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Lindsay

The Spoon Theory

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The Spoon Theory

My best friend and I were in the diner talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time.

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Guest Fmadhadder

******* I can so relate. I don't have Lupus, but i am in a wheelchair and have very litle endurance. I too have to plan my day around body aches, weather, and friends wanting me to go do something. I don't drive and i use a manual wheelchair which means i crawl speed whereever i go. If it is raining, I don't go unless i have to. I guess my biggest problem is endurance though, and physical strength. I have people ask me all the time what happened to me and i have no problem explaining it to them. But I take offense when people tell me I can do more than i know i can do and they don't seem to understand. If it is ok with you (those darn copywrite laws) I would like to use your spoon theory to demonstrate how life is from my perspective?

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hi lindsay how are you? hope your holidays went well

thank you for having shared the spoon theory with us

it was quite touching, and reviving for me.

:hearts:

rachel

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Guest I am Cat

Wow!  What a touching story!  I can see how, during times of my life when I've had to "count my spoons".  God has blessed me that these have not been permanent situations for me, however... I have passed by these situations in time and have been able to make it on my own... but I know, having bipolar disorder sometimes, leaves me "mentally" holding my spoons and having to count how many are left before the "end of my rope", you know?  so I can relate... however, not to the degree, I feel, that Christine, fmadhadder, or Lindsay can of course.  

I am truly blessed... and this just reiterates somethings that we take for granted.

Thank you LInds, for sharing this with us...

wishing you all, love, laughter, and plenty of spoons!

Cat :hearts:

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Wow indeed...that is the most succinct description of what we go through I could ever imagne.  For me, the number and size of the spoons vary from day to day.  Some days find me blind and I have to figure out the size and number of my spoons by feel only.  Some days I have a big spoon, some days only a few small ones.  Sometimes my big spoon breaks off at the handle.  All bets are off on those days.  "It's hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn, and not do everything".  Man is that profound.  I've learned that in the last 6 months, after beating my head against the wall for years, and it is one of the most powerful concepts in my life.  I am a large and powerfulman, an ex-football, baseball, rugby player and weightlifter.  I know what it is for others to think, "what's your problem?".  I know the truth, if others don't, it's there problem.  My wife didn't even understand until she came down with Rheumatoid Arthritis, which brought on depression.  She is slowly getting the idea, and I am going to show her this thread.  Thank you so much!  n5

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I haven't heard this one before.

That's certainly a good analogy for fibro. Especially where I can use spoons meant for tomorrow. If I push myself past where I know I should, I pay for it the next day for sure, starting the next day with a spoon deficiency. And there is no way to make up for it. Once its gone, its gone. Thanks for bringing that to light.

As a side question. Although I don't have lupus, my cousin does. Does anyone else with fibro have lupus in their family?

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Hi HerbalMaxx!

I love the spoon theory. :)

No one in my family has Lupus that I am aware of, but my Mother suffered from Multiple Sclerosis and I find that truely interesting at best. She also suffered from depression and bipolar, albeit there was not the diagnosis nor the help for mental illness that there is today and it was much more stigmatized.

Take care and gentle hugs,

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Thanks Lindsay,

I enjoyed that alot.  I have a friend who has lupus.  More than that it was well written and a wonderful analogy.  I try sometimes to communicate through story or analogy.  I appreciate how this author was successful, very successful, in communicating her feelings.  That is a talent I feel is largely underrated.

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Do you feel like the spoon theory applies to physical ailments only? Obviously it is much easier to connect the analogy with physical limitations but do you think it can apply to our mental limitations also?

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I see ways in which it applies - like when I have to put on my happy face for too long at a party, and I crash the next day because I've used up all my emotional reserves.

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yes, I certainly think so too, thanks for the replies. It is just harder to "justify" with "invisible" mental illness.

I have a reason for asking, my father recently refered to a bad afternoon I was having as a bad "mood". I don't think he meant any harm, but geez...talk about making me feel small. "Yes, dad I am staying home from work today because I am in a bad mood." I was condsidering sharing the above analogy with him.

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I think you should. Any help in understanding will help both of you. The spoons are certainly one of the better analogies that I've seen.

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I like the question of how can I gain more spoons, or how do I get spoons?   The focus on losing them I definately resonate with.  For me it is wearing the different masks I wear, at work, being a dad, and others.  When I don't feel safe to experience my feelings I package them up.  The image of using spoons for the packing is a good one for me.  That's another good question --can I put my spoons down and pick them up later?

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I so believe the Spoon Theory has helped me in recent months and is helping me to cope with my life right now. I am in a major flare and know now that even though my brain is telling me to get everything finished - NOW, that is on my to-do list.....Right this minute, Lindsay..EVERYTHING MUST BE DONE.....

.....I cannot do that any longer as I practically **** myself trying to accomplish the above!

I follow the Spoon Theory, as it is a huge comfort to me to know that although I don't believe I have Lupus, I am not the only one suffering from Finromyalgia and myofacial pain syndrome which is very simular to Lupus.

Any time (and there are lots of them) someone says, "Lindsay, you look great and are fine..get over it", I show them a copy of the above and give them a sheet about my illness.

Right now my anxiety and pain flares are through the roof. I see my pDoc tomorrow and am printing out this link below to hand to him:

http://www.sover.net/~devstar/mentheal.pdf

I hope he reads it all.

2092seasonsgreetings3.jpg

Happy Holidays to you and yours! :hearts:

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It's a great site, Lindsay - one I've used often myself. I hope your doc reads it and gives it some consideration.

The spoon theory has been helpful to me, also, and has helped others understand. Thanks again for sharing it.

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WOW

I am SO impressed with this analogy. My 14 year old daughter has type 1 diabetes. I'm going to show this to her - she will really relate.

I relate too. With recurrent depression, I've always had to pick my battles and keep tabs on my emotional energy to avoid crashing again. And now as a single parent with 2 girls and full-time job I don't much like.... more often than not I am spoon-deficient.

Brilliant. Thanks SO much for posting this! :hearts:

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