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ComputerLove

They Will Turn Their Heads!

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When they find me dead they will say, "what a disgusting creature." I am a waste of space. I am a loser. Nothing but a dirty slob who hoards and lives in his own filth. Cursed to be alone, as I am nothing but the asexual freak who people look down on. No friends. No job. Nothing to show for. I am just cruel and cold person who deserves punishment. Therefore, all I will ever be is a leech who feeds off other people to survive. In the end, I am just a 25 year old child who is useless, as I don't even know how to survive on my own without having others hold my hand along the way. I have failed life. I have failed myself. I am nothing, but a pathetic person who cries on a forum hoping for some attention from complete strangers, as if anyone gives a sh@t, which is quite sad. To sum it all up, I'm just a vile piece of trash that needs to be thrown away.

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Hey, I feel the same way. I hope you're still with us.

I am a waste of life too, but I want that help that will change me to become a better person. I have achieved nothing and I'm 27 years old.

I believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself. I'm here if you need to talk. I dislike it when people want to end themselves. It makes me really sad. I wish I knew that person.

Edited by GrungeGrrl

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2 hours ago, GrungeGrrl said:

Hey, I feel the same way. I hope you're still with us.

I am a waste of life too, but I want that help that will change me to become a better person. I have achieved nothing and I'm 27 years old.

I believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself. I'm here if you need to talk. I dislike it when people want to end themselves. It makes me really sad. I wish I knew that person.

Thank you for your kind words GrungeGrrl. Its nice to know that there is someone out there who knows what I am going through.  In the end, I think having no friends to talk is really getting to me to be honest. Also, sorry if my post made you sad. :sniffle1:

1 hour ago, CoolCat7 said:

You are way too hard on yourself.  Have you ever tried Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)?

I have heard of it, but I have never tried it. I never really tried anything in regards to my depression. I heard it is a good alternative to taking medication for depression, which seems promising. However, with that being said I have been exercising and losing weight for the past several months hoping it would help my depression, but all it does is help me feel good physically, therefore my mental state goes unchanged. :sniffle1:

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Is there any reason to oppose medication? It has helped me get over the most terrible lows, even if a lot os aspects regarding my depression are still unsolved. The underlying issues can only be solved by further measures, such as therapy. But medication is sometimes necessary to get in a state of being able to tackle these issues.

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37 minutes ago, genericname4403 said:

Is there any reason to oppose medication? It has helped me get over the most terrible lows, even if a lot os aspects regarding my depression are still unsolved. The underlying issues can only be solved by further measures, such as therapy. But medication is sometimes necessary to get in a state of being able to tackle these issues.

Depression meds have so many crazy side effects that I am too scared to take them. Also, I have known many people in my family who suffered crazy side effects due to their depression meds. Thus, I am already miserable, therefore I feel why do I need to take meds that could potentially make me suffer even more than I already do. However, with that being said depression meds do help a lot of people, so its not all bad, but I feel they are not for me due to said reasons.  

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You can try out different meds and see which ones work and which ones don't. If you have a therapist you should talk about it with them, if not, getting a therapist should be the first step, before meds. I just think meds are an opportunity that can work for a lot of people, and judging by how hopeless you imagine your own situation to be, there isn't much to lose. I can understand your concerns though.

I hope it turns for the better!

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Hi Computer Love :)

I'm going to be 30 in a few weeks and I still rely on help. It doesn't mean you're weak. It just means that where you are on your journey there's a lot going on and you just need some support for the time being. It's totally OK. Don't feel ashamed about it. When it gets cold out I don't feel bad about putting a jacket on.

There is no pass or fail with life. How much money you make, what kind of job you have, what things you have accomplished are irrelevant. There are people with lots of money and a good career that are still miserable. You're on a spiritual path and everyone has their own path. Yours will get better, it surely will.

I used to be very negative. The thoughts and self talk in my head were very negative, dark and sad. I eventually came across Tony Robbins and he helped me cultivate a positive mindset. You should check him out. He's a world renowned motivational speaker. 

If you tell yourself you're trash and life sucks then that's what you'll experience. But that's not what you really want is it? I'm sure you want to be happy, peaceful and feel good right? So imagine you're driving a car and your destination is the land of happiness, peace, fun, excitement, optimism etc. Just grab the steering wheel and drive directly in that direction. Don't waste your time wallowing in negativity. Regardless of what's happened in the past it doesn't matter now. Just get to the land of good feelings as quickly as possible. Sometime you'll get knocked off course and start driving towards negativity. It's OK. Just get back on track as quickly as you're able to. I'm fed up with my depression so I just want to reach happiness as soon as I can. You should do the same.

 

 

I hope this helps. Be nice to yourself. You're awesome, you know you are, you just forgot. Let's be done with all this depression and suffering BS and start enjoying life shall we? If you ever feel like you need to chat feel free to message me :)

Edited by durandalblue

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On 10/3/2016 at 5:05 PM, ComputerLove said:

Depression meds have so many crazy side effects that I am too scared to take them. Also, I have known many people in my family who suffered crazy side effects due to their depression meds. Thus, I am already miserable, therefore I feel why do I need to take meds that could potentially make me suffer even more than I already do. However, with that being said depression meds do help a lot of people, so its not all bad, but I feel they are not for me due to said reasons.  

I am also anxious about taking anti-depressants, but I think I need to start taking them in order to improve my life.

The side-effects shouldn't be that bad. Anti-depressants are pretty safe compared to other medications out there for other conditions.

I also have a heart condition and had a lot of time to research all the different anti-depressant meds out there. I settled on Zoloft/Sertraline, since it is less likely to effect my heart and is safe enough for people with major heart conditions....at least from what I researched.

