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Feeling drained, sad and withdrawn


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I used to come here a lot while dealing with severe depression. Then I got into remission, partly because of new medication that really worked wonders and still does, but I get waves of depression from time to time. I´ve been on a downward spiral since before the holidays and I need help right now.

This may be because my mother died last year and I had very mixed feelings about her passing. I threw myself into work and work even more than before, so when I get a spare time, I feel numb and melancholic.

I do exercise, eat healthy food, do affirmations and have a job I really and truly love. Got myself out of a financial mess too, but now that I´m making decent money, I feel tired of life and want a radical change. I´m sick of my meditation routine, sick of my workout, sick of my social life, sick of everything.

I feel I want to sell everything I own and go around the world. I know it is not rational and would not solve anything. I need to clear my head and I know the first step is to get this out in the open. Then take it from there.

Hoping to hear from someone. Thanks so much for reading this.

Love to all of you who live with this disease. Know that you are heroes and incredible survivors.

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Hi violet welcome back . Sorry for the loss of your mother.  I'm happy for you that somethings have been going well , I know that feeling of wanting to just pack up and leave . Is it possible that you can go on vacation ? A small one to clear your thoughts . Stay in a nice hotel or go to a different city . A break in routine may be something you need.  

Sorry I have no good advice. Wish you peace 

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Hi Violet; so glad the medication has helped and that you have so many positive things, most of all a job you love and are making decent coin. I offer you my sincere condolences on the loss of your mom. You say you have mixed feelings about this and threw yourself into work. Do you think you might benefit from seeing a counselor to talk about your feelings about this loss? I say this because maybe that feeling of restlessness is something inside that needs expression? Sometimes we want to shake things up and make a big change, when really what we're doing is running away from facing something? I'm not saying that with any authority, it's just a thought.

I like goincrazy's suggestion of a vacation. Maybe a retreat of some sort? Where you can stop and think about what it is you're seeking. We are such complex beings sometimes we need silence to hear what's really in our hearts. You sound like a highly disciplined person, meditation, exercise, etc. But you feel you're missing something. I wish you so much success in your continued journey in life.

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Hi Goincrazy and Follena.

Thank you both for responding to me. I am seeing both a shrink and a therapist who specializes in family therapy as I have a daughter who is involved with a sect and won´t see me and I foster my teenage niece who is prone to anxiety and depression. Honestly, sometimes I feel so tired and drained from this I feel I want to sell up and leave. But both my shrink and therapist are excellent, so I could not be in better hands.

We are unraveling some deep and very sad feelings, real grief and trauma work and in many ways it´s good for me, but can be very painful.

Vacation seems like a great option. I might want to go for a long weekend somewhere. I´m spending part of the summer on an island in southern Europe.

I know I have to go back to basis, like setting goals every day, use prayer and meditation.

It´s extremely dark where I am right now. I haven´t seen the sun for three months. It may be a part of it.

I´m so glad you replied to me, it means a lot. Thanks again!



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Hello! Hang in there, first and foremost. I completely understand that feeling of needing to "feel free". I want that more than anything, too. I don't really have any advice to give, but can offer a shoulder or an ear. This disease that we share, can be crippling if we let it. And we do, unless we have the support of others to conquer it. I offer you that support. Anytime.. any day... any moment.  Vent, scream, cry...laugh...jump for joy.. or collapse in sorrow, I've been there and will be there for you, if I can. It'll never be easy, but that's the beauty of sites like this. We all have a place we can come to that can offer solice.

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Oh I'm so glad you have those supports Violet, especially with your own daughter's difficulties and that of your teenage niece. Sounds like you've taken on a lot. Now I understand more about your feeling of wanting to escape it all and do something nice for yourself. Oh my gosh, I see you are in  Reykjavik, Iceland and of course, it is very dark there now. The dark affects me also. I've only flown over Reykjavik but I have loved artists from there like Emiliana Torrini and Bjork.

Keep dreaming about your upcoming trip to the island in southern Europe. And yes, take a long weekend to treat yourself to something nice. Hugs!! :hugs:

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Thank you so much for replying, NoraRae and Follena.

I´ve been involved in a search for a friend´s missing daughter - it´s been ongoing since Saturday. I have stopped now and am trying to let go and getting involved with my work and everything that needs to be done.

I feel better somehow and have been able to go swimming as I do regularly. Last week I was both lethargic and depressed. This disease is really like the weather.

Great to hear that you liked Björk and Emiliana, Follena. I lived abroad for a long time, but got tired of it.

I´m also working on a novel and a script, but my constant workload is so much I have very little time to work on it, so it takes forever. I´m also recovering after I lost a male friend who was a little more than a friend and has a girlfriend now. I´m really happy for him, but it´s a loss, nevertheless.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

Edited by Tungsten Aromatics
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