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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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2 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Woah!!!! We never get snow that deep over here! :shocked: How do you push the snow away without getting wet? Are you going to shovel tonight? Well if you don't, it will be SO deep... Wow still jealous though... Wish we had that amount of snow here :snowman1: Instead, it is thin and a tripping hazard. I banged my head on the road 3 weeks ago... Yep it's dangerous. The more snow, the less dangerous it is lol x

Less dangerous if it stays deep yes. But its law that its shovelled. So then we are left with slippery. Especially since the sun is shining in it now. Even tbough its cold the sun does damage to the surface in terms of slippery. Yes feet and shins got wet as it melted due to body heat. Bit believe me once we got a path going there was less contact so to speak. Right now people are having trouble driving even though its all plowed.

I think no shovelling tonight as the snow has stopped and its sunny now. Its up fo the knees in the field at the base of the mountain so up the mountain and the peak on the other side are probably past the knees.

I hope your head is ok!!!

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27 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Well I told my Mum that my crush and his friend friended me, My Dad overheard and he yelled, WHICH RUINED EVERYTHING,

"You need to grow up! They will find you REALLY annoying if you kept friending and unfriending them all the time! They will tell you you're annoying them and wouldn't want you as a girlfriend because you are too immature..."

After I said I'll never unfriend him again...

Seriously??? I know it's annoying them that's why I said I won't do it again!!!!!!! Besides, being childish/immature is my flirting technique. YES you've heard that right... My flirting technique!!!!!!!! x :broken_heart:

@HeatherG @RiverLight

It's hard to block out and ignore parent's unfair criticism -- it took me years to learn how -- but you might have to learn how.  I'm sorry your dad is so hurtful.  My mother is that way.  

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2 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

It's hard to block out and ignore parent's unfair criticism -- it took me years to learn how -- but you might have to learn how.  I'm sorry your dad is so hurtful.  My mother is that way.  

I agree. It is hard, but a skill that can be developed. You didn't deserve to be yelled at though. ((((((( @babyxgothxx))))))

Edited by RiverLight
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50 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Well I told my Mum that my crush and his friend friended me, My Dad overheard and he yelled, WHICH RUINED EVERYTHING,

"You need to grow up! They will find you REALLY annoying if you kept friending and unfriending them all the time! They will tell you you're annoying them and wouldn't want you as a girlfriend because you are too immature..."

After I said I'll never unfriend him again...

Seriously??? I know it's annoying them that's why I said I won't do it again!!!!!!! Besides, being childish/immature is my flirting technique. YES you've heard that right... My flirting technique!!!!!!!! x :broken_heart:

@HeatherG @RiverLight

The best thing to do would be to prove him wrong and make him eat his words. 

I guess I'm wondering why you think behaving immaturely is the best way of flirting. Just be yourself. :hugs:x

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3 hours ago, carukia said:

The best thing to do would be to prove him wrong and make him eat his words. 

I guess I'm wondering why you think behaving immaturely is the best way of flirting. Just be yourself. :hugs:x

LOL True, he completely ruined the mood... 

Sorry hun I meant being childish id my way of flirting... Like giggling, playing around (like unfriending them) speaking in a higher voice and more... I don't know why but I love it when people treat me like a child so I act like one! I am being myself and I know it's freaky as f--k, you don't have to tell me... SORRY IF I'M SCARING YOU OFF!!! UGH, I'm such a fool x :hugs:

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Just now, babyxgothxx said:

LOL True, he completely ruined the mood... 

Sorry hun I meant being childish id my way of flirting... Like giggling, playing around (like unfriending them) speaking in a higher voice and more... I don't know why but I love it when people treat me like a child so I act like one! I am being myself and I know it's freaky as f--k, you don't have to tell me... SORRY IF I'M SCARING YOU OFF!!! UGH, I'm such a fool x :hugs:

Hey, don't worry, it's going to take more than that to scare me off. You're not a fool at all. Everyone puts on some sort of persona when they're flirting. 

I kind of get what you mean when you say you like being treated as a child. I suppose it's comforting when someone being maternal towards you. I was seeing a girl a few years ago who did the same thing with her voice sometimes. Can I ask... How do people react when you do it? x :hugs:

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3 hours ago, HeatherG said:

It's hard to block out and ignore parent's unfair criticism -- it took me years to learn how -- but you might have to learn how.  I'm sorry your dad is so hurtful.  My mother is that way.  

That you @HeatherG and @RiverLightfor the advice... You are both amazing and I LOVE YOU!!!! :icon12:

I have absolutely no idea how people can block it out... I'm still p--sed off now... I mean, I was SO HAPPY after a rough couple of weeks... The first feeling of positivity since a long time. Then he ruined it all by saying complete s--t!!!! Now I'm scared they find me really creepy and annoying for friending and unfriending them... I'm SOOOO worried OMG...

