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Always alone, how do I learn to accept it.


padan80

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I’m sorry about your loss. I disliked making new friends and spending time with people when I was younger, and I can understand what you’re going through. I really hope you find someone you can trust and share your feelings with. Have you been in touch with a counselor? It may help in dealing with your fears and anxiety. I don’t know if you believe in God, but I believe He loves and accepts you completely and unconditionally. I hope you don’t give up, friend. Hang in there!

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On 9/19/2016 at 8:20 PM, padan80 said:

I've never heard any guy say, just be nice and they love you.   It would make sense but a lot of things that make sense don't work.   Maybe the hookers need the money and if they don't get it they are even worse off.  

 

Idk...  I'm done being the nice guy.   It doesn't work.  At least I won't feel walked on either way. 

I never said be a push over if you can't even be nice to someone you want to be intimate with or have a relationship is it really worth it to treat someone differently just to trick them into liking you to have sex with them and dump them, I have read about that red pill crap where the men are so desperate for women to pay attention with them they throw insults at them to lower there self esteem to try to sleep with them I noticed alot of men do that or learned to do that as teenagers thats why there are so many broken families and domestic abuse victims.

i don't know if I agree with that thinking thats like saying you should keep giving a junkie money because they'll be worse off with out the illegal drug. 

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I'm sorry you are struggling with this, I too am dealing with a similar situation. Ive never really felt comfortable around people I dont know and I find it hard to "let people in" as everybody Ive really loved has gone away or left. I no longer see my friends and nobody ever contacts me anymore, i cant do social things anyway due to being too poor. My last girlfriend was 7 years ago, and I have had only 1 date since. I dont talk to my family either, I get along with them fine but theres never a conversation.

I guess I am an introvert but its not a choice Ive made, and I dont know why really.

Edited by Doommantia
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I feel like depression has ruined most of my life. It's been over 10 years and I never had a single friend. I actually hated being with people becuase I have social anxiety but then again I'd get so lonely and I would see other people going outside with groups of friends and I'd be by myself. Everybody's facebook wall would be filled with gruop photos and I would be just by myself. I've been wantig to just end it countless times. the only people who would care are my parents. And really with my depression it's a chronic disease and I don't think there's any way around it. I'm not sure i can accept it. 

Edited by RainRainGoAway
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On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 1:14 PM, allalone6 said:

in the same boat as you. 36 and alone. i so badly long for motherhood. the last 2 years ive gotten a little better about not having friends. i too did that latch on thing, and for the same reason as you...you get somone, you dont want them to leave. 

i havent found a way to be ok with not having a family, and it bothers me too to see other families out and about. i think what stings the most is seeing the kids i used to babysit starting their families, and that awkward question when i meet others in other settings....do you have kids?

i tell myself, that it is what it is, or "i get what i deserve" and keep telling myself that i will get used it just like i got used to the no friend thing. 

im sorry, i feel for you. its a rotten place to be. but at least you getting dates. im on a dating site, i message guys to try to start conversations and get ignored. so i guess im too ugly for a response...

I'm 25 and I feel I'm gonna be 40+ and single...all of this is really so scary to me.. To the point...that I have a friend that's interested in me but I'm not in him..but I feel like going along to avoid a life of isolation :( ..no one should live like this.

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Hi, Pandan80. I've been reading these responses and I beg you not to let your depression lead you to anger.  I've got nothing against prostitution (yes, there are coerced and abused women but there are also what are called "middle class prostitutes" where it's a wholly voluntary decision based on money, period), but your interest in it seems to be an angry one and that's not good, nor will it leave you even remotely fulfilled. In fact you may be even worse off because it'll happen and you'll still feel awful and then what? She'll be gone and you'll be alone with your pain.  The fact is our depression is within us. No one gave it to us and no one can take it away. It's our struggle.

If you've got a good job and hooker money then you probably have a health plan and therapist money.  Please talk to someone. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time, but I cannot deny the good it does for me overall. Talking these things out helps and unlike friends there's no residual guilt over saying the same thing over and over.

And if you'd like a little dose of perspective, I'm in my late 40's, I have a job, but not a career, I share an apt and have crushing debt that makes me live check-to-check. Not a recipe for dating, especially women my age.  And even though I've always been comfortable alone, it gets to me and on occasion I try. Recently I finally felt confident enough to try online dating again. I met a smart accomplished woman and we got along very well, but at the end of the night when we were exchanging a small kiss she jokingly said, "...so long as you're not broke. Please don't be broke." Needless to say it was crushing. I waited a day before sending her an email basically saying the that I was broke and that I probably wasn't for her. Luckily she'd had another date in that time and truly hit it off with that person and gave me some nice platitudes about success, but I could tell she was grateful to have dodged the bullet that was me. Needless to say I deactivated my online account immediately and haven't tried anything anywhere since. There's just no point.  

Unlike me, you're seem to be engaged in a self-fulfilling prophecy. While I really don't have money you just think women don't like you.  Trust me, they wouldn't be going out with you if they weren't interested, but because you believe they're going dislike you eventually I think you subconsciously start making it happen. Talk to a therapist and find out why you think you're unworthy. I promise you that you're wrong.

Oh, and just go out with friends. All social activity doesn't have to be romantic and it does help with the loneliness at least for a few hours.

Good luck.

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