Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
BareMetal

I can't get over the fact that I will never succeed

Recommended Posts

I know I've talked about this a lot, but I really can't get over it. It's causing me a lot of stress and depression in my life. I'm 25 years old and a complete failure. I work for minimum wage in fast food. I've never had a real career, and currently don't have the qualifications to start one. I believe that if you've never had a career by 25, then you probably never will. I'm learning web development in hopes it might qualify me for a better job and eventually a career, and I'm considering applying to college, but I believe this will never succeed, because I'm 25 and it's too late now to do anything with my life. I actually just saw statistics saying that only 3% of adults over the age 25 are working for minimum wage, which means I'm in the extreme minority and probably one of the few losers just taking up space in this world. Minimum wage was made for teenagers, not for adults who are expected to already have a high paying career.

Please don't tell me I'm still young. I'm not. I should have been a few years into my fulfilling career by now, but instead I'm serving pizza to complaining morons (that's just how much I hate customers, I really do and I hope they choke on their damn pizza).

I'm really depressed and I think I should get therapy, but I can't because I can't afford it since I'm working for minimum wage. My mother just keeps pushing me and pushing me to work even though I'm depressed, and she knows this perfectly well (but honestly we both think I'm not depressed anymore, but apparently not). I want to quit my job and focus solely on working on my web development skills so I can make faster progress thus allowing to forever kiss minimum wage goodbye sooner. But somehow, I don't believe this would succeed. I think I'm just doomed to minimum wage and to remaining a failure. And at the same time I also need a source of income, which is impossible without, well, a minimum wage job of course, which is all I'm currently qualified for (don't tell me I'm qualified for more, believe me I'm not).

Edited by BareMetal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BareMetal,

I ain't going to say that you are young cos you said you don't want to hear that. But what I will say is maybe look at the notion of doing an internship if possible. Yes, in the short term it would be financially expensive, but in the long run, it would help. A lot of times, interns get offered full time posts before the term of their internship is over.

Just a suggestion.

Stonium

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, StoniumFrog said:

BareMetal,

I ain't going to say that you are young cos you said you don't want to hear that. But what I will say is maybe look at the notion of doing an internship if possible. Yes, in the short term it would be financially expensive, but in the long run, it would help. A lot of times, interns get offered full time posts before the term of their internship is over.

Just a suggestion.

Stonium

Internship for what exactly? I don't have a college degree... And the university I'm considering studying at doesn't offer internships as far as I know. Can you still find internships not through college?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Listen here, you need to stop with this too old crap right now. I'm 31 and felt exactly that way at 25, and now feel like an ***** because of all the opportunities I neglected. If you think you're old now, which you aren't, just wait until you do get old-- you'll laugh at yourself for not taking such common sense risks to improve your life. Even if it's just community college, do something, that's what your 20s are for.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop trying to predict the future and forget about the past for a bit. Just do you living now. Your life may turn into a bit of a circus but go with it. Fly by the seat of your pants because the autopilot is clearly making you forget what it's like to handle it yourself. Remember, "**** 'em if they can't take a joke".

Edited by Going_it_Alonne

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
55 minutes ago, BareMetal said:
Advertisement

I know I've talked about this a lot, but I really can't get over it. It's causing me a lot of stress and depression in my life. I'm 25 years old and a complete failure. I work for minimum wage in fast food. I've never had a real career, and currently don't have the qualifications to start one. I believe that if you've never had a career by 25, then you probably never will. I'm learning web development in hopes it might qualify me for a better job and eventually a career, and I'm considering applying to college, but I believe this will never succeed, because I'm 25 and it's too late now to do anything with my life. I actually just saw statistics saying that only 3% of adults over the age 25 are working for minimum wage, which means I'm in the extreme minority and probably one of the few losers just taking up space in this world. Minimum wage was made for teenagers, not for adults who are expected to already have a high paying career.

Please don't tell me I'm still young. I'm not. I should have been a few years into my fulfilling career by now, but instead I'm serving pizza to complaining morons (that's just how much I hate customers, I really do and I hope they choke on their damn pizza).

