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Depressed about getting older


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Hi everyone, first time posting.  Just needed to get some advice on what I should do or how to overcome this.

 

For as long as I can remember I've hated change and the concept of time passing.  A few years back I was put on Celexa for antianxiety as I have OCD thoughts and anxiety which leads to depression.  Weaned myself off of it and felt better and continued to stay off of it until I had my son in which I was put back on for Post partum depression.   Weaned myself off last January and was fine up until around December of this year.

 

 My birthday is next week and Im turning 34......ugh.  Realized holy crud....34.....no longer young enough to get away with stupid stuff;)

 

The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed about getting older and have the same thoughts circulating in my head (what is the point, my husband is going to die before me, I'll be in an nursing home, nothing left to experience out of life).  I have no reason to feel like this as I have a wonderful husband, awesome three year old and I should generally feel happy at this stage in my life.  My doctor suggested antidepressants again but I mean seriously....if I go on them again now, am I to stay on them for life, as it's not really something that will get easier as every year I will keep getting older and older until death.   I wish I was religious....I really do.  I find people that have religion seem to have a peace about the afterlife but unfortunately the scientific part of my brain doesn't allow me to think like that.

 

Just looking for some kind of advice from someone who has been there and came through ok.  Would prefer to not go on medication again if at all possible but not sure if this is something that I would be able to work through.

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18 minutes ago, sadthirtysomething said:

I wish I was religious....I really do.  I find people that have religion seem to have a peace about the afterlife but unfortunately the scientific part of my brain doesn't allow me to think like that.

You and me both. It's depressing to think about old age, I don't even have a girlfriend let alone children so I'll be in a crappy state-funded retirement home without even getting a monthly visit from relatives, lol. Seems pointless to just rot away like that. 

May I ask why you're against medication? 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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Im not necessarily against medication but just not sure I want to be on it lifelong.  Plus in the past I've tried a few and didn't like how numb it made me.  I didn't get to experience the highs of life or the lows, just sort of meh all the time if that made sense.  Granted the only ones I've tried is Celexa, Effexor and Wellbutrin.  Plus hated the side effects and could never find one that didn't cause weight gain over the long term, even though I continued to eat extremely healthy and exercise every day.

 

Im hoping by the time I reach the age where I am unable to care for myself, assisted euthanasia will be available.  Slowly becoming legal in Canada thankfully.

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Even with Wellbutrin? I heard from a lot of people that it actually helped them lose weight. Didn't work for me though as it caused severe anxiety and anger issues. Side effects are always a problem, question is which is the lesser evil, side effects or depression. 

Are you seeing a therapist? Depending on the level of depression it may be enough. 

[remove euthanasia discussion]

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
remove pro-euthanasia discussion
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Ya the Wellbutrin caused extreme anxiety with me as well.  I did lose weight on it but only because of the severe anxiety haha..  My doctor recommended one called Trintellex and was on it for two days but noticed the same effects as Wellbutrin (racing heart, constantly on edge).  Are you on anything right now?  How is it working for you?

 

I work in a medical clinic and see so many happy 60, 70 and even 85 year olds and just think how?  How are they so happy.  Do I just overthink things?  Surely they must think about getting ancient and losing ability to do things themselves.  Or maybe Im naïve in thinking this way.  Its funny because Im not even sure why I fear this so much.  My grandma lived to be 86 on the farm that she built, came back from checking the cows one day and had a heart attack.  Died the same day.  My other one was in a nursing home in the end but lived to 94 and still had her witts about her.  Just seems so depressing how my grandma in the nursing home went out.  I'd much rather die suddenly with my health still intact in old age.

 

Im not seeing a therapist just my family doctor.  I've tried going a few times but never really stuck with it.

 

I'll have to check out the documentary!

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Oh wow, your grandma was lucky, that's the way I'd want to go. I've lost several relatives to cancer and it was just brutal what they went through, to this day I don't understand what kept them going. My grandfather ended up dying of a diabetes-related infection, over months they kept amputating more of his foot and later leg. Just terrible. Still have two grandparents that are alive in a nursing home, one is extremely depressed and can't wait to die and the other found a new love interest and seems to be rather enjoying himself. 

I guess it really depends on people's attitude, it's like you'll see people in 3rd world countries smiling and being happy despite the harsh life they're dealing with. 

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Worrying about getting old isn't worth it.  Aging is part of life, and we all have to live our lives to the fullest, and die.  It's how you handle it that counts.  You'd be far better off watching your health, limiting alcohol and drug use, maintaining a good diet, exercising, etc., which is a proactive way of planning for the future.   Keeping your mind active and rational is just as important.  Of course, accidents, genetics, and other things factor into quality of life for older adults, but if we try to take care of ourselves, it's bound to help.  

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1 hour ago, sadthirtysomething said:

Ya the Wellbutrin caused extreme anxiety with me as well.  I did lose weight on it but only because of the severe anxiety haha..  My doctor recommended one called Trintellex and was on it for two days but noticed the same effects as Wellbutrin (racing heart, constantly on edge).  Are you on anything right now?  How is it working for you?

 

I work in a medical clinic and see so many happy 60, 70 and even 85 year olds and just think how?  How are they so happy.  Do I just overthink things?  Surely they must think about getting ancient and losing ability to do things themselves.  Or maybe Im naïve in thinking this way.  Its funny because Im not even sure why I fear this so much.  My grandma lived to be 86 on the farm that she built, came back from checking the cows one day and had a heart attack.  Died the same day.  My other one was in a nursing home in the end but lived to 94 and still had her witts about her.  Just seems so depressing how my grandma in the nursing home went out.  I'd much rather die suddenly with my health still intact in old age.

 

Im not seeing a therapist just my family doctor.  I've tried going a few times but never really stuck with it.

