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Any Angry Depressives Here?


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I am too! Not sure if it's that rare, I think it's natural to feel angry when you're faced with a disease that tries to destroy everything in your life. I'm often angry at the world for not accepting me, angry at women for not giving me a chance, angry at my parents for not having been more supportive, angry at past friends who weren't there for me, angry at my former employer who screwed up my life. Most of all I am angry at myself though because I know that at the end of the day it is all my fault and I can't blame it on anyone/anything else. I squandered so many opportunities in life and always told myself I'm the victim instead of trying to change things and now I feel I'm getting too old to correct all my past mistakes. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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I know the feeling of being angry about all that.  I've lost weeks thinking like that, but that's actually not what I meant.

I suppose I worded the question poorly but, my depression makes me very aggressive for some reason.

I'm always itching for a fight when I'm really feeling the illness.  I looked into it, and depression rarely causes the aggression.

What's weird is that it's not actually caused by anything I can identify.  Not thoughts, or an encounter.  I literally wake up looking to break someone's face.

To my knowledge they're trying to figure out if it's a sub type of depression.

It would make sense that therapy has been so frustrating for me though, considering that oddity.

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That sounds like a variation of irritable depression. I'm angry A LOT, and completely out of proportion to the situation. Like Lonelyforeigner, I'm angry at so many people and circumstances over the course of my life, and p***** off that I have this disease. However, I also know that it's nobody's fault, and I can't blame others for not behaving the way I wanted or needed them to behave. I can relate to both lonelyforeigner and TCL. Some days I just wake up angry at the world, and going out into "the world" doesn't make it better. I've discovered that I fit the criteria of what people are calling a "highly sensitive person". I am super sensitive to noise, crowds, bright lights, strong smells, animal suffering (not most people though), and a bunch of other things. I get irritable and literally want to **** people for the dumbest stuff. So far, I haven't gone through with it:)  My sister is the same way, so at least we can commiserate. I'm also an introvert, but the two don't always go hand in hand.

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I am constantly angry, its gotten worse as I gotten older I feel hostile most of the time, I feel the same way about wanting to fight people when im mad Some days I just want someone to go after me, so I have a valid reason to be angry and act out. If I could I would take a sledge hammer and knock holes in my wall. I have road rage to sometimes, but im working on calming myself down I have gotten better but still feel furious every time I drive. I hold so many grudges against people from my past, I wish i wasn't like this but i guess thats what happens when you have a lifetime of things not going your way having abusive parents and dealing with the average person who has there head up there ass. I can relate to what your going thru way to much.

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@scienceguy You described it perfectly my man.

@idkusername465 Yeah, that was a problem for a long, long time with me.

@Luka Jane it does.  I always had a nasty temper and it escalated from there.  Over the years I just learned to channel all that rage into something, anything.

The only thing that worries me about it, is that over the years I've become quite brutal and cold blooded.

I suppose it's not a bad thing as long as I keep it under control and make it work for me, not the other way around.

Anyone else experience that?

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I feel like there is a kind of rage at the seat of my depression, directed toward the world, toward others-- for allowing all of this. But I never lash out at people, in fact I actively avoid situations where my fuse will be lit; and to me this is alarming because anger is an honest emotion, it needs an outlet of some kind. The whole problem is finding an outlet that isn't selfish and destructive but actually addresses what angers you. There's a difference between reacting and responding.

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6 hours ago, ex nihilo said:

I feel like there is a kind of rage at the seat of my depression, directed toward the world, toward others-- for allowing all of this. But I never lash out at people, in fact I actively avoid situations where my fuse will be lit; and to me this is alarming because anger is an honest emotion, it needs an outlet of some kind. The whole problem is finding an outlet that isn't selfish and destructive but actually addresses what angers you. There's a difference between reacting and responding.

The way I look at it is that some, if not most, of the things that are a source of our anger are usually things out of our control.

That's why I use my anger and aggression as motivation for anything.

The way I look at it, aggression is nature's original motivation.  Workout it we never would have survived in caves, let alone got as far as we have.

Add long as you're not acting out in an angry or aggressive way, I see no fault in using it to get you through the day.

