creativity-when-depressed-part-two

[highanxiety]

8 hours ago, Abandonedalways said:

The big empty. 

 

Dust swirls and time collapses. 

Here we are drinking dirt and taking chances. 

They say depression casts a shadow.

If so, I'm forever eclipsed. 

 

Sunspots are my favorite vision, 

Burned, etched, maybe just to be kept.

 

Dried river beds of tears shed. 

For you, for him, for her, for them.

 

Relationships made from copper pipe, 

Made to shape, made to seal - air tight. 

Blow torch my nerves shut. 

Happiness was always a dream I sought. 

 

AA, wow, two great pieces.  They both carry much emotion.  Emotions and feelings I can relate to.  Very heartfelt.  I haven't been writing much.  Just kind of overwhelmed by everything.  Mostly continued disappointments.  But I had one good day after my therapy appointment on Thursday.  He is really helping me see things in a more positive way.  But it will take awhile.  Hope you are doing o.k.  I guess Dog is taking a break.  Haven't seen anything posted by him for awhile.  Look forward to seeing him back when he is ready.

[womanofthelight]

14 hours ago, highanxiety said:

This is beautifully written.  So much to read into it.  I'm sure I will read it over and over.  Thanks for contributing and hope to see more of your work.

highanxiety -- thank you for your comments and for starting this thread.  It's a wonderful means of expression for all!  Always - WOTL

[Abandonedalways]

Profoundly ignorant.

 

You thought you knew me, 

You thought you had me figured out.

Sadly, you were wrong.

Even if I wished you were right.

 

Meredith poked and grabbed me.

Asked me why I was damaged goods.

I told her, but she misunderstood. 

I like to mask me, with 'we'.

 

Carpets weaved with brittle bones,

So beautifully laid.

 

[Dog]

5 hours ago, Abandonedalways said:

Carpets weaved with brittle bones,

So beautifully laid.

I dunno why but these lines elicited more of an emotional reaction than I would have expected outta me. Good work as always man.

Everyone has had really good work going on in this thread lately. I haven't been in a great place so I kinda fell into a hole for awhile there (still trying to claw my way out) but it was good to come back to so much stuff to read. Noticed a few new people popping up here too, I'm enjoying all the different perspectives I get from everyone's work.

[Dog]

On 6/13/2016 at 2:33 AM, Lotte said:

I cried about the little things to pretend the big things didn't bother me

 

What is this icky feeling? It tears my brain apart from the inside out.

This is short but I thought it was perfect. The first line hit me pretty hard. Thank you for contributing.

[Dog]

On 6/13/2016 at 9:41 PM, highanxiety said:

Finding the hope to heal:

49 lives lost,

53 critically injured

senselessly 

innocent victims.

 

All of this lays heavy 

on my heart and soul.

If my heart stopped beating now,

I don't think I'd mind.

Peace is what I'm looking for,

and I am tired of 

fighting my personal war.

And tired of seeing the world

destroy itself.

Thank you for writing this HA, it just put into words what I think a lot of people are probably feeling. There are times when I have to stop myself from thinking about the state of the world... just so I don't cry. I heard an interview with one of the survivors of the Orlando shooting and I couldn't get it out of my head the rest of the day. How am I not supposed to cry every time I look at the news? People shot, war crimes, animal abuse, unspeakable cruelty... sometimes I'm not sure whether the question is "can the world be saved?" as much as "should it be saved?".

Anyway, sorry for waxing philosophical for a minute there. Your piece just put into words a lot of the things I've been struggling with and I really appreciate that you were able to state it so poignantly.

[Dog]

On 6/12/2016 at 10:51 AM, glfinding said:

I know some of my poems sound kind of bad, but I'm not a bad person.  I've learned about how this world will try and destroy some of us, but I've also learned to not roll over for it.  I spend a fair amount of my time battling bad thoughts.