 

I'll have to check out the documentary!

Hi and welcome to DF!

Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to talk to some of them happy older people and get their prospective on aging.  Try to find more of the joy in life, laugh, try to help people for the greater good and most importantly love yourself.  There are many more years of joy to come.  It's inevitable that we are all going to get old.  Who knows what kind of old person you'll become?  Just try to live a healthy and happy life, a good quality life.  Sometimes I think about getting older too but I know it's part of life so I just try to prepare for it as much as I can so hopefully when I do get real old I don't have a whole lot to worry about.  Alzheimer's runs in my family and sometimes I worry about that but maybe I won't suffer from that, who knows? 

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I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way. But I wonder, is it really you getting older that is depressing, or is it more to do with feeling like you've wasted time that you could have used better? It could very well be that you are coming to realize that you want to make positive changes in your life so to make better use of the time you have. Hopefully what you're feeling now will motivate you to make a better future for yourself. 

34 is not old. You could turn your whole life around. My advice there would be to take some time to yourself and really think about what it is you want. It might take a while before you know. Do some heavy self reflection, and really try to focus on what you want to change and how you want to change it. I could help you with that. I recently went through something similar. Sometimes it takes many years of trial and error, as well as wisdom and experience, before you know how to get what you want. Your teens and your 20's are the years where you learn and grow. For all you know you haven't wasted any time at all. It could all just be part of the process of living.

Also I'm not religious either. I don't think there's any reason to believe in an afterlife. I do not envy religious people, because frankly, I just think they're all wrong. And remember what the philosopher Auerlius said. Just try to live a good life. If there are Gods who are just, they won't judge you based on how religious you have been.

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I had visions of the crone when I was in my teens. Couldn't close my eyes without seeing her. But gosh was I glad to hit my thirties. My twenties were brutal. Now I'm pushing forty and I look around and am amazed that all those folk in their suits and well coifed hair are the same age as me. The thing I've liked the most about my thirties is that things finally started making sense. It's like I've reached a threshold of knowledge such that it's sufficiently networked for me to make connections between ideas and see the bigger picture. Not to dismiss what you're feeling at all! But maybe this thing I started saying to myself a few years ago will help you: "Don't worry, wonder."

(((hugs)))

Catherine

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I think it's very possible that those of us born in the 1990s could be living in a time when we could potentially be living into our 110s and 120s, assuming decent to great health, as well as some luck. Or at the very least, I read somewhere that the reason why the retirement age is 65 is because when it was first instituted, the average life expectancy was 63. In other words, the government didn't expect people to live long enough to retire. That being the case, with the life expectancy being at about 80 now, on average, I wouldn't be surprised if that average rose further, to 100 or more.

I, too, get depressed about aging. Every year, right around my birthday, I fall into a huge depressive funk. The last two years, though, I have actively combatted that funk by taking time off from work and making plans for myself around that time. Instead of dreading "getting another year closer to death," I try to cherish and appreciate the fact that my brother, sister-in-law, and best friend typically see me that day, and celebrate my existence. Just the thought that they care enough to acknowledge, let alone celebrate, my existence is touching.

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I could try that....I feel I'm at a cross roads as well that isn't helping.   I never really wanted kids, had my son and love him to pieces and now that he's 3 and am 34, feel like I'll regret not having a 2nd when I'm old.   I hate the infant stage and can't imagine life with a 2nd but worried I'll have regrets in old age.   Biological clock ticking at its finest I guess

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Have you seen this?

3. Ellipsism.

 

This is the term given to a sense of sadness one experiences when realizing that one won’t live to see the future. For example, an elderly person may be sad because he won’t get to see a newborn baby age into adulthood.

 

I found it in the thread "10 Odd Emotions" that is pinned to the Depression Centeal forum. 

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On ‎1‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 11:55 AM, sadthirtysomething said:
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Hi everyone, first time posting.  Just needed to get some advice on what I should do or how to overcome this.

 

For as long as I can remember I've hated change and the concept of time passing.  A few years back I was put on Celexa for antianxiety as I have OCD thoughts and anxiety which leads to depression.  Weaned myself off of it and felt better and continued to stay off of it until I had my son in which I was put back on for Post partum depression.   Weaned myself off last January and was fine up until around December of this year.

 

 My birthday is next week and Im turning 34......ugh.  Realized holy crud....34.....no longer young enough to get away with stupid stuff;)

 

The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed about getting older and have the same thoughts circulating in my head (what is the point, my husband is going to die before me, I'll be in an nursing home, nothing left to experience out of life).  I have no reason to feel like this as I have a wonderful husband, awesome three year old and I should generally feel happy at this stage in my life.  My doctor suggested antidepressants again but I mean seriously....if I go on them again now, am I to stay on them for life, as it's not really something that will get easier as every year I will keep getting older and older until death.   I wish I was religious....I really do.  I find people that have religion seem to have a peace about the afterlife but unfortunately the scientific part of my brain doesn't allow me to think like that.

 

Just looking for some kind of advice from someone who has been there and came through ok.  Would prefer to not go on medication again if at all possible but not sure if this is something that I would be able to work through.

In light of all the misleading filth in the world, follow your own creed. I am a religious leaning agnostic that has gone off the beaten path. The sciences tell you what we can quantify disparages the occult, but it's never that simple when you check your perspective. What you need is to find yours.

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I just worry that I'm going to get older & older & never be normal again. It feels like every year just flies by & nothing ever changes. And it just seems like every year goes by quicker than the one before it. I just feel like I never make any progress & by the time I know it I'll be an old man looking back on my life never accomplishing anything due to my mental & physical issues. I just don't know what I'm going to do at this rate. It's seriously starting to scare me about the predicament I'm in since I just want to function normally on a consistent basis. 

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