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SailingSoul

Living a life alone....is it possible to be happy?

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after chatting with friends, who have significant others...i feel I'm missing out so much...

I know no one is guaranteed a mate/ their other half.... I myself have a lot to work on..but I still desire that , being with another person..forming a deep connection with someone else. Like what is life, how much value is it if, you dont forge life long connections? Sure you can volunteer..but at the end of the day...you go home. And youre only doing it to make yourself feel better anyway-- Is there purpose to living a life alone?

Anyway, I struggle because... I want to be better for me..not some guy but at the same time i want to keep guys at an arms length BC my life is a s***ty mess...

 

idk there's such a push/pull.... I just feel so alone...my friends are online and I dont know if ill ever meet them.. Hell we may lose contact somewhere down the line... They're the closest things I have to friends... I just..im tired of the cards I've been given in life. I know 25 is too young to give up...but

I've seen and searched people who were single and alone in their 20's who were still single and alone at 50. Life can be like that...and with my luck..that will probably be my future.

 

and I'm afraid of that..being alone that long..that id much rather get into a car accident to spare me from living such a meaningless and lonely life that long...bc what's the point to a life like that?

 

I'm sorry I'm just depressed, I feel everyone has something but me, like no one will accept me for who I am..i feel defeated ?

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I feel similarly, except I have not tried to keep people away. I have craved love and tried to open myself to people, but I am still alone. Life is so hollow without someone to share it with. I want to give up too. I have tried. My life is a mess too, but I don't think that matters. Sharing the mess is better than sitting in it alone.

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23 minutes ago, Hermitic said:

I feel similarly, except I have not tried to keep people away. I have craved love and tried to open myself to people, but I am still alone. Life is so hollow without someone to share it with. I want to give up too. I have tried. My life is a mess too, but I don't think that matters. Sharing the mess is better than sitting in it alone.

I totally agree, sharing a mess is better than being alone. Its finding someone who will tolerate my circumstances that's the challenge.

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Cultural bias tells you that you will be single and alone at 50 etc, and it is better that you have a car crash etc... I hardly believe what I am hearing. The fact is that little girls see themselves as a character in a Disney Princess movie, and the only "real" thing they will ever get is Prince Charming to "Rescue" them.

Falsehoods: You will never be happy without a mate. 75% of marriages end with divorce after only a few years. When you are forced to chose a mate, you will more likely meet someone who is violent, or abusive. You are only 50% of some set. Meaning that your value as a human being goes up only when in partnership with a man. You are half a person. This is typical misogynist belief, and I wonder why a girl believes it. You are too messed up as a female to make major decisions without a mate.

But is all this stuff actually true? I don't think so.

My thought is that you should get a reading list of all kinds of books and articles on how many people (women) are happy, and never get married, never have children, and perhaps stop listening to the old biddies who tell you that your biological clock is ticking down etc.

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I think most of us have a basic need to feel connected with others.  I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

To answer your question, I think that if you don't feel like you have adequate connection to others, that you will struggle to feel happy.

One doesn't necessarily need to have a romantic partner to feel fulfilled, but if that sort of relationship is one you long for, you may have a hard time feeling fulfilled.

When people find themselves in situations where they can't fulfill their desires, they either reassess their needs and ways of thinking about the situation, or they feel unfulfilled.

I try to remind myself that there are worse things in life than not having a relationship (like being in an abusive one, for example).  I feel lonely at times, and worry that I won't find someone, but realistically I either will or I won't...and I don't think a person's life needs to be devoid of all fulfillment when they are unattached, so I look for other ways to feel fulfilled, and I try not to worry about the future too much.

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1 hour ago, Animalier said:

Cultural bias tells you that you will be single and alone at 50 etc, and it is better that you have a car crash etc... I hardly believe what I am hearing. The fact is that little girls see themselves as a character in a Disney Princess movie, and the only "real" thing they will ever get is Prince Charming to "Rescue" them.