This resonates a lot with me. I write stuff sometimes that sounds so horrible to me when I read it back it kinda gives me pause as to whether or not I'm that awful myself... but I've realized sometimes that's the only way to get the emotional bile and sickness out. Sometimes I've gotta let the dark parts run amok on the page so I can expunge it from my system. I like your writing a lot in that regard, it has a very raw aspect to its pain that's very tangible.

[Abandonedalways]

Feeling insignificant

 

Let me rot, in this hole I call bed. 

Let me struggle to peer through a cloudy window. 

Every muscle aches for a moment to be reunited. 

I wish I could conceive an escape. 

 

Toss and turn, pull my hair till i scream. 

Makes no difference, I don't mind the mess. 

 

Every curtain closed because I cannot bare a happy face. 

Smiles contorted just for your pleasure. 

I've given up on dreaming, I've embraced fantasy. 

Chemically numb, but frustratingly awake. 

[Abandonedalways]

BHB

 

I don't want to hear your voices. 

I can't stand the constant noise. 

The fluttering of broken angels wings. 

The venom of a hunters lips. 

 

Foreign goddess I betrayed you. 

I left you because... I thought it was right for you. 

 

Unknown consequences to the questions I asked. 

The implications have left me reeling for years. 

 

Blondie, how wrong you were. 

You cast your friend away so that I may stay. 

I was never coming, ever. 

 

Summoner, I spent a year under your spell. 

I found azure greens. 

Flipped the pages until it all made sense. 

And left my soul by way of a sunsets kiss. 

 

Even now I sway, 

Because I don't deserve happiness. 

Its not selfishness, 

Its release. 

 

Stay away, I'll only remind you how worthless I've become. 

AS,SP,VC,MM,AS,SS,LF,KL,KF,KJ,AJ,AB,RS,AG,GB,CK,EB,RG

As time flies I'm only left with fading memories. 

Each day another one flickers away. 

I've chosen to forget everything.

 

 

[Dog]

14 hours ago, Abandonedalways said:

BHB

 

Even now I sway, 

Because I don't deserve happiness. 

Its not selfishness, 

Its release. 

 

Stay away, I'll only remind you how worthless I've become.

I hate that toxic feeling, like you're poison to everyone who gets close to you... it's a weird juxtaposition to have the expectation that you're gonna let everyone down but still be terrified of it happening. Thanks for another good piece man.

[Dog]

So I've been working on a song the past day or so and this is what I came up with. It's about feeling unhealthy/obsessive/possessive. It's written from the perspective of a sick love, sort of a crazy stalker type thing. The "walls, doors, and ramparts" are metaphorical, the idea of breaking down someone's personal boundaries (even by force) for your own needs... but also being so warped about it that you're blaming the other person for the bad things you do, as though you don't have a choice.

 

WITHOUT YOU

I don’t mean to hurt you

You know it’s just survival

Cause darling I thirst you

And you’re my revival

 

But I’m breaking your door

Cause in love it’s all fair

And darling its war

But it’s more than I can bear

 

I’m burning your walls

Because I am weakness

And you know most of all

I can’t face the bleakness

 

I’m storming your ramparts

Because I am sickness

I will join us our hearts

And now you bear witness

 

And I can’t let you leave

Cause it won’t let me breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

 

I’ll swallow the earth

And I’ll make the seas boil

Burn everything of worth

For a drop of your snake oil

 

I’ll open my veins

And I’ll let the oceans run red

I’ll keep you in chains

To stop the voices in my head

 

Cause I’m telling you

If you leave its m*rder

And I’m begging you please

Don’t make it m*rder

 

And I won’t let you leave

Cause I can’t seem to breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

Edited June 22, 2016 by Dog

[ParaDoxiPaladin]