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I have demonstrated quite a lot of anger throughout my depressed life, especially the more stressed i get. 

Heres my take 

Bottom line is that its a coping mechanism

Its easier yo be angry than sit with deep pain or vulnerabilty that lies beneath. 

Within the context of schema therapy, it is a maladaptive cooing style as a result of childhood development (usually trauma or the absence of appropriate parenting ) and the non develop ment appropriate of appropriate emotional responses to lifes situations. 

Seems to fit for me. 

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On Saturday, December 03, 2016 at 3:45 PM, TheCunningLinguist said:
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I am definitely one of these people and from what I understand we're a pretty rare breed.

Would be nice to meet another one.  If anyone's got experience with this feel free to chime in.

im one but not as much while depressed. its one of the forms my mania takes before i plummet to the depths of Black. it sometimes lingers during the depressive times but not always.

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18 hours ago, ex nihilo said:

I feel like there is a kind of rage at the seat of my depression, directed toward the world, toward others-- for allowing all of this. But I never lash out at people, in fact I actively avoid situations where my fuse will be lit; and to me this is alarming because anger is an honest emotion, it needs an outlet of some kind. The whole problem is finding an outlet that isn't selfish and destructive but actually addresses what angers you. There's a difference between reacting and responding.

I'm so impressed by the responses I've read on this topic and others. Despite (or probably due to) our depression, we are an insightful, intelligent crew. So, there's that.....

As far as the rage issue goes, I can identify with most of the comments above. What's that saying? Depression is anger turned inwards. There is a lot more to it than that, but I was raised in a house where my dad was the only one "allowed" to show anger. I had good parents compared to most, but I wasn't taught that it's ok to express anger. I DID turn it towards myself. Eventually, I learned to deal with anger in a mostly healthy way, but as I've gotten older (I'm 49) I'm getting angrier. I attributed it to my job and all the bad things I see, but maybe that's not the reason. Reading these posts helps because I see that I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. Thanks.

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Anger was not an emotion that we were allowed to express in our house either (only my fathers rage and physical aggression was allowed), but then again neither was dissapointment, sadness, disagreement and many many more. 

Indeed i dothink there is some truth in the fact that ' anger is a depression turned inwards'   

Its very maybe a 'depressing' of certain feelings/emotions in general. Ones that maybe we have been taught are unacceptable to show (by either our primary or secondary socialisation) 

Edited by Theballboy
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I am generally an angry person, and I am also a depressive person, but the two don't necessarily have anything to do with each other, in my mind. I get angry because things generally don't go my way. I get depressed because I generally can't do anything about it. If that makes any sense.

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Anger is, undoubtedly, one of the biggest emotions with my depression. I don't act on it -- towards people (even though THEY are one of the main causes, triggers of it). I act on it towards objects. I shove things, throw things, hit things (walls, etc.) But NEVER animals. Animals are the one thing in this world I would NEVER harm. 

Truth is, though, that my anger is kept in most of the time. I know "they" say it's not healthy, but if I "acted out" with my anger I would possibly end up incarcerated. And with my depression, there's no way I couldn't handle that. 

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In my opinion, "They", are a bunch of sheltered fools.  These are the same people that say it's unhealthy to keep negative emotions on the inside, yet are the first ones to turn their nose up at people when they vent them in a healthy way, that, "they", disapprove of.

Just a bunch of ignorant hypocrites.  Not worth our time honestly.

On the rare day when they feel their skin crawling with one intense emotion or another, I want to be there to smile at them and tell them that, "they", shouldn't be so negative.

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I've had rage issues since I was really young---like 3---and over time it's gotten better in the sense that I now understand why it is that I grew up so miserable, isolated, and angry, and worse in the sense that the feelings can result in more estructive behaviors since at this age, people are not under constant supervision. I've broken plates against my wall, ripped through the canvasses of paintings I've made, said horribly hurtful and regrettable things to people, and gone tearing off into the night in hysterics and anger, without any plan of where I'm going. Walking actually helps get the aggressive energy out, but as a woman it's also unwise to walk alone late at night. On the other hand, the risk factor of it probably also appeases my anger. For me I've noticed that anger like that happens when I have emotional overload---I'm very sad about something (or nothing) and then I get frustrated with being sad, which turns into a kind of blind rage. It sucks. 

