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Castiel44

lost n alone

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Hi

I am new to this site, I have been hoping there is people out there who feels the same!  (not that I want anybody to feel like me:))

I stopped Venlor about 2 weeks ago,  I was on 300mg a day.  I gained more than 20 kg in 2 years.  So I have decided to try something new.  Also the lack of libido is interfering with my relationship.  My doctor prescribed 100mg Zoloft, 300 mg Wellbutrin and 250mg Lithium twice a day.  Have anybody tried this before?

My anxiety is back,  Especially in the morning and evening.  This morning I thought, I am gonna end up in the psychiatric hospital again!

Are there anybody out there whose doctor kind of 'gave up'. At my last visit he told me, there isn't anything he could do.

Any advice on dealing with anxiety will be greatly appreciated!

 

Thank you for listening

 

 

 

 

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I have minus the Lithium.  Zoloft and Wellbutrin together have worked very well for me.The Wellbutrin definitely saved my libido because the Zoloft destroyed it. Not sure about Lithium, but my anxiety disorders are well controlled with both of the meds that I'm on .

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Sometimes I think anxiety can be thought of as "stage fright".

We all have difficult roles to play in our complicated, troubled lives.

If we can just change our perspectives ever so slightly we can usually expect big improvements.

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Hi Castiel44 :)

We care and we're glad to have you here! I always refer people to these posts

Feel free to speak your mind and what's been going on with you. If you ever wanna chat feel free to message me :)

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On ‎9‎/‎13‎/‎2016 at 4:55 AM, Castiel44 said:
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not sure how or what i want to say at the moment here...

What is bothering you most right now, Castiel44?  Can you give us some info?

 

Edited by LoneSquirrel

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To Castiel44,

That deep, dark , frighteningly comfortable place is perfectly natural.

The problem is natural is not a synonym for healthy.

We all have a deep,dark, dangerous depression/cave inside of us.

I just think we really need to understand that the dark emptiness is truly metaphorical.

We can and must find the EXIT/ENTRANCE and refrain from going too deep.

We almost never like what we find when we venture too deep.

Maybe you can try to take temporary shelter and avoid long-term residence.

Depression plays some awful tricks on our psyches but there is nothing stopping us from playing a few tricks right back.

We are here for you. Don't despair.

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4 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said:

Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your life?

i can start with a little bit of my life... as a child through young adulthood i was pretty much bullied... in and out of school, i never have felt comfortable in society as a whole, which is why i have terrible anxiety... i get so worried about being around strangers that i do most of my shopping at night, usually between 9pm-12am to avoid any or all contact... being treated poorly by adults and peers growing up has severely damaged my thoughts on how people are, do they care? i have serve trust issues too, i feel everyone is out to get me... hard not to think this way after 30+ years of abuse...

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4 hours ago, Castiel44 said:

i can start with a little bit of my life... as a child through young adulthood i was pretty much bullied... in and out of school, i never have felt comfortable in society as a whole, which is why i have terrible anxiety... i get so worried about being around strangers that i do most of my shopping at night, usually between 9pm-12am to avoid any or all contact... being treated poorly by adults and peers growing up has severely damaged my thoughts on how people are, do they care? i have serve trust issues too, i feel everyone is out to get me... hard not to think this way after 30+ years of abuse...

I feel similarly.  My bullying was more from my parents than anyone else, but other people weren't much better.  I don't feel like people are out to get me, but I'm not operating under the illusion that most of them care about anyone but themselves.

One thing you have to realize, Castiel44, is that you need to consider yourself important.  Letting yourself waste away while others watch will hurt you more than it will most of them.  You are punishing yourself by doing it.  As much as it may feel like the right thing, it isn't helping anyone.  Since there are ways to make your life better, it is best to go that route and pursue a better life with the mindset that you are trying to solve a problem.  The way you feel right now is a problem, and no amount of beating yourself up is going to solve that problem.  In fact, you would do better to treat yourself with a little kindness.  That is not to say that you shouldn't be firm with yourself by saying, "self, you need to get up off of the couch and shower now," or whatever it is you are having trouble motivating yourself to do.  But you must realize that neglecting or abusing yourself solves nothing and helps no one.  It is comfortable to do it, because it feels like the right thing to do when you've been taught to believe that you aren't worth caring about, but it does absolutely no good. 

