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depressed college student...


depressedamber

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EVERY SEMESTER IT IS TIME TO RETURN TO COLLEGE AND I GET AN OVERWHELMINGLY SICK FEELING THAT TAKES OVER MY ENTIRE BEING.

 

All I AM IS AN HONORS STUDENT, ALL I AM IS THE GOLDEN CHILD, ALL I AM IS AN ASPIRING DOCTOR, ALL I AM IS YOUR FAVORITE DAUGHTER, FAVORITE SISTER, FAVORITE COUSIN, YOUR ROLE MODEL, ALL I AM IS DEPENDABLE, YOUR SHOULDER TO CRY ON AND ALWAYS THE ONE WHO MAKES TIME TO LISTEN, ALL I AM IS EVERYONE'S THERAPIST. BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS TO ME BECAUSE I AM HORRIBLY DEPRESSED, AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, AND I WOULD TRADE IT ALL FOR HAPPINESS. I HAVE FEW LIFE STORIES TO TELL BECAUSE I’VE LIVED EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE UNDER A CLOUD, I’VE NEVER LIVED. ALL I AM IS MY GRADES, ALL I AM IS HOW HARD I STUDY, ALL I AM IS EATING ALONE IN THE DINING HALL, ALL I AM IS THAT GIRL SITTING ALONE THAT EVERYONE WALKS PAST AND I PRAY SOMEONE NOTICES ME AND JUST ASKS IF THEY CAN BORROW MY SALT. THESE FOUR WALLS TO MY BEDROOM AT HOME, THESE FOUR WALLS TO MY DORM ARE THE ONLY EYES OF MY YEARS OF PAIN.

 
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i am s sorry you feel this way and going through so much pain.

you are so much more than these things you have listed.  you are important to those family members you mentioned. 

what do you think you could do that might help you to a have a moment or two to forget your awful feelings?

who are these people who lean on you? Have you tried to lean on them? can you ask them to do things to build more of a bond so they can be there for you?

HUGS are here for you. there are some lovely people here on df to lean on. welcome to our df family.

Natasha

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