Why do some people just never wind up with anyone?

[GAJ123]

So I suppose my only option at this point is to literally try not to think about it at all. I just don't get why that's what I have to do when nothing will ever happen for me that way. I just don't know anymore it just annoys me that I'm stuck in this position. I really just don't get it at all. It just seems like for whatever sick reason there's some people that never get to experience being in a relationship with someone they actually want to be with. I mean I think I really will probably eventually just have to settle for anyone if I want to be with someone which sucks but I feel is the only way I'll be able to get with anyone. I don't have it in me to approach women at random since I never even once in my life seen a guy approach a woman except for people in bars that are drunk or whatever. I really just don't know what to say about this anymore. I'm probably in no position to date which is another whole story. It's pretty much a damned if I do damned if I don't situation for me where either way I'm screwed with this aspect of my life. Even my Mom like a week or 2 ago asked if there's any nice girls at my job & I said not really since most of them have boyfriends already or the age difference is quite a lot. It bothers me that it's possible my parents won't even ever see me with a g/f at any point. And I sometimes even question whether they think I'm gay. 

Edited December 23, 2016 by GAJ123

[scienceguy]

32 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

So I suppose my only option at this point is to literally try not to think about it at all. I just don't get why that's what I have to do when nothing will ever happen for me that way. I just don't know anymore it just annoys me that I'm stuck in this position. I really just don't get it at all. It just seems like for whatever sick reason there's some people that never get to experience being in a relationship with someone they actually want to be with. I mean I think I really will probably eventually just have to settle for anyone if I want to be with someone which sucks but I feel is the only way I'll be able to get with anyone. I don't have it in me to approach women at random since I never even once in my life seen a guy approach a woman except for people in bars that are drunk or whatever. I really just don't know what to say about this anymore. I'm probably in no position to date which is another whole story. It's pretty much a damned if I do damned if I don't situation for me where either way I'm screwed with this aspect of my life. Even my Mom like a week or 2 ago asked if there's any nice girls at my job & I said not really since most of them have boyfriends already or the age difference is quite a lot. It bothers me that it's possible my parents won't even ever see me with a g/f at any point. And I sometimes even question whether they think I'm gay. 

Or you could get better at approaching meeting women, and talking to them,stop trying to predict your future 10 years down the line telling yourself its hopeless. That seems alot easier then telling yourself you are going to be alone your whole life, and not trying.

[gs22]

I don't see how you could just settle for anyone, you'll be unhappy and it's not fair to the girl, and anyway, she would sense it.  But in any case, does this make much sense?  If you're putting yourself out there and trying to get a date, you'd meet more than one person and she may be a good match. 

[GAJ123]

11 minutes ago, scienceguy said:

Or you could get better at approaching meeting women, and talking to them,stop trying to predict your future 10 years down the line telling yourself its hopeless. That seems alot easier then telling yourself you are going to be alone your whole life, and not trying.

Women just don't seem to like my personality enough to even want to date me. I just think they find me boring since I'm not outgoing & that's pretty much a mood killer for them I would assume. They rather be with the outgoing guy since they find him more fun to be around. I've also had plenty of women just stop talking to me due to not having a good enough job. But I'm not well enough to work a full time job though really. I had to quit my previous job because I couldn't take it anymore working the long hours every week. I felt like I was losing it & couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't even know where to begin to approach women. I can't just change my personality where it would lead me to being able to approach random women I never even met before. As I've stated if women approached me in the past it would have made things so much easier now I'm stuck being the age I am without even being on a single date before. I just can't imagine how screwed up that would be to tell the person I'm with that I've never been on 1 date in my entire life.  

Edited December 23, 2016 by GAJ123

[GAJ123]

2 minutes ago, gs22 said:

I don't see how you could just settle for anyone, you'll be unhappy and it's not fair to the girl, and anyway, she would sense it.  But in any case, does this make much sense?  If you're putting yourself out there and trying to get a date, you'd meet more than one person and she may be a good match. 

