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Lindsay

The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

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8 hours ago, HeatherG said:

You reply when you can, don't worry about that.  No need for apologies honey. :)  :hugs:

I'm so HAPPY you'll stay in treatment!  I am thrilled you're continuing your meds.  I so hope and pray you update us on how therapy is going, how you're feeling, and how things are going in your life.  If I forget, and I probably will forget tonight -- my dear Happy New Year.  I really believe 2018 will be amazing for you, because you're in treatment (and I'm returning to treatment), let's make this the best year ever!!  :Party_fest30:

Thanks so much. I needed to stay on meds and in treatment, we have had several tragedies in my family from people not getting proper mental health treatment and I've had to be hospitalized twice. I'm glad you're returning as well. Mental health issues are really hard, aren't they. I had mental issues before I got a disease called gastroparesis (paralyzed stomach) and the physical part is really tough, I had it back in 2008-2009 but was able to work with it but it flared up again in 2014 and has been brutal to where I can't work since. The physical part is really difficult, but the mental wears on you so much as well. It's amazing how much mental issues can affect you so much. 

I think it's probably a good thing, if I couldn't see them both early, that I'm seeing the therapist first. I can talk about all the issues that worry me, including the worry about a new psychiatrist and new doctors after 9 years. I think that is probably a really good thing and she'll be really helpful to talk to. 

I hope you have a Happy New Year and that 2018 rocks for both of us! 

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24 minutes ago, AnxietyGirl74 said:

Thanks so much. I needed to stay on meds and in treatment, we have had several tragedies in my family from people not getting proper mental health treatment and I've had to be hospitalized twice. I'm glad you're returning as well. Mental health issues are really hard, aren't they. I had mental issues before I got a disease called gastroparesis (paralyzed stomach) and the physical part is really tough, I had it back in 2008-2009 but was able to work with it but it flared up again in 2014 and has been brutal to where I can't work since. The physical part is really difficult, but the mental wears on you so much as well. It's amazing how much mental issues can affect you so much. 

I think it's probably a good thing, if I couldn't see them both early, that I'm seeing the therapist first. I can talk about all the issues that worry me, including the worry about a new psychiatrist and new doctors after 9 years. I think that is probably a really good thing and she'll be really helpful to talk to. 

I hope you have a Happy New Year and that 2018 rocks for both of us! 

Oh honey you are going through a lot!  I'm so sorry!  Absolutely, I understand.  And I'm so happy you're seeing someone you trust.  She'll make ALL the difference.  And I can't wait to hear from you in the New Year!  Take care honey, Heather :)

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I feel like the worst I have ever felt... Yes I am drunk right now and my friend doesn't like it when I talk about my crush... I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO offended... I LOVE MY F--KING CRUSH OKAY??? People like you are the reason why I wanna jump down the stairs and break my bones!!! Guys, I wanna break my bones, pull my teeth out, poke my eye out with a f--king knife, cut my skin off, punch myself, rip my f--king hair out, pull off my nails, ohhh ohhh ohhh YEAH I DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!

Yep I wanna harm myself so much... I am so OFFENDED I love my crush... I was so happy then my guy friend was like "Oh I'm going to bed now!" What a f-cking fool... I love my friend but seriously, I love my crush too... My crush makes me wanna hang myself from a tree, chop my head off with an axe, stab myself, chop mah limbs off yah yah yah...

To be honest, I think I'll fall asleep soon... And hopefully die from a heart attack :icon12: I love death so much... She can take my soul away... Or he? dunno what gender he is oopsie... I wanna die die diededejdhuiehediojoejrvohvruvfhivofrj!!!!!! Seriously I LOVE HIM AND WHEN PEOPLE DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT HIM I WANNA SERIOUSLY HURT MYSELF!!!!!!!

