Jump to content
Donate Now Read more... ×
highanxiety

creativity-when-depressed-part-two

Recommended Posts

The Family

I weep with you, my friend.

Your tears, they wet my face.

Your sobs they squeeze my lungs,

and your anguish haunts my brain.

 

I suffer with you, my sister.

Your pain fires through my nerves.

Your contorted features mirror

all my sorrow's twists and turns.

 

I ache with you, my brother.

Your bruises mark my skin.

Your abrasions are like fingers

tracing all the pain within.

 

I mourn with you, my family

whether distant, whether near.

Conjoined with you in agony,

never separate when we're here.                            ColdFire-6/20/17

 

Edited by ColdFire

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Morning Routine

One more day in the endless stream

Drag my carcass from my bed

Half-assedly shave my face

Put on clothes I'm sick of wearing

My gut clenches as I arrive at work

38 voicemails on my phone

But I have bills to pay and alimony

I'm old and very tired.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That the heart may have vision

To have the strength to be deceived
For the purpose of success
Is the mark of a truly courageous soul
Who knows how to progress

To have the strength to see the world
With the vision of his heart
Gives a man the almighty power
He needs to do his part.

And he can see through subtle questions.
He thanks those high above,
All those who think he cannot hear,
He offers fraternal love.

It takes some time to understand
It takes some time to heal.
The heart can work through paranoia
To see compassion that is real.

Let's not beat about the bush.
The heart that has awoken
Can hear behind committee doors
And understand what's spoken.

Let's make this world a closer place
By extending our perception
To see the smiles in each face
And giggle at deception!

Because he who listens, he who hears,
Is the star of all mankind.
He who offers all his cheers,
Shall see through his own mind.

That's when he sees a little picture
Of all the nursing staff.
It's a vision in which he sees them smiling
And he joins in with their laugh.

Let's take the time to be more open
As much as etiquette can permit
Are we candid when we've spoken?
It's a hard thing to admit

Let's look at the world with joyful eyes
And change our whole perception
The ultimate vision may surprise
When we see through our deception.

When we find courage in our heart
To trust the world we fear,
Every problem we cannot face
Will be greeted with a cheer.

Life is difficult, so let's get real;
the problems will remain.
Some things are better left unsaid,
We all have a private brain.

Perhaps the greatest thing of all
Is the freedom of our speech;
To sift through private inner thoughts,
And help those we cannot reach.

If we can speak words from the heart
Let us choose them carefully.
It is the voice of our innermost feelings
That shows what we can be.

written many years ago in a feeling of acute annoyance,


 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Beast in the wood
In the forest amongst the trees
I listened to the nightmare breeze
The horror slowly hit my ears
A beast was walking through my fears
Altering what was in my mind
His big eyes told me "The world is kind"
I listened to his howls and screams
galumphing forward in my dreams
"Don't think the world's a nasty place"
He stretched the muscles of his face
Grimaced with a fierce expression
"You will get better from depression"
As I listened to this creature
He altered my mind in every feature
He widened his mouth and broadened his eyes
Bellowed his laughter, yelled his dark cries
"There's nothing to fear, the world is so kind"
The beast prowled through the fears in my mind
Here I was standing in the depths of the wood
I'd heard what he'd said and i now understood.
I could choose to rebuke my demon with rage
Or embrace life's reality with the strength of a sage
What could I do but slay the dread beast
For telling me lies that man could live in peace
For telling me falsehoods and distorting my vision
Making me see things with lack of precision.
Of course I should do that and see harsh reality
The world is cruel, I should see that with clarity.
And yet wherever I go, I must always hear
The difference deep down between love and real fear.
There was a beast that walked through my dream
He laughed out loud with a deceitful dark scream
But I held out my hand, and said "I am not afraid
Because there is truth in the statements you've made.
LIsten, my friend with the large startling eyes
You are not fear, but a friend in disguise.
And the moment we spoke, we each stretched  a hand
Shook it and said "I understand"
Brother, he said, there's no place for fear
Illusions may come and they may disappear
Because Truth itself lies before every face
Surely the world is a phenomenal place

August 10, 2014
 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She lives 1800 miles away

A short distance in this modern world

But it might as well be 1800 light years

The universe conspires against us

Just as it has always done with me

Hope is for the winners

Despair is for the losers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sleep in Foreign Rooms