I'm really depressed and I think I should get therapy, but I can't because I can't afford it since I'm working for minimum wage. My mother just keeps pushing me and pushing me to work even though I'm depressed, and she knows this perfectly well (but honestly we both think I'm not depressed anymore, but apparently not). I want to quit my job and focus solely on working on my web development skills so I can make faster progress thus allowing to forever kiss minimum wage goodbye sooner. But somehow, I don't believe this would succeed. I think I'm just doomed to minimum wage and to remaining a failure. And at the same time I also need a source of income, which is impossible without, well, a minimum wage job of course, which is all I'm currently qualified for (don't tell me I'm qualified for more, believe me I'm not).

My friend, we CAN succeed at anything we put our minds to! If you want to get out of minimum wage, then do whatever it takes to do that. You're already taking important and necessary steps by learning web development! GO FOR IT! And believe in yourself! By saying this won't work, I cannot succeed, is dooming yourself to failure. That is not the best attitude to have in order to succeed. We must believe in ourselves, put in the required effort, and be determined in order to succeed. Success comes to those with the mentality of success...... and it may not come easy, but it does come to those who are persistent, determined and hard working. And it's never too late to return to school! I went back to school (graduate school) at the age of 40! SO GO FOR IT!!!!!! Get the education you need. If web development requires additional education in order to acquire a higher paying job, then do it. Don't let anything stop you, including your own self doubts!!!!

I wrote a blog entry on the mindset of those who are successful that may/may not help you.

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/blogs/entry/27615-entrepreneurs-mindset-applied-to-life/

Wishing you success.... !!!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, BareMetal said:

I'm considering applying to college, but I believe this will never succeed, because I'm 25 and it's too late now to do anything with my life.

Don't set yourself up for failure. I don't think it's never too late to change. It's never too late to study or change careers if you want that. If you want to apply for a college, you need to believe in yourself and not think beforehand that you won't succeed. Especially if you're going for something you would love doing, definitely never too late for that.

What about apprenticeship? Not sure if that would be an option where you live.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, feeling_lost said:

Don't set yourself up for failure. I don't think it's never too late to change. It's never too late to study or change careers if you want that. If you want to apply for a college, you need to believe in yourself and not think beforehand that you won't succeed. Especially if you're going for something you would love doing, definitely never too late for that.

What about apprenticeship? Not sure if that would be an option where you live.

Change careers? Where in my post did I say that I have a career already? I'm just a loser making pizzas for minimum wage and being a psychologist to customers who have had a bad day and they throw it all on me and tell me that I'm a pain in the *** (yes that's true, happened today, a customer told me that on the phone while making an order), that's who I am. That's my "career" if you so want to refer to it as such.

It's more like start a career. And assuming I start college now, I won't be done before 30. Then I'll be a 30 year old loser who has never had a career, making pizzas for absolute morons who think I'm a pain in the ***. I hate customers, I hope they all choke to death while eating their precious pizzas (burned a few today on purpose, because I like giving back what I receive, and because I was in rage and still am to be honest). Don't judge me by what I'm saying here, I just need to get this rage out of my system, but I do really hate customers though, and still hope they can just **** off. Actually, I'm thinking to go to the customers database on the computer at work on my next shift and lookup the a-hole who told me that and save his number. I need to call him later and get some things straight. It's the only way I'll feel better and stop this burst of rage (been going for like 8 hours now, or more). Should have told him to go jump off a building right then and there and hung up in his sorry face, I regret not doing this. And NO, I don't believe that the customer is always right. In most cases the customer is a complete piece of ****, speaking from personal experience.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by apprenticeship.

Edited by BareMetal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's a reason people don't stay at those jobs, because they start to break down your self-esteem/respect. You take crap from everyone, and before long you think that's who you really are, but it's just the job. You're less a person than you are a shirt. You gotta get something going on the side, the time is now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You may think you're not young...but you are certainly not 'old'. Have you thought about a 2 year degree? I myself couldn't handle going to 4 years of school. But even a 2 year degree can get you a well paying job. But first you have to believe that you can do it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, BareMetal said:

Change careers? Where in my post did I say that I have a career already? I'm just a loser making pizzas for minimum wage and being a psychologist to customers who have had a bad day and they throw it all on me and tell me that I'm a pain in the *** (yes that's true, happened today, a customer told me that on the phone while making an order), that's who I am. That's my "career" if you so want to refer to it as such.

