Been abused my entire life. Never had a chance.

[The_Unwanted]

I was never able to have a healthy environment with a decent living, to have something stable I could have used as a building block. I've been trying to run away from abuse my whole life. But in the event I escape my abuser, I end up with another abuser for financial reasons. Because everytime I try to escape poverty, I end up sacrificing my mental health in places that have such poor working conditions, it makes everybody run away. And everybody I should have been able to rely on was abusive to me.

I reported this and it was confirmed that these are indeed abusive home and work conditions.

And everybody in society honestly believes it's all my fault, if I don't walk around with the swag of a king and a big smile on my face with enthusiasm coming out of my pores. People won't accept anything less of me, which makes it impossible for me to function normally.

I was able to take a stand against all this abuse, sometimes escape when I had the money and the knowledge. I also found a few productive things to do, when I have money and I'm not working. But I still have to do abusive tasks that are bad for me to get that money and I still do not have the oppurtunity to have a healthy environment for myself.

I wish I had a chance at a proper place to develop myself. But I don't have faith in anyone or anything. And the way society is with me, it seems like they are doing everything conceivably imaginable to twist my vision of humanity as much they possibly can. I feel like the entire world is trying to hold me down.

Edited October 24, 2016 by The_Unwanted

[Follena]

You are loved, you are valuable. If you can find just one person to reach out to and talk with a little, maybe you can have sunnier days ahead ...

[The_Unwanted]

On 10/24/2016 at 8:34 PM, Follena said:

You are loved, you are valuable. If you can find just one person to reach out to and talk with a little, maybe you can have sunnier days ahead ...

 

The idea of living a lifetime of poverty without an oppurtunity to have an acceptable amount of interest in the real world is making me sick.

There are even people that are trying to make me force a smile because they want me to continue to living this disease.

My wish is to be able to get away from environments that are impossible to live and function in a healthy manner. Doesn't have to be perfect. It just takes common sense to be able to differentiate tolerable and unnacceptable.

I feel so messed up right now because some people around me never even taught me that I need to have interest in my own life. The reason is because they never cared about me. So not only do they not want me to have interest in my own life, but they are doing everything possible to take away everything I have interest in currently.

Edited November 3, 2016 by The_Unwanted

[gs22]

I'm sorry you feel this way.  I hate hearing garbage like this.

[The_Unwanted]

2 hours ago, gs22 said:

I'm sorry you feel this way.  I hate hearing garbage like this.

Thanks for the encouragement.

[Jessiejaye]

I know this is an old post and I came across this and it was almost like you were speaking my heart. I don’t want you to suffer this but it helps to know others feel the same as I do so thank you for putting out there in words that I can’t.