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twothousandseventeen

Just looking for someone to talk to about my anxiety and depression

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I have never talked about this issue to anyone ever. Ive been suppressing this feeling inside of me, and have never felt comfortable expressing it. I'm at a point where I just really need to deal with this issue cause I feel like its taking over my life. My education has been put on hold for 5 years and I feel like a zombie living my day to day life. I really just know where to start in treating myself. If someone can please take some time out and talk me through this. I will be so grateful. Thank you for your time.

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Hi Twothousandseventeen,

     I am so very sorry that you are struggling with depression and anxiety.  Both of those are just agonizing illnesses, maybe the worst a human being can be afflicted with.  Certainly two of the worst.

  I'm also sorry that your education has been put on hold for 5 years.  This sort of happened to me too.  Have you consulted with a physician about your depression and anxiety?  Sometimes there are organic issues that can cause or contribute to both depression and anxiety and only a physician can diagnose those, treat them or rule them out.

  You deserve more from life than the pain of depression and anxiety.  Did something happen to precipitate your depression/anxiety?  Would you like to talk about it? 

  None of us are doctors or medical professionals here, but we are fellow sufferers.  Sometimes there is no substitute for being able to communicate with people going through the same kinds of things.  People unafflicted with depression and anxiety cannot really understand how painful and brutal these illnesses are.  I wish I knew what to say to help.  I hope you will find this site as beneficial as I have.  I'm hoping and wishing that you find something that helps you get back peace and the joy of life! ! !  

- epictetus

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welcome twothousandseventeen,   I wish you weren't suffering with the mental illness double whammy of anxiety and depression.  I know you feel a little lost right now, knowing that something needs to change but being so overwhelmed to even start treating your illness.  It is like staring up at the top of Mount Everest and just being feeling like "how do I even get there".  Maybe just try breaking things up into just very small tasks.  You came on here and posted, may seem small but the first step is HUGE.  What about next doing a little study on the causes of anxiety and depression, online or in a book?  Understanding an illness can help you tackle the fear of it.  Another task could be writing down the pros/cons list of going to a therapist?  When the pros feel stronger than the cons maybe try shopping around and finding one you feel comfortable with.  A therapist can give you perspective, help you see things objectively.  The cruel irony of mental illness is that our brains are our best weapons to fight the disease yet are the target of the disease as well.  Depression and anxiety affect our thought patterns preventing us from seeing life as it really is sometimes.   Just know that people on here are always here for you.  If you want to vent or need help.  Society is coming around on mental illness.  It doesn't carry the stigma it once did.  Treatment has progressed.  You can get better.   I wish you the best of luck.  Stay strong!

 

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Hi Epictetus, jsop4,

Thank you so much for taking your time and replying to me. It means more than you.

When I surround myself with friends, I am capable of not feeling depression. I Feel like I'm able to enjoy life and I genuinely have a good time. When I'm alone and in my thoughts and think about where my life is now compared how I envisioned it makes me sad. I was in a relationship, and because of my dedication to school, I wasn't able to commit and he left me. Since then I lost hope in everything and I lost my drive. I cant concentrate when it comes to studying. I also have changed as a person towards my friends. Me and bestfriend got really close, and I have so many expectations when it comes to our friendship, we fight all the time mainly because I have trust issues. And I don't understand why these issues even exist. Ultimately I don't have a career, and I was such an ambitious girl growing up and I knew everything I wanted in life and how to get it. I feel like I'm in a rut and I just cant get out. I just want to be okay again. I want to be able to start studying again and not have treacherous thoughts flowing through my mind. I feel lonely at the library trying to study especially when i don't have my friend here with me. I feel like i have become so dependent on people for emotional stability, and i never used to be like that.  I have also turned into a pessimist, and i am doing really well at hiding it. But then again i actually genuinely have fun when I'm out with friends and family, that's why i haven't taken what i have been feeling seriously. i really don't know where to begin when it comes to research, i feel the more i read about this stuff the more it makes me depressed, and anxious about my future. And i really cant afford a therapist at this point in my life. Even coming on this forum and signing up for it took the life out of me.

Thank you for your time.

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22 hours ago, twothousandseventeen said:
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I have never talked about this issue to anyone ever. Ive been suppressing this feeling inside of me, and have never felt comfortable expressing it. I'm at a point where I just really need to deal with this issue cause I feel like its taking over my life. My education has been put on hold for 5 years and I feel like a zombie living my day to day life. I really just know where to start in treating myself. If someone can please take some time out and talk me through this. I will be so grateful. Thank you for your time.

twothousandseventeen,

Good for you for reaching out and asking for help and advice.  It may seem like faint praise, but the cliche is still true, acknowledging that something is a real problem and then taking some action and seeking help are the first steps.

And that takes courage.  Especially when the problem is abnormal anxiety.  And most of us here struggle with it.  I certainly do.  It has been debilitating to me and has derailed my career and my life.  And it can snowball, especially if untreated.