There is no sleep
in foreign rooms
only restless hours
and the company of strangers
moving, stirring
in the night

There is no safety
in foreign rooms
only false appearance
and the comfort of barred windows
trapping, chaining
me within

There is no quiet
in foreign rooms
only unfamiliar sounds
and the clock three walls away
ticking, tapping
all the time

There is no hope
in foreign rooms
only ache for change
and the reminders of past mistakes
haunting, hurting
in the dark

There is no safety
There is no quiet
There is no hope here
There is only emptiness
when you sleep
in foreign rooms

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


 

Under Care

I know few agonies worse than this
Everyone's gathered around the table
Reading the notes, they've pinned me down
I have to comply as much as I'm able
There's no alternative but to submit
And understand I'm under care
Like a peacock, their eyes are open
But I can't see the words they share

I do not know who's gathered there
I don't know who's able to see my notes
I'm in the theatre, being examined
And not just by those with overcoats
The eyes that stare are understanding
Of course I know they're not pernicious
But the peacock's quills that interfere
Communicate falsehoods that are vicious

What can I do, I'm trying to breathe
But the feathers are like a sundew's strands
There's no point struggling, I must accept
That when I trust I'm in good hands
Yet while I'm pinned down to the table
I can hear scores and scores of passers-by
Sometimes I wish my prison was visible
To them perhaps as well as I!

What can I do, I must submit
I don't feel I have a voice at all
Because what I say is rewritten
By all those present in the hall
Everyone thinks that a thousand heads
Must work better than just the one
As a network they are more powerful
And can certainly get a lot more done

They are always working all together
They share the data that they need
It provides a safety in the structure
For all professionals to proceed
Thousands of people know they must bind
Or find that they are bound themself
It isn't a choice that one would make
To suffer from poor mental health

Yet the sundews are there, its not illusion
The peacocks send messages with their quills
I think I'm going to have to see things differently
If I'm to recover from my ills
The invisible prison blocks my contact
With far too many human faces
The warders don't wear any uniforms
Though often they provide embraces

There can't be much pain that's worse
Than that which is caused by separation
With different diameters of the freedom
From which one may walk out from their station
Its hard to cope with, I'm being choked
Though I scarcely feel I am a hero
I'm under care and have to submit
To a virtual radius that's almost zero.


May 7 2016

The sudden surge of optimism

It can be possible
When the sunlight is fading
to rekindle our dreams.

It might seem unthinkable
to find happiness now!

There cannot be hope!

When the sunlight is fading
And the happiness has passed.

That after all that's gone before.
 That it might yet be possible
That it might just be possible

To rekindle our dreams.

 When the sunlight is fading
And the old dreams have passed,

That with hope, it IS possible

With a surge in the heart, 
a violent upthrust
of unprecedented new optimism

That the unthinkable might yet come true
That dreams can be rekindled.

That the spark of beauty itself
may touch the heart forever!

And where happiness seemed impossible
It can yet be wakened with the upthrust of joy!

It can indeed be possible
to reach our dreams!

To find a sudden happiness;
to be optimistic,

And in the desolation of our sunset,
to find the most beautiful sunrise of them all!

July 10, 2011

A Sweetheart's Soul


We have a vision of a world
                     that's shattered as a whole.
But there is a special part of it
                                 that is your sweetheart's soul.

She's the cornerstone of Heaven
                          though she's sitting on the Earth.                      
You love her because she is perfection;
                and you've found what life is worth.                                
                      
She'll open up your inner heart
                          with her searching deep blue eyes;
And you in turn shall bring her happiness,
                        With a magical sunrise.

That's how two lovers wake up to joy,
                               when they find each others' soul.
For it changes the vision of the entire world
                      When two halves become a whole.

