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Depressed Over Work Situation


blazer0106

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Hello,

I could really use some encouragement right now. A bit of background first:

I am currently suffering from depression that sort of comes and goes. I have no prior history of depression, although I've been through quite a bit in my past that could certainly have paved the way for bouts of depression - I went through a difficult time when I was young and also suffered from some medical issues for a time. 

My depression did not begin until not too long ago, however. I had this job that I really liked. The pay was average, but I was good at what I did and enjoyed doing it. My boss thought the world of me and always went out of her way to let me know how pleased she was with my performance. I really felt like a valued member of the team there. 

Unfortunately, the job was short-lived; I left to take what was supposed to be a "better" position doing something else with a chance to earn more money... which, in hindsight, I now realize was a terrible mistake and easily one of the worst decisions I have ever made. I HATE the job. I find it boring and very redundant, and I don't feel valued there like I did at the other job. It seems as if half the stuff that people do there goes unnoticed and unappreciated, with the managers sometimes taking off work to go hang out amongst themselves and goof off while me and a few other people are stuck at the office swamped with all the responsibilities. I'm not particularly good at the job either, I seem to make a lot of mistakes. I don't think I was ever a good fit for the job to begin with, and not liking it hasn't helped matters. It just drives me crazy, because I can't stand not doing my best at any job that I do. It's embarrassing, especially considering how good I was at my previous job.

I'd like to have my old job back, but sadly, that is not possible at this time. I've looked like crazy for other openings but can never find anything (I kind of "lucked in" to the old job because I knew some people, my qualifications really wouldn't land me a respectable gig at most other places) . So I have become depressed because I feel trapped and am angry at myself for both throwing away a good opportunity and for getting stuck in a job that I'm not cut out for but can't quit.

My future seemed promising at one time but now I feel like I have just screwed everything up, I feel like a colossal failure. This has been eating at me for a long time and I really needed to talk to someone about it. Most people I try to talk to about it either don't care or don't understand.

I just wish I had made better decisions in my past. Has anyone else struggled with moving on from past regrets, whether they involve, work, family, etc.? 

Edited by blazer0106
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Absolutely! It sucks how it can be so easy to forget the good things, but the bad things just won't go way. We are human, so we will undoubtedly make mistakes. I have had my fair share. A lot I wish I could forget forever, but still haunt me from time to time.

I don't think there is any magic to obsolve us, other than basic faith. However, even then we can forgive but not forget. I really believe in, Time CAN heal all wounds. Sometimes its the time that helps lesson the memory of sadness, sometimes is time that makes us stronger, and sometimes there are other factors. We just HAVE to take time for ourselves, learn ourselves, be patient with ourselves and others.

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Unfortunately, I have never had a job that I loved. I got my first job at age 22, and I hated it from Day 1. Still hate it to this day (now age 26), but I haven't quit because I haven't found anything better, and something hasn't coincidentally fallen on my lap, like that job did. So I can't relate about losing a job that one likes, but I can certainly relate about disliking one's job.

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Blazer,

Your situation sounds a lot like mine at the moment - I am feeling I made a mistake taking the current role and I am catastrophising that it will ruin my career. We all take jobs that don't work out but the trick is to not paint ourselves into a corner thinking we are trapped.

What I would do if I were you is

a. Contact your old boss again. If not to check for jobs, to speak to someone who might know of another role or give you advice as to how to go about getting a similar role. She respects you so will help in some way.

b. Look at education and short courses to augment your skills and qualifications in the time you are at this job. Also, maybe book a session with a career coach - they can give an objective and positive spin on your problem.

c. Try to see that there is a middle ground between taking all the hassles of the world and not giving a f**k! I am trying my damnest to get to that point but it is very difficult, especially us conscientious people.

d. Most of all, make sure to talk to someone about how you feel, either a friend or someone in the medical profession. That's the priority for you. Discuss and get the problem out of your head. Like the career coach, the friend may be able to show you that it's not as bleak as your mind is letting on. Also, do things to remind yourself that you are not defined by your job i.e. hobbies.

