like 4 out 5 people suffer from depression in some incarnation or another and are medicated for it?  I read just the other day and have heard in the past that the most prescribed medications in the western world (so Europe and North America) are antidepressants.  Part of this over diagnosis and cultural phenomena but that's another topic for another discussion. So you're not alone, and far from the minority.  I myself know at least 15 or 20 people who have made a trip to the psych ward (not including the people I met there and kept in touch with).  Also, a point to be made here, mental illness is much more "main stream" today than it was 20 years ago.  In fact films, novels, and music even romanticize it some extent which is a pet peeve of mine.  Still, I highly doubt that your boyfriend is going to freak out if you said "I have depression and take some meds to help me deal with it".  After you've gauged his reaction and some time has passed, then you can be like "So hey remember I told you I have depression?  Yeah well I ended up in the hospital because I hurt myself, and they sent me to the mental hospital because of their stupid protocols.  Crazy huh?".  I'm sure his reaction will be along the lines of "omg why didn't you tell me??" and "I wish you would have told me sooner because I'm here for you and I care about you".  If his reaction is anything other than loving concern, then maybe he shouldn't be your boyfriend.  I know you're worried about him judging you for your depression and/or trip to the mental ward, but that's just it.  If he DOES judge you for it then you shouldn't be with him and he doesn't deserve you, and on top of that he would be a pretty terrible human being.  Think of it as kind of a test.  I highly doubt that he will think any differently of you though, and it's probably not nearly as big of deal as you think it is.  Who knows? He may even have any little secret of his own to share with you...  Maybe he's been suffering in silence worried that YOU might judge him... I used to be so ashamed of my mental illness as well until I learned just how common it really is, and how most people just want to help.  Sure things any are a bit different in school where all you want is to be accepted by "the crowd" and not stand out as a "freak" or a "wierdo", but I learned a long time ago that blending in is overrated.  Not to mention the fact that kids in school are different today, and most of them have some sort of mental illness or some other demon they're battling.  I bet you would be surprised to know that more than half of all school age kids are medicated for mental illness.  I forget the exact number, but it's a good bit more than half.  So with that being the case and with we humans being a progressive bunch, mental illness is much less stigmatized in schools than it was a mere 10 years ago.  So at any rate, tell your man about what's been going on with you.  I really think you might be surprised.  What have you got to lose?  At best you'll gain a confidant and some loving support, and at worse you'll learn you're dating a horrible person, and that you'll be much better of NOT dating him.  

You may learn from the process of trying to decide how to tell him or if you even should that you're not healthy enough mentally for a relationship.  Being in a healthy relationship requires not only 100% truthfulness, it also requires you to give yourself to the other person to also certain extent.  This is not only mentally demanding, but at times can be emotionally draining.  Healthy and happy relationships can be a lot of hard work and heartache.  Not to mention the fact that when you're not healthy mentally, your partner isn't getting what you're receiving and isn't getting what you know you can give them.  I know that when I was in relationships while using or when suffering a bout of really bad depression I felt as if the other person was getting "damaged goods", and it definitely didn't help matters much.  Needless to say those relationships never lasted.  I think that if you end up not telling him, you should really stop and think if you should even be in a relationship to begin with.  At least right now.  If you had been with him for 2 or 3 years or more, then I wouldn't even be bringing this up.  However considering you've only been together 6 months, I wonder if you're even mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship.  If your depression is really a bad as you say it is, then do you really think you should be?  Just think about it for a while.  Things like "Is this healthy for me?", "Is this too draining on me emotionally and mentally at a time when I don't need any extra draining?", "Is it fair to me to make myself live with the guilt of hiding things from this person?", "Is it fair to him to keep hiding things from him and not give all of what I'm capable of giving?".  Just all things to think about.  I'm sure you'll make the right decision, and if all else fails just go with your gut and don't second guess yourself.  Remember it's your life and your decisions that matter in that life at the end of the day.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the long post.  I hope something I've said makes sense to you, and I hope you can make some progress.  At the very least I hope you start feeling a little bit better.  Always remember that you are NOT alone, and that millions of others have been right where you have before.  You CAN get better and you CAN persevere.  Nothing is too big or too difficult for you to handle.  I've witnessed firsthand the power and determination of the human spirit the likes of which would make the gods themselves jealous, and that spirit lies in all of us.  It's up to each of us individually to tap into it and use it.

Stay strong, stay committed, you WILL get better.  Much love, thoughts, and prayers.

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