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Don't know how to find a way to go on/ value


lp44

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Each time I get to a bad place where I'm scared for my family.... Not me. My life has no value to me.

Each time I'm back here I'm a little closer to following through. 

I don't know how to find my life of some value.

I struggle to do better only to fail over and over. I work 12-14 hours a day to find value. I go to therapy. I do what I know to do.

I mean what's the point?

It's a horribly hopeless cycle.

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I don't know if saying this helps but, if you feel scared for your family, then that must mean you value your family.
I've had thoughts like that too. I would think that I literally don't care about anything anymore, but when I thought about it closely, I realized I did care about my family.
It's hard when you're depressed to appreciate the things you do have, it is part of being depressed, but it is still something.

Still though, I feel the way you're feeling. I try and try and try, but I am still left empty handed. What helps me though is thinking deeply about things in the past that have had value to me. To me they are clues as to how I can find value in the present. Others say to try new things and meet new people, or travel.

I guess I like to think that value has to do with things that we desire. I'll invent an example of an optimal scenario of finding value:

"There is a person who is walking down the street. He is also struggling with finding value in life. On this day though, he walks a slightly different direction down the street and comes across a store window he has never seen before. The store window is displaying something completely new  and he is drawn to it. This excites him and he enters the store to learn more about that thing".

I guess I like to think that the impossible is still possible. A person who can't find value can find value when he/she least expects it.

Therapy and trying medication/working with professionals can be a way to help the process as well. There still are many different therapeutic approaches and medications; I have seen counselors who have helped tremendously, and I have seen others who simply did not understand me. Similarly I have had medications that have made my life a living nightmare, I have had medications that didn't do anything or helped a little bit, and I have had medications that helped a lot.

Keep searching, but don't forget to see everything around you while you are searching, or you might miss out on that special store window!

Hope this helps.

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I don't know how to find my life of some value.

I can't count how many times i have tried to force myself to feel this way. Like I would tell myself 'dont take things for granted,' and 'carpe diem' and 'be grateful for what we have'. Almost like i would try to force myself to be someone who is living life to the fullest and grateful for what they have.

Yet at the same time I would still be constantly feeling like life is horrible and the world is a dark and negative place. It's depression though. It's what it does. Now i'm not at all saying don't keep looking and trying find value in life, just that i think this is another challenge when it comes to depression, and most certainly when it comes to progress not something that happens overnight. For me at least, that in of itself has been a long process. And i think it can be a challenge at times for everyone, hence the term 'the human condition.'  But depression and the way it works only makes it harder.

Have you tried working on this with your therapist? Keeping going lp. I know it's hard to while feeling this way, but don't give up.

Quote

I struggle to do better only to fail over and over.

Fail according to who? Is that yourself saying that(which im guessing). Not to mention we're only human, we're not perfect. Just keep doing your best.

And just because your life has no value to you, doesn't mean it doesn't to many other people...

Edited by bigmike092
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19 hours ago, zzzsheepyzzz said:

I don't know if saying this helps but, if you feel scared for your family, then that must mean you value your family.
I've had thoughts like that too. I would think that I literally don't care about anything anymore, but when I thought about it closely, I realized I did care about my family.
It's hard when you're depressed to appreciate the things you do have, it is part of being depressed, but it is still something.

Still though, I feel the way you're feeling. I try and try and try, but I am still left empty handed. What helps me though is thinking deeply about things in the past that have had value to me. To me they are clues as to how I can find value in the present. Others say to try new things and meet new people, or travel.

I guess I like to think that value has to do with things that we desire. I'll invent an example of an optimal scenario of finding value:

"There is a person who is walking down the street. He is also struggling with finding value in life. On this day though, he walks a slightly different direction down the street and comes across a store window he has never seen before. The store window is displaying something completely new  and he is drawn to it. This excites him and he enters the store to learn more about that thing".

I guess I like to think that the impossible is still possible. A person who can't find value can find value when he/she least expects it.

Therapy and trying medication/working with professionals can be a way to help the process as well. There still are many different therapeutic approaches and medications; I have seen counselors who have helped tremendously, and I have seen others who simply did not understand me. Similarly I have had medications that have made my life a living nightmare, I have had medications that didn't do anything or helped a little bit, and I have had medications that helped a lot.

Keep searching, but don't forget to see everything around you while you are searching, or you might miss out on that special store window!

Hope this helps.

Thank you for your reply.  I very much appreciate it.  I do value my family.  I just think at this point that my family will make it ok if I am not here. They are strong people.  I am exhausted.  I have tried.