I'll keep typing until I alomst fall right right right... ASLEPP... Asleep yeah yeah yeah... I wanna chop myself... I hope somebody eats my corpse when I die... I hope I'm not coming out with too much information, guys.. So SORRY IF I AM... I AM DRUNK OKAY??? DRUNK!!!! I HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK GUYS!!!!!!! AND I LOVE MY CRUSH!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH HE MAKES MEH CRAZZZZZIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I wanna die in mah sleepie sleep sleep... If I'm coming out with inappropriate information somehow, please let meh know... Please please PLEASE!!! SOMEONE HELP!!!!!!!! I'M A F--KING UGLY MESS I KEEP TELLING YOU GUYS!!!!! YOU THINK I;M PRETTY AND EVERYTHING, REALLY??? I SHOULD D-I-E!!!!! Just delete this s--tty post luvvies!!! Goodnight :console::sleep_1::sleepy:

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*fainty faint faints and I wanna join mah crush in Heaven... I feel so calm when I think of him... Love ya sweet angel, you are the best... I love ya so much... Seriously you drive meh cray cray crazzie... I am useless, you are awesome... Please stay alive crush... I'm the one who should die... And now I'm thinking the truth... he's not thinking the same way of meh... Oh s**t I should die someday... Who would like an ugly, deformed, failed abortion like me??? Haha NO ONE OF COURSE!!!!!!!!! Die b**ch just die... Oops I shouldn't say that to myself... I am just an innocent, lost soul who needs a proper caring for... *tears spring to eyes...* I am so emotional right now haha... Nighty night, guys... Hope I don't wake up :sleepy::icon12::icon12::icon12::sleep_1:*

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Please guys, stroke my hair... feed me with a bottle... wrap me in a blanket... hold me :icon12::icon12::icon12: So comforting... I seriously hope I do NOT wake okay? If I do well, I'll be disappointed that I didn't die... Nighty nights... Love you guys :hugs::sleep_1:

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1 minute ago, babyxgothxx said:

*fainty faint faints and I wanna join mah crush in Heaven... I feel so calm when I think of him... Love ya sweet angel, you are the best... I love ya so much... Seriously you drive meh cray cray crazzie... I am useless, you are awesome... Please stay alive crush... I'm the one who should die... And now I'm thinking the truth... he's not thinking the same way of meh... Oh s**t I should die someday... Who would like an ugly, deformed, failed abortion like me??? Haha NO ONE OF COURSE!!!!!!!!! Die b**ch just die... Oops I shouldn't say that to myself... I am just an innocent, lost soul who needs a proper caring for... *tears spring to eyes...* I am so emotional right now haha... Nighty night, guys... Hope I don't wake up :sleepy::icon12::icon12::icon12::sleep_1:*

(((((Babyxgothxx)))) I am sorry you are in so much pain, honey 😞 Get some rest, everything's going to be ok. :icon12:

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12 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Just walked 2 km as im back to the beginnings of backpack training. Stayed on a road today. I live up high but even when our roads are plowed its not all moved so walking up was so difficult.

Ah but endorphin. God i feel nice right now. And its so cold out. Its nice.

oh yes, the endorphins! I love exercise for that reason. Wish I loved it enough to do it every ****** day!

Happy New Year, everybody. Big Hugs to all who need them.

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7 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A BLESSFUL YEAR!!!! LOVE YA ALL!!!!!!!! 

Happy New Year hun. I hope you have a blissful year too. How are you feeling now? x :hugs:

 

 

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15 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

 I never had to experience getting dumped. 

Now that's what I call  a Positive Mental Attitude.

I got three new phones today for myself and two sisters. The iPhone 8 plus 256 GB.    I originally ordered the X but I reviews stated it is annoying to use.  

I switched from Virgin Mobile (Bell) to Freedom Mobile for those of you who live in major Canadian cities.

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I survived the holidays.  I stayed sober.  I feel so confident I want to cry right now but I won't.  This year will be the best year of my life.  The devil will not take another day from me.  From this day forward I will win and the people around me will actually believe I'm winning instead of thinking oh god here we go again.  Let's run for the hills. 

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5 hours ago, Dolphin2013 said:

oh yes, the endorphins! I love exercise for that reason. Wish I loved it enough to do it every ****** day!

