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Therapist just terminated with me


TiredBlue

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After working with him for six years, with a contract that he is ending June 31st 2017 when he takes early retirement, I get a phone call today from his line manager telling me that he will no longer be able to work with me. she has fixed up an assessment 50 miles from my home for Oct 6th. I have not had therapy in three weeks. I am a wreck. This whole thing is a train wreck. I cannot believe this has happened to me. I cannot believe I am just left like this. this therapist of all the people on this planet knew my attachment problems, my abandonment issues, my issues around therapists just terminating with me, and now he has done it, knowing the critical crash it will send me into. 
I cannot believe this is happening to me

I last saw him three weeks ago today and I left in tears, shaking and he reassured me saying that he would see me in two days. One week ago he apologised for taking so long to have compassionate leave because his 94 yr old dad died and said he was sorry it was taking so long and that he would contact me when he is coming back to work and said he would see me soon. 

and then today I get this phone call. 

I am a wreck. I am truly a wreck. They put in no back up. I am just told about this assessment in more than two weeks time. That is it. I cannot believe this. 

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I'm really sorry to hear this.  I would be terribly upset too.  I wonder if maybe this was an error.  That the person who called you wasn't aware that he had planned to see you again and called you by mistake (probably doing mass calling to majority of patients) It sounds like you had a good relationship with your therapist and that he wouldn't drop you like that.  Is there a way you can contact him directly to find out if that's what he really wanted?  At a minimum you could call the line manager back and explain that he had planned to see you and that you are really upset that you've been dismissed without the opportunity to speak to him.  

It's worth a call at least.  Again, I'm really sorry to hear this has happened.  I think it would be very upsetting for anyone who's been with a therapist for a long time.

Take good care

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No - it is not an error. She explained that he is not going to work with me anymore. Due to personal family reasons and difficulties that are complicated she said. And that he said he would some time in the future write me a letter but not any time soon. 

It is not a mistake. He has truly done this. 

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On 9/21/2016 at 1:32 AM, TiredBlue said:

No - it is not an error. She explained that he is not going to work with me anymore. Due to personal family reasons and difficulties that are complicated she said. And that he said he would some time in the future write me a letter but not any time soon. 

It is not a mistake. He has truly done this. 

Those types of incidents are never errors. From the outside looking in, he may've been considering ending things for sometime and the aftermath of your last session with him are the likely motive(s) behind his exit strategy. I suspect the latter more than the former. The years you two worked together, the contract, ending things roughly nine months early, setting up an assessment at an out of the way location, speaking through his subordinates rather than to you, and the half xxxed possibility of a letter reek of justification in his mind for a screwjob. Assuming that his father really did die, the death was an opening to pull this. Since he is going to practice up until next summer, I'd report him to your state's therapist/psychology board and consult a lawyer ASAP since there's a contract in play here and before that appointment. I'm betting his availability and the line you were fed would damn sure change then. His early retirement may be a sign that he's burnt out and needs to get out of the field but he still has ethical, legal, and professional obligations to fulfill. Given his profession, he should know better than you that sessions can uncover strong reactions from people. A lawsuit or scrutiny that can possibly affect his staff would be an appropriate sendoff for that sleaze.

Edited by Promoman
left out a word
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His dad did die. I do think he saw this as a way to get out of work early and probably get away from me early. But he also might be in total meltdown.

I am trying very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt here. It is hard at times when I just want to scream, sob and cry and kick something - but I do know that life happens and sometimes train crashes happen and he might be totally overwhelmed. 

I am still all over the place about it. Not surprisingly

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On 9/23/2016 at 11:32 AM, TiredBlue said:

His dad did die. I do think he saw this as a way to get out of work early and probably get away from me early. But he also might be in total meltdown.

I am trying very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt here. It is hard at times when I just want to scream, sob and cry and kick something - but I do know that life happens and sometimes train crashes happen and he might be totally overwhelmed. 

I am still all over the place about it. Not surprisingly

You're right that life happens but he still can't do that. He looks extremely suspicious hiding behind the gatekeeper, especially with a contract involved and the other factors you named. Him telling you through his line manager that he'll write you a letter but not anytime soon, is arguably the biggest red flag of all. That's some passive aggressive, junior high garbage. He can't be too distraught since he's got the wherewithal to have had all this set up and dropped on you out of the blue through a messenger so he can feel like his hands are clean. From where I sit, I think you're getting shafted and you should report him. Since you can't get past the guard dog, that shows that you've already tried diplomacy. Speaking from experience, I've had therapists drop me unjustifiably, so I can relate to the feeling.

