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Leslie;

So sorry it has been so difficult for you. While I know it does not change things or help you in any way, please know that I really do feel your pain Leslie! I'm so proud of you for taking your walk, you have inspired me to do the same today. Of leslie; I couldn't even bring myself to log in yesterday & last night as I was so afraid there would be no reply due to the Holiday weekend. When I found your post here this AM I burst into tears ! Thank You so much for following through. It must have been hard to post how awful you are feeling, especially after hoping for so much from Emsam...and now you can't even get the dumb patch to stick!!! I have heard the med won't get into your system if the patch is not securely stuck on, so do whatever you have to to be sure you are getting a theraputic dose, OK?

You really need some relief Leslie, and if you don't get it due to the fricken patch malfunctioning that frustration may be the 'straw that breaks the camels back'! I'm about to 'lose it' on your behalf right now! Don't worry about bringing me down b/c you are not able to post positive things...yet...re/ Emsam. No one except a fellow sufferer truly knows the depth of pain that is Depression. When you and other's reply I feel validated and know I have been truly heard...and that you and graycoyote 'get it', (unlike so many other's that I no longer speak about it and just suffer silently and alone.) Your validation helps me feel not quite so alone in a very lonely illness, and probably saved me today.

So Leslie...I want to hear anything positive or negative that you trust in me enough to share. You have been through so much...W/Ding from Cymbalta, Lexapro on top of major depression really takes a toll on you. My last Dr of 5 Years...(YES FIVE LONG CRAPPY YEARS !) thought I shouldn't feel any w/d's with any of the new SSRI's. Then again he would just read what was on the press release and would say..."No, it say's here no one ever gains weight on _____" (fill in the blank with whatever med), "you must be pigging out or eating alot of junk food." He was kind of dismissive about all side effects.

I always left the office feeling worse than I already did before my appt. Was so hoping for things to be different this time w/ the new Dr! So far I am disappointed but plan to persevere and make it to my next appt somehow, although I don't knw where I will get the strength.

Just stopped typing to walk outside for a few minutes as per your advice, and you are right, it does help...although the tears streaming out from under my sunglasses probable gave me away as I accidently left my tissues inside. Yes Leslie, I know all about the tears too! Isn't it horrible to feel so utterly depressed? I do hope that your husband is supportive and understanding. I am at a loss to understand depression myself, so if he get's it at all...that is at least a flicker of light in the darkness.

I hope you are doing better today and that the %#*# %*#*% patch stays stuck! Perhaps try swabing alcohol on the area first? You would think that all to 'kinks' would have been worked out before marketing. Even when skin is clean body oil's can still be present, and as you've read...you are not alone re/ the patch becoming unstuck. Are you having any irritation from the patch?

Selegiline is the med in the patch and it does come in pill form. It is actually a long used Parkinson's med that some Life Extensionist's take to hopefully live longer. It is inexpensive and well documented, but b/c of the diet restrictions at certain doses, not used too much for depression. I have taken other MAOI's for a long time...sadly not much help, if any, at all for my depression. I have naturally quite low blood pressure, didn't follow the diet religiously or even halfway, and never had hyertension problems that I know of. I was so depressed that I didn't care what happened. I don't advise that, however. BTW...the diet isn't a deal breaker IMO. Actually...it was the easiest part of the whole thing. The fact that Parnate, Nardil, etc; didn't give me relief after years of trying is/was the crushing blow.

I guess hope springs eternal b/c here I am once again putting my trust into another AD Med...hoping for the dream that greycoyote has found! I'm Hoping and Praying for us both Leslie!

Let me know how you are doing. Remember it's still very early.

Thinking of you...Eve

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Hi

I'm glad to tell you that Emsam started to work within just a couple of days for me. I had to be hospitalized while coming off the cymbalta. I didn't do very well not taking anything. The doctor wanted me to go 2 weeks before going on the emsam patch. I was having such a time with severe depression even with the cymbalta that emsam wasn't for sell in Feb of 06 but the doctor was able to get some shipped in before it went on the market. I go to Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, Ga. My doctor is the chair of pschy. so he was able to pull some strings.

I had had a bad high blood pressure problem with Parnate which is a MAOI , so the hospital required me to walk the hall several times to get at least a mile in an they would monitor my blood pressure during and after. Just incase the Emsam caused me any problems. When I was released from the hospital I continued to walk. I just kept at it-- like I hadn't wanted to do anything for the last 12 years. I suddenly had energy and the desire to accomplish and finish lots of things.

I know prayer works. In the Bible one time Jesus was walking on the water( the disciples where in a boat in a storm) and Peter asked if he could come to him. Peter was the only disciple to get out of the boat. That took lots of courage. It takes courage to try new drugs when the old ones work for a little while and then seem to quit. Keep praying, don't give up.

You asked about my diagnosis --I have chronic solvent encephalapathy ( electical cleaner got to my brain) and chronic severe depression, and anxiety. I was diagnosed at Emory University in Atlanta and also Vanderbilt University Hospital in Nashville, TN. Back in 1993 and 94. I had never had depression before, boy have I had a lesson.

Remember GOD is GOOD, HE NEVER FAILS[/b]

Greycoyote...

Thank's so much for being there for Leslie during her first day's on Emsam. And for me too, even though I'm still waiting for an Rx and continue to be stuck in 'No Med Limbo'.

Cymbalta W/D is vicious and I'm glad you were able to get hospitalization for it. Your Dr sounds like a dream come true to me! He really was there for you! I bet it means the world to you that you can count on him. Emory is well known as a first class Medical Institution and you are really 'in the clover' w/ the The Chair of Psych on your team Gray! Congradulations on your your continuing recovery!

Your story is amazing. You really went through hell! I can only imagine your gratitude and pure relief when Emsam kicked in and you actually began to get some relief from the horror of severe depression, compounded by W/D-ing from Cymbalta AND suffering from Chronic Solvent Encephalapathy! Wow...It's a miracle you are still here! I thank God you are!

As you may have gathered from my previous posts in this thread, I had given up on God, life, hope, prayer, everything... after fighting the Depression Wars for so many truly painful years. Just in the last week have I started to try to have faith again. So far...well...it's early still. In truth...I am holding on by a thread, however...I do not feel quite so terribly alone since you and Leslie are posting your support. I woud even say it's been lifesaving. Thank You so much.

Please continue to inspire us both, and other's who may be uncomfortable posting at this time in their struggle...but who are reading along.

Sincerely; Eve

PS...I know that your success w/ Emsam may not be my success... and I promise not to "blame the messenger" or resent your hard won Peace Of Mind if I don't share your good fortune. (I'm sure I speak for Leslie, as well.)

You suffered so horribly graycoyote, and you truly deserve the much needed relief you have received thus far, and much more!

All who are in pain deserve to be delivered from their suffering. Just knowing that you've been helped (by any med) gives hope to many.

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Leslie;

So sorry it has been so difficult for you. While I know it does not change things or help you in any way, please know that I really do feel your pain Leslie! I'm so proud of you for taking your walk, you have inspired me to do the same today. Of leslie; I couldn't even bring myself to log in yesterday & last night as I was so afraid there would be no reply due to the Holiday weekend. When I found your post here this AM I burst into tears ! Thank You so much for following through. It must have been hard to post how awful you are feeling, especially after hoping for so much from Emsam...and now you can't even get the dumb patch to stick!!! I have heard the med won't get into your system if the patch is not securely stuck on, so do whatever you have to to be sure you are getting a theraputic dose, OK?

