duck Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I was in bed for the last couple of days. I dont have any energy to do things. NO shower until today. I missed two of my groups today. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I am sleepy again. I wish if I die. I see a difficult road ahead. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Throwaway Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) woke up with my usual depressive morning moods...trying to get rid of them as always...i still can't understand how i can get rid of them permanently, i don't understand if they are actually directly linked to depression or something else..sometimes they are way too physical i wake up, and the moment i wake up without even having time to think of something, when my mind is blank, these moods start up in my stomach and go up to my chest, and they feel like stomach/heart burns combined with sadness and disappointment...i have no clue how to get rid of them. i am genuinely thinking of starting to smoke some "grass". i look at people that do it, they have it so easy and are so happy, some of my friends do it... after all, both of us will be sitting under 2m of soil someday, why should they be happy while i remain in agony ? i don't see any other solution than this atm :( Edited October 20, 2016 by Throwaway 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veruca Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 8 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said: Anxious and alone. I have hospital tests coming up, and I'm hooked up to a heart monitor for the next 2 weeks. I'm scared, but there's no one to talk to and nothing I can do about the situation. Hey there Squirrel, You are never alone when you have all of us here! I hope that you have something to help you feel a little bit better while you are dealing with all of this. I am sending hugs! I am doing okay, I seem to finally be over my cold. Work is super slow again so I am nervous about that but otherwise I am feeling pretty good. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha1 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 exhausted. it has been quite the week 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Throwaway Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) i was just called from the modelling agency i am at. they wanted me to pose in a calendar , but i had to cut my hair and dye it for 75 euros...why is it that when i am offered an opportunity, i can't take them because of what i believe in and everyone tries to change me ? what's wrong with the way that i am ? i was offered to shoot in a commercial a while ago for fast food(i had to eat it)...i am against fast food, i had to decline.... 75 euros ? is that what is worth 1 year of hair growth and trying to make it look good everyday while i get out of that "s***ty hair" phase ? what a great way to **** my mood again... each time i somehow manage to feel a bit better, there is something or someone that screws it up. FML Edited October 20, 2016 by Throwaway 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkintheDark Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 8 hours ago, LoneSquirrel said: Anxious and alone. I have hospital tests coming up, and I'm hooked up to a heart monitor for the next 2 weeks. I'm scared, but there's no one to talk to and nothing I can do about the situation. @LoneSquirrel I'm so sorry you have to endure this. I had an MI a few years ago - two stents placed - and I think I can understand at least some of the anxiety and other feelings you're having. I won't go into them here, but PM me if you like. Since that time, I've been particularly aware of my heartbeat sometimes, especially at night. Considering our other afflictions, I hope you can find something to distract you or, if you've the energy sometime, a way to reach out to a person or group IRL. {{{{{{{{{LoneSquirrel}}}}}}}}}} 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goincrazy Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Right now I'm feeling just a bit anxious. I hope things go better today , for everyone . 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I wish I could wake up one day without feeling anxious, hopeless, and full of energy to take on the day. I can dream...... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jalen Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I really need to get medications 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I used to be skinny because I took care of myself. Now I just drink and don't eat. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 3 hours ago, Throwaway said: i was just called from the modelling agency i am at. they wanted me to pose in a calendar , but i had to cut my hair and dye it for 75 euros...why is it that when i am offered an opportunity, i can't take them because of what i believe in and everyone tries to change me ? what's wrong with the way that i am ? i was offered to shoot in a commercial a while ago for fast food(i had to eat it)...i am against fast food, i had to decline.... 75 euros ? is that what is worth 1 year of hair growth and trying to make it look good everyday while i get out of that "s***ty hair" phase ? what a great way to **** my mood again... each time i somehow manage to feel a bit better, there is something or someone that screws it up. FML I'm against fast food too and I work there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I hate being in my 30's. It seems like that is the time where you remember all the childhood abuse you blocked out your whole life. The things I have remembered have destroyed me. I can never be the same after what I remembered yesterday. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Oh Lordy. Am I ever messed up. I saw and hooked up with my ex boyfriend last night, quite by surprise and by accident... well, I was drinking quite a bit and my judgement was far off. What have I done??? He emotionally abused me. So I wrote him an email heading it off.... rejecting him before he can reject me since I cannot take any more rejections at this point. I am a mess..... I think I am rebounding big time. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 You're a lot like I am. You and I just want to be loved and we deserve to be loved. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverLight Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 14 minutes ago, sober4life said: You're a lot like I am. You and I just want to be loved and we deserve to be loved. yes.... I think I am also rebounding.... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 You know growing up I never felt loved by any of my family. They are as cold as ice and the ones that act like they care just want something. I watched something about Amy Whinehouse before and I feel a lot like her. It's very possible I have borderline personality disorder like she did because I was never loved. I was neglected and abused at best. I myself have a big heart and care deeply for everyone like me. So my life was devastating. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waffles Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 feeling a bit pathetic, after all these years of practicing I still struggle to hold basic group conversations. any more than two or three people and I just freeze up... i cant contribute - all I do is panic about how stupid I am and how I should have avoided the situation in the first place (or how I can get out of it). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I just keep remembering more and more abuse as a child. That's what my 30s has been. People always talk about all the things they did as a child. I don't remember a lot of my childhood and what I remember was horrible. My mind basically tried to black out the whole thing but I keep remembering more and more as I go on. I don't want to remember anymore. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I wish I could talk about it all. It's too much for anyone to handle though. It's too much for me to handle. It's awful. I just go about my normal life and then I have these flashbacks out of the blue where I keep remembering more and more. What I remember is horrible. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayro Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I feel "me" slipping away. The world is crushing me. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisteria Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 On 13.10.2016 at 9:07 PM, Natasha1 said: we all love you @Wisteria and @LoneSquirrel Aww thank you, you're too sweet! On 19.10.2016 at 1:05 AM, CoolCat7 said: I hope so too, for your sake. Thank you as always! On 19.10.2016 at 1:06 AM, sober4life said: All I want is for you to be happy and healthy. Thank you. :) I hope you can feel happy and be healthy too. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I'll be ok. I'm strong going through a hard time but I'm a survivor. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha1 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 yes you are!!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I can always count on people here. That's the best thing about this place. People always feel like I do unfortunately. The reason why I'm still here is this place. In my real life everyone treats me like dog . Here everyone cares about each other and tries to help them. I wish the real world was like this place. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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