I know that but I feel it's likely going to be my only chance of having a relationship. The women I seem to like probably are the ones that are in demand in the dating market. So how is a guy in my position going to be able to get with the women that have tons of options. Basically if a woman has a dozen options I wouldn't even be at the top of her list. She would probably give the other guys a chance first before she does me. And only if it doesn't work out with them would I have a chance. Not a good feeling knowing I'm at the bottom of their list. And where am I going to put myself out there?  As I've stated never once in my life literally outside of drunk guys at clubs/bars have I seen men approach women. Online dating is absolutely not an option for me again. I don't ever want to deal with that again. It's just very depressing being on those apps/sites. 

[gs22]

I don't blame you one bit with online dating, especially those apps, I'm not hearing good things happening to guys (if someone knows differently?).  Are you sure there's no one at work?  There must be some single girls or maybe someone you know who can be on the lookout for you.  I recommend that to people I know who are looking for a job or a partner.  There are other guys I know who are going through the same thing as you.  I wish I had the answer.  The only reason I'm not suffering as much as you or others are is that I cannot function in a relationship right now, so I'm not even trying, and btw, I'm older than you. 

[gs22]

I feel more comfortable with a quiet guy, since I'm quiet myself.  I was in a relationship with a very extroverted guy and it was very hard on me.  We always had to be going somewhere, doing something, staying out late, it was like a marathon.  The other thing is he had to be constantly surrounded by friends, or on the phone with them or talking about them.  This extroverted aspect alone made me miserable.  If I were to look for a guy now (though I'm not) I would want someone I can have peace and quiet with and just someone to talk to without all the chaos.  Some of my female friends also prefer the quiet type.

Edited December 23, 2016 by gs22

[GAJ123]

6 minutes ago, gs22 said:

I feel more comfortable with a quiet guy, since I'm quiet myself.  I was in a relationship with a very extroverted guy and it was very hard on me.  We always had to be going somewhere, doing something, staying out late, it was like a marathon.  The other thing is he had to be constantly surrounded by friends, or on the phone with them or talking about them.  This extroverted aspect alone made me miserable.  If I were to look for a guy now (though I'm not) I would want someone I can have peace and quiet with and just someone to talk to without all the chaos.  Some of my female friends also prefer the quiet type.

True, I guess I just have to find a woman that would be a good fit for me somehow. I just don't know how & where that's going to happen though. And I just don't know if going out with someone from work is a good idea. It just seems like it could cause problems if for whatever reason it didn't work out then I'd have to still see them until one of us leaves. And there's one girl there that I think is really attractive but I think she's a bit younger than me & don't think she would be interested in the first place. We've barely even interacted before except for a few things we've said to each other. And she usually always has headphones in when I see her in the break room so she obviously doesn't want to be bothered.

And yes, online dating is just not an option for me again. I can't do that to myself. It just brings headaches to me & it starts making me feel insecure about my looks & other things when I get such horrible results with it as well as seeing how severely shallow people are on those sites. Even the paid dating sites what women look for on there is just extremely shallow. I would have literally been throwing $20 a month away for nothing when 90% of the women wouldn't even be an option for me since I'm either not tall enough for them or don't make enough money or both. 

[scienceguy]

4 hours ago, GAJ123 said:

True, I guess I just have to find a woman that would be a good fit for me somehow. I just don't know how & where that's going to happen though. And I just don't know if going out with someone from work is a good idea. It just seems like it could cause problems if for whatever reason it didn't work out then I'd have to still see them until one of us leaves. And there's one girl there that I think is really attractive but I think she's a bit younger than me & don't think she would be interested in the first place. We've barely even interacted before except for a few things we've said to each other. And she usually always has headphones in when I see her in the break room so she obviously doesn't want to be bothered.

And yes, online dating is just not an option for me again. I can't do that to myself. It just brings headaches to me & it starts making me feel insecure about my looks & other things when I get such horrible results with it as well as seeing how severely shallow people are on those sites. Even the paid dating sites what women look for on there is just extremely shallow. I would have literally been throwing $20 a month away for nothing when 90% of the women wouldn't even be an option for me since I'm either not tall enough for them or don't make enough money or both. 