You really need some relief Leslie, and if you don't get it due to the fricken patch malfunctioning that frustration may be the 'straw that breaks the camels back'! I'm about to 'lose it' on your behalf right now! Don't worry about bringing me down b/c you are not able to post positive things...yet...re/ Emsam. No one except a fellow sufferer truly knows the depth of pain that is Depression. When you and other's reply I feel validated and know I have been truly heard...and that you and graycoyote 'get it', (unlike so many other's that I no longer speak about it and just suffer silently and alone.) Your validation helps me feel not quite so alone in a very lonely illness, and probably saved me today.

So Leslie...I want to hear anything positive or negative that you trust in me enough to share. You have been through so much...W/Ding from Cymbalta, Lexapro on top of major depression really takes a toll on you. My last Dr of 5 Years...(YES FIVE LONG CRAPPY YEARS !) thought I shouldn't feel any w/d's with any of the new SSRI's. Then again he would just read what was on the press release and would say..."No, it say's here no one ever gains weight on _____" (fill in the blank with whatever med), "you must be pigging out or eating alot of junk food." He was kind of dismissive about all side effects.

I always left the office feeling worse than I already did before my appt. Was so hoping for things to be different this time w/ the new Dr! So far I am disappointed but plan to persevere and make it to my next appt somehow, although I don't knw where I will get the strength.

Just stopped typing to walk outside for a few minutes as per your advice, and you are right, it does help...although the tears streaming out from under my sunglasses probable gave me away as I accidently left my tissues inside. Yes Leslie, I know all about the tears too! Isn't it horrible to feel so utterly depressed? I do hope that your husband is supportive and understanding. I am at a loss to understand depression myself, so if he get's it at all...that is at least a flicker of light in the darkness.

I hope you are doing better today and that the %#*# %*#*% patch stays stuck! Perhaps try swabing alcohol on the area first? You would think that all to 'kinks' would have been worked out before marketing. Even when skin is clean body oil's can still be present, and as you've read...you are not alone re/ the patch becoming unstuck. Are you having any irritation from the patch?

Selegiline is the med in the patch and it does come in pill form. It is actually a long used Parkinson's med that some Life Extensionist's take to hopefully live longer. It is inexpensive and well documented, but b/c of the diet restrictions at certain doses, not used too much for depression. I have taken other MAOI's for a long time...sadly not much help, if any, at all for my depression. I have naturally quite low blood pressure, didn't follow the diet religiously or even halfway, and never had hyertension problems that I know of. I was so depressed that I didn't care what happened. I don't advise that, however. BTW...the diet isn't a deal breaker IMO. Actually...it was the easiest part of the whole thing. The fact that Parnate, Nardil, etc; didn't give me relief after years of trying is/was the crushing blow.

I guess hope springs eternal b/c here I am once again putting my trust into another AD Med...hoping for the dream that greycoyote has found! I'm Hoping and Praying for us both Leslie!

Let me know how you are doing. Remember it's still very early.

Thinking of you...Eve

Hi, Eve--Today is Day 3, and I'm daring to think I feel a little better...could it possibly be true? The tears are welling up as I write this to you--bless you so much for being there--you and Graycoyote both... I tried the patch on my upper arm yesterday, and it stuck! I was constantly checking it--what madness. But I so wanted it to work... My 13 year old grandson wanted to go kayaking yesterday, and I was so dreading it: it was all I could do to put a smile on my face and FORCE myself to make the effort to get things packed up and ready to go...but what a gift resulted! I had a beautiful time, paddling around a lovely lake and seeing swans and ducks...we stopped for a snack and built a sandcastle together (I adore my grandson--he's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes)...and the depression wants to tell me that none of this beauty matters, that life still sucks for me because there's something inside that doesn't want me to enjoy it... But then today I put on a new patch and it stayed on again, and I ventured out to a 12-Step meeting, and someone said something nice to me and the tears burst forth again...can't seem to stop the tears, but sometimes it feels good, because on the other AD's I was such a zombie, never feeling, life was just a constant blah. So perhaps something is happening...dare I hope it's something good? When it's dark for so long, the light can hurt your eyes...

Eve, you are in my prayers--I want so badly to tell you this is working for me and that it will work for you, too. The most important thing is to find the right doctor for you--so keep asking questions, ask everyone you know, ask other doctors, do whatever it takes. I was in the right place at the right time, and a friend just happened to ask how I was doing--he saved my life by caring enough to ask me that, because when I said I was struggling with depression, he put my present doctor in my life. I owe him a lot. If it happened to me, I know it can happen to you, too, Eve. Don't give up before the miracle!

How do I sound--a little better maybe? I still have the brain shivers, get dizzy and all the other withdrawal stuff, but it's not quite as bad as it was. I still can't believe that the "doctors" out there don't let us know the whole truth, the complete picture, when it's our brains they've got in their inept hands! I'll deal with this anger when I feel better...

Thanks for the info about the med, and I'll try the alcohol for my patch--sounds like it should work. I really appreciate this correspondence, so I promise I'll keep writing. I'm here for you, Eve.

Leslie

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This is Day 5 on the Emsam patch 6 mg...I said I'd keep you updated, so here I am. I feel so totally different today--not sure if it's the nice weather, if it's my imagination, but...I think I'm feeling better! I'm more positive, I actually felt like getting out of bed this morning, and I felt as if I wasn't pushing myself to do every little thing... So different! My energy level is high, and my thoughts aren't racing--I can look at the dishes and actually DO them, instead of sighing and just hoping somehow they'll get done by themselves... This is amazing. I've been crying constantly for days--today is the first day I haven't felt the tears right there behind my eyes, ready to pour down my cheeks. Yesterday my husband and I went to the movies, and I even cried at the previews!

So, Eve and Graycoyote, and anyone else who's interested: this is a miracle, even if it lasts just one day! I'm scared because I'm thinking I just might be coming out of the Cymbalta withdrawal...or something. I got so much done today--I felt almost human, like a normal person! Please, tell me this will last a while...

Will keep you all posted, I promise... :hearts:

Leslie

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Oh Leslie;

Hearing that Emsam may be starting to work for you is the best news!!! I am so happy for you that you are beginning to feel a little relief, girl! If this continues it will be an answered prayer.

I'm trying to be "causiously optimistic"...we have to keep this news in prospective b/c kayaking on a beautiful lake with one's adored and adoring grandson (whom I am sure is ADORABLE, as well), is one of the most warm and fuzzy, fun filled, endorphin laden, up lifting, seratonin producing experiences I can think of. Could that be the total source of your mild up swing?

Trust me....I'm not trying to tempt fate by not believing in or by questioning your great news from DAY 3/EMSAM TRIAL. Please, Dear God; do not forsake us! I'm not sure Leslie...How do I say this cuz i don't want to influence you or bring you down. I'm sure I can survive if this fails. I'm just as worried for you, too.