It's more like start a career. And assuming I start college now, I won't be done before 30. Then I'll be a 30 year old loser who has never had a career, making pizzas for absolute morons who think I'm a pain in the ***. I hate customers, I hope they all choke to death while eating their precious pizzas (burned a few today on purpose, because I like giving back what I receive, and because I was in rage and still am to be honest). Don't judge me by what I'm saying here, I just need to get this rage out of my system, but I do really hate customers though, and still hope they can just **** off. Actually, I'm thinking to go to the customers database on the computer at work on my next shift and lookup the a-hole who told me that and save his number. I need to call him later and get some things straight. It's the only way I'll feel better and stop this burst of rage (been going for like 8 hours now, or more). Should have told him to go jump off a building right then and there and hung up in his sorry face, I regret not doing this. And NO, I don't believe that the customer is always right. In most cases the customer is a complete piece of ****, speaking from personal experience.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by apprenticeship.

I meant in general that age is not a determining factor if you want to study, change jobs or career or anything like that. We tend to (and I guess society does too) set ourselves these "time limits" that by a certain age we need to have certain things. But it really all comes down to mostly your determination and, of course, if you got the possibility to do it. You are only a loser if you give up on trying to go for what you want.

And I am not judging you. I know from experience how difficult customers can be, and especially working on the phone is a pain. I get yelled and blamed for things at work I am not even responsible for. But yelling back at them won't result in anything else than them yelling more and being more upset. That leads no where. You might get a temporary satisfaction from it yourself but in the long run it won't do anything good. Still though, I am not enjoying my job and I am also looking to getting back into school and doing something I'd enjoy.

Where I live, apprenticeship work so that for certain degrees you don't actually need to go to school. If some employer is willing to let you learn at work and then show your skills there, you can complete your degree like that too in certain fields. But as said, I don't know if you would have anything like that available where you live.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, BareMetal said:
12 hours ago, BareMetal said:

Change careers? Where in my post did I say that I have a career already? I'm just a loser making pizzas for minimum wage and being a psychologist to customers who have had a bad day and they throw it all on me and tell me that I'm a pain in the *** (yes that's true, happened today, a customer told me that on the phone while making an order), that's who I am. That's my "career" if you so want to refer to it as such.

It's more like start a career. And assuming I start college now, I won't be done before 30. Then I'll be a 30 year old loser who has never had a career, making pizzas for absolute morons who think I'm a pain in the ***. I hate customers, I hope they all choke to death while eating their precious pizzas (burned a few today on purpose, because I like giving back what I receive, and because I was in rage and still am to be honest). Don't judge me by what I'm saying here, I just need to get this rage out of my system, but I do really hate customers though, and still hope they can just **** off. Actually, I'm thinking to go to the customers database on the computer at work on my next shift and lookup the a-hole who told me that and save his number. I need to call him later and get some things straight. It's the only way I'll feel better and stop this burst of rage (been going for like 8 hours now, or more). Should have told him to go jump off a building right then and there and hung up in his sorry face, I regret not doing this. And NO, I don't believe that the customer is always right. In most cases the customer is a complete piece of ****, speaking from personal experience.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by apprenticeship.

As far as I can see you are in the wrong job and need to get away from it immediately.  This is your immediate problem and you should forget about careers and studying and deal with this problem.  Apply for another job where you do not have to deal  with customers much - there are plenty of such jobs about.  Jobs where you do not need a degree.  

12 hours ago, BareMetal said:

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/12/2016 at 7:58 PM, BareMetal said:
Advertisement

I know I've talked about this a lot, but I really can't get over it. It's causing me a lot of stress and depression in my life. I'm 25 years old and a complete failure. I work for minimum wage in fast food. I've never had a real career, and currently don't have the qualifications to start one. I believe that if you've never had a career by 25, then you probably never will. I'm learning web development in hopes it might qualify me for a better job and eventually a career, and I'm considering applying to college, but I believe this will never succeed, because I'm 25 and it's too late now to do anything with my life. I actually just saw statistics saying that only 3% of adults over the age 25 are working for minimum wage, which means I'm in the extreme minority and probably one of the few losers just taking up space in this world. Minimum wage was made for teenagers, not for adults who are expected to already have a high paying career.

Please don't tell me I'm still young. I'm not. I should have been a few years into my fulfilling career by now, but instead I'm serving pizza to complaining morons (that's just how much I hate customers, I really do and I hope they choke on their damn pizza).