July 10  2010
 

 

I'm hoping with all my might to stay stable and well and fight through the most difficult and stormy mood problems Ive ever had in 30 years. Its worth staying calm now, if I can achieve this it will mean everything. I will prove myself successful. Whatever it takes. Really going to do all I can to stay rational calm and responsible. TO find an island of stillness in a frighhtening sea, yes its worth that strength, I am happier at once. I only want to do well though its a fierce illlness Im struggling with

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Incoming transition,

Someone light the way,

The night sky dies,

Tomorrow's fate today,

I dont care what they think or said,

Because we're feeling dead anyways,

 

Look at the magic,

You can tell by the writing on the wall,

On the page, on the forum,

A sea of deep thinkers most of all,

Inspired by the pain of the torment,

Maybe we're just slaves,

To the absolute of atonement,

Celebration of the suffocation,

Destination el flammation,

But do not dare us to feel any worse,

This flow of an aguish of a curse,

Like a blade to the skin,

I bleed it all from the end of my pen,

And once again I'm not really sure,

Exactly where i am at,

Why do I have to write this way,

** **** * ***** **** *,

Oh my god what did I say?

A bunch of savages in this town,

Walking around with a frown,

They take my peacefulness,

Uhhh they burn it to the ground,

So here is my upper selection,

With my fellowship of depression,

At least we are not at all like them,

Faking an entire life for an idle system,

Laughing at what isn't even funny,

Fulfilling thier daily quota as philosophy,

Feeling all the terrible and bad,

Is better than a sheep when it's glad,

 

Incoming message,

Someone open up the insides,

The collection grows,

And the data base unwinds,

I don't care what they think or said,

Because we're feeling dead anyways,

 

Master mac ten alphabet attack,

Heart panic every second on the planet,

Action is distraction for the innocent,

Condemned to a life that I have spent,

Counting counterfeits on every minute,

They call us cowards, losers, and sick,

Push us around and poke us with sticks,

Show them what we're made of,

The price that must be paid up,

When the push begets a shove,

This simple truth is undeniable,

We are ripping through the reliable,

An evolution in our institution,

Brutal as the path ways go,

We know we have many more miles,

Racing to the final edge all of the while,

Stepping into a realm not felt by many,

But maybe it's only for our testimony,

Into the complication of the conflict,

A suicidal ideation they offer to inflict,

This time I've hit the big daddy pay dirt,

Taunting death while it gives me a flirt,

The stronger I get, The stranger I get,

So how could I forget enemies on this bit?

This has been older than Odin's sun,

I will eat the galaxy and it will be fun,

Yes, I have a son, (How the **** do you plan to deal with both of us),

Looks like this story has just begun,

Warriors on the front lines of the youth,

Fighting til' the last breath for the truth,

 

Incoming ending,

Someone call the pyramid,

We need another miracle,

I'm just not that interested,

I dont care what they think or said,

Because we're feeling dead anyways.

Edited by glfinding

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with cold :)

Except he must be calling all of u brilliant, i have a long string of bad decisions proving im not :p

But def another strong page. My last was written about us. So many problems and bad times in my life, but i consider this to be special, my little place to be free, and it is humbling to think how others create and express. Means a great deal to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

where did you go?  where did the wind take you?
far from me i know.

do you think of me?  is the memory warm and light or 
dark and painful?

i think of you all the time, the memories are burning.

will you ever come back?  or is the distance too great?
i am still here.  waiting, always waiting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why?

Why indeed? Why would i do the things i have done?

I was wanting.

I was scared.

I was running.

I was scarred.

Was i greedy? Maybe. Nothing was intentional. I was stuck in a vortex and couldnt let go. All the while not realizing that i was the cause of those winds. 

Oh yes i played the victim. I honestly thought i was at first. It took me a little while...even after the s hit hit the fan. But then it was too fresh. And all i could go was react to feelings that were to be expected but were not my own. 

The wind chimes warned me but i paid no attention. Reactions i could have kept to myself. Even though i had feelings of my own...i should have known that i had no right to express them. Not like that.

And what happened in the end?

I am scarred, running, scared.

Still wanting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

Why?

Why indeed? Why would i do the things i have done?

I was wanting.

I was scared.

I was running.

I was scarred.

Was i greedy? Maybe. Nothing was intentional. I was stuck in a vortex and couldnt let go. All the while not realizing that i was the cause of those winds. 

Oh yes i played the victim. I honestly thought i was at first. It took me a little while...even after the s hit hit the fan. But then it was too fresh. And all i could go was react to feelings that were to be expected but were not my own. 

The wind chimes warned me but i paid no attention. Reactions i could have kept to myself. Even though i had feelings of my own...i should have known that i had no right to express them. Not like that.

And what happened in the end?