If nothing else...we have to be aware of the Placebo effect which could have been fueled by your physical exertion, your beautiful grandchild, and the fact that you actually got him to the lake in the first place. No easy feat when depressed. I sincerely doubt could have done it...but maybe you are naturally more energetic & just a better person than I am...and maybe your depression has not zapped all your energy?

Aw heck; Leslie...let's celebrate this small step!!! Why not? Let's be optimistic and have faith! We deserve this healing and it is going to happen! OK?

BTW... Kayaking sounds like so much fun! I have not had fun in sooo long. Decades. Several decades. Depression kills all for me. I can't wait to start LIVING again! In fact, I don't know where you are but if this (Ensam) work's for me I am gonna visit your lake and hopefully you will come join me....OK??? Perhaps I can even talk you into teaching me to Kayak?

Leslie...You are my beautiful friend who is graciously including me on her Emsam Adventure! Actually...It's more of a Rescue Mission, LOL...And Guess What, Leslie??? I will be joining you on your journey b/c I took the high road, swallowed my pride and called the Dr this morning. Luckily...this time I got a reply!

I sweetly, politely, asked to be re-scheduled for the earliest possible time I could be crow-barred into the schedule. The Dr was flustered, and mumbled "Oh, the appt...sorry", and I let it drop. I got a replacement appt & I should be on the Patch by late Thursday, Baby!!!

Well...Friday AM at the latest, if there is a reason to only slap it on in the Morning, otherwise I'll be putting it on at the Pharmacy Thursday late afternoon right after my appt!. When do you put your's on...in the Morning? Does it leave red squares on your skin for a few day's after you take it off? Do you change the location each day? BTW...for future refrence, I heard/read that patches can be cut in half to tailor the amount when upping the dose.

How are you sleeping at night Leslie? Do you take any other med with the patch now? Do you have more energy than usual? Do you realize that, (if my memory is correct), Grayoyote posted that he/she started to feel better on day three too? Yeah!!!

I'm praying for us girl! I can't believe I am still chasing this dream into my old age. What you said about the 'light hurting our eyes after the long darkness' is really profound. It touched my heart. I'm sure accepting the years, love, opportunities, etc; lost to depression isn't easy, even after it's gone. (If it ever goes.) I can't think that far ahead. Let's just hope we get there.

Leslie...anyone who's not suffering from depression and reads this post probably think's that we, (or I should say "I" and not drag you down with me); As I was saying...probably think's that I am demented, rather than depressed. Only a fellow sufferer know's the depth of pain Depression can cause. The name "Depression" sound's so innocuous. I have garden variety, Unipolar, Major Depression...nothing fancy like Bi-polar (lucky ducks...at least they feel fabulous some of the time), or any other Heavy Duty MI issues, and I am painful, living, NO, dying proof that Depression is not innocent. It's crippling and life stealing. Can't wait 'til thursday!

I'm praying that we won't have to suffer much longer. The Patron Saint for Depression is 'Saint Christina The Amazing'! I kid you not! Also, 'Saint Michelina'.

Leslie...Please post when you can! You are a Blessing!

Your Friend, Eve

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Oh Leslie;

Hearing that Emsam may be starting to work for you is the best news!!! I am so happy for you that you are beginning to feel a little relief, girl! If this continues it will be an answered prayer.

I'm trying to be "causiously optimistic"...we have to keep this news in prospective b/c kayaking on a beautiful lake with one's adored and adoring grandson (whom I am sure is ADORABLE, as well), is one of the most warm and fuzzy, fun filled, endorphin laden, up lifting, seratonin producing experiences I can think of. Could that be the total source of your mild up swing?

Trust me....I'm not trying to tempt fate by not believing in or by questioning your great news from DAY 3/EMSAM TRIAL. Please, Dear God; do not forsake us! I'm not sure Leslie...How do I say this cuz i don't want to influence you or bring you down. I'm sure I can survive if this fails. I'm just as worried for you, too.

If nothing else...we have to be aware of the Placebo effect which could have been fueled by your physical exertion, your beautiful grandchild, and the fact that you actually got him to the lake in the first place. No easy feat when depressed. I sincerely doubt could have done it...but maybe you are naturally more energetic & just a better person than I am...and maybe your depression has not zapped all your energy?

Aw heck; Leslie...let's celebrate this small step!!! Why not? Let's be optimistic and have faith! We deserve this healing and it is going to happen! OK?

BTW... Kayaking sounds like so much fun! I have not had fun in sooo long. Decades. Several decades. Depression kills all for me. I can't wait to start LIVING again! In fact, I don't know where you are but if this (Ensam) work's for me I am gonna visit your lake and hopefully you will come join me....OK??? Perhaps I can even talk you into teaching me to Kayak?

Leslie...You are my beautiful friend who is graciously including me on her Emsam Adventure! Actually...It's more of a Rescue Mission, LOL...And Guess What, Leslie??? I will be joining you on your journey b/c I took the high road, swallowed my pride and called the Dr this morning. Luckily...this time I got a reply!

I sweetly, politely, asked to be re-scheduled for the earliest possible time I could be crow-barred into the schedule. The Dr was flustered, and mumbled "Oh, the appt...sorry", and I let it drop. I got a replacement appt & I should be on the Patch by late Thursday, Baby!!!

Well...Friday AM at the latest, if there is a reason to only slap it on in the Morning, otherwise I'll be putting it on at the Pharmacy Thursday late afternoon right after my appt!. When do you put your's on...in the Morning? Does it leave red squares on your skin for a few day's after you take it off? Do you change the location each day? BTW...for future refrence, I heard/read that patches can be cut in half to tailor the amount when upping the dose.

How are you sleeping at night Leslie? Do you take any other med with the patch now? Do you have more energy than usual? Do you realize that, (if my memory is correct), Grayoyote posted that he/she started to feel better on day three too? Yeah!!!

I'm praying for us girl! I can't believe I am still chasing this dream into my old age. What you said about the 'light hurting our eyes after the long darkness' is really profound. It touched my heart. I'm sure accepting the years, love, opportunities, etc; lost to depression isn't easy, even after it's gone. (If it ever goes.) I can't think that far ahead. Let's just hope we get there.

Leslie...anyone who's not suffering from depression and reads this post probably think's that we, (or I should say "I" and not drag you down with me); As I was saying...probably think's that I am demented, rather than depressed. Only a fellow sufferer know's the depth of pain Depression can cause. The name "Depression" sound's so innocuous. I have garden variety, Unipolar, Major Depression...nothing fancy like Bi-polar (lucky ducks...at least they feel fabulous some of the time), or any other Heavy Duty MI issues, and I am painful, living, NO, dying proof that Depression is not innocent. It's crippling and life stealing. Can't wait 'til thursday!

I'm praying that we won't have to suffer much longer. The Patron Saint for Depression is 'Saint Christina The Amazing'! I kid you not! Also, 'Saint Michelina'.

Leslie...Please post when you can! You are a Blessing!

Your Friend, Eve

,

Hi, Eve--

Sooo good to hear from you! You go, girl!!!! You will be in my prayers on Thursday--I am with you all the way.

