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How would you respond to "snap out of it"?


buzzlightyear90

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Hello,

I've been talking with this person online and maybe got too depressing for the person. They said in order for me to continue talking to them, that I should snap out of it. I understand that depressing talk makes others brings in negative energy but I don't know what is with every ****ing american having a 'snap out of it' and smile kind of mentality.

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Hi Buzzlightyear90 -- With stock phrases like this, "Snap out of it" "Pull yourself together" etc it's useful to try and to understand the person who says it and their history. Some people just have that personality and it is unavoidable, but others, might not be able to handle and process the subject of mental health, and say it out of a misunderstanding of the context and situation in which you are talking about.

People bear their own cross and what lies outside of that, the person might not be able to even give time to think about it let alone be able to talk and understand your position.

Tungsten.      

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Debating people like that is not worth your energy. Depression is a difficult thing for people to wrap their mind around and they don't mean any harm by saying that. Others frequently assume it's just about "feeling blue" and "feeling sorry for yourself" so they'll want you to use tactics that worked for them when they were feeling bad. For people who haven't personally dealt with mental illness (or at least read up on it) it's just inconceivable why you would feel this bad. Viewed from the outside most problems aren't that bad and could be overcome so they'll try to give you advice that would work for a healthy person. Don't take it personally. 

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it's harsh to have those sort of people around you but remember that just because they don't know what you're going through, it doesn't mean that there are others who feel the same way; you seem like a great person who's hanging around with bad people and I don't know you but I do know this, you are not alone. You are courageous and brave for wanting to get help, advice, suggestions, anything. I'd like to ask you; if you have a hard time because of someone else, remember that they don't have to define who you are. You are the only person who can define yourself. However, I want you to know that you are a wonderful person and if you need anyone, someone to talk to then I'll always be here for you. If need be, you can PM me and I'll reply as soon as I can; you deserve a lot in this world, and the people who told you that, they don't deserve you. 

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55 minutes ago, newborn leader said:

it's harsh to have those sort of people around you but remember that just because they don't know what you're going through, it doesn't mean that there are others who feel the same way; you seem like a great person who's hanging around with bad people and I don't know you but I do know this, you are not alone. You are courageous and brave for wanting to get help, advice, suggestions, anything. I'd like to ask you; if you have a hard time because of someone else, remember that they don't have to define who you are. You are the only person who can define yourself. However, I want you to know that you are a wonderful person and if you need anyone, someone to talk to then I'll always be here for you. If need be, you can PM me and I'll reply as soon as I can; you deserve a lot in this world, and the people who told you that, they don't deserve you. 

most of my problems come from feeling like a failure. Ever since elementary school, I was mostly picked on and seen as unintelligent and didn't get the same amount of encouragement as the 'smarter' kids. More feelings of failure came about even worse when I  applied for college. I didn't get into the schools I applied for and when I got into one, I had a hard time getting into a program. So I applied to an 'easy' major so that I can get a freakin major. Now I graduated with over $90k school debt and that longing feeling that I am still a sore loser. 

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Just now, buzzlightyear90 said:

most of my problems come from feeling like a failure. Ever since elementary school, I was mostly picked on and seen as unintelligent and didn't get the same amount of encouragement as the 'smarter' kids. More feelings of failure came about even worse when I  applied for college. I didn't get into the schools I applied for and when I got into one, I had a hard time getting into a program. So I applied to an 'easy' major so that I can get a freakin major. Now I graduated with over $90k school debt and that longing feeling that I am still a sore loser. 

I'm sorry to hear that, that's really difficult to deal with...but whatever the case, remember that you're not and will never be a "sore loser" because you went to college and graduated and that's a huge accomplishment no matter what may happen.

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Poorly, that's how I'd respond. This person clearly doesn't understand that this is a mental illness and it's not just because you're having a crappy day. I'd recommend explaining to them that it's brain chemical imbalances and that it's not just because you happen to feel down about something in your life right now.

