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provider took away my anti-psychotic


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My provider, the Veterans Administration, has decided that I am faking hallucinations and so they took away my anti-psychotic abilify.  Thing is, I'm not faking symptoms and really have had a problem with hallucinations before taking the abilify.  The voices became muffled and went away after I went on abilify, and I would only hear random stuff that wasn't there occasionally.  Maybe it worked too well, I don't know.  So my diagnosis changed once again, from schizoaffective to depression with a variety of personality disorders.  If it is in the personality disorder section of the DSM, they throw it at me to see if it sticks.

Anyways, they told me over the phone last week to stop taking it when I tried to get a refill and saw there were no more refills, so I stopped taking it last week.  No weaning period or anything, just cold turkey quitting from a normal maintenance dose of 10 mg.  I've been going through withdrawals of increased anxiety and worse mood, so I have been in bed most of the time.  Tonight I am having trouble because the hallucinations are coming back after 5 days of being off of it.  Nothing serious yet, just annoying.  I hear a cat purring, but no cat is purring.  My wife couldn't hear a cat purring either.  It is annoying because it wouldn't stop and I knew it wasn't real.

I see the prescriber next week and hopefully my wife can come and talk some sense into them.  Maybe they will believe my wife before things get seriously bad.  I used to hallucinate conversations with people, and I would get really confused.  I don't want to be a bad person, and I want to have a stable home environment for the kids, so if things get bad again my wife and I agreed that I would have to "go".  My idea of "going" is probably different than what my wife is thinking, but maybe she would benefit from a malpractice suit against the VA if things get really bad due to them refusing me the meds I need.  I don't know what else to do with the VA if they continue to refuse me the abilify.

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Worst case I would see a psychiatrist outside the VA system to get a prescription. Even if you have to pay for the visit yourself it still beats having to live with hallucinations. Some will even help you with samples since Abilify is extremely expensive or you could try another antipsychotic such as Seroquel or Risperdal to keep costs low. 

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I suspect they are accusing me of faking hallucinations to get a higher disability rating, but if they would have just looked at my rating and when I last applied, then they would know that is not the case.  In the VA, different conditions get a different disability rating.  Different disability ratings are given different amounts of money for compensation.  It is worker's compensation for the military, as I see it. 

I have a 50% disability rating for depression, that I filed for around 2009.  It wasn't until around 2012 that they changed my diagnosis to schizophrenia with depression, which I think goes to 80% if someone goes through the process for more benefits.  That is about $1000 a month difference, by the weird math they use.  Thing is, I never applied for more benefits due to schizophrenia because I didn't want to go through the stress of the process.  So it is ridiculous for someone to claim that I am faking hallucinations for more money when it has been about 5 years now that I have refused to apply for more money.  I'm still getting that original 50% for depression that I got around 2009, and nothing more.

Nothing makes sense, and I wonder if that new guy is connected somehow to the people who ruined my life for whatever reason in the first place.  I just don't know what is going on.

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