I'm really depressed and I think I should get therapy, but I can't because I can't afford it since I'm working for minimum wage. My mother just keeps pushing me and pushing me to work even though I'm depressed, and she knows this perfectly well (but honestly we both think I'm not depressed anymore, but apparently not). I want to quit my job and focus solely on working on my web development skills so I can make faster progress thus allowing to forever kiss minimum wage goodbye sooner. But somehow, I don't believe this would succeed. I think I'm just doomed to minimum wage and to remaining a failure. And at the same time I also need a source of income, which is impossible without, well, a minimum wage job of course, which is all I'm currently qualified for (don't tell me I'm qualified for more, believe me I'm not).

Advertisement

I know I've talked about this a lot, but I really can't get over it. It's causing me a lot of stress and depression in my life. I'm 25 years old and a complete failure. I work for minimum wage in fast food. I've never had a real career, and currently don't have the qualifications to start one. I believe that if you've never had a career by 25, then you probably never will. I'm learning web development in hopes it might qualify me for a better job and eventually a career, and I'm considering applying to college, but I believe this will never succeed, because I'm 25 and it's too late now to do anything with my life. I actually just saw statistics saying that only 3% of adults over the age 25 are working for minimum wage, which means I'm in the extreme minority and probably one of the few losers just taking up space in this world. Minimum wage was made for teenagers, not for adults who are expected to already have a high paying career.

Please don't tell me I'm still young. I'm not. I should have been a few years into my fulfilling career by now, but instead I'm serving pizza to complaining morons (that's just how much I hate customers, I really do and I hope they choke on their damn pizza).

I'm really depressed and I think I should get therapy, but I can't because I can't afford it since I'm working for minimum wage. My mother just keeps pushing me and pushing me to work even though I'm depressed, and she knows this perfectly well (but honestly we both think I'm not depressed anymore, but apparently not). I want to quit my job and focus solely on working on my web development skills so I can make faster progress thus allowing to forever kiss minimum wage goodbye sooner. But somehow, I don't believe this would succeed. I think I'm just doomed to minimum wage and to remaining a failure. And at the same time I also need a source of income, which is impossible without, well, a minimum wage job of course, which is all I'm currently qualified for (don't tell me I'm qualified for more, believe me I'm not).

I'm 22, and I work for a company that I only got because my dad works there. He wanted to change positions, so i took his old job so he could. It was pure luck i even got it. I don't have any relevant qualifications so it pays poorly. Although it's a little over minimum wage, I cannot afford to move out into my own rented flat, and I can barely afford driving lessons - lessons which i've only just been able to start because of no money. I felt like an ***** starting to drive so late compared to my peers. As for careers, i don't have one either. I don't even know what interests me enough to pursue, so that's one thing you have more than i do. But my point of writing about myself is to try and show that i can begin to understand how you feel when it comes to what you 'should have' accomplished by a certain age. As time goes on I feel that i should know what career 'category' i want, but i don't. I'm nearly 23 and 25 is fast approaching.

I was a cleaner for many years, always looked down on by the customers and even the staff of the shop who worked there. And no, the customer is pretty much never right!! I can begin to understand how much resentment can build up inside you, and how your self-esteem goes to pan in those types of jobs. You aren't alone. Personally, i try to tell myself not to have 'age-deadlines' as you never know what life will throw at you and what opportunities will arise in future. But i understand it's not easy to change this mindset. Even the famous actors you know today, some of them didn't get their break until well after their 30's, even 40's. For example, Samuel L Jackson: 

"Samuel L. Jackson has an incredible presence in any part he pursues, and leaves a memorable performance behind every movie project he participates in these days, but it took him two decades for people to finally see what the man can do. Samuel started acting in the 70s, doing stage work first and then taking up small parts in TV and film, but it was his work as Jules in Pulp Fiction that brought fame when he was 45 and Tarantino decided that this guy is simply too scary not to award him an opportunity." 

My point isn't to compare others accomplishments with our 'failures' but rather to prove that, if we don't give up, we CANT fail. We aren't losers. You said you were learning web development. This shows you have the skill and desire to learn, and it's an area that pays very well. Many employers value the desire to learn more than they value a degree, because you can be taught the job their way and they know you will work hard for it. You could start off with free-lance work? Offering to help others online or friends of family for a small fee? Then as your skills improve, you can charge more for your services. As you earn a little from the side job you can save up for a part-time/open university course, or you could put the money towards getting therapy. You could also reduce your hours at the pizza place and enjoy the work you do a little more. If you're able to enjoy your work you will feel a lot less angry and depressed. I'm not saying it will be the magical cure, but enjoyment of work will play a huge part in improving your mood.