Hi all, just thought I'd mention this here as maybe some of you might be able to help :) Just started up a topic named 'Advice - Self-Employment, Patreon, Etc'. Discussing the idea of creative writing funded by donations. Last time I asked for advice for this online I got a lot of negative feedback but everyone on this site is nice enough so I'm putting myself out there again. I love the idea of self-employment but my lack of confidence, motivation, and focus really prevents me from throwing myself into it. That and of course my health issues that I fear (and often do) just tell me that this project will not be done. But perhaps if I get started and people begin donating and expressing positive opinion of my work then it may push me onwards? Not sure. Anyways, if anyone has any advice please comment/message or visit my forum topic in this category. Thanks in advance :)

[highanxiety]

5 hours ago, Dog said:

So I've been working on a song the past day or so and this is what I came up with. It's about feeling unhealthy/obsessive/possessive. It's written from the perspective of a sick love, sort of a crazy stalker type thing. The "walls, doors, and ramparts" are metaphorical, the idea of breaking down someone's personal boundaries (even by force) for your own needs... but also being so warped about it that you're blaming the other person for the bad things you do, as though you don't have a choice.

 

WITHOUT YOU

I don’t mean to hurt you

You know it’s just survival

Cause darling I thirst you

And you’re my revival

 

But I’m breaking your door

Cause in love it’s all fair

And darling its war

But it’s more than I can bear

 

I’m burning your walls

Because I am weakness

And you know most of all

I can’t face the bleakness

 

I’m storming your ramparts

Because I am sickness

I will join us our hearts

And now you bear witness

 

And I can’t let you leave

Cause it won’t let me breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

 

I’ll swallow the earth

And I’ll make the seas boil

Burn everything of worth

For a drop of your snake oil

 

I’ll open my veins

And I’ll let the oceans run red

I’ll keep you in chains

To stop the voices in my head

 

Cause I’m telling you

If you leave its m*rder

And I’m begging you please

Don’t make it m*rder

 

And I won’t let you leave

Cause I can’t seem to breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

Hey Dog, this piece is heavy.  It speaks to me in many ways.   I've been in relationships, hurtful ones, but ones full of so much love on my side, but not being reciprocated.  And being kicked while your down, depressed or sick and being misunderstood.  Anger arises, and then the blame game that everything is their fault.  And maybe it is.  Whatever the case, I've learned there needs to some sort of balance in a relationship. 

I get where you are coming from.  I feel your frustration and hope there may be some resolution.  It would make a great song I think.  Good to have you back by the way.   And thanks for your comments about my piece about the shooting and my general disappointment in the world in general.  I think if we do not act soon on the obvious things needing fixing, the world might implode.  It makes me very sad, as I too cry watching all this happen, and any hope I had seems to be fleeing.

[Abandonedalways]

On 6/22/2016 at 0:31 PM, Dog said:

So I've been working on a song the past day or so and this is what I came up with. It's about feeling unhealthy/obsessive/possessive. It's written from the perspective of a sick love, sort of a crazy stalker type thing. The "walls, doors, and ramparts" are metaphorical, the idea of breaking down someone's personal boundaries (even by force) for your own needs... but also being so warped about it that you're blaming the other person for the bad things you do, as though you don't have a choice.

 

WITHOUT YOU

I don’t mean to hurt you

You know it’s just survival

Cause darling I thirst you

And you’re my revival

 

But I’m breaking your door

Cause in love it’s all fair

And darling its war

But it’s more than I can bear

 

I’m burning your walls

Because I am weakness

And you know most of all

I can’t face the bleakness

 

I’m storming your ramparts

Because I am sickness

I will join us our hearts

And now you bear witness

 

And I can’t let you leave

Cause it won’t let me breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

 

I’ll swallow the earth

And I’ll make the seas boil

Burn everything of worth

For a drop of your snake oil

 

I’ll open my veins

And I’ll let the oceans run red

I’ll keep you in chains

To stop the voices in my head

 

Cause I’m telling you

If you leave its m*rder

And I’m begging you please

Don’t make it m*rder

 

And I won’t let you leave

Cause I can’t seem to breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

Loving it dog. I feel the emotion and tension behind it. Sometimes i feel like we are all just steel cables ready to snap. Great stuff my man. Hope youre hanging in there!