Prozac was my first choice initially, but it could effect the heart more than Zoloft/Sertraline.

I just need to talk to my doctor and ask for Zoloft.

Edited by GrungeGrrl

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I agree with @GrungeGrrl, anti-depressants are pretty safe and if there are side effects they're unlikely to cause any permanent damage in the short term so you always have the option of stopping if there's a problem. I never experienced any side effects at all with SSRI or SNRIs which is usually what you'll try first. 

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3 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

I agree with @GrungeGrrl, anti-depressants are pretty safe and if there are side effects they're unlikely to cause any permanent damage in the short term so you always have the option of stopping if there's a problem. I never experienced any side effects at all with SSRI or SNRIs which is usually what you'll try first. 

Yeah, I just don't know if a pill can fix my messed up problems in any measurable way. I think I just have to accept the fact that I will never be happy and try my best to carry on. However, with that being said I don't know if I have much years on this earth, as I feel the end is near. :sniffle1:

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2 hours ago, ComputerLove said:

Yeah, I just don't know if a pill can fix my messed up problems in any measurable way.

A pill isn't a miracle cure so no, it's not going to fix all your problems. However, if you find an anti-depressant that works it'll alleviate many symptoms of depression, you'll slowly begin to feel better and reach a point where you're no longer completely paralyzed so you at least stand a chance and can start to address and solve many of your problems. The road to recovery is long, it's a lot of work and no one else can do it for you which is why it's so important to at least try.

You say you don't know how much time you have left so depression is obviously completely controlling your thinking by now. I know it's hard to imagine anything ever changing and to be honest, sometimes it doesn't. You need to realize that depression greatly impairs your judgement and the worst thing is, you don't even notice because you have become adjusted to all those negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. If you're anything like me you'll even try to normalize the situation and use your remaining energy to convince yourself that you're the only one who can objectively view your situation. You can't, trust me. That's where therapy can be helpful, it'll help you recognize and fight your skewed thinking patterns. Let me ask you this though: what do you have to lose by trying medication and maybe even therapy?

Edited by lonelyforeigner

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1 hour ago, lonelyforeigner said:

A pill isn't a miracle cure so no, it's not going to fix all your problems. However, if you find an anti-depressant that works it'll alleviate many symptoms of depression, you'll slowly begin to feel better and reach a point where you're no longer completely paralyzed so you at least stand a chance and can start to address and solve many of your problems. The road to recovery is long, it's a lot of work and no one else can do it for you which is why it's so important to at least try.

You say you don't know how much time you have left so depression is obviously completely controlling your thinking by now. I know it's hard to imagine anything ever changing and to be honest, sometimes it doesn't. You need to realize that depression greatly impairs your judgement and the worst thing is, you don't even notice because you have become adjusted to all those negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. If you're anything like me you'll even try to normalize the situation and use your remaining energy to convince yourself that you're the only one who can objectively view your situation. You can't, trust me. That's where therapy can be helpful, it'll help you recognize and fight your skewed thinking patterns. Let me ask you this though: what do you have to lose by trying medication and maybe even therapy?

I don't know if I have depression or not, as I have never been diagnosed. That is why I never claim I suffer from depression because I don't know. Thus, to jump to the conclusion I need meds and therapy as being a solution to something I might not have doesn't do me any good. Maybe my mental state parallels that of depression without having depression. There could be a possibility that my poor mental state could be something else, for example my thyroid acting up. Maybe in the end, this is who I am, just a damaged person due to how my brain is hardwired, therefore to try to change it would be futile. I just don't know as there seems to be no answers in sight at the moment.

With that being said, the question could be asked why am I on this site if I don't know if I suffer from mental illness? With that I say, I think I am on this site because the suffering I go through due to my poor mental health is similar to the people on this forum, even with or without putting a medical label on why my mind is messed up the way it is. In the end, I could go to psychiatrist and tell them the things I am going through with my mental health hoping to get a medical diagnoses. In order to get meds that could help my current condition, but I could be wrong in regards to what I am feeling, as a psychiatrist is taking my flawed and subjective opinion of what I am feeling by using their owned flawed and subjective opinion to make a diagnosis on something they don't know is true or not because they can't look inside my mind and prove that my symptoms are true are not. Therefore, If I claim something wrong unintentionally I could be misdiagnosed with a mental illness I might not even have, and that could be damaging to me if I take meds, such as anti depression that have tons and tons of harsh side effects that could mess my body up forever, thus making the suffering I am going through much worse, which is something I don't want, as I am already on edge to the point I want to die.

Sorry, if my post comes off rude. I just want to let you know that just because I am in a bad emotional state doesn't mean I don't think things through logically. 

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not having a diagnosis does not mean you are not depressed (not to say you can just point at every mental illness and say you have it because you sort of have a couple of the symptoms, but i highly doubt this is your case). from the things you have said  so far these are all classic signs of depression and just about everyone on here will agree. i spent years feelin like crap till i got my *Official Diagnosis*. mental illness will not appear after a diagnosis, but it's just helpful to have a diagnosis so you can get professional treatment and actual proof on the occasion you may need it for whatever reason, like accommodations at work if you decide to get a job. but you don't need to be diagnosed to be as valid as someone with a diagnosis.

misdiagnosises are common, and doctors know this, so there's a physical exam before mental illness screenings to make sure this isnt caused by anything like your thyroid. and you'll be surprised at how straightforward screenings are. i suggest, if you are able, to really give this a shot. you are just as deserving for happiness as the rest of us, not matter how badly you see yourself.

 

 

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