Unfortunately, it takes a leap of faith somewhere along the lines for this sort of thing to happen. You could quit your job to focus on web developing, but it means taking that risk of struggling financially until you can build up your skills and clientele. You could try and 'play it safe' by staying at the pizza place and start offering services to your friends/family/colleagues etc outside of work and charging them a small fee, which would mean you still have a job, but you may find it takes longer to gain the skills. At the end of the day, it's up to you. What would you feel most comfortable doing? So long as you try you cannot fail. Sometimes you just have to 'go for it'!

I hope that what I have said will help you, and not further your rage. I hope you can see i have only the best intentions.I can understand what you are feeling.

I hope for the best for you. Good Luck.

CJ 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/10/2016 at 10:49 PM, RiverLight said:

My friend, we CAN succeed at anything we put our minds to! If you want to get out of minimum wage, then do whatever it takes to do that. You're already taking important and necessary steps by learning web development! GO FOR IT! And believe in yourself! By saying this won't work, I cannot succeed, is dooming yourself to failure. That is not the best attitude to have in order to succeed. We must believe in ourselves, put in the required effort, and be determined in order to succeed. Success comes to those with the mentality of success...... and it may not come easy, but it does come to those who are persistent, determined and hard working. And it's never too late to return to school! I went back to school (graduate school) at the age of 40! SO GO FOR IT!!!!!! Get the education you need. If web development requires additional education in order to acquire a higher paying job, then do it. Don't let anything stop you, including your own self doubts!!!!

I wrote a blog entry on the mindset of those who are successful that may/may not help you.

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/blogs/entry/27615-entrepreneurs-mindset-applied-to-life/

Wishing you success.... !!!

 

Hi RiverLight! Hope you're doing well.

Well when you're 25 and still haven't done anything in your life and are a complete failure, then it's hard to believe you can succeed. Very hard. I'd say that if someone hasn't succeeded by 25, then chances are they'll remain a failure. True, there might be rare exceptions, but it seems to me this is generally the way it is. I can't live with my mother forever, and if I move out, minimum wage would not be enough to survive, let alone afford an education. So it's not only that I'm a failure, it's also that I don't have much of a chance for a livable life either.

And if I go back to school (and it'd be undergrad school in my case) right now at this minute, which I won't be able to, then I'm very lucky if I'm done by 30. And if at 25 I didn't succeed, why the hell would I at 30? Or at 40 or even 60?

Web development doesn't require additional education, though it helps immensely. I already have a diploma in a related field which is helping a lot and speeding up the learning process a ton (it's not helping me get a job though but that's another story). I'm indeed doing everything I can to succeed, and to be honest I'm pushing myself to do it because as I said I don't believe I have much of a chance for success, and the only reason I'm able to stay motivated is that web development is something I enjoy so much. With that said, my estimation is that it will take me at least 1-2 years of continuous studies to be able to sell my web development skills, or at least that's what people experienced in this field have told me. By then I'd be 27... even more of a failure. I kinda want to succeed now, because I don't really have much time. And also most people my age already have a career, and to be honest I feel I'm supposed to be like them and I feel left out and falling behind because so far I'm unable to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2016 at 1:46 AM, ex nihilo said:

There's a reason people don't stay at those jobs, because they start to break down your self-esteem/respect. You take crap from everyone, and before long you think that's who you really are, but it's just the job. You're less a person than you are a shirt. You gotta get something going on the side, the time is now.

And that's the only kind of jobs I'm qualified for at the moment. I don't really have a choice. It's either this or no job. And my self-esteem is low as it is, so this means I'm basically screwed for life. Maybe I should just jump off a building or something, better than going nuts each day because of obsessing over the fact that I'm a failure.

Edited by BareMetal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2016 at 6:05 AM, katie08 said:

You may think you're not young...but you are certainly not 'old'. Have you thought about a 2 year degree? I myself couldn't handle going to 4 years of school. But even a 2 year degree can get you a well paying job. But first you have to believe that you can do it. 