Falsehoods: You will never be happy without a mate. 75% of marriages end with divorce after only a few years. When you are forced to chose a mate, you will more likely meet someone who is violent, or abusive. You are only 50% of some set. Meaning that your value as a human being goes up only when in partnership with a man. You are half a person. This is typical misogynist belief, and I wonder why a girl believes it. You are too messed up as a female to make major decisions without a mate.

But is all this stuff actually true? I don't think so.

My thought is that you should get a reading list of all kinds of books and articles on how many people (women) are happy, and never get married, never have children, and perhaps stop listening to the old biddies who tell you that your biological clock is ticking down etc.

There are many men on these forums who also long for a significant other, so assuming that this longing is simply the result of societal pressure on women is incorrect...and it's actually pretty demeaning to reduce it to that just because you see that the poster is a woman.

 

Edited by LoneSquirrel

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1 hour ago, Animalier said:

Cultural bias tells you that you will be single and alone at 50 etc, and it is better that you have a car crash etc... I hardly believe what I am hearing. The fact is that little girls see themselves as a character in a Disney Princess movie, and the only "real" thing they will ever get is Prince Charming to "Rescue" them.

Falsehoods: You will never be happy without a mate. 75% of marriages end with divorce after only a few years. When you are forced to chose a mate, you will more likely meet someone who is violent, or abusive. You are only 50% of some set. Meaning that your value as a human being goes up only when in partnership with a man. You are half a person. This is typical misogynist belief, and I wonder why a girl believes it. You are too messed up as a female to make major decisions without a mate.

But is all this stuff actually true? I don't think so.

My thought is that you should get a reading list of all kinds of books and articles on how many people (women) are happy, and never get married, never have children, and perhaps stop listening to the old biddies who tell you that your biological clock is ticking down etc.

right I need to read articles like those but I dont think I will personally be happy without someone to love .... :/

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It's a hard and lonely place to be, if yearning for that significant other and a life partner to share your life with. But... Finding the right partner isn't the most important thing in life, even though it must help a lot but as cheesy as it sounds, we all have to learn how to be content by ourselves and accept ourselves as who are to create a healthy base for the relationship. Even if we would accept ourselves completely and life is great etc. It puts LOT of pressure to the another person if thinking that's the only thing what makes someone happy, it's our own responsibility to make ourselves happy, other person can't be the only reason for that. Don't let someone else to have power over your feelings in a day to day life (positive or negative feelings), you have all the power you need. ''The other half'' saying makes me sad too, because you're already whole. :) You don't need someone else to make you a complete person, you already are. Relationship isn't all about rainbows, magic and just constant euphoric feeling, there are hardships in relationships too when it's more rocky and you just wish you could give up. 

I hope you find the happiness you seek for, but remember that it's not the duty of the partner's to fulfill that. 

Good luck! :hugs: 

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Hi SailingSoul,

I understand how you feel. I'm about to be 30 and haven't had a relationship. My depression has made it extremely difficult to be with people. My roommate goes out with girls all the time and it just makes me feel even worse. I know a lot of people on here men and women that are lonely and have a hard time finding someone so you're definitely not alone.

@Wisteria I do have to agree with what Wisteria said. You're already whole so another person can't possibly fulfill you. I'm not saying you have to become a hermit and never try and meet someone but in the meantime work on cultivating the true way to happiness and fulfillment.

The scarce times when my mood is higher I notice I naturally feel less neediness for someone. It's quite liberating and relieving. Start meditating daily. It will help you cultivate inner peace and happiness. 

Don't worry though SailingSoul, loneliness and depression are just temporary things we experience in order to learn significant lessons. They soon pass. Everything always works out perfectly in the end. You WILL find the happiness and fulfillment you seek, guaranteed. But know that you're never truly alone. You always have support available to you. 

