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Im new here but not new to depression at all. I remember being down and sad and feeling alone ever since i was really young. I use to be able to sleep for days if i wanted to or give up on everything including breathing if i wanted to but now i am a mother of 2 young kids. Trying to fight the tears with no explanation and the extreme out or the blue irritability for no reason is harder than ever now a days. I'm use to no one else understanding me or what its like for me inside my head but to have your babies looking up at you confused to why you are crying all the time... its heartbreaking. I love them more than life and thats why some days i feel like despite my love for them and their need for me.. they are better off without me. Thats my story. Thanks for listening

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Welcome to the forum, kas1214. :welcomeani:

2 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

no way ate they betyer off without you. babies need their mommy.

are you in therapy or have medications?

Natasha basically said everything I would.

Feeling for you, feel free to message me if you need some extra support. :console:

Best Wishes,

-jalen

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Thank you. I know that deep down but my mind just cant believe it no matter how i try.  I used to have a therapist but i havent been in about a year because i felt it wasnt helping. I have a psychiatrist i go to and she has me on lithium and lexapro. Nothing seems to help or make me feel normal enough to feel like a good mom

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You are very welcome here and you are in good company.

I tend to have a different and possibly unique understanding of depression.

I feel depression is a natural/condition/formation/resource.

When for whatever reason or no reason we go too deep inside of ourselves we wind up lost in a vast deep, dark dangerous metaphorical cave.

I constantly remind myself not to go too deep. I know I won't like what I will find.

I also remind myself that the way into my metaphorical depression/cave is the way out.

The idea of using this metaphor is to turn something so negative into a something helpful.

It might help to think of your depression as a secret, safe, temporary hideaway.

Anyway maybe this can be food for thought.

This forum has helped me and countless others.

So stick with us and stick with yourself.

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Sometimes I feel the same about my role as a husband, as a friend, and as a son. I feel like my illness is disappointing everyone and I am such a drag.

Then my wife and my friends remind me that my illness doesn't define who I am. Their words of encouragement and support help me through tough times. But more touching is that they find courage in my strength to continue to manage this while not losing what I believe in. 

You are a great parent and your children will learn strength from you as you deal with your condition.

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Hello Kas1214 and thank you for being in our forum. There are a lot of good and supported people here and we will help you in any way that we can. I hope you got my message I sent to you. I know that being a parent is the hardest job you can have in this life but at the same time it can be the most rewarding thing you will ever do.  But I also know, all too well, that depression can really devastate your life and make you believe things that are not true, like your not a good mother, you have no worth or any purpose in life and yes all the many, many tears are just an added bonus. You just stick with your appointments and medications and in your very soul believe that you are a very worthy person and you deserve to be happy. Oh yea and you have two little ones that love you dearly, no matter the tears or anything. Please keep us posted...Be Good to Yourself...

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Edited by quentin360

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