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carter_burn1

Mother Issues

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Hi! I just wanted to start a thread for a couple of reasons! I want this to be....

  • A place for us to vent about our mothers, lol. We need one!
  • A forum where we can share our strategies for dealing with our moms
  • A general meeting place for when mom does/says something that presses that special button, the one only she has access to! lol

Does anybody have anything to start us off?

My mom recently got a DUI, and I've been having to stay with her for half of the week to drive her to work. It's brought us closer together, but its also put the fact that she's got a drinking problem in my face. Does anyone have any advice? I'd appreciate it!

Edited by carter_burn1

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I'll add to that! My mother is annoying and so very intrusive in my life! I have to live with her too, and she is nosy about everything in my life! She even opens my mail "by mistake". And when I get a package delivered, she needs to know exactly what I've bought. I cannot even buy lingerie without her knowing. UGH. Then she's always asking me never ending questions about my life & my boyfriend. I mean, I know she cares and loves me, but it's far too much to handle most days. Most times I want to tell her to mind her own business. There's my mother issue rant, lol. Great thread to start @carter_burn1! :thumbsup:

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I'll add to that! My mother is annoying and so very intrusive in my life! I have to live with her too, and she is nosy about everything in my life! She even opens my mail "by mistake". And when I get a package delivered, she needs to know exactly what I've bought. I cannot even buy lingerie without her knowing. UGH. Then she's always asking me never ending questions about my life & my boyfriend. I mean, I know she cares and loves me, but it's far too much to handle most days. Most times I want to tell her to mind her own business. There's my mother issue rant, lol. Great thread to start @carter_burn1! :thumbsup:

Thanks for hopping on, Riv! I think boundary crossing privacy invasion comes standard when a woman turns into a mom, lol

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I also have "mother issues" but have come to believe that the genetic and neurological aspects make determining causality [blame?] impossible.  I am not in a state of mind right now to say more.  I will say that Christmas can be quite rough.  Best wishes to everyone. 

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1 hour ago, Epictetus said:

I also have "mother issues" but have come to believe that the genetic and neurological aspects make determining causality [blame?] impossible.  I am not in a state of mind right now to say more.  I will say that Christmas can be quite rough.  Best wishes to everyone. 

I'm not looking for anyone, myself included, to lay blame anywhere...that wasn't the intent behind starting this thread. I just started thinking about my own issues with my own mother, hence the title. And I realized that practically everybody I know will sit and wait patiently for a chance to tell a story about their own mom...moms are linchpins that hold the world together, but they're also human beings with faults and flaws. I wanted to create a thread where we could discuss the dual natures - the mom and the woman. Make it as personal or as private as you like. But its one thing we all have in common, every one of us...we were all  born to a mom.

Edited by carter_burn1

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My mom is an alcoholic, so after we were young kids, she kind of just stopped being our mother. For a very long time, she didn't seem to care for us, and was abusive in many ways over the years. It took until she is now at the age of 60, and a suicide attempt from both myself and my sister, and me actually telling her how abusive she was to us (which she of course began denying, saying how great of a mother she is while I'm giving her several examples of times she was abusive), before she finally realised that I might be right. I've learned to treat her with patience, because she doesn't understand, and she's learned to treat me with gentle kindness, instead of nagging and judging me for my past failures. I'm kind of surprised and I have no idea if it will last, but things have been better since then - it took me almost ending myself to get here though, for her to realise that maybe she was doing something wrong, that maybe I felt like she didn't care (one phone call from her in the last 3 years before I moved back in here, I wonder why I thought she didn't care?).

Edited by Turnt

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I totally get where you're coming from, man. Most people don't know how it feels...to feel like your mom loves you and cares about you, but to watch her prioritize alcohol over her kids and to be in that powerless feeling situation. My mom is divorced from my dad and she lives alone, and I recently just drove three towns over just to pop in on her and let her know that I know she's drinking again, I still love her and want to help her...its such a hard, touchy subject, man. Empathy waves ~~~ :console:

Edited by carter_burn1

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I grew up with an alcoholic mother, she spent no time with us, she never talked to us. She wanted us "out of her sight." I definitely felt shame, pain, and anger. At a very young age I knew that I didn't have a mother like the other kids had. Luckily, I found friends. They saved my ass! But on some level, I am deficient in my ability to bond with others. I can enjoy their company, but emotionally I am a little distant. I think I have a detachment disorder. 

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Interesting that so many of us had difficulties with our mothers... I am on good terms with my mother now, granted she lives about 2 thousand miles from me.... and we just talk on the phone... I related so much to what others wrote about feeling unwanted, which was certainly my experience... with my alcohol mother. I just had a few minutes to write, but this subject was so compelling I could not stop myself. Best wishes to all!