I have tried therapy.  My therapist is exact the match I need.  My depression is not exactly without reasons...(k that sounds odd)  I just mean I have had certain things\ circumstances that are "add ons" to depression.  I am on an antidepressant.

It just seems like a no win situation.

Im still here though.

Again..thank you

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17 hours ago, bigmike092 said:

I can't count how many times i have tried to force myself to feel this way. Like I would tell myself 'dont take things for granted,' and 'carpe diem' and 'be grateful for what we have'. Almost like i would try to force myself to be someone who is living life to the fullest and grateful for what they have.

Yet at the same time I would still be constantly feeling like life is horrible and the world is a dark and negative place. It's depression though. It's what it does. Now i'm not at all saying don't keep looking and trying find value in life, just that i think this is another challenge when it comes to depression, and most certainly when it comes to progress not something that happens overnight. For me at least, that in of itself has been a long process. And i think it can be a challenge at times for everyone, hence the term 'the human condition.'  But depression and the way it works only makes it harder.

Have you tried working on this with your therapist? Keeping going lp. I know it's hard to while feeling this way, but don't give up.

Fail according to who? Is that yourself saying that(which im guessing). Not to mention we're only human, we're not perfect. Just keep doing your best.

And just because your life has no value to you, doesn't mean it doesn't to many other people...

Hi Bigmike!  Good to see you.  Thank you for you reply.  I truly don't take things for granted.  I don't even think I have a bad life.  I do think if I would have had therapy 20-25 years ago I could have take a very different path in life.  I wouldn't have made certain decisions based on thinking "this is all I deserve."  

Yes fail according to me....perfectionist that I am.  

I canceled therapy for this next week.  Im sure not the best decision....but I am so tired of fighting something I don't think I can win.

Thanks again for you reply.  I appreciate it always.

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3 hours ago, lp44 said:

Thank you for your reply.  I very much appreciate it.  I do value my family.  I just think at this point that my family will make it ok if I am not here. They are strong people.  I am exhausted.  I have tried.

I have tried therapy.  My therapist is exact the match I need.  My depression is not exactly without reasons...(k that sounds odd)  I just mean I have had certain things\ circumstances that are "add ons" to depression.  I am on an antidepressant.

It just seems like a no win situation.

Im still here though.

Again..thank you

I can relate to you when you say your depression is not exactly without reasons. I feel this way frequently that there are actual circumstances that legitimize my situation.

It is a frustrating situation, to be in, and I wish I had the answer to it all.

The only advice I can think to give is maybe trying to put yourself first a bit more. If you say your family would be ok if you are not there, then they would certainly be ok if you took some of your own liberties for your well being. I don't really know what these could be, maybe working less, and trying a new activity or hobby, or really asking yourself if there is anything that you have always wanted to do or try?

Edited by zzzsheepyzzz
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On 10/1/2016 at 9:21 PM, zzzsheepyzzz said:

I can relate to you when you say your depression is not exactly without reasons. I feel this way frequently that there are actual circumstances that legitimize my situation.

It is a frustrating situation, to be in, and I wish I had the answer to it all.

The only advice I can think to give is maybe trying to put yourself first a bit more. If you say your family would be ok if you are not there, then they would certainly be ok if you took some of your own liberties for your well being. I don't really know what these could be, maybe working less, and trying a new activity or hobby, or really asking yourself if there is anything that you have always wanted to do or try?

Thank you. I'm still here. Mostly just surviving but I'm here. Most of those things I've done. Mostly in stuck in a life that isn't me.

Thanks so much for your response. I do appreciate it.

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My depression is not exactly without reasons...(k that sounds odd)  I just mean I have had certain things\ circumstances that are "add ons" to depression.  I am on an antidepressant.

It just seems like a no win situation.

I know for a fact certain things that happened in the past have contributed to depression. The cause? I don't know for sure, but certainly a factor. It seems like a no win situation because that's what depression does. Everything is doomed it tells you and nothings getting better. I was convinced by that too, believing it was likely going to end this certain way for me....and for you and everyone dealing with depression i wish i could make see its not as hopeless as it seems. But i know how strong and overwhelming depression is. Adding on what i was conveying in my last post, those feelings may need coping with and working on, as opposed to forcing ourselves to think positive. And of course trying to think positive is a good thing, but it may need more than that and learning to cope with what depression makes us feel.

Not sure if im being clear, but basically i hope you keep going on lp.