Answers to your questions: I put a new patch on every morning--last night I was particularly revved up, and think if I waited to change patches till later in the day, I might not sleep at all. I was SO energetic yesterday--and really up mood-wise. It's comforting to hear that you and I are both garden-variety chronic depressives--not that I enjoy hearing your pain--you know what I mean. Anyway, the patch doesn't leave a mark on me--not so far, anyway. It's done really well--except for the first day, when I put it on my upper thigh and it was NOT a good location for it, with bending and sitting and driving... Also, the heat and humidity here can affect it, so for now I'm sticking with (no pun intended) my upper arm. As for sleeping, last night was a bit restless--didn't feel like going to bed (can you BELIEVE that???) and I feel like I slept lightly, though I do feel rested this morning. Hmmm, what else? No side effects so far--I don't feel like eating the house and my head feels much, much clearer. Wow, can this truly be happening???

Gotta go meet with my therapist--she's the best--so I just wanted to get back to you briefly for now. Will go into more details later--every day is different. I SO hear you about depression, Eve--no one can know what it feels like or understand...it's like any other disease: you gotta walk in our shoes. Last night I was writing a description of how it feels to me: I'm sitting in a chair, I want to get up and go through the door on the other side of the room; my brain says, Leslie, get up, walk over to the door, put your hand on the doorknob, turn the doorknob, pull open the door, and walk through. And I just sit there. It's too much. It's too huge. And I beat myself up for being so lazy, and I beat myself up for feeling like a failure, and I beat myself up for not trying...but I'm paralyzed. And I just sit...in the dark...and the loneliness...and the pain...

I never want to forget how depression feels--I want to be able to reach out and help someone else, like you, Eve--because WE CAN SAVE LIVES. Just by understanding. And being there.

Blessings and prayers and light go out to you from me, dear friend--

Leslie

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This is Day 5 on the Emsam patch 6 mg...I said I'd keep you updated, so here I am. I feel so totally different today--not sure if it's the nice weather, if it's my imagination, but...I think I'm feeling better! I'm more positive, I actually felt like getting out of bed this morning, and I felt as if I wasn't pushing myself to do every little thing... So different! My energy level is high, and my thoughts aren't racing--I can look at the dishes and actually DO them, instead of sighing and just hoping somehow they'll get done by themselves... This is amazing. I've been crying constantly for days--today is the first day I haven't felt the tears right there behind my eyes, ready to pour down my cheeks. Yesterday my husband and I went to the movies, and I even cried at the previews!

So, Eve and Graycoyote, and anyone else who's interested: this is a miracle, even if it lasts just one day! I'm scared because I'm thinking I just might be coming out of the Cymbalta withdrawal...or something. I got so much done today--I felt almost human, like a normal person! Please, tell me this will last a while...

Will keep you all posted, I promise... :hearts:

Leslie

Happy day's are here! Oh Leslie...this is such great news! Glad you started this new thread!

Quelling the racing thoughts and feeling like doing the dishes is BIG! I am so HAPPY for you Leslie! So far so good! I'll join you on the Emsam Adventure tomorrow and can't wait!

Holding you to your promise! I will do the same!

Eve

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Leslie;

That is the most beautiful post i have ever read! Thank's for everything! Your kindness to me has been life saving! I read your NEW EMSAM UPDATE THREAD and posted there a few minutes ago. So you don't have to continue to post your progress in two threads you want to make your new Emsam Update thread our official meeting place?

After reading both of your posts I can only conclude that this is the real deal for you Leslie! I am beyond excited for you! I pray your improvement holds true and grows more positive each day. So wish I was on this journey w/ you right now...but i will be Friday AM. Per your suggestion, I will wait until Fri AM to stick the patch on as you mention there may be sleep issues.

Leslie; I am over the moon with joy for you girl!

See you over on your new Emsam thread!

Hoping & Praying; Eve

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Hi, Eve and all--

Today is Day #6--I've been racing around for the past few days, and today I'm tired! But I've still managed to do some things like mow the grass and I even went to an art exhibit for an hour or so...was able to focus and my brain zaps are quite minimal now. Saw my pdoc this morning, too--she's concerned because I'm waking up at 4:30 in the morning. I said it's because I'm excited about the day--what a miracle. She wants to keep an eye on the sleep situation, though--says I need a good, solid 8 hours, and that's not happening if I'm not asleep till after 11. I'm so grateful she CARES.

Other than that, I'm getting used to putting on a new patch each morning, and there's no problem with it staying put so far.

Hmmm, what else? If anyone out there has any questions about Emsam as it applies to a garden-variety chronically-depressed person (as Eve so aptly describes us), please ask! We're on this journey together, you know.

Till tomorrow...

Leslie

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Hello Leslie & All;

First of all...Glad you are continuing to respond to Emsam and are doing so well at the one week mark Leslie! Woo Hoo! So HAPPY for you girl!

Finally had my appt for Emsam today and my Dr suggested Lamictal! I was surprised since I thought mood stabelizers were for Bi-Polar I have no mania, fabulous High's or periods of extreme erergy, ever...and am not diagnosed as Bi-Polar. The Dr knew i was counting on being Rx'd Emsam...so then suggested I go on both Emsam and Lamictal. After a few minutes of thought I said I was reluctant to start two new meds at the same time as it would be hard to discern which med was responsible for which positive or negative effect, if any.

The Dr agreed & then suggested that I start the Lamictal now and follow up with the Emsam at my next appt. I asked to reverse the order and begin w/ the Emsam and finally got my Rx! Yeah!

I know I said I would wait to apply the patch first thing in the AM tomorrow, however...as soon as I got back into my car after picking up the Emsam I opened the box and slapped one on. I was about to put it on my arm but remembered I had put on sunscreen there...so I hurriedly pulled aside the neck of my blouse and slapped it on my upper chest quickly, before it got all stuck to itself.

Probably should have read the directions first, but I am a week behind you Leslie and really want to catch up! Your progress is so inspiring, as is graycoyote's. Wish more people would post that have used it. The thing is....I don't think all that many have yet. I thought my Dr was experienced w/ Emsam...but, as it turns out, the Dr has prescribed it only one other time, I discovered today.

"That patient didn't report any negatives from Emsam...but has alot of problems, so...???"; was my Dr's reply when I asked if it was working for the other patient. My Dr prescribes Lamictal alot, so that is probably why it was suggested. I am up for trying anything, and will, if this patch does not help.

Anyone else taking Lamictal for ordinary depression? Leslie; what are you tak.ing w/ the Emsam, if anything? I have heard of sleep problems w/ it so that is probably why your Dr is concerned. Perhaps she is going to Rx something for sleep if you are not already taking a sleep med?

Anyway...I was told that alot of Dr's are using what used to be thought of as Bi-Polar meds to treat their 'depressed only' patients now. Seems when you go from 'Severely Depressed' to 'Very, Very, Very Severely Depressed' that can loosely be considered as two poles. So...I will consider the Lamctal for later on and will research it in the days, weeks ahead. Right now I want to concentraate on the Emsam.

I am trying not to be too optimistic. The thing is, I really am kind of optimistic...but then I get scared that Emsam won't work for me, just like all the rest of the AD's, & I'll be hurt & disappointed once again. Then sadness envelopes me.

Guess what? I'm gonna stop that right now!

What will be, will be!