If you haven't already, you do need to seek and find a therapist versed in counseling regarding anxiety.  CBT is one modality, but the particular approach actually isn't as important as the rapport and trust you have with the person.

It sounds like your issue is serious enough you also need to find a psychiatrist - I don't know where you are in ever trying antianxiety medications - they can be very effective for a lot of people and more, newer, better versions are coming out every day.  

Find a support network, which you have here virtually, and it can be a great help.  There is a wealth of knowledge and encouragement here.

People tend to underestimate the impact and importance that anxiety can have - for many people (myself included) it can be the more damaging side of depressive illness.  It can be deceptively difficult to deal with as you've no doubt experienced.

There are things that can help, both medical and non-medical.  Meditation, mindfulness, CBT (or DBT which is similar) therapy techniques, relaxation techniques, for some hypnotherapy or the like.  Desensitization.

One researcher is actually more or less curring specific anxieties in a very encouraging study in Holland. https://newrepublic.com/article/133008/cure-fear  I contacted the Dr.  No one in the US is yet duplicating her research, although I think they will.  So I tried it myself using propranolol, a benign heart medication that's been around for a long time.  Two reasons I suspect it didn't work are that a) it probably doesn't work to do exposure therapy to oneself, and b) we don't yet know if this technique will work for generalized anxiety which is likely more complex and varied than a specific phobia.  Nevertheless, I mention it because advances are being made that provide real hope even those (like myself) who have been essentially treatment resistant.  So take heart.  Keep posting and asking questions and learning.

And seek out trusted friends, confidants whom you can talk about this with.  A problem shared is a problem halved.

Best to you,

-g

 

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22 hours ago, twothousandseventeen said:

Hi Epictetus, jsop4,

Thank you so much for taking your time and replying to me. It means more than you.

When I surround myself with friends, I am capable of not feeling depression. I Feel like I'm able to enjoy life and I genuinely have a good time. When I'm alone and in my thoughts and think about where my life is now compared how I envisioned it makes me sad. I was in a relationship, and because of my dedication to school, I wasn't able to commit and he left me. Since then I lost hope in everything and I lost my drive. I cant concentrate when it comes to studying. I also have changed as a person towards my friends. Me and bestfriend got really close, and I have so many expectations when it comes to our friendship, we fight all the time mainly because I have trust issues. And I don't understand why these issues even exist. Ultimately I don't have a career, and I was such an ambitious girl growing up and I knew everything I wanted in life and how to get it. I feel like I'm in a rut and I just cant get out. I just want to be okay again. I want to be able to start studying again and not have treacherous thoughts flowing through my mind. I feel lonely at the library trying to study especially when i don't have my friend here with me. I feel like i have become so dependent on people for emotional stability, and i never used to be like that.  I have also turned into a pessimist, and i am doing really well at hiding it. But then again i actually genuinely have fun when I'm out with friends and family, that's why i haven't taken what i have been feeling seriously. i really don't know where to begin when it comes to research, i feel the more i read about this stuff the more it makes me depressed, and anxious about my future. And i really cant afford a therapist at this point in my life. Even coming on this forum and signing up for it took the life out of me.

Thank you for your time.

twothousandseventeen,

While no two persons' stories are exactly the same, I felt like I could have written most of the above myself.  I've experienced all the same phenomenon - anxiety is worst when I ruminate and live up in my own head (true for most of us), pessimism - this is natural given the experience, confusion over how this is happening (let alone why), and difficulty in changing it.  Mine started in college - I had limited episodes in college and law school, which on balance were very helpful environments for me.  Mine got far worse on into my career.

While I've learned a lot of things that help if I can do them, I find them very daunting and challenging to do with any consistency.  This is a common problem and even symptom of the disease.  It can get better with treatment, with practice, and with support.  I'm reluctant to be more detailed or specific than this right now.  There is, however, a lot of good information not only on the web generally but also on this site and key is finding a good professional or two to work with - they can help.  That is the major upside for you.  You can get A LOT better.  It'll take some effort on your part and some outside help.  The sooner you begin getting help, and the more consistently you stick with it, the stats are clear, the better your chances are of making a greater recovery.

If you need help mapping or prioritizing your next steps, ask people here.  Generally, they do start with finding a therapist and a psychiatrist - ideally they're in the same practice or at least share information - this really helps to have a team working together for you.  Psychology Today has a directory btw which is pretty good.  Insurance, if you have it, has its own.  Neither is 100% accurate or up to date, but Psychology Today's tends to be pretty good, and you should feel free to interview more than one to see which seems like the best option for you in terms of rapport, understanding, convenience, cost, methods, etc.  Don't overcomplicate it, as most of us have a tendency to do this.

Good luck.  Let us here know how we can help if you have questions.

-g

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I found the best thing was to join our Chat. There's usually someone/many on during the evening. We are all really nice and will chat about anything you want to.

Feel free to message me also!

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About going to a professional to get help, it might help even more if you bring someone with you that can when you get stuck. 

