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Jobless with Bills and severe anxiety


gilnokoibito

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So, I just ended my job at a call center because I was having anxiety attacks and barely able to even work there. I suffer anxiety (general and social), depression, and BPD and haven't had an easy time working at any of the jobs I've bad thus far. When it comes to phones, I especially freak out. Just thinking of talking to anyone other than close family over the phone makes me freak out. Taking calls from angry customers definitely didn't work well (I thought that, since having to take cake orders over the phone at my last job, I might have gotten better at handling calls but apparently not.) 

Problem is my mental health issues are the reason I've had to leave my last 3 jobs! I live in a very small town and even driving 30+ mins into one of the surrounding towns, still doesn't relate to there being many jobs in the area, especially any that I can handle. I started at the call center due to it being the only place I could find a job at after my last job. We had over a month of training in a classroom that I did fine in, but when actually on the phone... I could barely breath. I kept auxing out between calls so I could breath but even that didn't help nor did any other calming methods I knew of. I told my supervisor about it and she pretty much treated it as normal calling nervousness. My therapist listened to me more and gave me some encouragement and there's plans to up my meds come my next appt in January. But even she mentioned that she was surprised I could do any job at all with my level of anxiety.

But the main reason I'm posting here now is because, though I feel so much better after getting away from the call center, I now have a very big problem: I have no income to pay my bills!

As I said, there's barely any jobs in the area and none right now that I can do (its mostly pharmacy positions, CDL truck driving, customer service, and fast food positions.) The only other jobs I could find, I've already tried and couldn't make it more than a few months. I have car payments and insurance to pay as well as a phone bill (which includes my only access to internet), my parents don't make enough to help me out any either. I'm out of jobs and I'm out if ideas. I can't lose my car or phone because they are both pretty big necessities for me. I don't know what to do though! I can't find another job (not for lack of trying or looking) and I don't know what else to do to be able to pay my bills or make a living! 

Does anyone have any advice on what I could do??

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Hi gilnokoibito,

:welcomeani: to Depression Forums.

 

Try working at Goodwill retail stores. They're pretty open to hiring and their mission is to help give jobs to people like us who have disabilities or need help in some way or another. That and more practically, because they have non-profit status in the United States and the government helps pay the salary of its employees.

 

I got food assistance for a few months in Colorado and it was mandatory to work through at a partnered place like Goodwill to receive those assistance benefits. Some other places to work were like... church charity centers, animal shelters, and call centers - which, of course you have tried.

 

Go to your local government social services branch and get in contact with someone to see what services they can help you with. If you're not in 'high-risk' classification, like doing heavy drugs and suicidal and have small children, you may fall through the cracks of social services like I did. I found the only service available to me were mostly resume and job searching interviewing workshops, which weren't helpful to me, because like you, my problem isn't how to apply for jobs but that my anxiety/depression prevents me from enduring any job for long.

 

But if your therapist can provide a documentation of your disability, that opens you up to more assistance.

 

If you're living with your parents and don't pay rent or food, just need a few hundred dollars each month for your car and phone... some part-time gig could work while you treat your anxiety.

 

Working on your own is another way. I've done private tutoring for a while and that was good supplemental income. I also tried driving a taxi job with an airport agency, but that fell through and instead I went homeless. So I played music in parking lots for my own enjoyment and people started giving me money around holiday time and I got something like $80 in an hour.

 

That was one year ago. My parents have been giving me a few hundred each month, so I have means to buy food. If they didn't, I would locate to a city with a Union Mission or a soup kitchen and eat there.

 

Right now, I don't make my living. I decided to travel the country and sleep in my car. I study and travel and exercise and write my own blog. It doesn't make money but it is making my life worth living.

 

I'm taking a journey for personal growth. Teaching myself science and reading the classics. One day I'll find peace with society and devote my life to service, teaching others and giving back. That's the hope.

 

Edited by 4amRedLight
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On 12/22/2016 at 6:00 PM, standup said:

Have you considered applying for disability? I know that's not a great answer and it's not going to help in the short term, but if you are truly disabled and can't hold onto a job, then it's your right to apply.

How about applying at a library? You could restock bookshelves and barely have to speak to anybody.

Thank you, I didn't want to apply for disability but I went ahead and did so online the other day just in case nothing else works out. Figured it was best to apply sooner than later. Don't know if I'll get it, of course, and I don't know really what to do in the meantime and that has me pretty scared but at least I tried something.

As far as working at a library, I pretty much grew up hanging out in one and have always wanted to work there (the local branch near me is really small and generally not too busy plus I already know where all the books go!) But I've been trying to get a job there since I got out of high school 8 yrs ago but they have two librarians and that's all they really ever need there. And the library in town hires part-timers ever so often and I keep putting in my application but have never heard anything from them. They seem to like hiring college kids and not much of all none else. Guess it makes sense but it's not much help to someone like me, who managed to make it through college all right but can't get any jobs with my degree (plus I got my degree because I wanted to learn graphic design, not so much actually work with it. Just a personal interest. I'm no good at freelance either, I tried that and couldn't handle it. *sigh&

On 12/22/2016 at 8:23 PM, CoolCat7 said:

[...] I work at a call centre and they are definitely not ideal jobs if you have phone anxiety.   Try to find a job with benefits so if you have to be off, you will be covered.  I'm off work right now on disability.  It pays much better than disability through the government, but if you can't work then you might have to apply for govt disability.

