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Atron

Its all my fault

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My parents are divorcing and its all my fault. I caused them so many arguments and drove them apart. First I got a girlfriend who was too young and I did stupid things with that was the first time I saw them hate and then I did a legal high and my parents found out and caused more arguments. Now just little things were getting to them and my mum wants a divorce after an argument involving me at dinner. I'm ****ing done. I did this. I am just going to die after ruining their lives. I can't handle anything else now. This is my breaking point and I can't come back. I'm staying with a friend tonight because I can't be here now. Who knows if ill come back tomorrow. All I know is I don't even want to wake up tomorrow. Just let me die and it all be better

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1 hour ago, Atron said:
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My parents are divorcing and its all my fault. I caused them so many arguments and drove them apart. First I got a girlfriend who was too young and I did stupid things with that was the first time I saw them hate and then I did a legal high and my parents found out and caused more arguments. Now just little things were getting to them and my mum wants a divorce after an argument involving me at dinner. I'm ****ing done. I did this. I am just going to die after ruining their lives. I can't handle anything else now. This is my breaking point and I can't come back. I'm staying with a friend tonight because I can't be here now. Who knows if ill come back tomorrow. All I know is I don't even want to wake up tomorrow. Just let me die and it all be better

Hi, First let me say that I'm sorry you are hurting so much. That's a hard place to be.

Trust me when I say if they indeed get a divorce it isn't your fault. You can't place that on yourself. Ok so even if you were the concern in some arguments you will not be the cause of a divorce if that occurs. If it does.... there were problems there between the two of them in the first place... completely separate from you.

Allow yourself some space to breathe on this.  Talk to your friend. Continue to talk here.  You can come back from this. 

You are not alone.

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I have divorced parents. This is natural to blame yourself, but it was their choice to separate. You think they never discussed their relationship without you around? It's not your fault. They both mutually agreed to separate.

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I'm so very sorry you are suffering Atron ! ! !

Please do not be so hard on yourself, and here's why.  People often have unrealistic expectations in relationships.  A husband can expect his wife to be perfect or nearly so.  A wife can expect the same from her husband.  And parents can expect perfection or near perfection from their children.  Perfection is always an unrealistic expectation because no human being is all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful and all-perfect.

 When someone does not live up to an unrealistic expectation, whose fault is it?  What I mean is, if someone expects me to be perfect or nearly so and I can't, is it me who is "causing" their unhappiness.  No.  It is their unrealistic expectations that are causing every bit of their unhappiness. 

Often people do not realize that they have unrealistic expectations, so sometimes relationships get into trouble and no one is really at fault.  Blaming and blaming is going on without any real insight.  Sometimes people are blind to their unrealistic expectations and so things fall apart but no one is really "intending" to do malice or anything like that.

That being said, I do not think you are responsible for what is happening between your parents even if you have made mistakes, big and small.  We ALL make mistakes big and small.  I'm sure your parents have made mistakes big and small although they may not have shared those facts with you.

You, your mother and your father have each done millions of good things in life, millions of beautiful things, millions of strong and brave and wise things.  In conflict, those things are often forgotten but they happened and they are real and they count!  So please do not beat yourself up over things.  It doesn't help. 

Hopefully things will work out for the best somehow.  And even if they do not, hopefully you will be able to turn things in your own life so that you have a good and happy life.  You deserve it!  I wish I knew what else to say.

Apologies if my words are not helpful.  I am wishing you all the best.  Please keep your head held high.  You are a wonderful person!    - epictetus

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Thanks for replying. Its not an easy spot to be in, I have decided to stay at a friends house over the weekend to at least give them some space and let this settle in my head. I don't really know what I'm going to do when I go back. I just wish this wouldn't happen. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.

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