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Kabuto

Am I Mentally Equipped To Watch A Family Member With Mental Issues?

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Hi all,

My father's got some mental issues at the moment regarding awareness, cognition, etc.   It's tricky for me to know if it's wise for me to watch him a few days a week or not.   I'm dealing with a bunch of problems of my own at the moment, including career dilemma/seasonal affective disorder, sleep apnea and other issues.    It's hard to know whether I am capable to do this successfully or if it's not wise for me to take this on....   It's so hard to freaking say :/

UGH.   I hate being put in this kind of position.

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You may not have the ability to do it right now and may need to work on improving your own health; hard to say and realize, but perhaps it's best to find another solution for your Dad's care at the moment.  Best wishes to you.

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Don't watch him unless you're readily able to handle the pitfalls of his condition. Go for a trial period and just say no if you feel it's too much. Yeah it's fam, but you've got to know where you stand so you don't get yourself into trouble.

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I'm in a similar situation right now with my elderly mother whose cognitive issues have become more apparent this year.  She's functional, but forgets things, most recently she lost a 4-figure check.  Problem is that it's hitting just as I've been fighting significant psychological and medical issues of my own.  I really struggle to cope some days.  I've had to watch my impatience with her, particularly since she's had emotional issues of her own (likely abused in childhood) for years she's refused to acknowledge and refused to deal with her depression.  Although she's an angel, she is also the saddest, most self-hating woman I've ever known and I feel helpless to do anything about it.

I sometimes feel guilty that I have to do everything I can to care for myself before I can deal with her needs.  It's f****d up and I don't like it but that's all I can do right now.

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Isn't it tough to be in this type of situation?  Tell me about it.  I really get what you guys are saying.  Even if you had optimal mental health--not to mention physical, since some here have been hit with a double whammy--it's difficult.  It cheats you of your own life, yet you feel guilty if you avoid the parent.  Is it possible for you guys to find others to spell you, so you don't have to do all work?  Funny though, even with others who helped me with a very ill parent, I was tremendously overburdened.  And today, I'm stuck again with parent number two.  The caretaker needs to be taken care of too.  If you're going to become a caregiver, you will have to look after yourself even more intensely than you had before.  I still feel the burnout from months of caretaking, which involved so many tasks, I had lost count.  I don't have answers, just wanted to let you know that I understand the dilemma you're in. 

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