I already have a 2 year degree (it's a diploma, but still), in software engineering. What is it doing to help me find a job? Nothing, absolutely nothing. The thing is that I HAVE to get a 4 year degree if I'm to even hope for my life to change. And I'm not old but I'm not young either, and I believe I'm way past the age when people are supposed to succeed. You either succeed while you're still young or you accept that you'll remain a failure, that's just life.

Edited by BareMetal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2016 at 0:58 PM, feeling_lost said:

I meant in general that age is not a determining factor if you want to study, change jobs or career or anything like that. We tend to (and I guess society does too) set ourselves these "time limits" that by a certain age we need to have certain things. But it really all comes down to mostly your determination and, of course, if you got the possibility to do it. You are only a loser if you give up on trying to go for what you want.

And I am not judging you. I know from experience how difficult customers can be, and especially working on the phone is a pain. I get yelled and blamed for things at work I am not even responsible for. But yelling back at them won't result in anything else than them yelling more and being more upset. That leads no where. You might get a temporary satisfaction from it yourself but in the long run it won't do anything good. Still though, I am not enjoying my job and I am also looking to getting back into school and doing something I'd enjoy.

Where I live, apprenticeship work so that for certain degrees you don't actually need to go to school. If some employer is willing to let you learn at work and then show your skills there, you can complete your degree like that too in certain fields. But as said, I don't know if you would have anything like that available where you live.

 

You said it yourself. Age is not a factor if you want to change careers, not start your first one. "Change" is the keyword here. If you want to actually start your first career, at 25, then age in that case is indeed a determining factor and you're pretty much screwed. I believe I'll never make it. I really believe this now and every single day that I spend as a failure helps to ingrain this belief further. Why is it that when I google "25 and never had a career" I get no results? It's because all people by 25 have already had at least one career. It feels I'm the only one. Not a nice feeling.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I haven't had a career. And planning to go back to school. And I am older than you. I definitely don't see that as a failure. I see it as circumstances not having been right or favorable.

And you're wrong about all people having a career by 25. Heck, I hadn't even my first job then. I think I should be feeling like a massive failure because of that but I'm not. Failure is not a nice feeling and like I said before, you really shouldn't set yourself up for it. You need to give yourself a chance.

I personally feel excited of being able to do it, finally. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, feeling_lost said:

Well, I haven't had a career. And planning to go back to school. And I am older than you. I definitely don't see that as a failure. I see it as circumstances not having been right or favorable.

And you're wrong about all people having a career by 25. Heck, I hadn't even my first job then. I think I should be feeling like a massive failure because of that but I'm not. Failure is not a nice feeling and like I said before, you really shouldn't set yourself up for it. You need to give yourself a chance.

I personally feel excited of being able to do it, finally. 

Well I'm glad for you. I hope you succeed. I truly do. Though I must say I saw somewhere that the percentage of people aged 25 and over working for minimum wage is 3%, and that kinda made me feel so left out. What do you mean by "first job" though? First general job, any job (even something like washing dishes), or first real job?

If you're going back to school for your first career, then it's good to know someone else is also like me and doing what they can to succeed. At least it makes me not feel alone anymore, and just that by itself makes me feel better about my situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/10/2016 at 1:58 PM, BareMetal said:
Advertisement

1. I believe that if you've never had a career by 25, then you probably never will.

2. I actually just saw statistics saying that only 3% of adults over the age 25 are working for minimum wage, which means I'm in the extreme minority and probably one of the few losers just taking up space in this world. Minimum wage was made for teenagers, not for adults who are expected to already have a high paying career.

3. Please don't tell me I'm still young. I'm not.

A few points you made that I'd like to respond to...I hope you don't mind. Keep in mind that I only want to help, my friend  :grinning:

1. I respect the fact that you have this opinion...but I have to respectfully disagree. I'm 32, and I remember feeling exactly this way at age 25. I just finished a certification course and got myself qualified for a decent job. I spent my 20s being a waiter and bartending, and it was a depressing period. Believe me when I say this - if I can do this, so can anyone else. There are answers to your problem out there, and if you keep looking for them (which you already are!) you'll find them! You have ambition and the desire to better yourself, which is more than many people on this site and around the world have. Don't give up on yourself, and cut yourself a break, if you can. There's no law that says that you have to be successful at 25 or you get taken out behind the shed and put out of your misery.