When I was diagnosed I brought my mom with me, and when I found it too difficult to vocalize, she was able to help me relay what I was feeling to the doctor. She even pointed out some things that I myself hadn't noticed, like not enjoying much of anything anymore, especially when it used to bring me endless joy! 

What I also found helps, if you don't want to get a diagnosis, is search for other peoples way of coping, and see what may work for you! Some people say counting and focusing on tasks help them, but I have difficulty focusing to start with on anything other than my anxiety. I usually curl up with a pet or a good friend and try to focus more on them than I do myself. It doesnt always work, but it's usually the first thing I go to. I also like to make sure I'm never completely alone, that way I don't do anything I may regret later. 

Some people find that if they can talk about it to someone, that helps! 

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Thank you so much for taking your time to post, your post and the following comments actually have helped me a lot this morning.  I can relate so much to what most of you are talking about.  I used to have so many friends and loved to go out and do things, now going out of the house usually causes me to have an anxiety attack, but I'm usually so depressed that I don't feel like going anywhere anyway.  I have been starting to feel better lately, but it took a hospitalization and a bunch of medication changes and therapy.  I have been really good at isolating myself and I have learned that doing that makes my depression worse.  Even if I don't feel like going out, I have now found this sight which has been really helping me feel connected to people who understand me.  I also have many days when I feel like a zombie walking around just trying to make it through the day, often feeling like I have no emotions at all.  I often feel disconnected from my family, and I really don't have any friends.  When my depression became really bad over a year ago they all seemed to just disappear.  Sometimes I feel lonely, but really I just like being alone.  I have found that journaling really helps me, I write a lot these days.  It gets all the emotions out of my head and I can say whatever I want.  I also learned a bunch of coping skills while in the hospital like deep breathing, meditation, distraction (coloring (that's my favorite), reading, taking a walk,) just whatever you enjoy to get your mind on something good.  Honestly sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.  I have also started going to a counselor and that is helping me a lot.  There are a lot of good types of therapies out there for depression, DBT, CBT are the most popular.  Talking to someone and learning skills that can help is starting to make a difference for me.  I'm also on medication for depression and it's making a difference.  I hope you start feeling better, and I hope I'm not just rambling.  I'll look for your posts, keep coming back, this sight is really great!

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On 2/28/2017 at 11:51 AM, cariv said:

Thank you so much for taking your time to post, your post and the following comments actually have helped me a lot this morning.  I can relate so much to what most of you are talking about.  I used to have so many friends and loved to go out and do things, now going out of the house usually causes me to have an anxiety attack, but I'm usually so depressed that I don't feel like going anywhere anyway.  I have been starting to feel better lately, but it took a hospitalization and a bunch of medication changes and therapy.  I have been really good at isolating myself and I have learned that doing that makes my depression worse.  Even if I don't feel like going out, I have now found this sight which has been really helping me feel connected to people who understand me.  I also have many days when I feel like a zombie walking around just trying to make it through the day, often feeling like I have no emotions at all.  I often feel disconnected from my family, and I really don't have any friends.  When my depression became really bad over a year ago they all seemed to just disappear.  Sometimes I feel lonely, but really I just like being alone.  I have found that journaling really helps me, I write a lot these days.  It gets all the emotions out of my head and I can say whatever I want.  I also learned a bunch of coping skills while in the hospital like deep breathing, meditation, distraction (coloring (that's my favorite), reading, taking a walk,) just whatever you enjoy to get your mind on something good.  Honestly sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.  I have also started going to a counselor and that is helping me a lot.  There are a lot of good types of therapies out there for depression, DBT, CBT are the most popular.  Talking to someone and learning skills that can help is starting to make a difference for me.  I'm also on medication for depression and it's making a difference.  I hope you start feeling better, and I hope I'm not just rambling.  I'll look for your posts, keep coming back, this sight is really great!

 

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Good, glad to hear.

Your real friends will be there when you're able to do more things with them again.

I know the zombie state of grey emotions you speak of.  I sometimes get that on medications; though I'll admit I'd trade for that over acute anxiety and lethargy right now.

I hospitalized myself a few years ago.  Meds never seem to help me, except one little exception for one that is rapidly becoming legal.  CBT I think is good for many, although I found it somewhat added to my exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed. DBT I found better though still arduous.  I benefit when it is simplified (because I tend to overcomplicate anyway).

Yep, I too often prefer to be alone.  It's just less stressful even though I know it isn't necessarily more healthy.  What I'd really like is to be in a non-corporate environment like back in college or grad (law) school.  I think I'd love to teach (and I've pursued that).

The coping skills you mention are good; I seriously need to start practicing and tracking some of these myself again.  I'm spiraling pretty hard lately, and as a consequence, have been really hopeless.  I have heard a number of people say that coloring is very therapeutic for them.  I'd like to try painting sometime myself.  Writing (poetry, essays, etc.) used to help, but now that is more work than relaxing.

Anyway, nice chatting with you.  Hope you continue to feel better and look forward to chatting again.

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