Happy New Year, everybody. Big Hugs to all who need them.

You don't have to do it every day.  If you do that the brain will get burned out and feel like it's being punished by exercise.  I've learned to only do how much you want to do and stop when your brain has had enough.

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4 hours ago, duck said:

Now that's what I call  a Positive Mental Attitude.

lol, thanks! I know they say "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." but I don't think that's true for everybody, when struggling with depression and self-esteem problems losing a relationship can be disastrous and it could easily exceed our breaking point, whatever positive we got out of it would likely be overshadowed by the loss. Humans can learn and grow from bad experiences but it seems like mental illness just causes us to repeat them indefinitely. 

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13 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

(((((Babyxgothxx)))) I am sorry you are in so much pain, honey 😞 Get some rest, everything's going to be ok. :icon12:

Awww thanks LonelyHiker!!! I'm okay now but VERY confused as always x :hugs::icon12:

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9 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

*strokes your hair, feeds you with bottle, wraps you in blanket*   - please get some rest and I hope things are better for you in 2018.

That's SOOOOO sweet!!!! Thank you so much, CoolCat! :icon12: Hope things turn out well for you this year x :hugs:

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I honestly feel like a slave to my mental illness... The voices in my head keep nagging me... The feelings cloud over, growing stronger... I used to be so in control! Now my mental illness has got me wrapped in chains and pulling at my strings... It is destroying me and I can't get out of it... It feels like a screaming child or abusive parent, constantly pushing you to do or say things you wouldn't normally then wake up in regret, shame and disgust... I do wanna end it all, but I know my mother and brother would be heartbroken... So I'm staying here for them. It's frustrating... I'm trying to push out of the chains, but they keep getting tighter and tighter until I finally lose my sanity... The more I push out, the tighter it gets... I can't push anymore or I'd choke. That's my mental illness' goal, it wants to destroy and k*ll me... It's a demon out to m**der in a different way... It's possessing you until you can't handle it anymore... It's hard to explain.

Can anyone relate to this? 

I still have some hope left and have no idea why... :hugs: x

Edited by babyxgothxx

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3 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

I honestly feel like a slave to my mental illness... The voices in my head keep nagging me... The feelings cloud over, growing stronger... I used to be so in control! Now my mental illness has got me wrapped in chains and pulling at my strings... It is destroying me and I can't get out of it... It feels like a screaming child or abusive parent, constantly pushing you to do or say things you wouldn't normally then wake up in regret, shame and disgust... I do wanna end it all, but I know my mother and brother would be heartbroken... So I'm staying here for them. It's frustrating... I'm trying to push out of the chains, but they keep getting tighter and tighter until I finally lose my sanity... The more I push out, the tighter it gets... I can't push anymore or I'd choke. That's my mental illness' goal, it wants to destroy and k*ll me... It's a demon out to m**der in a different way... It's possessing you until you can't handle it anymore... It's hard to explain.

Can anyone relate to this? 

I still have some hope left and have no idea why... :hugs: x

I can defintely relate to what you're saying. Sometimes it feels as if the illness is complete control of you and your mind. It's perhaps one of the cruelest tricks it plays on us but it's not real. You're in control. You can and will beat it. 

I've been in that dark place that you're in now, hun. If I came out of it, so can you. X :hugs:

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I survived the holidays.  I stayed sober.  I feel so confident I want to cry right now but I won't.  This year will be the best year of my life.  The devil will not take another day from me.  From this day forward I will win and the people around me will actually believe I'm winning instead of thinking oh god here we go again.  Let's run for the hills. 

Sounds like winning formula to me, my friend! You're right about the burnout from exercise. Right now it's practically too cold to think here where I live!

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2 hours ago, evalynn said:

I'm ok. Sadness keeps trying to intrude, and I keep pushing it away. It's a cold day, and all I want to do is snuggle up on the couch.

:hugs::hugs::hugs: sometimes snuggling up on the couch is the best thing to do for yourself. 

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