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What Do You Want Right Now (Pick One BigThing)


Turnt

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2 hours ago, LostLink said:

There's this sort of quip I heard from a meditation teacher or Yogi or something that went along the lines of.... You can reach lofty states easily from a 'mountain top', but come down into the city... you'll immediately get a headache!

My perfectionist mind immediately goes to... okay, well then how do we keep that state while just going about our normal day? The phrase I've heard "off the mat Yoga" is apt.

I've made commitments to this, attempting things like "maintain mindful breathing for this entire movie/long road trip/etc" and actually been able to do it at times. But Even then, I've had only cyclic relief in this form. I hear this dilemma all too clearly.

Speaking of exercise, I'm not sure what I think about it... in the cut and dry side of my mind, I know beyond any doubt that physical exercise will undoubtedly give me a higher/happier 'baseline state' throughout even the entire day. But the issue for me is that.... I know what's good for me, yet don't always do it. In my mind, that is the point of leverage I fail to keep my hand on. The question of why don't I do what I know works is more confusing to me than finding what works. Truly perplexed by that.

As I was reading this, I thought, another person here who gets it.  What you wrote makes me feel better, like how @standup made me feel. 

That's the thing, I can't do the breathing technique (2:1) or imagine a gush of water that washes away chronic pain I have) all day.  How?  It's impractical.  I need to be relaxed for this method to be effective.  It's like when I'm overtired, I can't sleep.  I need to be well rested. 

So far, exercise is the most practical helpful method, though it lasts only a few hours, and I can't run, e.g. when the roads are icy, so I get antsy and frustrated.  Even so, I still feel some anxiety; it does not go away completely.  The moment I've done a routine, my mind is back to spinning.

I won't nag you about exercise because I do this here quite often!  btw, I exercise because I love to, comes naturally to me but I can understand how difficult it may be to do strenuous routines if you haven't tried.

I still have not found a way to rid myself of anxiety, I mean beyond what's healthy to protect oneself.  It's really hard living with an overproductive fight-flight-freeze response in the normal course of my day; I wake up anxious, and feel anxious at night (my worst periods of the day). 

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2 hours ago, LostLink said:

Speaking of exercise, I'm not sure what I think about it... in the cut and dry side of my mind, I know beyond any doubt that physical exercise will undoubtedly give me a higher/happier 'baseline state' throughout even the entire day. But the issue for me is that.... I know what's good for me, yet don't always do it. In my mind, that is the point of leverage I fail to keep my hand on. The question of why don't I do what I know works is more confusing to me than finding what works. Truly perplexed by that.

Honestly, when I was working labour 9 hours a day and walking 5km every day, it didn't help all that much. I still got really depressed at work, and sometimes even on the walk home, had some days where I even had breakdowns and etc. I guess it just depends on the person, or what kind of problems you have.

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Turnt, I feel that very much. I've had similar work that seemed like "oh well I'll just exercise while I work" kind of 'sounds good on paper' thinking that in reality.... just isn't the same. I think the power of intention is a necessity, or that if it feels coerced in some way, it's more like distress rather than eustress (<--stress that encourages a positive and healthy response/adaptation). I used to like... run to work and back two times a day when I had a split shift at a restaurant... it wasn't exactly always good for my head space.

gs22, I'm very glad what I said resonated well! It's very dualistic, what I think we are talking about; that exercise is a push to and past a limit of comfort is inherent to the nature of exercise, and yet we want to feel comfort. A phrase that I've kept in my back pocket from times when I had no psychological problem doing Yoga with regularity was... 'edge work'. The art of knowing how far into your limit you are, and how gentle to be with it.

Has anyone had a chiropractic session? I heard a chiropractor tell me.... find where it hurts, just where it hurts. Then pause, don't relent, just sit with it..... slowly and gently move around with it until you find the combination of motions that alleviate it. This is the opposite of our meatheaded "ONE! TWO! THREE! ...." kind of 'feel the burn' culture. A very "yin" concept more than "yang". Power in gentleness. btw when I've been on a good psychological-health kick, I've found this concept applies just as well to psychological distresses. Find my trigger.... sit with it and breathe... don't react(etc).

My problem lately is the choosing to do it. I could force it, but I'd be feeling much like what you were describing, Turnt. I think my main feeling on this side-route we're all talking about is.... I don't want my efforts at healing to start feeling like work, I want it to feel like play. Nothing looks playful when I am depressed, fed up, tired of ___, and the like.

Edited by LostLink
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8 hours ago, standup said:

Maybe I've become defeatist, but I'm thinking more and more that our genetics dictate our lives more than we think. "Diet and exercise" DO NOT cure serious mental illness. That stuff might help, but relief is only temporary as you so eloquently stated. Nobody chooses this.

When depression/ anxiety finally dissipated for me (unfortunately, that was a long time ago), I just remember thinking, "OK, that just wasn't right. That wasn't me." I realized I had no choice in the matter. Don't get me wrong, we should do all the little things that help with anxiety/ depression, but for some of us, those things might only make tiny dents in the problem.

I think in the distant future, anxiety/ depression may be cured with some kind of gene therapy. Until then, those of us with serious mental illness will have to make due with half measures. For me, I just have to keep trying medications. I just started a med trial and I'm waiting to see if it works, of course. But there may be a point here in the near future when I ask for ECT. 

I'm glad you're starting to accept the disorder. I really believe that it makes things a little easier when you're able to separate yourself from the illness. 

 

Could not agree more with that first paragraph standup.

 

The big thing I want is the people that cause pain and destruction to be launched into space where no one can hear them scream.

 

- KS

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I want to to not have physical or mental disabilities, like before I became sick. I just want my health back, I'll take it from there and be successful again. I just don't have the energy or drive anymore, because of physical abdominal pain and how it has ruined my life and mental health! Ted

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I want my mental health and happiness back: I want to feel motivated again, feel the passion and love for my work as I have last year. I want to be able to get out of bed and finish lists of to-dos without lying back down after starting 1 of them. I want these headaches to go away. I want an honest, non-judgmental, supportive friend. It's asking a lot.

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