 

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I have a particularly self-less personality type; that is often so bad that I have often neglected myself badly throughout my life.  People like myself are often confused when it comes to finding meaning in our lives; because, we are often told that people are suppose to find purpose or value in themselves, that we are suppose to appreciate who we are.  This never made sense to me ideologically; because, I always cared more about other people.  It is incredibly risky to invest all of our energy into others, hence why so many people shy away from such behavior.  Though, people who are inherently self-less, we don't care about the consequences; because, we learn to trust our beliefs.  I always believe that by putting others first, eventually there will be a pay off and although those payoffs are often few and far in between, they still feel extremely rewarding none-the-less.

I never stopped to think about myself, what sort of meaning I apply to the world until much later in my life.  Ironically it all came at a time when things came to an abrupt stop.  The clarity that you see the world when it all comes to a stop; it's the only time I can ever have any serious introspection.  Whenever I am in motion, my brain was always far too focused and busy to have time with anything philosophical.  Perhaps what you need is to learn the value of taking some time to yourself in order to calm your mind enough to think about what matters to you most in life.  I find by walking around in nature my mind tends to be far more at peace and so I can more easily consider my personal thoughts.  You might learn that your values have little to do with you at all, while exploring your ideas and beliefs.

For me the biggest part of the struggle was always the constant disappointment.  When you have a mind full of big ideas, focused around other people, you tend to get hurt a lot.  It can seem absolutely futile at times, because people don't quite fit into the perfect little world we might imagine for them.  You want people to be happy and might be able to visualize a way for that to manifest in their life; but, they seem to want to do everything the opposite, as if they are deliberately defying your good intentions.

I suppose the hardest thing for me to learn personally was how to communicate my thoughts towards others so that they understand my relationship to them far better.  In that way, I also learned to accept constructive feedback from them as well.  In that they can respond to my intentions in a non-hurtful way, as I can be highly sensitive to criticism of any kind.  It all comes down to learning how you function and finding ways to adjust to the world around you, so that you can fit into it; so that you can begin to realize that you belong and people here value you because they can see with their own eyes that you actually care for them meaningful ways.  Relationships might seem distant and empty at first; but, when you begin to realize how people see you when you affect their lives, it adds to what keeps us going.  To know that we can affect the life of someone else in a significant way, with a subtle gesture or a deep conversation; it can make you feel so alive.  If just for a moment, it is still enough to remind you why you breathe.

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On 01.10.2016 at 4:41 AM, lp44 said:
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Each time I get to a bad place where I'm scared for my family.... Not me. My life has no value to me.

Each time I'm back here I'm a little closer to following through. 

I don't know how to find my life of some value.

I struggle to do better only to fail over and over. I work 12-14 hours a day to find value. I go to therapy. I do what I know to do.

I mean what's the point?

It's a horribly hopeless cycle.

Do the therapies help you? What diagnose did your therapist make?Is it anxiety?

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21 hours ago, bigmike092 said:

I know for a fact certain things that happened in the past have contributed to depression. The cause? I don't know for sure, but certainly a factor. It seems like a no win situation because that's what depression does. Everything is doomed it tells you and nothings getting better. I was convinced by that too, believing it was likely going to end this certain way for me....and for you and everyone dealing with depression i wish i could make see its not as hopeless as it seems. But i know how strong and overwhelming depression is. Adding on what i was conveying in my last post, those feelings may need coping with and working on, as opposed to forcing ourselves to think positive. And of course trying to think positive is a good thing, but it may need more than that and learning to cope with what depression makes us feel.

Not sure if im being clear, but basically i hope you keep going on lp.

 

Hi again,

Yes its clear.  I do hear what you are saying.  I even think you are right ....about the depression ruling what our thought processes tell us.  Its still so difficult to not say wth?  Im done.  

However, I made another appt with my T.  I really don't know how I will react, but its that or I will be more self destructive than I have been this week.  I cant flirt with dangerous behavior much more.  Worse yet?  I don't even care what happens to me.

But Im going to T

Thank you so much bigmike.  I always appreciate it.

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On 10/5/2016 at 0:49 AM, ohgeesmiles said:

I have a particularly self-less personality type; that is often so bad that I have often neglected myself badly throughout my life.  People like myself are often confused when it comes to finding meaning in our lives; because, we are often told that people are suppose to find purpose or value in themselves, that we are suppose to appreciate who we are.  This never made sense to me ideologically; because, I always cared more about other people.  It is incredibly risky to invest all of our energy into others, hence why so many people shy away from such behavior.  Though, people who are inherently self-less, we don't care about the consequences; because, we learn to trust our beliefs.  I always believe that by putting others first, eventually there will be a pay off and although those payoffs are often few and far in between, they still feel extremely rewarding none-the-less.