Of course, self neglect often comes with being depressed, so it's a thing many of us repeatedly fall into.  All we can do is try to remind ourselves where we're trying to go in life and pick ourselves back up as best we can. 

And we beat ourselves up.  The bullying from others may stop, but that inner voice they have instilled in us remains. 

When I was growing up, my dad would seldom pay much attention to me.  When he did, it was usually to insult or belittle me in some way.  My weight was the most common thing he would taunt me about.  I came to believe that he would love me if I were just skinnier.  As an adult, if a man would leave me, there was always that voice in my head that said maybe he left me because I'm too fat.  When my father was terminally ill, I remember telling my ex-boyfriend that I wanted to lose weight because I wanted my dad to see me thin before he died (I wanted him to express love for me).  I know in my mind that it doesn't make sense to think the way I do about my weight, but that voice persists because my father (and others) put it there.  I doubt it will ever go away, but I don't have to do what it says.

I really think that we have to value ourselves first before most others will value us, Castiel44.  If people who don't treat you right see you wasting away, they aren't going to interpret it as their fault, so they are not going to say, "I'm so sorry," or anything like that.  Even if they do care about you in their own messed-up way, they aren't going to recognize how badly they've hurt you by observing your actions, because they don't think the way that you do.  When someone does them wrong, they lash out at that person, they don't turn their feelings inward...so they can't identify with people who do. 

I guess what I'm saying is that you must take care of yourself and be your own best advocate.  You can always come here for support, go to therapy or support groups and get meds, and those things will help you with the process of learning to care for yourself.  It's necessary to have a solid foundation to build a life on, and taking care of yourself is part of what you need to do to have a solid foundation.  It's difficult to do when you're depressed, anxious and overwhelmed, but any task you need to complete can be broken up into smaller parts.  Even something like getting ready for bed can seem overwhelming when you're depressed, but if you break it down into steps and create a routine, it becomes less of a source of dread.

I'm sorry if my post seems kind of disjointed; I was writing it and got a phone call from an upset relative in the middle of writing it, and was on the phone for a few hours, so I lost my original train of thought.

I'm not sure if everything I've written is totally relevant to your situation, so tell me if I'm wrong about something.  I don't know that much about you, so I'm kind of going by what I've experienced in my own life.  I'd like to know more about you, if you feel comfortable telling me.

I hope something I've written is helpful in some way, Castiel44. 

I'm sending hugs your way.  :console:

Let me know how things are going.

--LoneSquirrel

 

 

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On ‎10‎/‎29‎/‎2016 at 8:07 AM, Castiel44 said:

i stopped coming here because some of your members are mean jerks who i might add need a lesson in respect... 

I'm sorry Castiel44.  I haven't been here much either, for a different reason.

You can always message me if you'd like, but keep it in mind that I'm not here every day like I used to be, so I may not get back to you right away.

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On 10/30/2016 at 10:23 PM, LoneSquirrel said:

I'm sorry Castiel44.  I haven't been here much either, for a different reason.

You can always message me if you'd like, but keep it in mind that I'm not here every day like I used to be, so I may not get back to you right away.

sorry can not take away the truth of it all, they are mean and rude... YET... they are accepted here more than i am... now how does that work? 

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1 hour ago, Castiel44 said:

sorry can not take away the truth of it all, they are mean and rude... YET... they are accepted here more than i am... now how does that work? 

I do hope you'll put people on ignore who are bugging you.  There are people here who aren't jerks who will listen to what you have to say. :console:

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