That's right, back to all the worrying c--p I usually feel.. I should just end it all... My happiness always gets ruined. I'm serious... Like whenever I have a perfect day, there's always something that comes in to ruin the entire day...  What's the point??? I WAS TRULY HAPPY AT THE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY I NEVER FELT ALMOST ANYTHING LIKE IT!!!! I bet they hate me... Thank you Dad for opening my eyes :broken_heart: I felt so loved because they accepted it... Now, I'm wondering why I did... They are only friending me to be polite and they are already SICK OF ME!!!! F--k my life...

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2 minutes ago, carukia said:

Hey, don't worry, it's going to take more than that to scare me off. You're not a fool at all. Everyone puts on some sort of persona when they're flirting. 

I kind of get what you mean when you say you like being treated as a child. I suppose it's comforting when someone being maternal towards you. I was seeing a girl a few years ago who did the same thing with her voice sometimes. Can I ask... How do people react when you do it? x :hugs:

Oh phew!!! At least you kind of understand... It's extremely comforting, honestly... It;s the only thing that keeps me happy! Oh a girl you liked did the soft, baby-voice thing?? Aww SO CUTE! More girls should do it to be honest... Ehhhh most people ignore me completely because they are shallow... Others sometimes stick their tounge out to me lol All I want is to be cuddled and rocked to sleep while I'm sucking my thumb by someone who cares :icon12::icon12::icon12: 

I'm getting emotional right now hahaha... I never talk about this because most find it creepy x :nod:

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I feel kinda weird and wary. Starting to take meds for anxiety, to start, possibly other mood or mind stabilizers in the future. The irony of taking drugs like these making me more anxious...but its just a more "wary" anxiety because I'm putting the trust in my doctors and mental health care professionals. Tonight's anxiety will hopefully subside after I take my first dose of the last med and sleep through the night. *fingers crossed, so to speak* 

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On 11/22/2017 at 5:53 PM, HeatherG said:

I'll DM you.  

I am so sorry a psychiatrist rushed you in and out, couldn't take the time to listen and answer your questions.  Glad you're going to see someone else.  Are you also talking to a therapist/psychologist?

Hi. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I have had some issues with some other things that haven't let me get on recently. Yes, I see a therapist, I think it's next week actually. I am very much looking forward to that. I don't seem to do well when I go a month without them. 

I was thinking all kinds of crazy stuff day before yesterday. Thank goodness I have come to my senses now. Turns out it is a very good thing I asked about the seroquel. It actually calmed me down from being very destructive and deciding I was doing great, not reason to keep taking meds. Yeah, right. smh. Not sure where that came from. 

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On 11/22/2017 at 5:20 PM, Teddy545 said:

That's too bad. When I see a new psychiatrist they usually want to change my meds, I don't know why.  I hate Seroquel too.  I take Buspar 2 times a day. I also take propranolol as needed, this new Psy. wants me to take it regularly now. 

Yeah, I hate seroquel, but I have to say that it does help me. We have a very love/hate relationship. I take it very sparingly, but I am so glad I pretty much begged her to give it to me because it definitely helped me the other day. I don't know what got into me but I decided I was fine, that I didn't need my meds. Then I started freaking myself out because I started to feel kind of like I did right before I had to go to the hospital so I got scared and took my evening mental health meds and a dose of the seroquel, which really helped me. 

Propanol didn't help me personally, but I hope it helps you. Everyone is so different, there's a good chance it will. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. 

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8 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I hate being on meds. There are some herbal supplements I want to take but I'm afraid of the possibility of interaction.  I will ask my pharmacist but I know what she's going to say...

I know the feeling. And it always makes me wonder if I'll never know if something else is giving me headaches or is it all the meds I take?

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

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i haven't been on here in a while, but i feel a little better i got a seasonal job at Bonton and have a interview at a hospital for a lab assistant position. I feel old I know im not I just turned 27 last week and im reevaluating my life. I can't believe im working minimum wage still after graduating from college a year and a half ago. i can't give up and will keep applying and getting what ever licences I need in the future to work in medicine, its my calling I have to do it since I was a little boy I always wanted to be a scientist and work in a lab when I had a temp job working in a lab i felt settled in life I felt there were alot of career paths that I could advance into, I got the same feeling when volunteering at hospitals that I have more empathy then the average person so it is my duty to help people. I just need money im buried debt from the money i owe my parents, student loans and credit card debt everybody keeps telling me to give up that college was a waste of money, my father says to forget about getting a job in what I went to school for and just to get a normal job, I would rather die than giveup on getting the career I want I don't want kids im single all i have are my aspirations if gave up on that I would have nothing left to keep me going. i just wish I could go back to when I was younger and gotten treatment for my bipolar sooner, I would have accomplished so many more goals than I have at 27.