2. Sure, that's a low percentage of people. But put it into perspective. How many people over the age of 25 are not working at all? I guarantee you that percentage is a loooot higher. That's because most people say hell with it and give up on themselves before they're willing to work the minimum wage grind. In my book, that makes you a damn hero. It indicates a fighting spirit and an unwillingness to roll over and die. By the way, who says you're expected to have a high paying career right now? Society? And how many of these people suffer from depression, situational or otherwise? People without depression wake up in the morning and just do the things they need to do. It's second nature. For those of us with depression, it's a daily struggle just to find some stability and normalcy. We have to fight 10x harder for everything that we get. You should feel proud of yourself for forcing yourself to go to work at a pizza joint for minimum wage. You're taking steps to learn how to better yourself, and you should be even more proud of that. Confidence and self-belief are things that grow over time...you just have to give yourself where credit is due. Everything in this life is a point of view. Positivity and hope can go a long ass way.

3. LOL I know you don't wanna hear it, man...but in the grand scheme of things, at 25 years old you're still just a kid. Hell, I'm still a baby at 32. Age is a number. When you get it together and do what you need to do to be comfy in your own skin is a hell of a lot less important than the fact that you do it.

I believe in you, bud. I really do. I know you feel like crap right now, but I'm reading between the lines here, and I see a hell of a lot of hope and potential. I hope you can learn to see what I see about you. Good luck man...a little luck never hurts. But if you keep at it, I doubt you'll need it :smilingteeth::thumbsup:

Edited by carter_burn1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/10/2016 at 2:24 PM, ex nihilo said:

Listen here, you need to stop with this too old crap right now. I'm 31 and felt exactly that way at 25, and now feel like an ***** because of all the opportunities I neglected. If you think you're old now, which you aren't, just wait until you do get old-- you'll laugh at yourself for not taking such common sense risks to improve your life. Even if it's just community college, do something, that's what your 20s are for.

Tone it down, man. Don't project on him because you feel this way about yourself. You're welcome to say what you feel here, but on DF, we go about it in a respectful and non-confrontational way. We can give suggestions and encouragement, but we don't talk to each other like this.

If you want specifics as to why I say this:

  • Listen here, you need to stop with this too old crap right now

This is an aggressive and confrontational way to say what you're trying to say

  • You'll laugh at yourself for not taking such common sense risks to improve your life

You're implying that he's not exercising common sense right now, and you don't have the right to judge people like that openly here on DF. And telling him that he'll laugh at himself in the future also has a negative connotation, like what he's currently doing and how he's feeling is a laughable concept.

I hope you take this message for what it is and understand that while it's okay to say how you feel about an issue, there's a certain way we go about it here.

Edited by carter_burn1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, BareMetal said:

Hi RiverLight! Hope you're doing well.

Well when you're 25 and still haven't done anything in your life and are a complete failure, then it's hard to believe you can succeed. Very hard. I'd say that if someone hasn't succeeded by 25, then chances are they'll remain a failure. True, there might be rare exceptions, but it seems to me this is generally the way it is. I can't live with my mother forever, and if I move out, minimum wage would not be enough to survive, let alone afford an education. So it's not only that I'm a failure, it's also that I don't have much of a chance for a livable life either.

And if I go back to school (and it'd be undergrad school in my case) right now at this minute, which I won't be able to, then I'm very lucky if I'm done by 30. And if at 25 I didn't succeed, why the hell would I at 30? Or at 40 or even 60?

Web development doesn't require additional education, though it helps immensely. I already have a diploma in a related field which is helping a lot and speeding up the learning process a ton (it's not helping me get a job though but that's another story). I'm indeed doing everything I can to succeed, and to be honest I'm pushing myself to do it because as I said I don't believe I have much of a chance for success, and the only reason I'm able to stay motivated is that web development is something I enjoy so much. With that said, my estimation is that it will take me at least 1-2 years of continuous studies to be able to sell my web development skills, or at least that's what people experienced in this field have told me. By then I'd be 27... even more of a failure. I kinda want to succeed now, because I don't really have much time. And also most people my age already have a career, and to be honest I feel I'm supposed to be like them and I feel left out and falling behind because so far I'm unable to.