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I have a strong suspicion that anyone who hears the words "snap out of it" more than occasionally is exhausting an empathetic dead-end.

Maybe it's a sign? Maybe it isn't a case of persading the people you know? Maybe it's a fork in the road pointing you at the people you don't?

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10 hours ago, buzzlightyear90 said:
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Hello,

I've been talking with this person online and maybe got too depressing for the person. They said in order for me to continue talking to them, that I should snap out of it. I understand that depressing talk makes others brings in negative energy but I don't know what is with every ****ing american having a 'snap out of it' and smile kind of mentality.

The phrase "Snap out of it" is unrealistic in our situations and in the past hearing it has caused me great turmoil mentally.  It's offensive to anyone who knows what depression can be like!!

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i snap my fingers and go damn im cured, I never would have thought life was  so easy you just ****ing snap out of holy hell you are a genius with your well thought out advice I envy your intellect I found the solution to inner peace you just snap out of it!!! /s

 

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I think phrases like "snap out of it" are only of any use if they are said by a person who really knows the other person and knows that a little nudge might be helpful when they are behaving differently to the way that they know they usually behave.  So if it is said by a stranger or someone who does not know you well, I suggest that it can ignored.  In fact it should be ignored.  It is said out of frustration maybe or a misguided idea that they are expert in human behaviour. 

I regard depression as something that is more than just a feeling of being down.  It is a feeling of being down that has gone out of control I would suggest.   People who make of the cuff remarks about depression do not realise how different clinical depression is from just being a little unhappy of sad.  Even people with depression do not realise how different it is. 

The first time I realised that I might be depressed was about 16 or 17 years ago when I said to someone jokingly that all I did was work and sleep and often went to bed at 7.00pm wake up until just before starting work at 9.00am the next day.  To me it was a annoying as I had no time for anything else but nothing out of the ordinary.  They said that it was a sign of depression.  Two years later I was diagnosed with clinical depression and was put on the highest dose of anti-depressants that the doctor was allowed to prescribe.  Looking back my depression had gone out of control.  I was sleeping as a way of coping/forgetting/indulging so that I could not feel depression.  It was an extreme reaction to feeling low.   

 

Edited by Mistral001
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On ‎11‎/‎25‎/‎2016 at 2:49 PM, clemons22 said:

I used to think that depression was all about willpower. I never told anyone to snap out of it, but I always thought it was that easy. I don't think that anymore though, being depressed myself has changed my outlook completely.

The willpower is what keeps you alive. I've always been more of a "back on your feet! We're not finished yet" ten commandments of damage control kind of person. "Snap out of it" is a very subjective phrase. Think self reflection vs ruinous nostalgia (telling you to stop being a complete fool vs I want things my way).

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When people told me to snap out of it originally I'd get pretty furious (I'm known for a bad temper).  As time went on I just realized that they weren't worth the aggravation.  On top of that, I also had a few moments of clarity when I realized that I didn't like those people much anymore, and most of the reasons for that had no bearing on how they reacted to my depression.

I then realized that their negative/harsh/idiotic reactions to my depression were just a symptom of the personality/attitude I had begun to dislike in them as a whole.

At the end of the day, I think people of this ilk are toxic.  Not because they hurt my feelings, but because they are uncomfortable actually addressing a problem.  They just want the magic bullet to make it go away.  This thinking applies to all problems they encounter, not just mental health issues of other people.  They bury their head in the sand and hope it goes away, letting it grow exponentially.

People like that have no place in my world, and I think you'd probably be better off without them as well.

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I respond the same way to that question that I do to all the annoying questions I'm asked, like why are you still single? you don't have a boyfriend?? I don't believe you!  I don't answer.  I don't answer anything I don't want to.  I'm not afraid of silence.  But what I've heard is, you seem to be getting better or my all-time favourite, you're not as sensitive as you were.  Oh, really.  How did you even know how I was feeling before since I never told you!  I believe it was Wrenn who said that she resents random assessments of her mental health.  So do I.  As though these are people with whom I'd discuss how I'm feeling.

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