Jump to content

Happy being single? ...anyone?


Recommended Posts

Hi all, my relationship of two years might be ending. I feel bad because the idea of being single again sounds quite freeing even though I would miss certain things about being in a relationship.... So I'm wondering if there is anyone on here who is happy, or at least content, with not being in a romantic relationship? And I mean being single and not looking. 

Of course, I finally feel like I'm starting to get a handle on my depression and found a good dose for my antidepressant, so it's almost funny that it might be too late to save our relationship. Almost. 

Am I alone in thinking that being single for an indefinite amount of time sounds nice? This is a new mindframe for me, not sure if it's just because of a possible breakup, but thinking about not having to worry about this other person and our relationship sounds like a bit of a relief. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I felt like that at the end of my previous relationship too. It was not a healthy relationship and getting out was actually a relief, I was only heartbroken for a few days even though the relationship itself lasted for an entire year. I have been happily single for the entire year since and am not actively dating at this point, but I am still open to a relationship and if I run into someone I like I won't turn down a date with them. :) The relationship was unhealthy in part because my partner suffered from severe depression and would randomly neglect me or treat me like I didn't exist sometimes for weeks at a time and I had to constantly deal with the fear of finding them dead. It was something they talked about a lot, and said they would do sooner or later and offering help or hotlines made them incredibly aggressive, because they felt it was their choice to make and no help was needed.

It took a real toll on both of us, I felt like nothing more than a (very unappreciated) therapist and they are doing better now too that they don't have to worry about spending energy they didn't have on trying to make a relationship work when it should have been spent on taking care of themselves. We are both better off not being together and we are still friends, much better ones than when we tried to have a relationship. I have a ton of free time to spend on a project I am currently working on and really excited about, I have friends and family so I never feel lonely and I genuinely enjoy my own company a lot too. Being single is infinitely better than being in an unhealthy relationship, but I do eventually want a (healthy) relationship, just right now I am too busy with life to actively look for one.

I think your new mind frame is a really healthy one and the result of getting a handle on your depression. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hmm i would say im ok with being single ^-^ i mean the question is what do you mean with single. Like living alone, not beeing interested in interaction with other humans, in my case males? Because thats not the point. I had a 5 year long relatinship, then ended it. I used the time to meet friends and yes ofc have some flirts and dates. Im not the person running around looking desperat for a man, but ofc there are guys i like and if there was someone i felt to know more i did. Thats how i started dating my now last bf (we just broke up in june) Im a person who can relate to guys better since childhood, so im mostly surrounded by guys XD and im ok with not having a bf sitting next to me right now. Sadly something i really would need is a partner/or friend next to me, helping me through these bad depression times. But tbh non of the last 2 would have been able to anyway. The first was a weak person and just lettet me handle everything, after he knew how bad im with my attemp etc he just went to one doc with me... the rest was me fighting alone. The last bf, ... he lived 4000miles away and we just hadnt a way to move together fast. We dated for 2 years but knew each other longer.

A relationship is not nessesary, if you are ok with how your life is, if you make the most of it. It can be quite good, getting to know different ppl, figuring out, what you like (yes even when it comes to sex ^_~)

ahhh and with your partner right now. Just talk openly, maybe you guys just seperate for a while. Its not a problem to get together. You only see what you had when its lost ^_~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if everyone wants to be alone, I certainly don't. However, ending my relationship of 2 years I have to say was a relief because I suffer from way too much anxiety that it was getting in the way of going out of the house. I don't like the idea of being alone in this lifetime, but I don't think with my illness a relationship is possible which makes me sad, but I have to accept the reality of it. I want the person who will be with me to happy, not miserable and I can't offer much so I just pretend that I am happy being alone....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was quite surprised my 2nd relationship lasted as long as it did, even more so because it lasted longer than my first one (they were all long-distance.) I've been single for some months now and I can admit it does get lonely, but at the same time I prefer it. The only problem is that, for about a month or so, I was desperate in getting a relationship. I guess I wanted someone, even just one person, to care about me more than I do? I have no idea, but by now I realize maybe I shouldn't care anymore, so I'm quite apathetic towards everything and I could care less of what happens. In a sense, I could say I'm somewhat content with being single, but in another sense I could say I want a relationship. Everything is just messed up for me and I have no idea of what to do or what to be doing anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being single is one thing. No one can be not-single all the time. But being constantly single is a whole other thing. I've been single and more and more alone for the past 10 years. I don't really believe anymore in "learn to love youreself" and that kind of stuff. Happy? No. The hardest part is when you start to believe that you mean something for someone when you actually don't. And you have to go back to your world. Sometimes I'm so alone I want to scream just to see if anyone hears.

Is it possible to be happy when single? Of course. Is it possible to be happy when constantly single? Only maybe if your a masochist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, EduardR said:

Being single is one thing. No one can be not-single all the time. But being constantly single is a whole other thing. I've been single and more and more alone for the past 10 years. I don't really believe anymore in "learn to love youreself" and that kind of stuff. Happy? No. The hardest part is when you start to believe that you mean something for someone when you actually don't. And you have to go back to your world. Sometimes I'm so alone I want to scream just to see if anyone hears.

Is it possible to be happy when single? Of course. Is it possible to be happy when constantly single? Only maybe if your a masochist.

Or a hopeless loser with nothing going for him

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the hardest thing in life is picking yourself up when you get knocked down. Sometimes when I have been knocked down hard, I wonder want is the point to put yourself out there again. But I do and sometimes it's been quick others not so but if you don't try you will never succeed. 

