Tonight I just hate me-- trigger possibly?

[lp44]

I shouldn't have even posted.

Sorry

Edited November 25, 2016 by lp44

[bfg best freind guaranteed]

That's ok you do you.

[Oscar K]

No need to apologize .

Consider declaring a holiday truce with yourself and maybe extending it day by day.

Keep despair on the back burner perhaps.

We are here for you and we will try hard not to let you down.

[lp44]

bgf , Oscar, standup 

Thank you. I mean what do I say? Thank you.

People here could never let me down. Everyone here is struggling in their own right, yet never fail to reach out.  

Good people here all over the place......

I can't back burner hating me because hating me is all I can do right now.

It's my only option.

I'm not without support. I have good people to help me.

6 times. I purged 6 times yesterday. wth 

I'm in therapy. I have help. 

Yes I'm in the US. Yes it's partially due to yesterday. But it's still my fault and I still hate me.

It's the only option right now.

Sorry yet again. People have bigger issues. I don't know how to move past hating me.

[bfg best freind guaranteed]

16 minutes ago, lp44 said:

Yes I'm in the US. Yes it's partially due to yesterday. But it's still my fault and I still hate me.

It's the only option right now.

Sorry yet again. People have bigger issues. I don't know how to move past hating me.

Same here I hate myself more then one could grasp. I hate myself so much that I don't look in mirrors or like having my photo take. I feel like I am the ugliest person in the world that everyone is better looking then me. I hate going out in public I want to just stay home, but I can't do that. So I understand what you mean and I can't get past it either, but at least your in therapy that's a lot more then what I can say for.

[lp44]

I have a world of compassion for other people.

I just hate me

I hate my mistakes

I hate that I can't get it right

And I've talked about it in therapy

I can't figure this out

Nails.... Maybe I'll go get my nails done. Cause that fixes everything right?

Omgosh really. 

I usually keep it all together. 

I just can't fix me, and I'm doing everything I know to do.

It's not working and I'm so tired of trying.

[lp44]

Thank you standup 

Problem is no amount of polish or any other distractor will help me want to live.

I need to want to live.

I need to stop my self destructive behavior.

I need to see hope

Can't manufacturer that unfortunately

[Kisa]

11 hours ago, lp44 said:

I have a world of compassion for other people.

I just hate me

I hate my mistakes

I hate that I can't get it right

And I've talked about it in therapy

I can't figure this out

Nails.... Maybe I'll go get my nails done. Cause that fixes everything right?

Omgosh really. 

I usually keep it all together. 

I just can't fix me, and I'm doing everything I know to do.

It's not working and I'm so tired of trying.

Dissociate yourself, imagine you step out of your body and see yourself, see yourself as a patient you have to help, analyse the reasons for the mistakes your patient makes. It's most likely a malfunction of the brain. Do you hate your patient for that? Of course not. How can you help her? Let her see the things that are good, even when they are minuscule, support her in accepting her illness.

You are ill, you have a disease.  Would you hate yourself if you had a physical disease? You may hate the circumstances, you may hate the disease, but you most likely woudn't hate yourself.

[lp44]

9 hours ago, Kisa said:

Dissociate yourself, imagine you step out of your body and see yourself, see yourself as a patient you have to help, analyse the reasons for the mistakes your patient makes. It's most likely a malfunction of the brain. Do you hate your patient for that? Of course not. How can you help her? Let her see the things that are good, even when they are minuscule, support her in accepting her illness.

You are ill, you have a disease.  Would you hate yourself if you had a physical disease? You may hate the circumstances, you may hate the disease, but you most likely woudn't hate yourself.

Thank you Kisa Such a hard thing to do.... Look at it like that i mean.... But I know you are right.

 

[Dolphin2013]

Hi lp44 - I am not too fond of myself most days and have just been able recently to see a different side of me that I had never seen before.

It ain't pretty. 

You are here and I like what Kisa said: Would you hate yourself if you had a physical disease?

Maybe the hating comes also from wanting to be different right now, but real change takes your whole lifetime and sometimes there are uncomfortable days and feelings. I know that I just have to live with bad days from time to time.

I used to envy those people who took a straight path to wherever they were going in life: successful career, marriage, relationships, children, body stuff... Today and maybe it's just today, I do not envy them. They miss out on finding out stuff from all the backtracking. 

Maybe if you can't love yourself yet, try not to hate, but to see those parts of you that caused the hate: the fear, the depression, the confusion, the anger, the sorrow. Maybe imagining yourself as housemates with these feelings and parts of you. Maybe you can all sit in the living room, or tv room and watch a program together, you don't have to love the part of you that makes you purge. But invite that part cautiously in to enjoy whatever you're watching. You can even pull up a comfy chair for that part--it does not have to nestle with you on the couch...

Wishing you more peace and acceptance today.

 

[bfg best freind guaranteed]

Look at what started out to be a mistake thread, turned into something. All it takes is one person. One persons not good enough is another persons perfection. One persons ugly is an others beautiful. To each is own. We judge areselves harsher then anyone else can. But what others say to us has way more effect then what we say to areselves. You put a shirt on and think this shirt looks hideous on me, then you go out in public and someone says that shirt is ugly on you. That random stranger words hurt so much more then you saying this is a hideous shirt. But there words hurt more but there effect does not last as long. But you will beat yourself up because you knew it was a hideous shirt but you put it on then someone agreed with you proving you right. It just added fuel to that fire of hate.

[Markyy]

if you say you cant fix yourself, then why even try in the first place?, just accept it

[lp44]

1 hour ago, Markyy said:

if you say you cant fix yourself, then why even try in the first place?, just accept it

It isn't that simple at all.  I can't accept it.....I mean I guess I could, but it will not end well if I do that.  Not fixing me might wind up actually physically  ki!!ing me.  And not in a metaphorical sense.