I think I can tell what is causing you problems your assuming they will reject you so you don't try what you need to do is get your self rejected to help you get over your fears. talk to a women with out worrying if  she finds you attractive just ask her out as a challenge to yourself to get over the fear. I was terrified to ask a women for her number till I was 22 and one day I just forced myself to ask for this girls number that I talked to in class, I kept doing it. Now i just wing it and if I look like an ***** I look like a *****, if they don't like me there is nothing I can do about but im still going to like myself, you putting your whole self worth in other peoples hands, everybody has inherent value, you have everything you need to be happy when your born. You can have your self worth dependent on objects and titles society gives you to, but you don't need those things to give you self worth I think mindfullness mediation would really help you, if you learn to clear your mind and look at reailty without judgment you will understand that what your looking for from others you can give yourself. 

[GAJ123]

17 hours ago, scienceguy said:

I think I can tell what is causing you problems your assuming they will reject you so you don't try what you need to do is get your self rejected to help you get over your fears. talk to a women with out worrying if  she finds you attractive just ask her out as a challenge to yourself to get over the fear. I was terrified to ask a women for her number till I was 22 and one day I just forced myself to ask for this girls number that I talked to in class, I kept doing it. Now i just wing it and if I look like an ***** I look like a *****, if they don't like me there is nothing I can do about but im still going to like myself, you putting your whole self worth in other peoples hands, everybody has inherent value, you have everything you need to be happy when your born. You can have your self worth dependent on objects and titles society gives you to, but you don't need those things to give you self worth I think mindfullness mediation would really help you, if you learn to clear your mind and look at reailty without judgment you will understand that what your looking for from others you can give yourself. 

I don't have the type of personality that can just go up to some random woman & start chatting with her for awhile. Even if I did walk up to some random woman that I thought was attractive I likely wouldn't even be able to keep a conversation with them going. It would just get awkward & they would be instantly turned off. I just wish I had natural outgoing charisma that others do to make people feel comfortable instead of awkward. I'm just in a really screwed up situation here that I never imagined I could be in in every area of my life. I sometimes honestly wish I was just dead since nothing ever gets better for me. Just tired of waking up everyday knowing the day is just going to suck with none of my problems going away.

[LoneSquirrel]

On December 21, 2016 at 5:06 AM, Turnt said:

I know, that wasn't really my point. 

O...kay.  I would ask you what your point was, but your answer sounds snide, so never mind.

Good luck to all here who are looking for someone.  I hope you learn how to connect with those you desire.  

I'm pretty much over this thread. 

Happy Holidays

[carter_burn1]

On 12/20/2016 at 10:38 AM, Throwaway said:

 

The moderators gave me a punishment with warning points and mod control on my posts. [edit]

 

Use the fact that that happened as a wake up call, friend. They didn't warn you for no reason. The Terms of Service on DF are pretty much a written version of the golden rule of life: treat others how you want to be treated. The fact that you were out of bounds on that is an indicator that you might need to take a look at your behavior, thought patterns, and interactions with people. If you want different results, then try doing something differently, bud. Good luck. 

[carter_burn1]

1 hour ago, LoneSquirrel said:

O...kay.  I would ask you what your point was, but your answer sounds snide, so never mind.

Good luck to all here who are looking for someone.  I hope you learn how to connect with those you desire.  

I'm pretty much over this thread. 

Happy Holidays

This thread has turned into a forum for rage/tantrums about women frustrations. The people "contributing" are refusing to take a step back and see that, hey, wait, maybe...maybe its me thats the problem. Isn't that more likely than the entire female gender being to blame?

I threw my hands up on this one a long time ago. Too much hatefulness and bitterness and not enough self-improvement for my tastes. 

Happy holidays, @LoneSquirrel 

[RiverLight]

30 minutes ago, carter_burn1 said:

This thread has turned into a forum for rage/tantrums about women frustrations. The people "contributing" are refusing to take a step back and see that, hey, wait, maybe...maybe its me thats the problem. Isn't that more likely than the entire female gender being to blame?