It sounds as if job satisfaction is more of a priority for you than amassing a fortune. That might be beneficial. Also, you are near the time that most companies recruit, so maybe throw out a few CVs just to test the water.

I wish I could follow my own advice to be honest, but its hard to do that when you are in the pit itself.

Stonium

 

Edited by StoniumFrog
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Hi... I left a job I had once because I knew I could make more money and I regretted it. All the money and stress in the world was not worth the job I was happy at. I contacted my boss and told her that if my position opens up again to please let me know. We had a great relationship and in a short time she called me back and I started working there again. That was 15 years ago. If your boss was happy with you then and if an opening comes up maybe she will consider taking you back..

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I can definitely relate and empathize as well. A couple years ago I was in the same exact spot: I had a decent paying job in retail (not "great" money, but enough to cover bills and whatnot), and thought that after a few years of being there I'd try something new with higher pay and more responsibility to help with my resume and potentially work my way up in the world. I was so comfortable in my old job, and, like you, I was close with pretty much everyone there. It was tough to leave, and after a month of starting the new one I was terribly regretting it. Like you, I couldn't jump back to my old one, and I would lie in bed many, many nights thinking to myself: "Why did I do this? Why did I screw up a good thing I had going? Now I'm stuck." And I was stuck. Couldn't leave it because I had bills to pay and I needed the insurance, etc. But as the weeks went on my depression grew worse and worse. There would be days I'd just leave my office area and sit in the bathroom stall, sitting in my anguish and feverishly looking through job posting sites. I was a mess. Without going into the details, the job was not what I was expecting at all, and the people were less than friendly. Eventually I ended up quitting when a part time, minimum wage retail job opened up a few months later nearby where I lived. I felt so defeated, but I needed income. What got me through the time at the awful job, and my defeated feeling in the new new one after, was trying to find some meaning in it all. As StoniumFrog mentioned, looking for ways you can learn some new skills, or volunteer, etc could help ease some of that burden. Not only are you learning new skills to help with your resume/CV for the job search, but it also gives you a chance (with the volunteering for example) to meet new people and possibly new employers. As we all know, many of the jobs that are "out there" aren't on job posting sites. It's word of mouth and who ya know. Maybe you'll find a niche that you are really passionate about and could lead to better things. After spending a year at the new retail job, I ended up discovering direct care services near my town and did some part time work there. It was challenging at first, but it would be the start of what would later be a full time position and now a stepping stone to my graduate program and future career. 

But in the end, keeping that hope burning is so tough. It really is. I'll be honest--I remember a day where I just wept sitting in my car during one of my lunch breaks. Finding some meaning in it might help a lot (it did for me at least), in that you can try to remember: "I really don't like this, but it provides income for now so I can work towards xyz [something else I'm more passionate about]." If we know the "why" we can often endure any "how", right? Maybe ask yourself: If money wasn't an issue (say you hit the lottery and won 10 billion dollars or something), what would you like to be doing? Where can you start small in that/those goal/s? Are there things at work you can take some pride in? Often that passion is contagious--others around you will feel it too and the camaraderie can also help in making it through the week. Try not to beat yourself up though. Sounds like you left because you wanted to try something new and hopefully make some more money. Can't fault you for being brave and taking the chance. It was really courageous of you. Even though it didn't turn out the way you hoped, again, I give you praise. Now the difficult task of moving forward. Hope you can find a way to keep that hope and bravery strong. 

One day at a time!

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36 minutes ago, BlueBeetle said:

I can definitely relate and empathize as well. A couple years ago I was in the same exact spot: I had a decent paying job in retail (not "great" money, but enough to cover bills and whatnot), and thought that after a few years of being there I'd try something new with higher pay and more responsibility to help with my resume and potentially work my way up in the world. I was so comfortable in my old job, and, like you, I was close with pretty much everyone there. It was tough to leave, and after a month of starting the new one I was terribly regretting it. Like you, I couldn't jump back to my old one, and I would lie in bed many, many nights thinking to myself: "Why did I do this? Why did I screw up a good thing I had going? Now I'm stuck." And I was stuck. Couldn't leave it because I had bills to pay and I needed the insurance, etc. But as the weeks went on my depression grew worse and worse. There would be days I'd just leave my office area and sit in the bathroom stall, sitting in my anguish and feverishly looking through job posting sites. I was a mess. Without going into the details, the job was not what I was expecting at all, and the people were less than friendly. Eventually I ended up quitting when a part time, minimum wage retail job opened up a few months later nearby where I lived. I felt so defeated, but I needed income. What got me through the time at the awful job, and my defeated feeling in the new new one after, was trying to find some meaning in it all. As StoniumFrog mentioned, looking for ways you can learn some new skills, or volunteer, etc could help ease some of that burden. Not only are you learning new skills to help with your resume/CV for the job search, but it also gives you a chance (with the volunteering for example) to meet new people and possibly new employers. As we all know, many of the jobs that are "out there" aren't on job posting sites. It's word of mouth and who ya know. Maybe you'll find a niche that you are really passionate about and could lead to better things. After spending a year at the new retail job, I ended up discovering direct care services near my town and did some part time work there. It was challenging at first, but it would be the start of what would later be a full time position and now a stepping stone to my graduate program and future career. 

But in the end, keeping that hope burning is so tough. It really is. I'll be honest--I remember a day where I just wept sitting in my car during one of my lunch breaks. Finding some meaning in it might help a lot (it did for me at least), in that you can try to remember: "I really don't like this, but it provides income for now so I can work towards xyz [something else I'm more passionate about]." If we know the "why" we can often endure any "how", right? Maybe ask yourself: If money wasn't an issue (say you hit the lottery and won 10 billion dollars or something), what would you like to be doing? Where can you start small in that/those goal/s? Are there things at work you can take some pride in? Often that passion is contagious--others around you will feel it too and the camaraderie can also help in making it through the week. Try not to beat yourself up though. Sounds like you left because you wanted to try something new and hopefully make some more money. Can't fault you for being brave and taking the chance. It was really courageous of you. Even though it didn't turn out the way you hoped, again, I give you praise. Now the difficult task of moving forward. Hope you can find a way to keep that hope and bravery strong. 

One day at a time!

Thanks for the reply, your situation does sound very similar to mine. What makes mine so sad is that actually, I knew when this new job was offered to me that it might not be the right fit for me, but I took the plunge anyway because I didn't want to turn it down and look back on it as a missed opportunity, and it was more money. But as someone else in this thread mentioned, all the money in the world doesn't make a difference if you are not happy with your job. 

I have been trying to find some meaning to it, it's just so tough sometimes because I worry what is going to happen to my career after a setback like this. I'm about to go to back to college so I can earn my degree, so I do have hope that things will eventually improve. I just wish, again, that I had made better decisions in my past, but I know I have to move on with my life at some point. I appreciate the encouragement, though, and I'm glad you found something else you liked!

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15 minutes ago, blazer0106 said:

Thanks for the reply, your situation does sound very similar to mine. What makes mine so sad is that actually, I knew when this new job was offered to me that it might not be the right fit for me, but I took the plunge anyway because I didn't want to turn it down and look back on it as a missed opportunity, and it was more money. But as someone else in this thread mentioned, all the money in the world doesn't make a difference if you are not happy with your job. 

I have been trying to find some meaning to it, it's just so tough sometimes because I worry what is going to happen to my career after a setback like this. I'm about to go to back to college so I can earn my degree, so I do have hope that things will eventually improve. I just wish, again, that I had made better decisions in my past, but I know I have to move on with my life at some point. I appreciate the encouragement, though, and I'm glad you found something else you liked!

Yeah, I know that feeling of regret all too well. In other situations too. Try to keep some compassion there--those worries and regretful thoughts sure aren't going to just disappear in a day or two. Takes time for sure. I still think back myself, but maybe this is the dark night before the dawn for you? But again, all the credit to you for trying to move forward with those feelings weighing on you. You're totally right: it is tough. Terribly so. Reaching out and venting helps wonders, and that's what helped me along way. Best wishes going forward!

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