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La Mariposa

Tired of disappointment

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I can't even make it outside of the house anymore and I live in a household of lazy people who don't even bother to venture out 99.9% of the time. They make promises that we'll go do this, or do that and break them so I'm left disappointed/depressed for ever thinking they'd follow through when they almost never do. When I voice my concerns/anger about them being lazy, or sleeping all day or not leaving the house, I'm 'dramatic', and naturally just 'being difficult'. Naturally. It's not as if I was disappointed/angry/bitter because none of you factually gave enough of a damn to go out with me when I need someone. I can't say this clear enough at home, so I'll put it here: I. Can't. Go. Out. Alone. 

I feel like I honestly don't have a voice at home. Everything I say is categorized as 'dramatic' because it's what people DON'T want to hear from me. So I'm done talking. I'm not going to be vocal anymore. I've decided, you people aren't worth my words. Least of all my breakdowns/depression/what have you. 

-Mariposa

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I'm so sorry you are misunderstood and mistreated by those around you Mariposa . . . and neglected.  I don't think you are dramatic.  I think you are very human.  You deserve love and compassion and understanding and help and consolation and comfort ! ! ! !    - epictetus

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Welcome to DF, Mariposa.  It sounds like you're not the only depressed person in that house.  Do you have any friends who could come get you and take you somewhere -- like, out to lunch or for coffee and conversation? 

Depending upon how old you are, you might be able to file "divorce"  or "emancipation" papers (I forget what it's really called) from your family and find a better living situation.  Do you have any other relatives?  Know anyone who's not in denial? 

I'm sorry your living situation is so difficult.  It clearly has a lot to do with your mood and can potentially damage your sense of hope, and disempower you. You have a computer, so do some digging on what options you might have about social services or support for living alone. 

Meanwhile, we're here.  Keep writing.

Thinking of you.

womanofthelight

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@Epictetus: Thank you for replying to me. It helps. 

@Diego_Sebastian: That's honestly what I try to do. Distancing myself from them seems about the best I can do. 

@womanofthelight: They tend to hide behind laziness to excuse themselves from not doing anything and I to make themselves feel better about the situation. It's not per se that they're depressed, they just have no motivation to do anything. We live in a fairly small community and the people here can be particularly draining as they're not the brightest crayons in the box. I'm 19. I have plenty of other relatives, but we're not on speaking terms and likely won't be for the rest of my life as they're emotionally manipulative, back-stabbing self-serving narcissists that only come when they have a want for something. Legitimately when my little sister was born this August they came to see her, and took attention-seeking pictures with my cousins baby, my aunt and our grandmother. "Three generations in one picture :)))". That 'visit' was entirely about them, and not only that-- they called my little sister ugly which turned into a very large scale falling out. ((They told that to my siblings, and I told my mother about it.)) I've tried the whole 'moving out' thing and it didn't work for me. I was still caked in despair and unable to cope with a lot of things. Currently my only option to move out would be with my older brother and he and I can clash very often as we both definitely do have mental health issues. And I'm not using the term here lightly: But I think we're both bipolar as uncommon as that seems. My mother's side as A LOT of mental health issues, and my father's does as well. My aunt appears to be bipolar (different from the above mention) and lots of/if not all of this has been undocumented/diagnosed because the vast majority of my family refuse to see psychiatrists or health care professionals about themselves. So there is plenty of abuse, depression, unresolved issues, etc. 

I actually do write, but it's not only on forums and such, I do Admin other forums, and even write fictional works for people to enjoy. The trouble is I tend to 'lose' a lot of my talents due to my depression. Such as art, writing, music, cooking, baking, etc. 


Thank you all so much for taking the time to read/review my concerns. It helps more than you know, and I'll never be able to properly return the favor. 

-Mariposa

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