Hey there! Thanks, I am doing well. =)

Just want to point a couple things out here. When you say this:

"Well when you're 25 and still haven't done anything in your life and are a complete failure, then it's hard to believe you can succeed. Very hard. I'd say that if someone hasn't succeeded by 25, then chances are they'll remain a failure. True, there might be rare exceptions, but it seems to me this is generally the way it is."

It seems to me that you're being especially hard on yourself, and are placing a lot of importance on age and needing to be successful by a certain time frame, and that you are putting a lot of extra pressure on yourself. Like @carter_burn1 wrote, give yourself a break, my friend. I totally understand feeling like a failure because of working minimum wage at the age of 25, but that doesn't mean that you are or cannot be successful in the future. Try not to project into the future what has happened in the past, or even what is happening in the present moment. The future is untold, we do not know what kinds of opportunities await us, and we can create the future that we want.... so just because you're at where you are now, by no means does this mean you will fail in the future. When we put in earnest effort, we bear the fruits. By working hard, we get where we want to be....

And when you say this:

"I'm indeed doing everything I can to succeed, and to be honest I'm pushing myself to do it because as I said I don't believe I have much of a chance for success, and the only reason I'm able to stay motivated is that web development is something I enjoy so much. With that said, my estimation is that it will take me at least 1-2 years of continuous studies to be able to sell my web development skills, or at least that's what people experienced in this field have told me. By then I'd be 27... even more of a failure...."

Hooray for you, and please give yourself a big pat on the back! You are taking steps, you are working towards something, and even better yet, it's something you enjoy!!!! Web development....... they say follow your passions, and the money and success will follow, and I believe this to be true. When we enjoy the work, we put in more effort, and it shows. See, I see you being successful, unlike from your own perspective. You have the ingredients.... now you just need to adjust your mentality around to a more positive viewpoint...... now if it takes 1-2 years to complete your studies in web development, heck you're ahead of the game!!! When I was 27, I was stuck answering phones in an office. Now, how could you possibly be a failure after completing your studies and getting the skills needed for a web development job? I don't see this...

Now I also understand you feel behind... honestly, people change careers throughout their life often times, and don't know what they want or what they enjoy. Again, you're ahead of the game on this one... you know what you like, you know the direction you want to move in, and you even enjoy it. That's more than what I could have said for myself at 27......

Again, it's really just a matter of turning around your perspective and mentality... you have everything else.


 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
42 minutes ago, carter_burn1 said:

Tone it down, man. Don't project on him because you feel this way about yourself. You're welcome to say what you feel here, but on DF, we go about it in a respectful and non-confrontational way. We can give suggestions and encouragement, but we don't talk to each other like this.

If you want specifics as to why I say this:

  • Listen here, you need to stop with this too old crap right now

This is an aggressive and confrontational way to say what you're trying to say

  • You'll laugh at yourself for not taking such common sense risks to improve your life

You're implying that he's not exercising common sense right now, and you don't have the right to judge people like that openly here on DF. And telling him that he'll laugh at himself in the future also has a negative connotation, like what he's currently doing and how he's feeling is a laughable concept.

I hope you take this message for what it is and understand that while it's okay to say how you feel about an issue, there's a certain way we go about it here.

No, I don't know what you mean. Should I be talking like a elementary school counselor? We are adults with a life threatening illness, this isn't the breakfast club. If such people can handle depression on a day to day basis, they can handle a midly assertive post which they can choose to ignore or not. I clearly was projecting, which I thought was abundantly clear in the post. But if 'feelings police' like yourself are who I have to contend with on these forums, don't worry I won't be staying.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, ex nihilo said:

No, I don't know what you mean. Should I be talking like a elementary school counselor? We are adults with a life threatening illness, this isn't the breakfast club. If such people can handle depression on a day to day basis, they can handle a midly assertive post which they can choose to ignore or not. I clearly was projecting, which I thought was abundantly clear in the post. But if 'feelings police' like yourself are who I have to contend with on these forums, don't worry I won't be staying.

That's your call, man. I wish you well. If you can't get on board with the way we do things here, then you do what you feel. I said what I had to say and you said your piece, so it is what it is. Your confrontational attitude isn't going to do you or anyone else any favors...I sincerely wish you luck with it in the future. I'm not going to get into an argument about it, so I'll be disengaging now. Good luck, my friend.

Edited by carter_burn1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...