I threw my hands up on this one a long time ago. Too much hatefulness and bitterness and not enough self-improvement for my tastes. 

Happy holidays, @LoneSquirrel 

That's one reason why I started the Positivity thread on this site. I am hoping that by focusing on the positives in our lives that we can feel better about ourselves and who we are and what we are doing... I have mentioned before on this thread that the only way to find a real relationship is to work on yourself and be happy with yourself first..  then the rest will naturally fall into place. It's really the only way.

Edited December 24, 2016 by RiverLight

[Twilight Sky]

On 12/13/2016 at 2:22 PM, Throwaway said:

Legendary long post that can never be usurped by any human being this millennium.

I will respectfully caution you on your way of thinking: Now I am waving a white flag here and not "attacking" you. Just that if you want to get anywhere with women, don't over extend your opinion of your self worth. Basically it sounds like in being with you, the relationship would be about you. It can't work that way.

 

Edited December 24, 2016 by Twilight Sky

[carter_burn1]

2 minutes ago, Twilight Sky said:

I will respectfully caution you on your way of thinking: Now I am waving a white flag here and not "attacking" you. Just that if you want to get anywhere with women, don't over extend your opinion of your self worth.

I applaud your level of empathy to even try to help a person who would say a thing like this, @Twilight Sky

[Twilight Sky]

Indeed I am aware of the comments towards women, and consider myself a bit of a "friendly feminist"(if that makes sense), I have been down that road myself and know what it can do to a man. Yeah guys, it's not the way. Pull yourselves out.

 

[carter_burn1]

4 minutes ago, Twilight Sky said:

Indeed I am aware of the comments towards women, and consider myself a bit of a "friendly feminist"(if that makes sense), I have been down that road myself and know what it can do to a man. Yeah guys, it's not the way. Pull yourselves out.

 

@Twilight Sky is exactly right - its up to you. Identify and change your thought patterns and behaviors towards women, and you will start to see amazing results. If you see them and treat them with the love and respect they deserve, they'll return it a hundredfold

[RiverLight]

11 minutes ago, carter_burn1 said:

@Twilight Sky is exactly right - its up to you. Identify and change your thought patterns and behaviors towards women, and you will start to see amazing results. If you see them and treat them with the love and respect they deserve, they'll return it a hundredfold

YES. If we want to see change, then look for ways to change and work on yourself to affect that change. Self-improvement is never underrated and can only lead to an improved quality of life and greater happiness.

[KidSurvivor2011]

Hatred and prejudice never solves anything. 

 

- KS

[GAJ123]

2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

That's one reason why I started the Positivity thread on this site. I am hoping that by focusing on the positives in our lives that we can feel better about ourselves and who we are and what we are doing... I have mentioned before on this thread that the only way to find a real relationship is to work on yourself and be happy with yourself first..  then the rest will naturally fall into place. It's really the only way.

The thing is if you're an older guy who has no dating experience that has a bunch of health issues & other things it could literally take many years to get better. What's a guy in his 30s with zero dating experience supposed to do in that case? What if it takes me another 10 years to feel somewhat normal than I could potentially wind up never being with anyone even into my 40s. It's not exactly a good place to be in & it's very frustrating. It annoys me beyond belief that I've literally never been on 1 single date in my entire life. How am I ever even supposed to explain that to anyone if some miracle happens where a woman wants to go out with me. But the odds are that I'll never meet anyone if I'm being realistic here. Life isn't like the movies where things fall into place for everyone. 

[RiverLight]

20 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

The thing is if you're an older guy who has no dating experience that has a bunch of health issues & other things it could literally take many years to get better. What's a guy in his 30s with zero dating experience supposed to do in that case? What if it takes me another 10 years to feel somewhat normal than I could potentially wind up never being with anyone even into my 40s. It's not exactly a good place to be in & it's very frustrating. It annoys me beyond belief that I've literally never been on 1 single date in my entire life. How am I ever even supposed to explain that to anyone if some miracle happens where a woman wants to go out with me. But the odds are that I'll never meet anyone if I'm being realistic here. Life isn't like the movies where things fall into place for everyone. 