There is never a definitive answer to these things but I know if you strop trying it definitely won't happen. So when I am single and ready for something more I just put myself out there again. But before I am ready yes you can be happy single but who wants to be single for good, not many. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there!

Just wanted to assure you, that yes - I'm one of those ones that enjoys being single! 

Last year my 3 year "relationship" (I use quotation marks for a reason!) ended rather horribly - but honestly, I don't really count it as a relationship because nothing ever happened, and I was only seen and called a girlfriend by my ex when it suited him! I mean for crying out loud, we lived 3 minutes away from one another and only kissed once, not to mention he could never be bothered - we only met up once every couple of months. 

Since then, honestly - I have completely lost interest in getting into another relationship. To be honest, if I ever got back out into the whole dating scene (I only turn 20 in a month or so) then I'm really looking for..a best friend, rather than anything physical like that. I have absolutely no experience with a physical relationship either and I quite like being single! I've already decided that I don't want children - animals are my kids! ;)

As I suffer with multiple anxiety disorders I just feel I drive people away let's be honest - I can't function as a normal human being, I don't want to bring anyone else into something that I'm battling with. It's not fair for them to see me like...this. Because while I go out there and pretend to be normal, I can't show them what goes on behind closed doors, or in my head.

I really hope that your relationship works out - and if not, you can enjoy being single for a while! I just...like my space.I can go home from class and watch as much anime and eat whatever I like, and sit in my PJ's all night! But that's just me. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am happier being single then when I was younger, dating seems like a huge pain in the ass that I don't want to go through right now to find someone I feel smothered if I have to many things going on in my life. I feel free like this more than I use to. The only thing that bothers me is the social stigma that I have to deal with, people act like I have to provide them a answer as to why iim not seeing anybody, then they will start bring up people around that are single that don't meet my standards and they expect me to jump and go out with them just because there their. I like being selfish and not having to worry about anyone but myself,I feel guilty admitting that lol. I don't want kids, think marriage is just a contract so don't feel like im in a rush. I get the same issues when people find out I don't have many friends. it makes me mad that people are so bossy that they feel the need to tell me what to do. they can think ill of me but I will not think ill of myself just because they expect me to. Sure they can think of me as a loser because I am not scared of being alone as much as they are but to me there the losers because they can't be happy with themselfs and mind there own buissness.

Edited by scienceguy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow. Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm at work so I'll read them more closely later but it's great to hear your stories and different viewpoints. I'm going to be 30 next year and getting older doesn't really worry me too much  but I do worry about being a senior, say 70+ and single and lonely, but that can happen to anyone with the loss of a spouse or a divorce, I suppose... I don't know if this relationship will survive and if I'm being honest with myself I think I'm done with it, we'll see. I will definitely take a long break from dating if it ends and later try to be open to maybe being in a relationship some day but probably won't try to meet someone for a while.

I think I would be quite happy being single indefinitely and maybe making some new friends and investing more in the few friendships I have now, and spend lots of time with my adorable niece and nephew, do some personal development too. Like many others on here,  I'm an introvert and like having lots of time to myself but this means I would need to be careful to not end up on cutting myself off from everyone and really work on creating and maintaining (non romantic) relationships. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, scienceguy said:

I am happier being single then when I was younger, dating seems like a huge pain in the ass that I don't want to go through right now to find someone I feel smothered if I have to many things going on in my life. I feel free like this more than I use to. The only thing that bothers me is the social stigma that I have to deal with, people act like I have to provide them a answer as to why iim not seeing anybody, then they will start bring up people around that are single that don't meet my standards and they expect me to jump and go out with them just because there their. I like being selfish and not having to worry about anyone but myself,I feel guilty admitting that lol. I don't want kids, think marriage is just a contract so don't feel like im in a rush. I get the same issues when people find out I don't have many friends. it makes me mad that people are so bossy that they feel the need to tell me what to do. they can think ill of me but I will not think ill of myself just because they expect me to. Sure they can think of me as a loser because I am not scared of being alone as much as they are but to me there the losers because they can't be happy with themselfs and mind there own buissness.

I'm the same in terms of probably not wanting kids & I don't care about marriage much either. I just wish I could have a relationship with someone that I find attractive & get along with well. It just seems like it's never going to happen for me. I'm just afraid that many more years will go by & I'll still never have a relationship. I could probably force myself to get into one, but it would likely be where I'd have to lower my standards considerably where I won't be happy in the first place with them. So I just don't know anymore. I really feel like others have some sort of special ability to get into relationships naturally with people they like. Where for me it's just something I'll never be able to achieve due to the way I am & all my problems. 

Edited by GAJ123
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Exactly. I've always been told I should just be happy being single... Easy to say for those that have a great social life and several dates a week. 

I notice this myself too. It's ALWAYS the people where it comes naturally to get relationships are the ones that say this crap. It's annoying beyond belief. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Exactly. I've always been told I should just be happy being single... Easy to say for those that have a great social life and several dates a week. 

The problem with being single is not being single, per se. It's being single when alone. And I don't talk about being lonely, I mean alone like no one calling you for weeks or asking you how you are doing for months. Stuff like that.

Facing rejection or meeting people with cold hearts and getting to care for them, in the end having to let it go for some reason (not necessarily a supposed lover, but even a friend) it's easier when you have people around you. But when you're alone, having to crawl back is f hard. And I'm not a shy guy, I'm just... Me.

Le : yes, it's always those people. They tell you you are a great guy and you'll find someone, just have patience (as if I could hurry somewhere, lol). But if they're just so committed, why not prove it? Or it's easy to just talk, when you're not going to be involved? It does not hurt me, but you can't talk if you never walked in my shoes.

Edited by EduardR
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...