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1 hour ago, TheCunningLinguist said:

In my opinion, "They", are a bunch of sheltered fools.  These are the same people that say it's unhealthy to keep negative emotions on the inside, yet are the first ones to turn their nose up at people when they vent them in a healthy way, that, "they", disapprove of.

Just a bunch of ignorant hypocrites.  Not worth our time honestly.

On the rare day when they feel their skin crawling with one intense emotion or another, I want to be there to smile at them and tell them that, "they", shouldn't be so negative.

Wow. So true. 

 

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  • 1 month later...
On 12/8/2016 at 10:00 AM, TheCunningLinguist said:

In my opinion, "They", are a bunch of sheltered fools.  These are the same people that say it's unhealthy to keep negative emotions on the inside, yet are the first ones to turn their nose up at people when they vent them in a healthy way, that, "they", disapprove of.

Just a bunch of ignorant hypocrites.  Not worth our time honestly.

On the rare day when they feel their skin crawling with one intense emotion or another, I want to be there to smile at them and tell them that, "they", shouldn't be so negative.

I was doing a google search on "I hate traffic noise" and ran across a post on it on this site, then I poked around the site and saw this thread.  I signed up here specifically because I had to respond to this statement.

First THANK YOU for putting this into words.  I'm in a situation right now where my negative emotions aren't "acceptable" to express, nor are my view points considered valid because the other person is so different than me.  

The people that have learned to "sanitize" and filter their emotions soon don't feel DEPTH of emotion.  These are the people who say you should "be happy" no matter what.  And they make sure they always put on a happy face.  These are the people who are not concerned about the state of the world, or that animals are abused every day.   They will be upset if you show them.  They don't care about any one else's existence or what we're doing to the planet.  And anyone who cares, or feels depth, is considered "dramatic".  

Right now my extreme rage and depression is SOLELY the symptom of me being repressed.  I have to put on a smile, hide what I feel, pretend.  So now I'm no longer genuine, and repressing my self has turned me into a y0-y0.  Because on one hand, it puts me further from myself, I've lost a huge sense of "me", my existence is less meaningful because I have to be something for someone else.  I spent time feeling numb or like a piece of cardboard.

But the yo-yo part comes in when I get anxiety attacks, rage, depression.  I think that's the 'me' part needing to break free.

Also it sucks knowing that the people you're around don't really care about how you feel, only about how you act.  And they don't have a clue about your emotional, mental, or spiritual needs.  So how can you feel a connection... open up... be you... if you don't really exist to them.  They don't want to see you.

I lived in the woods for about a year away from people and city sounds.  It was the most peace I've had in a long time.  I should have stayed there.

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On 12/8/2016 at 10:00 AM, TheCunningLinguist said:

In my opinion, "They", are a bunch of sheltered fools.  These are the same people that say it's unhealthy to keep negative emotions on the inside, yet are the first ones to turn their nose up at people when they vent them in a healthy way, that, "they", disapprove of.

Just a bunch of ignorant hypocrites.  Not worth our time honestly.

"Not worth our time honestly."  I changed this sentence when I first read it.  It came out this way --->  "Not worth our honesty."

Have you ever wasted time trying to be honest with someone who doesn't have emotional depth?  And then you get treated with derision for your efforts to explain your emotion?

So, anyone that doesn't have any kind of emotional depth is not worth my honesty.  Or my time.

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5 hours ago, sicofsociety said:


Also it sucks knowing that the people you're around don't really care about how you feel, only about how you act.  And they don't have a clue about your emotional, mental, or spiritual needs.  So how can you feel a connection... open up... be you... if you don't really exist to them.  They don't want to see you.

I lived in the woods for about a year away from people and city sounds.  It was the most peace I've had in a long time.  I should have stayed there.

I can relate as it seems I am NEVER allowed to have feelings. Family, friends, work anything...not allowed. Always want me on their terms and their terms alone. I have had it with that. Doneskies. 

Living in the woods sounds like heaven to me. I'm working towards eventually backpacking for months at a time once I retire. That day is coming sooner than later!

 

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