If you ever need someone to chat with feel free to message me :thumbsup:

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I just saw this topic on the sidebar and had to comment.  Married for 39-1/2 years here.  I don't really feel like getting into my entire story here, but suffice to say being connected to someone, a significant other, is not always what it appears.  My advice:  find a way to be happy with yourself and by yourself, if need be.  Don't depend on anyone else for your happiness.  Depending on anyone else for anything is a surefire way to be disappointed.  Sorry for sounding so negative, but experience has taught me that what I'm telling you is true. 

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I've been single my whole life, never having had a long-lasting relationship, and this is one area of my life that I've been truly satisfied and happy about.  I've hardly ever felt the need to be in a relationship.  As I've grown older, I've enjoyed being single more and more.  I'm not kidding when I say that I wake up every day relieved that I'm single.  It doesn't mean that I don't have responsibilities and obligations, so I can't say I'm really free. 

SailingSoul, as someone who was a victim of a car accident as a young girl and suffered severe injuries, I assure you, it is unlikely what you truly want.   Please don't wish that for yourself.  Your life is not any less meaningful because you are single.  Actually, it is an opportunity for you to find meaning in your life, to discover your true authentic self.  And you're so young!  You have plenty of time.  If this means anything to you, I value you just the way you are.  You're a special human being and do not need a significant other for you to feel special.  You have you.

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In sociology if a tree falls in the forest & no one hears it , it doesn't make a sound. Humans are social beings. I can be alone because I know I can be with others. To be understood and be accepted is a great feeling no matter the nature of the relationship. Having said all that being in a toxic relationship is worse than being alone. 

 

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Thank you..and I'm sorry about what I sad about the car crash. I was just depressed... But your right...you all are right. Life doesn't start and stop at a relationship, life is much more than that... I truly have to find out how to be happy with myself... I didnt ask to be built the way I was ( anxious, chronic nightmares, pure O) and it doesn't mean I don't deserve happiness...i just need to be the best Brittany I can be.

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I just got especially don since a former friend of mine popped back in my life out of the blue a d wanted to sext....

he said he thought abt me..but he meant he just *********d to the thought of me...no real love there...so it just made me feel...idk worthless

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I know all too well of how you feel. Sure, I'm 18, I shouldn't entirely want a relationship...or should I? I mean I don't expect to lose my virginity at 18 or anytime soon it's just...I guess I want to because it isn't because of the whole stereotypical bulls*** people are used to hearing about how guys "only want sex" and "guys will always leave after one-night stands". I'm lucky if anyone would ever even think of me, let alone think of me more than just a friend. I just feel...I just feel that since my depression is the cause of all my problems, all my worries, all my anxiety, and how it debilitates me every single day that I'm still alive...I just feel that if I can't help myself up, I want someone closer than just a family member or someone closer than "just a friend" to help pick me up...is that too much to ask?

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He doesn't seem like such a great friend. That doesn't make you worthless. During my difficulties with my current relationship, I have found that relying on a partner to fill the hollowness of your life cannot work forever. I don't think we need romantic partners; I think we need people to care about us (whether they be partners or just friends). For me, life feels meaningless if I can't share it with someone. If you can't find romantic love, that's ok. So long as there is platonic love, so long as someone cares about you, things aren't so bad.

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I don't need some disney fantasy and that's kind of offensive to suggest that's why a woman would like a partner.  Not even all women want a man as a partner.  Geez.

SailingSoul, I'm new here but I feel a lot like you.  It's hard when friends have good relationships and then all we get seems to be people that want to just use us.  I've experienced that myself and then been verbally abused when I refused to be used.  It's hard not to question our worth when something like that happens, especially when it happens over and over.

Maybe someday things will be different---that's what I tell myself.  I'm a good person but I'm tired of being lonely.  That's part of why I joined here.  I'm lonely.  So-called friends are busy with other friends or with their families and don't have time for me.  I was okay by myself, but not having anyone has made me not okay anymore.  My trust in humans is at an all time low.

I hope that you find solutions for yourself.  I'm sorry I'm no help.  I'm just existing for now.

 

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