I never stopped to think about myself, what sort of meaning I apply to the world until much later in my life.  Ironically it all came at a time when things came to an abrupt stop.  The clarity that you see the world when it all comes to a stop; it's the only time I can ever have any serious introspection.  Whenever I am in motion, my brain was always far too focused and busy to have time with anything philosophical.  Perhaps what you need is to learn the value of taking some time to yourself in order to calm your mind enough to think about what matters to you most in life.  I find by walking around in nature my mind tends to be far more at peace and so I can more easily consider my personal thoughts.  You might learn that your values have little to do with you at all, while exploring your ideas and beliefs.

For me the biggest part of the struggle was always the constant disappointment.  When you have a mind full of big ideas, focused around other people, you tend to get hurt a lot.  It can seem absolutely futile at times, because people don't quite fit into the perfect little world we might imagine for them.  You want people to be happy and might be able to visualize a way for that to manifest in their life; but, they seem to want to do everything the opposite, as if they are deliberately defying your good intentions.

I suppose the hardest thing for me to learn personally was how to communicate my thoughts towards others so that they understand my relationship to them far better.  In that way, I also learned to accept constructive feedback from them as well.  In that they can respond to my intentions in a non-hurtful way, as I can be highly sensitive to criticism of any kind.  It all comes down to learning how you function and finding ways to adjust to the world around you, so that you can fit into it; so that you can begin to realize that you belong and people here value you because they can see with their own eyes that you actually care for them meaningful ways.  Relationships might seem distant and empty at first; but, when you begin to realize how people see you when you affect their lives, it adds to what keeps us going.  To know that we can affect the life of someone else in a significant way, with a subtle gesture or a deep conversation; it can make you feel so alive.  If just for a moment, it is still enough to remind you why you breathe.

Thank you so much for your input.  I appreciate it.  I too tend to value other people so much more than myself.  Thats both good and bad.  I think people do not need to be narcissistic but dont need to ignore themselves either.

Tough spot sometimes.

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On 10/5/2016 at 4:32 AM, Philip said:

Do the therapies help you? What diagnose did your therapist make?Is it anxiety?

Therapy does help I think.  Its just a huge expense and huge time committment.  More than that its just such a leap of faith with no guarantee.  I think its the route I must go....but I hate not being able to read "the last chapter of the book."

As for a list of issues?  I have an ed, PTSD, depression and anxiety. Its a cocktail proving difficult to overcome. 

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lp44

It hurts my heart to read your post.  You know I understand though.  Please know that even though you may  not value you right now, others do.  I do.  And although it can all seem so hopeless and futile, there is hope if we don't allow the depression to tell us otherwise.  Wow, that sounds hokey, even to me.  But you know what I'm saying.  Keep doing the best you can, keep going to T when you can, try to avoid the dangerous behaviours that may put you in a situation you regret.  We care about you.

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16 minutes ago, callierose303 said:

lp44

It hurts my heart to read your post.  You know I understand though.  Please know that even though you may  not value you right now, others do.  I do.  And although it can all seem so hopeless and futile, there is hope if we don't allow the depression to tell us otherwise.  Wow, that sounds hokey, even to me.  But you know what I'm saying.  Keep doing the best you can, keep going to T when you can, try to avoid the dangerous behaviours that may put you in a situation you regret.  We care about you.

Hi :)

Yes I know you understand.  I know you care as well.  Thank you.  You know you rock ;)

Im trying

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I can understand too well.  My value at one point was in taking care of others.  They're gone and I'm physically broken and there's nobody to take care of me except me.  I don't have a reason to go on for me as I just exist.  The only reason I still exist is that my grown kid isn't strong and would probably find it easier to make the same choice. I don't have a life but I'm trying to help my kid have one---one that doesn't include having to take care of me.  It's challenging when in the depths of major depression.  Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say. I can only empathize.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 09.10.2016 at 2:36 AM, lp44 said:

Therapy does help I think.  Its just a huge expense and huge time committment.  More than that its just such a leap of faith with no guarantee.  I think its the route I must go....but I hate not being able to read "the last chapter of the book."

As for a list of issues?  I have an ed, PTSD, depression and anxiety. Its a cocktail proving difficult to overcome. 

 ME: For how long have you had psychotherapy? How does your therapist treat this cocktail of disorders??He must have provided you with smth more than just counselings and medications??

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