[Abandonedalways]

What would you give for a night of perfection?

Would you stay up all night, wanting my protection? 

Absent minded thoughts of regression.

 

Heavy is the burden of a broken heart.

 

I want to remain trapped with you forever.

Not because I love you, because I want you to suffer.

Not here, nor there, but in the ether.

 

 

[Dog]

4 hours ago, Abandonedalways said:

Loving it dog. I feel the emotion and tension behind it. Sometimes i feel like we are all just steel cables ready to snap. Great stuff my man. Hope youre hanging in there!

Thanks man, I appreciate it. I recently watched an anime that had a good quote, I think it kinda fits what you're talking about. "All people have secrets, things they keep in their heart that they'll never tell another soul. So you see, there's really no such thing as a normal person"

[Dog]

On 6/22/2016 at 5:58 PM, highanxiety said:

Hey Dog, this piece is heavy.  It speaks to me in many ways.   I've been in relationships, hurtful ones, but ones full of so much love on my side, but not being reciprocated.  And being kicked while your down, depressed or sick and being misunderstood.  Anger arises, and then the blame game that everything is their fault.  And maybe it is.  Whatever the case, I've learned there needs to some sort of balance in a relationship. 

I get where you are coming from.  I feel your frustration and hope there may be some resolution.  It would make a great song I think.  Good to have you back by the way.   And thanks for your comments about my piece about the shooting and my general disappointment in the world in general.  I think if we do not act soon on the obvious things needing fixing, the world might implode.  It makes me very sad, as I too cry watching all this happen, and any hope I had seems to be fleeing.

It's definitely a cycle that can get out of control. Thankfully I was writing from "what my darkness could be" rather than "what my darkness is" if that makes any sense. But yes, wise words. Balance is key. Thanks for the feedback man, it means a lot. Not just on this but in regards to talking about your piece as well. I sincerely hope things aren't as bad as I feel like they are sometimes. Hopefully one day we big hearted people won't have as much to cry over...

Edited June 25, 2016 by Dog

[womanofthelight]

imagine

through the tons of laundry
and trips to the grocery store

what it might be
to find

the landscape to your
horizon

and dream
not so foolishly
the one

that fits
the small of your back
fills your cup
the empty chair beside your bed

and makes every sunrise
a fire

burning

[Abandonedalways]

Wotl, I really enjoyed that. So much so I was continuing the piece in my head. Wishing I knew what would be said? Maybe something burning red. Who knows, but keep em coming and thank you for gracing our thread!

[SugaredSloth]

I just discovered this thread, and I do a lot of writing, so... Here goes.

I call this one "Dear Depression" 

I can't breathe with you around,
Because you fill the air with sorrow
That clings, heavy, to my skin
Like a smothering shroud
And I just can't breathe

I can't speak with you around
Because your lies keep me silent 
Every thought in my head is a fallacy
That you planted in my mind
And I just can't speak

I can't move with you around
Because your presence cages my spirit
Pinning me to emptiness, trapped 
Like the wings of a butterfly 
And I just can't move

I can't fight with you anymore 
Because how can I ever hope to win?
I can't breathe without moving
Can't speak without breathing 
And I just can't fight 

I can't live with you around 
Because you turn the light to darkness, 
Happiness to fear, love to loss
My memories twisted to bitter regrets
And I just.... can't.

[womanofthelight]

On 6/22/2016 at 3:31 PM, Dog said:

So I've been working on a song the past day or so and this is what I came up with. It's about feeling unhealthy/obsessive/possessive. It's written from the perspective of a sick love, sort of a crazy stalker type thing. The "walls, doors, and ramparts" are metaphorical, the idea of breaking down someone's personal boundaries (even by force) for your own needs... but also being so warped about it that you're blaming the other person for the bad things you do, as though you don't have a choice.

