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Exulanis

Hi everyone

5 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post  

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Wel, i'm here to say hi ^^.

I've been on and off reading on the forum being a bit shy to get make an account and get on.
I'll make use of the opportunity to introduce myself and get a load of my chest. Though i'm not a native english speaker so don't shoot me if my grammar or vocabulary's bad :).

For the last year i've been struggling realy hard to get a grasp of reality or better yet trying to get a grasp of myself. For my whole life i've been a loner. A guy that rather sticks to the wall than miggle with people. Thus, I've never realy had someone i could talk to about my problems or my life.

In january last year I sank into a pit that to this day i've not realy have been able to get out of. I eventualy had to go see a doctor about it and he set my to a psychologist. It's not been very helpfull i must say. The doctor prescribed me Seroxat. Wich then helped numb my mind. It stoped me from grinding on thoughts. Something i've never been able to do.

After a few months things started to look a bit better. I learned to go back outside (I anxiety got so bad i wasn't able to even hear or see people or i got panic attacks. I couldn't even go to the store anymore).
My psycho thought me how to cope with it. But that's about how far I got.

The problem is, i havn't resolved anything realy. Writing this right now i'm back in the same pit I dug last year. Small problems and problems wich i can't process.
It feels like getting jolted into a prison wich i can't get out of. Stuck in my head grinding and grinding away everything. I make up my own awnsers and don't know if i'm right or wrong.

Essentialy i've lost track of what's reality and what's not. At first "that" realization did me realy well to cope. Realizing that "reality" is what we make it up to be.

But being isolated and not being able to meet new people or make friends realy breaks me. In one way i don't mind being alone. It feels good, comfortable and it opens up alot of time to do things i want to do.

But now i can't enjoy anything anymore. Everything feels like a waste of time. And on the other end i realize that one day life is over so we might as wel do everything we want to do.
Still, that doesn't give me the power to do what i want or achieve my dreams.
To add, i'm realy poor. I live alone, i can't find a job because I destroyed my back doing hard labour. I don't have enough money to get around so i have days where i just eat bread. Or anything else cheap to get through. It's quite tough and i just can't manage..

If you read through all this, thank you.

I'll stop with one question. Today i went to the doctor again because of.. well i can't cope. He proposed to me to have me "taken in"( i don't know the word for it but going to an istitution for a while so i'm not alone and have people that can work with me and my problems)
But I wanted to know if anyone has ever had any experience with this. I don't know what will happen or what i'm going to do all day. I havn't spoken with them yet and don't know when i'll be going in yet.

Anyway, thank you again if you read this. And i'm sorry for the wall of text :).

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Posted · Report post  

Hello Exulanis,

I'm sorry you are in such a low place right now.  I think many of us on this site can relate to your feelings of despair, as I know I've certainly felt that way.  However, I do think you are taking a step in the right direction and certainly keeping your Dr. informed is very important.  Part of depression and anxiety is that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing what to do about all the mixed emotions, feelings, and fears.  Hopefully, by entering a rehabilitation center, the therapists will work with you in order to understand why you are having these feelings and provide counseling so that you can resume your day-to-day activities and live your life.

I hope for the best for you.

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise

 

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Posted · Report post  

Welcome!  I hope you benefit from your time here.  Feel free to vent.  Everyone does it and when others listen and respond, it really can be a big help.

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Posted · Report post  

5 hours ago, Imaworrywart said:

Welcome!  I hope you benefit from your time here.  Feel free to vent.  Everyone does it and when others listen and respond, it really can be a big help.

 

9 hours ago, MaddieLouise said:

Hello Exulanis,

I'm sorry you are in such a low place right now.  I think many of us on this site can relate to your feelings of despair, as I know I've certainly felt that way.  However, I do think you are taking a step in the right direction and certainly keeping your Dr. informed is very important.  Part of depression and anxiety is that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing what to do about all the mixed emotions, feelings, and fears.  Hopefully, by entering a rehabilitation center, the therapists will work with you in order to understand why you are having these feelings and provide counseling so that you can resume your day-to-day activities and live your life.

I hope for the best for you.

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise

 

 

Thank you both for responding. I realy realy appreciate it.

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