Leslie, please continue to keep me and all other's who are reading along on your EMSAM UPDATE thread posted re/ your progress and side effects. We want to know it all! I'll share how I'm doing over the next few days too. And sorry for all the blathering...just so glad to be on something for this awful depression after the Cymbalta w/d fiasco!

Hoping & Praying; Eve

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Leslie;

That is the most beautiful post i have ever read! Thank's for everything! Your kindness to me has been life saving! I read your NEW EMSAM UPDATE THREAD and posted there a few minutes ago. So you don't have to continue to post your progress in two threads you want to make your new Emsam Update thread our official meeting place?

After reading both of your posts I can only conclude that this is the real deal for you Leslie! I am beyond excited for you! I pray your improvement holds true and grows more positive each day. So wish I was on this journey w/ you right now...but i will be Friday AM. Per your suggestion, I will wait until Fri AM to stick the patch on as you mention there may be sleep issues.

Leslie; I am over the moon with joy for you girl!

See you over on your new Emsam thread!

Hoping & Praying; Eve

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Hi

Glad to here You and Leslie are doing so good. Never be afraid to change Doctors., though.

I'm a man and got struck with this depression in 93. I called the company help line and the company where the ones to send me for all kinds of tests. I'm an electrician and we were exposed and used lots of cleaners that are banned now. So not only did I all of a sudden come down with all this depression but I was forced into disability as well. The company would not let me back on property. So I know for the last 14 years(has it really been that long??)

If the doctor you see doesn't seem to care or keep up to date change....There are some real wackos out there, but there are some that really care.

After 12 years of searching and changing I've got one now that seems to really care. Not any of the others gave me their personal phone,email,cell numbers. So yes I'm really impressed with him.

Keep PRAYING, PRAYING CHANGES , things especially OUR OUTLOOK and gives GOD a chance to really speak to us.

You both and anyone else out there reading are in my prayers.

Depression can seem soooooo foolish one minute---but when you are weeping your eyes out its soooooo real

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Hi

Glad to here You and Leslie are doing so good. Never be afraid to change Doctors., though.

I'm a man and got struck with this depression in 93. I called the company help line and the company where the ones to send me for all kinds of tests. I'm an electrician and we were exposed and used lots of cleaners that are banned now. So not only did I all of a sudden come down with all this depression but I was forced into disability as well. The company would not let me back on property. So I know for the last 14 years(has it really been that long??)

If the doctor you see doesn't seem to care or keep up to date change....There are some real wackos out there, but there are some that really care.

After 12 years of searching and changing I've got one now that seems to really care. Not any of the others gave me their personal phone,email,cell numbers. So yes I'm really impressed with him.

Keep PRAYING, PRAYING CHANGES , things especially OUR OUTLOOK and gives GOD a chance to really speak to us.

You both and anyone else out there reading are in my prayers.

Depression can seem soooooo foolish one minute---but when you are weeping your eyes out its soooooo real

You're right--praying does change things, but I've found that I can only pray to know and accept God's will, because if I pray for something specifically, I might just get what I ask for in a way I could never have imagined--sometimes good, other times not so good. Like yesterday, for instance: I was thinking how nice it would be to have a little time to myself, like, at a retreat or somewhere peaceful. And I was visiting my son in a town about 3 hours from my home, and decided to get a motel room so I didn't have to make the trip back all in one day...so my son and I had a big blowout when I saw him, and I was so upset he blew me off after I made the trip out there to see him...he told me to leave him alone (might he suffer from the same illness as I???), so there I was, alone in my motel room, thinking okay, God, I got what I asked for--some time alone!

My heart goes out to you, graycoyote--I am so aware now of the quacks that call themselves doctors--I need to pray for the willingness to forgive those who are just in it for the money... But it sounds like praying has really worked for you, and though things change with God's help, it may not be as quickly as we'd like--your patience and perseverance are a testament to that... I applaud you for your courage and faith, and you're a shining example of how important it is not to give up...

I do like this Emsam, though--it's been a week and I feel so different and quite a bit better. I have energy and a brighter outlook. But I can shed tears, too--like yesterday when I was sad. Other AD's made me a zombie--I felt nothing, really, and very rarely cried. I like how I can feel a tear on my cheek all of a sudden, wow! But I also like feeling joyful about the blue sky, the birds singing, the magnificence of the full moon...

Life is so precious, and I'm learning in my old age that it's not my job to question why I'm here, but rather to use my experiences to help others. You have helped me so much--thank you, graycoyote!

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Hello leslie & all;

Just typed a long post only to have it disappear in thin air when I stumbled on the keys! Very frustrating!

I will re-cap:

Day 1 Emsam Trial- Felt a bit of energy, but not 'mow the lawn' energy like leslie. I believe it was placebo effect plus a little anxiety.

Day 2- Tired and a few tugs of pure dispair. Have not given in to the dispair due not to the med so much as to what I think is still the placebo effect that hope often lends when one is desperate but still hopeful that a med may help.

I crave carbs however am sticking as much as possible to protien (egg ehites, fish), fruit and vegetables and eating a large salad each night.

It is still early however, and I am cautiously optimistic that improvement may occur in the coming week. I truly do hope so!

Leslie...How goes it with you? How are you sleeping? Energy level up/down? Dispair? Tears? Appitite?

Are you functioning better? Do you feel a lessening of the dread that accompanies disabling Depression? Has your husband, family noticed any diff in you? Are you feeling more hopeful or content?

I'm in your corner Leslie! Wish we lived next door so we could "crow-bar' each other into action 'til the Emsam (hopefully) kick's in 100%

Have a nice weekend all! Hang in there everybody! If you pray, include me please! You are in my prayers. I am trying to believe and have faith once again...(something so very difficult when you have been terribly depressed for a lifetime.)

Eve

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Hi

Glad to here You and Leslie are doing so good. Never be afraid to change Doctors., though.

I'm a man and got struck with this depression in 93. I called the company help line and the company where the ones to send me for all kinds of tests. I'm an electrician and we were exposed and used lots of cleaners that are banned now. So not only did I all of a sudden come down with all this depression but I was forced into disability as well. The company would not let me back on property. So I know for the last 14 years(has it really been that long??)

If the doctor you see doesn't seem to care or keep up to date change....There are some real wackos out there, but there are some that really care.

After 12 years of searching and changing I've got one now that seems to really care. Not any of the others gave me their personal phone,email,cell numbers. So yes I'm really impressed with him.

Keep PRAYING, PRAYING CHANGES , things especially OUR OUTLOOK and gives GOD a chance to really speak to us.

You both and anyone else out there reading are in my prayers.

Depression can seem soooooo foolish one minute---but when you are weeping your eyes out its soooooo real

You're right--praying does change things, but I've found that I can only pray to know and accept God's will, because if I pray for something specifically, I might just get what I ask for in a way I could never have imagined--sometimes good, other times not so good. Like yesterday, for instance: I was thinking how nice it would be to have a little time to myself, like, at a retreat or somewhere peaceful. And I was visiting my son in a town about 3 hours from my home, and decided to get a motel room so I didn't have to make the trip back all in one day...so my son and I had a big blowout when I saw him, and I was so upset he blew me off after I made the trip out there to see him...he told me to leave him alone (might he suffer from the same illness as I???), so there I was, alone in my motel room, thinking okay, God, I got what I asked for--some time alone!