I am scarred, running, scared.

Still wanting.

This is an echo of my own feelings.  Thank you for posting 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, ArnoldJRimmer said:

This is an echo of my own feelings.  Thank you for posting 

One of the rare things that i wrote as it came out. The only edits were typos. I have more to say and i wonder if it should have been as one but i felt the two things should be separated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop

I can.

I have.

Self help guru - "the past does not equal the future."

But the past DID happen didnt it? And what was the cost? 

Harm and hurt. Nothing new to any of us. But to double up on it with an extra dose of fake. Well, thats just cruel.

Choices. Yes. Ive made bad ones. I chose to be rotten and spread my poison. Ive written of that before...how it flows through my veins. Sometimes i warn others. Most times i dont.

Yes i have stopped. But i think it wont be good enough. Because those i have harmed along the way never deserved any of it.

Someday. Maybe someday.

No. Because even if it were given to me, i will never forgive myself anyway.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I envy painters. My last gf was a painter. Wished more posts were drawings/paintings. I think in the original thread there was quite a few. It really is beautiful arnold.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

days stretch out like an endless highway over a barren wasteland.  no destination or respite.
blazing sunlight alternates with darkness but neither show anything beyond a blasted ribbon of asphalt, cracked and buckled but arrow straight.
the road disappears over the horizon.  a flat line unmared by change, never closer and featureless.
i long for the journey to end.  to just sit down and give up this pointless toil.
when youth reigned, the road curved and twisted through fantastic landscapes of discovery.  a road where others joined in and the path was light with shared laughter and tears.
I was important and i had all of time to dance in.

now alone 
always alone.  trapped in a body that misfires and creaks yet keeps going.
ugly as the landscape i traverse.  i know i will break one day and the journey will end but it wont end soon enough.
the road is one way and "what if" is a constant echo.  there was a time that the question drove me on.  drove me to search the pathways and discover the truth.  that the paths all lead here.
where the question still lingers but with a hint of mocking laughter.
what if i had been kinder?
what if i had not spoken when i did?
what if i had spoken instead of remaining silent?
what if i had sooner accepted what fate decreed long ago?
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Disclaimer. I do not condone eating human flesh.

 

 

Is Eating People REALLY That Bad?

 

Torn between the light of the pyre,

Breathing smoke, touching fire,

Burning inside my rotten coffin,

Digging deep, past the long forgotten,

Now the brutal stings,

With my nothingness,

Fist to fist, breathing,

Ghost is what we make,

 

Sacraficed to my strangled home,

Planet of apes, but monkey is all alone,

If there is an audience, clap to death,

Escape for once, grant eternal rest,

I hate my eyes,

Nightmare believe me,

It's such a happy plan,

My justified punishment,

 

Now how can I belong? Feel my taste,

This is forever war, my perfect face,

I ride on vultures, you can see my eyes,

Cawing for the scavenger to recognize,

You can feel it,

But not control it,

Feast on one another,

Insects devouring insects,

 

This is for funny people,

Except that I do not laugh,

Just pick the meat from my teeth,

I pick and pick and pick,

And I'm not forgetting you.

 

All bad things must come to an end,

Suicidal thoughts, my galactic friend,

Every rotation of this magnetic place,

The death toll rises for the master race,

Touch the gun,

Tools for kings,

Beside me alive,

Buried in Hell,

 

So tell me, do you plan to play me now?

This isn't just my blood, I wonder how,

A violent box, an attempted cue,

One third of the fallen angels, after you,

A long time problem,

Faithful customer,

Just a dollar more,

So close to consuming,

 

Maybe it won't be long, give me a break,

Give me a break, of your yummy steak,

Chomp chomp chew, the gush of the fat,

You think you are safe? In this habitat? 

All hail the tasty treat,

Meat meat meat, 

From the head,

To the feet,

 

This for funny people,

Except I do not laugh,

Just pick the meat from my teeth,

I pick and pick and pick,

And I'm not forgetting you.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When life is so incredibly difficult

When life is so incredibly difficult 
The brightest star of all ignites 

This is the meaning of genuine courage 
It fractures into a thousand lights 

The bravest find the smallest fragment 
A candle to light their night of nights 

It's only when the poet's in difficulty 
That success will come whatever he writes. 

July 26 2017 
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×