 

WITHOUT YOU

I don’t mean to hurt you

You know it’s just survival

Cause darling I thirst you

And you’re my revival

 

But I’m breaking your door

Cause in love it’s all fair

And darling its war

But it’s more than I can bear

 

I’m burning your walls

Because I am weakness

And you know most of all

I can’t face the bleakness

 

I’m storming your ramparts

Because I am sickness

I will join us our hearts

And now you bear witness

 

And I can’t let you leave

Cause it won’t let me breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

 

I’ll swallow the earth

And I’ll make the seas boil

Burn everything of worth

For a drop of your snake oil

 

I’ll open my veins

And I’ll let the oceans run red

I’ll keep you in chains

To stop the voices in my head

 

Cause I’m telling you

If you leave its m*rder

And I’m begging you please

Don’t make it m*rder

 

And I won’t let you leave

Cause I can’t seem to breathe

Without you

 

Oh, you’re a killer (x3)

Oh, you’re a killer in my eyes

Damn!  This is amazing.  So full of emotion.

[womanofthelight]

On 6/22/2016 at 0:35 AM, Abandonedalways said:

BHB

 

I don't want to hear your voices. 

I can't stand the constant noise. 

The fluttering of broken angels wings. 

The venom of a hunters lips. 

 

Foreign goddess I betrayed you. 

I left you because... I thought it was right for you. 

 

Unknown consequences to the questions I asked. 

The implications have left me reeling for years. 

 

Blondie, how wrong you were. 

You cast your friend away so that I may stay. 

I was never coming, ever. 

 

Summoner, I spent a year under your spell. 

I found azure greens. 

Flipped the pages until it all made sense. 

And left my soul by way of a sunsets kiss. 

 

Even now I sway, 

Because I don't deserve happiness. 

Its not selfishness, 

Its release. 

 

Stay away, I'll only remind you how worthless I've become. 

AS,SP,VC,MM,AS,SS,LF,KL,KF,KJ,AJ,AB,RS,AG,GB,CK,EB,RG

As time flies I'm only left with fading memories. 

Each day another one flickers away. 

I've chosen to forget everything.

 

 

So full of pain and regret.  You cut this reader to the very core. 

[Abandonedalways]

3 hours ago, SugaredSloth said:

I just discovered this thread, and I do a lot of writing, so... Here goes.

I call this one "Dear Depression" 

I can't breathe with you around,
Because you fill the air with sorrow
That clings, heavy, to my skin
Like a smothering shroud
And I just can't breathe

I can't speak with you around
Because your lies keep me silent 
Every thought in my head is a fallacy
That you planted in my mind
And I just can't speak

I can't move with you around
Because your presence cages my spirit
Pinning me to emptiness, trapped 
Like the wings of a butterfly 
And I just can't move

I can't fight with you anymore 
Because how can I ever hope to win?
I can't breathe without moving
Can't speak without breathing 
And I just can't fight 

I can't live with you around 
Because you turn the light to darkness, 
Happiness to fear, love to loss
My memories twisted to bitter regrets
And I just.... can't.

Aye! SS, welcome to the thread! I love your first entry here! I know I sound a little over the top right now, but I just love the influx of great writers lately.

I lIke the conversation and manner in which you greet us with dear depression.

If it so pleases you, continue Contributing! Thank you!

Edited June 25, 2016 by Abandonedalways
Auto correct on my phone is odd.

[Abandonedalways]

Thank you wotl. I do hold a lot of pain and regret - when I can feel that is. :)

 

Great work lately everyone! Keep it up!

 

[SugaredSloth]

5 minutes ago, Abandonedalways said:

Aye! SS, welcome to the thread! I love your first entry here! I know I sound a little over the top right now, but I just love the influx of great writers lately.

I lIke the conversation and manner in which you grest us with dear depression.

If it so pleases you, continue Contributing! Thank you!

Thank you very much; I think I will.