My heart goes out to you, graycoyote--I am so aware now of the quacks that call themselves doctors--I need to pray for the willingness to forgive those who are just in it for the money... But it sounds like praying has really worked for you, and though things change with God's help, it may not be as quickly as we'd like--your patience and perseverance are a testament to that... I applaud you for your courage and faith, and you're a shining example of how important it is not to give up...

I do like this Emsam, though--it's been a week and I feel so different and quite a bit better. I have energy and a brighter outlook. But I can shed tears, too--like yesterday when I was sad. Other AD's made me a zombie--I felt nothing, really, and very rarely cried. I like how I can feel a tear on my cheek all of a sudden, wow! But I also like feeling joyful about the blue sky, the birds singing, the magnificence of the full moon...

Life is so precious, and I'm learning in my old age that it's not my job to question why I'm here, but rather to use my experiences to help others. You have helped me so much--thank you, graycoyote!

Two truly beautiful posts from two beautiful people who have helped me this past week with their kind support and guidance. I am overcome right now by your insight and faith to say more, so please know I thank you both with all of my heart...and if you are curious re/ my experience so far w/ Emsam please read my post of a few minuted ago in Leslie's 'EMSAM UPDATE' thread in this same catagorie.

I pray for God's Blessing's for you both, and for all struggling.

Your Friend; Eve

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Well, here I am again, after an adventure-filled time visiting my 25-year old son who lives about 3 hours from my home. The drive home did me in, and I was tired, hungry and feeling overwhelmed by all that has to be done here at home before my mother arrives for a visit in a week. This is not a good space for me to be in. Had a meltdown last night, crying and feeling discouraged. Thinking this Emsam is not working--phooey on it! But I really needed sleep, and I realize this morning that we who are depressed have an illness even though it doesn't always show on the outside...and I have to be so careful about taking care of myself, being gentle, kind, self-nurturing.

So it's not the Emsam's fault--I overdid it. Easy to do when you start to feel better. My mind tells me, "Hey, Leslie, you're all better now, so you can start doing stuff like a normal person!" and then I have a meltdown. It all catches up with me. And I have to back off and take naps, eat right, not DO DO DO. I must learn to delegate--I'm such a people-pleaser and a control freak--think I have to do it all and no one can do it like I can. Baloney. That's how sick people think.

So I'm going to try to take it easy today, which might be easy because it's raining.

I need to check in with my doctor tomorrow about my episode last night--am kind of afraid--I so want the Emsam to be the Magic Medicine for me. I want to be all better...now! Guess it might not be that way...

Eve, I'm still praying for you--haven't heard of that other med your doctor wanted you to try. This is all a big mystery to me. Just want something out there to help--is that too much to ask?!?!?!?

Graycoyote: as always, your message lifted me up. Thank you.

Time to pay some attention to my husband...keep in touch.

:hearts: leslie

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Well, here I am again, after an adventure-filled time visiting my 25-year old son who lives about 3 hours from my home. The drive home did me in, and I was tired, hungry and feeling overwhelmed by all that has to be done here at home before my mother arrives for a visit in a week. This is not a good space for me to be in. Had a meltdown last night, crying and feeling discouraged. Thinking this Emsam is not working--phooey on it! But I really needed sleep, and I realize this morning that we who are depressed have an illness even though it doesn't always show on the outside...and I have to be so careful about taking care of myself, being gentle, kind, self-nurturing.

So it's not the Emsam's fault--I overdid it. Easy to do when you start to feel better. My mind tells me, "Hey, Leslie, you're all better now, so you can start doing stuff like a normal person!" and then I have a meltdown. It all catches up with me. And I have to back off and take naps, eat right, not DO DO DO. I must learn to delegate--I'm such a people-pleaser and a control freak--think I have to do it all and no one can do it like I can. Baloney. That's how sick people think.

So I'm going to try to take it easy today, which might be easy because it's raining.

I need to check in with my doctor tomorrow about my episode last night--am kind of afraid--I so want the Emsam to be the Magic Medicine for me. I want to be all better...now! Guess it might not be that way...

Eve, I'm still praying for you--haven't heard of that other med your doctor wanted you to try. This is all a big mystery to me. Just want something out there to help--is that too much to ask?!?!?!?

Graycoyote: as always, your message lifted me up. Thank you.

Time to pay some attention to my husband...keep in touch.

:hearts: leslie

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Hello...

Leslie...sorry your visit w/ your son was difficult. Perhaps he has stressors in his life that he isn't sharing re/ work, relationships, etc. The fact that you were able to make the three hour trip to see him is amazing and is more proof that the Emsam is working for you, in some ways, at least!

As for me...after three full days on the Emsam Patch I am tired, have not slept well, but can't really blame Emsam for that as I have alway had terrible insomnia and never sleep well or fall asleep easily. The few times in my entire life when I have experienced natural, restorative sleep are the most satisfying memories I have. To lay my head down and drift offf to sleep naturally would make life at least worth living. Something to look forward to.

As for the energy...no appreciable increase yet. Waking up in the dead of night with a sense of coming doom hovering over me, then lying there for half the night unable to get back to sleep, only to be dead-tired and have to force myself out of bed this morning is not any improvement to my non-med existence. However, this afternoon I don't feel as flat or 'medicated' as I have felt in the past on SSRI's etc. In fact, last two days I have been more easily irritated, I think.

I was hoping that that by now I would be beginning to sing Emam's praises & not be justifying continuing on by saying that it has not made me feel as bad as some other meds have in the past, however it is very early in my Emsan Trial so I will remain cautiously optimistic and plan to continue on through the whole Trial.

My Dr does not have much experience with the patch but did say that Emsam's good effects kick in much slower than SSRI's good effects. I replied that SSRI's never did "kick in" for me so I hope that's not universally true.

Leslie, never heard much about Lamictal either so that is why I was shocked when my new Dr said "Want to try a mood stabelizer?' & suggested Lamictal. I remember reading that mood stabelizers were used to keep people from becoming manic, not something that happens to me. Doctor said it's being used for just depression now too, w/ good results and really no side effects except for watching out for Stephen's Johnson Syndrome, a rare but deadly rash that requires you start on a very low dose and slowly tirate up to an effective dose over a couple of months. Sounds like fun.

Many of the reports in the Bipolar area here are fairly favorable re/ Lamictal & some members say it has helped them stay stable & not get manic. Again...not my problem, but ??? Need to talk to other unipolar Depressives who are taking it or who have tried it before I will jump on the bandwagon.

I researched a bit last night elsewhere, too, and read that some people can't find word's when speaking or writing and other's feel less intelligent, slower, draggier on it. I am looking for meds to enhance function...not disable me even more than I already am, so I am not feeling good about this or my Dr saying there are no possible S/E's other than the rare deadly rash.

Thought coming here and posting might get me going a little, but I still feel like my head is stuffed w/ cotton. Gotta say I feel discouraged...and am afraid to say this b/c i know you are really counting on this med too, Leslie. I really want this to work and caution you to not let my early effects in any way discourage you or color your own S/E's. I think the positive effects you have experienced thus far are real...remember that you are a full week ahead of me too, Leslie!