Where I live that call center was one of the few places with such benefits... which doesn't do me any good since I freaked out and quit before I was able to draw those benefits. 

On 12/22/2016 at 8:27 PM, 4amRedLight said:

Hi gilnokoibito,

:welcomeani: to Depression Forums.

 

Try working at Goodwill retail stores. They're pretty open to hiring and their mission is to help give jobs to people like us who have disabilities or need help in some way or another. That and more practically, because they have non-profit status in the United States and the government helps pay the salary of its employees.

 

I got food assistance for a few months in Colorado and it was mandatory to work through at a partnered place like Goodwill to receive those assistance benefits. Some other places to work were like... church charity centers, animal shelters, and call centers - which, of course you have tried.

 

Go to your local government social services branch and get in contact with someone to see what services they can help you with. If you're not in 'high-risk' classification, like doing heavy drugs and suicidal and have small children, you may fall through the cracks of social services like I did. I found the only service available to me were mostly resume and job searching interviewing workshops, which weren't helpful to me, because like you, my problem isn't how to apply for jobs but that my anxiety/depression prevents me from enduring any job for long.

 

But if your therapist can provide a documentation of your disability, that opens you up to more assistance.

 

If you're living with your parents and don't pay rent or food, just need a few hundred dollars each month for your car and phone... some part-time gig could work while you treat your anxiety.

 

Working on your own is another way. I've done private tutoring for a while and that was good supplemental income. I also tried driving a taxi job with an airport agency, but that fell through and instead I went homeless. So I played music in parking lots for my own enjoyment and people started giving me money around holiday time and I got something like $80 in an hour.

 

That was one year ago. My parents have been giving me a few hundred each month, so I have means to buy food. If they didn't, I would locate to a city with a Union Mission or a soup kitchen and eat there.

 

Right now, I don't make my living. I decided to travel the country and sleep in my car. I study and travel and exercise and write my own blog. It doesn't make money but it is making my life worth living.

 

I'm taking a journey for personal growth. Teaching myself science and reading the classics. One day I'll find peace with society and devote my life to service, teaching others and giving back. That's the hope.

 

Problem with the Goodwill here is they only ever need cashiers, which is one of the things I'm so afraid of doing. I thought about our animal shelter here as well but everyone there is a volunteer which doesn't help me any on the financial front.

I need close to $500/mo for my car, insurance, and phone (not including gas, lunch, or and nothing else.) I worked part-time as a cake decorator at a grocery store before the call center (nice job until everyone started quitting from being overworked and I was left as the *only* decorator! What we did was way too much for even 3 people to handle let alone just one. I had anxiety issues there and always felt like crap the way I was treated but the actual decorating was okay. I'd start my own cake service but between our two large grocery stores and a couple of other cake places there's really no need for another. Nor do I have the money to invest in supplies either.) But between gas and all my bills, working part time there barely covered everything. I simply worked for the bills and never made enough or had time off to do anything else while I was there. So part time work isn't all that helpful but it's also about the only thing you can get anywhere around here. Which doesn't help because no one is hiring and the ones that are (truck driving, fast food, pharmacies, etc) aren't things I can do/handle.

On 12/22/2016 at 8:32 PM, long journey said:

When my anxiety is bad I do housekeeping. Very monotonous, but mostly stress free. Another thing I'll do is chores and errands for the elderly. They tend to be very grateful for the help and flexible if I need a day off. 

I helped my mom with housecleaning jobs in the past. We had one who paid (and treated) us well (100/mo for two cleanings) but most others won't pay but $30/every two weeks at best. It would help but many houses are so far apart you barely make up the gas needed to get there. And other than that one man, many are extremely picky older women who watch your every move. At least, that's been my mom's experience for the most part. She finally quit doing house cleaning jobs this year because her two jobs that were okay, the people passed away, and the others worked her to the bone cleaning top to bottom for no more than $25 each cleaning (most of the time that was only once or twice a month to.)

 

Haah.... I feel like I'm just complaining amd giving excuses here... sorry if I do sound that way. But I have though of or tried most of these things before. Problem is that not many of them are really viable ways to live here. It might give me a little extra at best but no where near enough to pay my bills. So I'm still at an impasse. Do I stress myself out for the few little bits of money I could get and still not be able to afford my bills? Or... give up my car and just... I don't even know. We don't have buses or much of any forms of other transport here except having your own car. I just... I'm so sorry. I really still don't know what to do. I put in the disability application but I've always heard how hard it was to get (especially for mental and not physical disabilities) so I'm hopeful but pretty well prepared to be turned down. There's probably some places I could work if I really tried but I've had 4 jobs so far and wound up having to quit all of them in the end due to anxiety issues. I lasted one full year as a cake decorator and that's the longest I've made it and honestly, most were surprised I made it that far considering how they treated me (and most of their other workers.) Having such a high amount of anxiety and such a little job market in the area, I really am running incredibly low on ideas/options. But if anyone has any more advice about possible jobs or dealing with jobs or even advice on getting disability or ssi, I am more than interested in hearing them!

Again, so sorry to sound so down.

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