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My mother. She's over controlling, has bad decision making,  and has stolen from me.  But I love her. She can drive me crazy sometimes and one of her decisions ended up getting me an abusive stepfather for most of my life but there was a time I do remember.  Back before life happened before all the pain and self hate. I remember being very little and my mom being my best friend,  my guardian,  and my pillow.  I really miss those days :sniffle1:

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I'm so glad people are actually posting here! It's making me think a lot about my own relationship with my mom...I feel like there's a bit of role reversal going on now that I'm 32 years old. It's starting to feel like I'm the parent and I'm slowly having to take over the role of taking care of her emotionally now. I passed out really early last night, at like 6:45 (which is why I'm wide awake drinking coffee at 4 am lol), and I woke up to several texts from her. (Text #1): did anyone call you about dinner tomorrow night? (Text #2): Shane? (Text #3): Shane Ryan answer your phone! (Text #4) omg are you ignoring me now??

Lol...

Edited by carter_burn1

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My mom just talks a lot. I don't really have any issues with her as such..but she often just goes on and on. Keeping me updated about people who I barely know or don't know at all -_-. Just trying to find kind ways to make her stop or excuse myself in some way. 

I have more pain though the other way round :sniffle1: not gonna even go there or I'll be all tears.

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1 hour ago, feeling_lost said:

My mom just talks a lot. I don't really have any issues with her as such..but she often just goes on and on. Keeping me updated about people who I barely know or don't know at all -_-. Just trying to find kind ways to make her stop or excuse myself in some way. 

I have more pain though the other way round :sniffle1: not gonna even go there or I'll be all tears.

:console:

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My mother has narcissistic and borderline traits.  She thinks she is an expert on everything.  She complains and criticizes almost constantly.  She uses me as a substitute for friends and a substitute for a therapist.  She has no ability to empathize with me.  She is depressed but won't do anything about it.  She is a perfectionist who becomes overwhelmed easily and runs off to bed for days when she's upset.  She uses money and withholds affection to manipulate people, and always needs to have someone under her thumb.  She is a control freak.  She is also the biggest hypocrite I've ever met.

Oddly enough, she is able to empathize with people outside her immediate family and family of origin.  She gives money to charities and seems very liberal, until something hits too close to home.  She sends out a lot of cards for holidays and when people are sick, and she often includes money with them.  She is very generous with money, but not with her time.  She doesn't want people to do favors for her, because she doesn't want to feel like she owes them anything, but her "gifts" of money often come with strings attached...or not...you never know.

One of the things about my mother that I'm struggling with right now is trusting her.  She'll promise you one thing and then change her mind the next day.  She has always been this way, so I don't know why I fall into the trap of trusting her.  I should know better by now.

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13 hours ago, Diego_Sebastian said:

My mother had a stroke many years ago, with brain aftermaths, i worked a lot trying to my mother recover,, she is lot better now. Was very hard times, and she smokes, i quit smoke, she used to smoke more, but, smoke is bad... Long story, the things are better now, but im afraid, better dont keep talking, long story.

Bienvenidos mi amigo! :welcomeani: to DF!!  You can share as much as you like with us, my man. We're here to listen and to help if we can! Congratulations on finding a safe place to talk about your feelings! :Coopyahoo:

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On 12/24/2016 at 11:41 AM, feeling_lost said:

My mom just talks a lot. I don't really have any issues with her as such..but she often just goes on and on. Keeping me updated about people who I barely know or don't know at all -_-. Just trying to find kind ways to make her stop or excuse myself in some way. 

I have more pain though the other way round :sniffle1: not gonna even go there or I'll be all tears.

Awww @feeling_lost all I have for you is an e-hug :console:  I hope it helps!

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8 hours ago, carter_burn1 said:

@LoneSquirrel  I also have the same sort of should I/shouldn't I trust issues with my mom. It's a toughie...if you figure it out, will you let me know the solution? lol :happy: Thanks for popping in!

Thanks, Carter.  I'd like to trust her, but she makes it impossible.

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My mom basically just told me I shouldn't go anywhere and that I should stay home, be a hermit until I die.  WTheck. I am an adult. I don't go anywhere anyway other than to work, the stores or running errands and her errands.  She is feeling threatened that I might start, I guess. Gotta love those emotionally abusive moms. Growing up was hell constantly walking on egg shells around her not knowing what was going to set her off.

Boy, this day just gets better and better. Oh, look, 45 more minutes until the day ends.

Edited by dragonflyvision

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