Day 3 was your first positive "I think it's working day"...and also the day it 'kicked in' for greycoyote, so I was hoping that after 3 full days I would be singing the same song. Perhaps the lack of sleep is problematic?

Re/ sleep meds...I tried a left over Lunesta last night for sleep but not much help other that letting me eventually fall asleep in the first place. W/o it I know I'd been up all night. Anyone have good luck w/ Ambien?

My Dr mentioned Seroquel but I believe it leaves me foggy and w/ the SSRI blues. Since I took it years ago and w/ other meds I can't be 100% Sure the hangover type S/E's were all from Seroquel or from the SSRI du jour...or from the combo!

Just ONE TIME I would like to take an AD med and say "YEAH BABY...Two thumb's way up" with-in the first few days of taking it! Who am i kidding...I'd settle for "Yeah...this help's"!

Eve

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Hi EVE, Leslie and anyone else on EMSAM

I'm still doing good , someone said something about sleep--I take 2- 0.5 Klonopin at bedtime and 25mg Seroquel to help sleep well I also have 10mg Ambien if I really can't sleep. I also take 1 Klonopin at morning and lunch. I also have 0.5mg xanax to take as needed, for when I really get depressed.But since being on the emsam I very seldom take the xanax.

For me living in the deep South (I live near the fire that is raging)we get hot and sweaty. I put the patch on my upper arm, upper back,or upper chest. I put it on at night, after a bath and wipe the area with alcohol then apply. Usually where I have pulled the last one off it leaves a red mark for a day or 2. I have trouble with the patch unsticking some days.

I've wondered how many others have this problem??? I've complained to Bristol Meyers with no luck yet except for a free months supply. They know there is a problem.

Eve, I understand about your doc not knowing much about the patch or MAOI's, I went to the emergency room and the doc there had never in 30 years met someone on a MAOI. The PA in 17 years had never heard of a MAOI. They thought it was some kind of crazy med and I needed to get off it, unless I move to a big city.

But the no severe depression, energy, feeling normal far outweighs any diet restrictions or not sleeping deep. But that's my opinion. Its' worth it for me.

To look at some depression thoughts in the BIBLE look at Psalms 57 and Psalms 142--ever felt like you where among lions or in a prison ??? I think the writer had some first hand experience.

Pray earnestly, GOD IS GOOD, DON'T GIVE UP

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Hello...

Leslie...sorry your visit w/ your son was difficult. Perhaps he has stressors in his life that he isn't sharing re/ work, relationships, etc. The fact that you were able to make the three hour trip to see him is amazing and is more proof that the Emsam is working for you, in some ways, at least!

As for me...after three full days on the Emsam Patch I am tired, have not slept well, but can't really blame Emsam for that as I have alway had terrible insomnia and never sleep well or fall asleep easily. The few times in my entire life when I have experienced natural, restorative sleep are the most satisfying memories I have. To lay my head down and drift offf to sleep naturally would make life at least worth living. Something to look forward to.

As for the energy...no appreciable increase yet. Waking up in the dead of night with a sense of coming doom hovering over me, then lying there for half the night unable to get back to sleep, only to be dead-tired and have to force myself out of bed this morning is not any improvement to my non-med existence. However, this afternoon I don't feel as flat or 'medicated' as I have felt in the past on SSRI's etc. In fact, last two days I have been more easily irritated, I think.

I was hoping that that by now I would be beginning to sing Emam's praises & not be justifying continuing on by saying that it has not made me feel as bad as some other meds have in the past, however it is very early in my Emsan Trial so I will remain cautiously optimistic and plan to continue on through the whole Trial.

My Dr does not have much experience with the patch but did say that Emsam's good effects kick in much slower than SSRI's good effects. I replied that SSRI's never did "kick in" for me so I hope that's not universally true.

Leslie, never heard much about Lamictal either so that is why I was shocked when my new Dr said "Want to try a mood stabelizer?' & suggested Lamictal. I remember reading that mood stabelizers were used to keep people from becoming manic, not something that happens to me. Doctor said it's being used for just depression now too, w/ good results and really no side effects except for watching out for Stephen's Johnson Syndrome, a rare but deadly rash that requires you start on a very low dose and slowly tirate up to an effective dose over a couple of months. Sounds like fun.

Many of the reports in the Bipolar area here are fairly favorable re/ Lamictal & some members say it has helped them stay stable & not get manic. Again...not my problem, but ??? Need to talk to other unipolar Depressives who are taking it or who have tried it before I will jump on the bandwagon.

I researched a bit last night elsewhere, too, and read that some people can't find word's when speaking or writing and other's feel less intelligent, slower, draggier on it. I am looking for meds to enhance function...not disable me even more than I already am, so I am not feeling good about this or my Dr saying there are no possible S/E's other than the rare deadly rash.

Thought coming here and posting might get me going a little, but I still feel like my head is stuffed w/ cotton. Gotta say I feel discouraged...and am afraid to say this b/c i know you are really counting on this med too, Leslie. I really want this to work and caution you to not let my early effects in any way discourage you or color your own S/E's. I think the positive effects you have experienced thus far are real...remember that you are a full week ahead of me too, Leslie!

Day 3 was your first positive "I think it's working day"...and also the day it 'kicked in' for greycoyote, so I was hoping that after 3 full days I would be singing the same song. Perhaps the lack of sleep is problematic?

Re/ sleep meds...I tried a left over Lunesta last night for sleep but not much help other that letting me eventually fall asleep in the first place. W/o it I know I'd been up all night. Anyone have good luck w/ Ambien?

My Dr mentioned Seroquel but I believe it leaves me foggy and w/ the SSRI blues. Since I took it years ago and w/ other meds I can't be 100% Sure the hangover type S/E's were all from Seroquel or from the SSRI du jour...or from the combo!

Just ONE TIME I would like to take an AD med and say "YEAH BABY...Two thumb's way up" with-in the first few days of taking it! Who am i kidding...I'd settle for "Yeah...this help's"!

Eve

I admit I know very little if anything about other meds besides the current AD's--sounds like you and Graycoyote are really up on your pharmacology. Actually, I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, so I have a resistance to taking pills...and I really don't want my life to revolve around medications. Yes, Eve, I agree with you--I'd love to just be able to say YEAH, BABY! THIS IS IT!!! and do it happily for the rest of my life. But I wonder if that's ever possible... Does it happen to anyone???

Since I'm in a 12-Step program, that helps me a lot--sometimes I have to force myself to go to meetings and be around people, but it really does pay off. A lot of us are in the same boat. That's why I can relate to Graycoyote--the spiritual part of this whole journey is very important, even when I question whether or not there's a Power out there who wants the best for me. I guess I'm beyond questioning, because if I try to stay aware and awake, there are always signs that God's working in my life. I know I have to do my part, too, like be patient, and willing to bear the pain life gives us.

But enough preaching... I had a really good sleep last night, probably because I did yard work all day and was exhausted. That's good. I really don't want to start the sleep meds--had a problem with Ambien in that I loved it too much. Had to lay off that. My doctor wants to try something natural, whatever that is , if I still have trouble, but so far I'm doing okay as long as I have some good solid exercise each day.