Edited by Promoman
typo
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On 9/26/2016 at 6:41 PM, Promoman said:

You're right that life happens but he still can't do that. He looks extremely suspicious hiding behind the gatekeeper, especially with a contract involved and the other factors you named. Him telling you through his line manager that he'll write you a letter but not anytime soon, is arguably the biggest red flag of all. That's some passive aggressive, junior high garbage. He can't be too distraught since he's got the wherewithal to have had all this set up and dropped on you out of the blue through a messenger so he can feel like his hands are clean. From where I sit, I think you're getting shafted and you should report him. Since you can't get past the guard dog, that shows that you've already tried diplomacy. Speaking from experience, I've had therapists drop me unjustifiably, so I can relate to the feeling.

I am still majorly in shock really. I wake at 4am trying to work out why he did this, what is going on, why, what, huh, duh? I am in my fifth week of waking at 4am. It is so tiring. My mind just starts to try to work it out in my sleep until eventually the thoughts are so strong they wake me up. Some people are telling me he is a real Barsteward to do this. I was hoping he was not. It does seem very passive aggressive to me too but I was trying not to think that. 

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Also, he is still working at a university being a clinical psychologist for a course training clinical psychologists. But he doesn't have clients there. He was intending to continue working there for some years to come. He has just bailed out on his clients job. I met another client of his yesterday and she had only been told he was on indefinite leave. She was told by letter from the centre. So she was waiting to hear when he is coming back. 

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22 hours ago, TiredBlue said:

Also, he is still working at a university being a clinical psychologist for a course training clinical psychologists. But he doesn't have clients there. He was intending to continue working there for some years to come. He has just bailed out on his clients job. I met another client of his yesterday and she had only been told he was on indefinite leave. She was told by letter from the centre. So she was waiting to hear when he is coming back. 

He's in the least just plain sorry but I still think there's shadiness given his actions since he's still working while being "distraught". He may be tenured there so a report may have to go in that forum. He may just be dropping clients that he feels are problems in his mind and retired without at least setting up a proper transition plan.

16 hours ago, Misanthrop said:

TiredBlue, are you being referred to another therapist?

Honestly, I'd suggesting cutting bridges with him & moving on. He's just became a person irresponsible on his job.

 

6 hours ago, TiredBlue said:

Yes, I am beginning to work with a private counsellor, not to have a 'therapeutic relationship' again (stuff that!) but to process my hurt and anger about this traumatic termination and move on. 

That's good that you've found somebody who could help with that. Hopefully, you'll find a fit with somebody who cares about their work. Mailing it in is bad enough, but this guy didn't even bother to put a stamp on his attempt.

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7 hours ago, TiredBlue said:

Yes, I am beginning to work with a private counsellor, not to have a 'therapeutic relationship' again (stuff that!) but to process my hurt and anger about this traumatic termination and move on. 

Sounds like your therapist just did his job automatically and didnt realy care about your feelings. A good psychotherapist must realise that he is not dealilng only with some brain/mental disorders which he has to treat. But first of all be a FRIEND. Only through absolute understanding,  trust and compassion to the patient  it would be possible to reach the best results in  psychotherapy. He is not only treating your body but  also your SOUL.

I would say find a private counsellor, and lets hope  this time he will be responsible for what he is doing.

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15 hours ago, Philip said:

 

I would say find a private counsellor, and lets hope  this time he will be responsible for what he is doing.

yes I agree - and I have found a woman who is at least steady. I don't dare to think she will be responsible as I have been let down now five times so I have given up on hoping they will be professional. I waver between thinking he is a Barsteward and missing him so much I will forgive him anything. 

15 hours ago, Philip said:

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am so sorry to hear this! I know that you believed him and you actually trusted him. Which makes sense because you saw him for 6 years. It can be hard to spot a bad person when they are getting paid to see you. Sometimes you actually think they care about you. And then when this happens it's just so hard to deal with. That happened to me once too, only it was a different circumstance. The Biotch wasn't retiring and she was just lying about a lot of major things and really ruined my life for the next year. So yeah, sometimes we just trust them because they are suppose to be ethical. I'm sorry he caused you so much pain!

Edited by Alice0
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