Sorry you are suffering from health issues. That does make things difficult, but it doesn't have to prevent you from meeting women, putting yourself out there and dating. With all due respect, I don't know what to say beyond what I have already suggested for you, which is to work on improving your ability to talk to women, to approach women and to ask women out. If you're lacking this ability, work on this, practice it, and change this about yourself.. turn your weakness into a strength. If you want to see changes happen in your life, you have to work on yourself to make that happen.... the only way to change our lives is to be proactive and take steps. If women don't come to you, learn how to go to them.....

Edited December 24, 2016 by RiverLight

[GAJ123]

1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

Sorry you are suffering from health issues. That does make things difficult, but it doesn't have to prevent you from meeting women, putting yourself out there and dating. With all due respect, I don't know what to say beyond what I have already suggested for you, which is to work on improving your ability to talk to women, to approach women and to ask women out. If you're lacking this ability, work on this, practice it, and change this about yourself.. turn your weakness into a strength. If you want to see changes happen in your life, you have to work on yourself to make that happen.... the only to change our lives is to be proactive and take steps. If women don't come to you, learn how to go to them.....

But women never come to me. I don't get why women can't just approach me for. It would make things so much easier for me. I could maybe approach women but I wouldn't know how to keep the conversation going then things would probably get awkward. I just really don't get it how so many people wind up in relationships when it seems so difficult. I could probably very easily get into a relationship if I had no standards which seems what I'm probably going to have to do at this point. I think a lot of the women I like are the ones that most other guys tend to like which will make things even more difficult for me. Luckily I likely don't want kids which if I did than I'd be even more angry about my situation since I wouldn't want to be a first time dad at like 50 years old.

[RiverLight]

13 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

But women never come to me. I don't get why women can't just approach me for. It would make things so much easier for me. I could maybe approach women but I wouldn't know how to keep the conversation going then things would probably get awkward. I just really don't get it how so many people wind up in relationships when it seems so difficult. I could probably very easily get into a relationship if I had no standards which seems what I'm probably going to have to do at this point. I think a lot of the women I like are the ones that most other guys tend to like which will make things even more difficult for me. Luckily I likely don't want kids which if I did than I'd be even more angry about my situation since I wouldn't want to be a first time dad at like 50 years old.

why don;t you read books on how to communicate with women, read self-help articles, or take a seminar on how to improve your communication skills. I've suggested previously exactly how to approach a woman, to start a conversation, and how to keep one going. If you need to, please refer back to that post.... you have to develop your communication skills if you want to date women. It does no good sitting around and wishing that women would approach you. You have to learn how to get up the guts to approach them and how to carry on a conversation..... this is what I mean by working on your skills and on yourself. You will get nowhere by sitting idly.... we all have to take responsibility for our own lives, for ourselves, for our  happiness, and self-development. If you are not willing to work on developing these skills so you can achieve your goals, I'm afraid I cannot help. Wishing you all the best in your endeavor.

[GAJ123]

1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

why don;t you read books on how to communicate with women, read self-help articles, or take a seminar on how to improve your communication skills. I've suggested previously exactly how to approach a woman, to start a conversation, and how to keep one going. If you need to, please refer back to that post.... you have to develop your communication skills if you want to date women. It does no good sitting around and wishing that women would approach you. You have to learn how to get up the guts to approach them and how to carry on a conversation..... this is what I mean by working on your skills and on yourself. You will get nowhere by sitting idly.... we all have to take responsibility for our own lives, for ourselves, for our  happiness, and self-development. If you are not willing to work on developing these skills so you can achieve your goals, I'm afraid I cannot help. Wishing you all the best in your endeavor.

But you didn't answer why women don't approach for? It would make it so much easier for so many guys if they would. And if they do approach I'm assuming it's only with guys that match their desired physical traits which I'd never be it since I'm not tall or muscular since that's what women generally prefer.