Gotta tell you: when I was in my 20's, I did lots of drugs, and was addicted for a while to those little white uppers (am I allowed to talk about this stuff here?)--they were great. I had energy, I lost weight, I could go go go all day... I asked my doctor isn't there something like that nowadays that's legal? I'd be completely happy taking speed--she laughed, but said that was how I self-medicated to relieve my chronic depression, so I know now I was on the right track. So I was hoping that Emsam would be the answer...am waiting...and hoping...and praying...

Later, everyone.

:hearts: Leslie

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Graycoyote, Leslie and all reading...

Your thoughts are so well expressed in your posts that I know w/o doubt you are speaking from your hearts. Thank's for sharing your life experiences.

I have neglected prayer over the last two days inadvertantly, and am punishing myself for it. Am I so stupid I can't remember to pray??? I guess so...also I'm very disorganized, and failing in even keeping myself clean and presentable. The thought of combing my hair is overwhelming. Have either of you ever experienced this aspect of depression? Please...tell me how to go on and do better as I am becoming more 'undone' as each day passes.

Stuck in depression hell, trying to work...failing terribly, w/ no way out except to **** myself. Yes...I am attempting to rise above this but it's not happening yet, after a wasted lifetime of taking AD's. Cannot blame Emsam...Only on my 4th full day. Sleep is difficult for me. I am so happy to hear that you slept wel last night Leslie! Perhaps I will....oh I can't even hope anymore. Am i so terrible a person that I don't evn deserve a night's rest? Apparently so!

Graycoyote...I love your Dr and see that he has left you prepared with the necessary Sleep & Anxiety meds for you to take as needed to insure a good night's rest... so that your AD meds have a chance to work for you. I don't believe it's possible for AD's to work as well on a sleep deprived brain.

Leslie...From a young adult age my depression drove me to seek medical care so I know all about the antique AD's and MOAI's, (graycoyote's discription of Dr's ignorance re/ MAOI's is very accurate in my experience too, BTW), and must say that I never thought about self-medication for fear of making my condition worse and/or thinking the Dr's would view me as a 'bad' person, deserving of all this agony. Now I see that we were just treating our pain in different ways. I have never found relief over all these decades w/ the legal AD meds...so I have to say that you at least found a way to have a life, a husband, children & grandchildren, as well as some happiness, along w/ your disablng Depression, with the help of the pills you took. Now you have them to support you during your continuing struggle, (which would mean the world to me)...and I know make's a tremendous difference in your life.

I always put off my own happiness until I could get this depression out of my life. didn't want to give my damaged, less than perfect self to anyone for fear of their judgement. (Tried giving my depressed self to another once early on and was so hurt by the lack of understanding). Now, I so badly want a bit of happiness before it is too late. I am going to try whatever ??? to ease my depression and have a life while there is still time if this Emsam trial proves not to work. I have spent every cent on Dr's & AD meds for decades now, sufferering all the while...Ihave suffered long enough.

Still trying Emsam for now. I will pray as soon as I finish this...and tape up notes to remind me. Dear God...I am so parthtic. Please help me.

Eve

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Hi--Eve, Leslie and any one else out there suffering with depression and are trying emsam. I don't think there is a magic way out of depressions pit. It takes a lot of prayer and patience and not giving up. Don't ever be afraid to change Doctors or Meds. I don't know if they let you share poems but this is one by Helen Steiner Rice I really have found some help in:

Bend In The Road

When we feel

we have nothing left to give

And we are sure

that the song has ended,

When our day seems over

and the shadows fall

And the darkness of night

has descended,

Where can we go

to find the strength

To valiantly

keep on trying?

Where can we find

the hand that will dry

The tears that the heart

is crying?

There's but one place to go

and that is to God,

And dropping

all pretense and pride,

We can pour out our problems

without restraint

And gain strength

with Him at our side.

And together we stand

at life's crossroads

And view what we think

is the end,

But God

has a much bigger vision,

And He tells us

it's only a bend.

For the road goes on

and is smoother,

And the pause

in the song is a rest,

And the part that's unsung

and unfinished

Is the sweetest

and richest and best.

So rest and relax

and grow stronger

Let go and let God

share your load.

Your work is not finished

or ended

You've just come

to a bend in the road.

Helen Steiner Rice

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I am SO sorry about not keeping up with this... I'm so computer illiterate, and have been looking in the wrong topic or whatever. Then I found your posts, Eve and Graycoyote--so good to know you're still on board!

Yes, I am feeling better, but I still wonder what happened last weekend when I had a severe meltdown and wanted to off myself. That was really scary. I was screaming at my husband and telling him I'm done with everything--with him, with AD's, with doctors, with people who want things from me...well, let's not go into the nasty details.... Suffice it to say that I was freaked 'cause I thought I'd just been experiencing a placebo effect after taking the Emsam for a week. So will talk to my pdoc on Friday about what happened. It wasn't pretty.

Eve, PLEASE don't give up--and do keep talking to us. I so totally understand the depression where you just can't move, even to go to the other side of the room...or to brush your hair. This truly is a debilitating illness--and when we feel like we do, it's even a struggle to remember that there's a God who wants to care for us. I know I say to myself, "Yeah, right, sure...maybe for other people, but it's too much of an effort even to pray." God seems so very far away at times like that. I know for myself I need some visual reminder, maybe like the angel coin I hold in my hand sometimes to remind me all is well. Or a little bird, or a butterfly, or a flower. I know that might sound sappy, but really, that's what keeps me going sometimes. Nature has a power for me that reminds me I'm part of a bigger picture, during those times when my world is so very, very small.

I AM feeling ever so slightly better--am almost ashamed to admit it, knowing what you're going through. But just let me be the assurance to you that there's hope--we can't lose hope. Hang on to us, Eve...we're here for you. Keep trying to find the right doctor--someone is out there for you!

Will say some prayers, and will talk again soon. Gotta go get my hands dirty and plant some flowers.

:hearts: Leslie

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Hi;

For some reasom my last two posts just disappear. My laptop keeps going bonkers. It's pretty new and I am distressed as I know nothing about computers and am presently too depressed to learn.

Leslie; I hope you are doing well and continuing to improve. Graycoyote; your positive results are still inspiring me to forge ahead.

Today i woke and somehow had 2 patches on??? Must have forgot to remove one yesterday. Something so simple yet I am still too depressed to concentrate. I think i need to add meds for my ADD (inattentive type). Anyone have experience w/ Straterra? Provigil?

EMSAM has not kicked in for me (yet???) but it is still early. I am not exactly hopeful at this point, but we shall see. That is the most enthusiasm I can muster at the moment. In other words...Yes, I am still circling the drain.

I prayed for us all today.

Eve

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Hi,

I'm Vickie. I'm new to the forum. I'm on my second day with emsam. Doing ok.

I wanted to reply to Eve because I am someone who is not bipolar and who is on Lamictal. It has been a very good drug for me and I highly recommend it. I had no problems at all with a rash. What Lamictal did for me was level out my emotions. After a while on it I realized I wasn't an emotional basketcase anymore and I wasn't attacking my husband verbally in these out of control emotional meldowns and then regretting it the next day. I just don't get so totally overwhelmed anymore. It's been a great drug for me - the best yet, and I've been on many. Now I'm hoping that Emsam will give me the energy I need to raise my 2 little girls.

thanks,

Vickie

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