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8 hours ago, CoolCat7 said:

I hate being on meds. There are some herbal supplements I want to take but I'm afraid of the possibility of interaction.  I will ask my pharmacist but I know what she's going to say...

Be careful if you take st johns wort, when I took it, it sent me into episodes of intense manic rage. Its ridiculous the government doesn't regulate something that could be so dangerous.

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I'm kind of bummed. Only slightly. We're no longer skiing today because of the high expense and it's just waayyy too cold to go. It's 2 degrees right now!! BRRRRR. On the mountain it's probably below zero! I don't mind skipping on this simply because of the cold, but I was looking forward to skiing.

But I am seeing a great concert tonight with bands that I love, and am staying overnight in a hotel about an hour away, so that should be fun!
Wishing everyone a happy new year! :new-year-confetti-smiley-emoticon:

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10 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Oh phew!!! At least you kind of understand... It's extremely comforting, honestly... It;s the only thing that keeps me happy! Oh a girl you liked did the soft, baby-voice thing?? Aww SO CUTE! More girls should do it to be honest... Ehhhh most people ignore me completely because they are shallow... Others sometimes stick their tounge out to me lol All I want is to be cuddled and rocked to sleep while I'm sucking my thumb by someone who cares :icon12::icon12::icon12: 

I'm getting emotional right now hahaha... I never talk about this because most find it creepy x :nod:

We were together for about 4 years. Though if I remember correctly, she did it less as the relationship went on. I'm not sure why. 

Well, today has carried on from where yesterday left off. I feel so low. 

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3 hours ago, carukia said:

We were together for about 4 years. Though if I remember correctly, she did it less as the relationship went on. I'm not sure why. 

Well, today has carried on from where yesterday left off. I feel so low. 

Hun, maybe take a break from each other then discuss what you want... It seems like you are growing sick of each other at the moment...

All honestly,I feel the same... I would end it all after my Birthday to be honest... Another full year see,s way too long to live. Oh yes and I'm a freak, ugly, fat, stupid, pathetic failure who just freaks out and annoying people around her lol My Dad is right... My crush and my friend probably already find me avoidable... *just **** me*

WHY DID MY PARENTS LET ME LIVE??? THEY SHOULD'VE AB-RTED ME!!! NOW I HAVE TO FINISH IT ALL MYSELF AND WENT THROUGH TORTURE ALL MY LIFE!!!!! IT WAS SELFISH OF THEM TO LET ME LIVE!!! THEY SHOULD'VE NEVER BEEN PARENTS, ALL THEY EXPECT FROM ME IS TO BE PERFECT AND RIDICULE ME WHEN I'M NOT.... F--K IT!!!!!!

Edited by babyxgothxx
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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I keep feeling better every day.  I've had the flu for a week and I still feel better than I would have if I was stupid enough to drink for the holidays.

Please forgive yourself! You're supposed to indulge during the holidays... Dust yourself off and try again x :hugs:

Edited by babyxgothxx
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Still very cold here in Edmonton.  Zoo staff had to place the penguins indoors.  Current temperature.  Minus 29 Celsius  or  minus 20.2 F.  Now that's COLD. :smilingteeth:

COLD did not stop me from going out.  I went to all my coffee shops and pubs.  Then I worked on my sister's car outside.  I am a robot.   :thumbsup:

Edited by duck
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On 12/24/2017 at 11:28 PM, Misanthrop said:

Why don't you have salary? I do.

Including deployment & shift allowances & overtime, I may even get more money than disability.

(Granted, you're more fortunate in that you can't be "fired" from receiving disability)

I CAN be fired.  If I leave Canada without written permission.  I cannot leave Canada for more than ten days. If I am caught having any type of fun.  A lady was fired because she posted a picture of herself on Facebook wearing a bathing suit.  Insurance companies are in business to make money.  My insurance rep interviews me every six weeks and sends several forms to both my psychiatrist and psychologist.  I am seeing two psychologists at my expense.  

This will make you ill.  The federal government is helping out my insurance.  One third on my pay comes from the feds.  This makes me sick.  Two thirds come from my insurance.  This is how Long Term Disability works in Canada. If I refuse to collect the government portion my cpp at age 65 will be drastically reduced.  I tell you some sick sick person who is in bed with the insurance companies designed this. I was so angry when this was explained to me.

Another point.  I bought many shares of this same insurance company long before i became ill.  I guess one could say I am screwing my own company???

 

Happy New Year !!!:hugs:

Edited by duck
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2 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Hun, maybe take a break from each other then discuss what you want... It seems like you are growing sick of each other at the moment...

All honestly,I feel the same... I would end it all after my Birthday to be honest... Another full year see,s way too long to live. Oh yes and I'm a freak, ugly, fat, stupid, pathetic failure who just freaks out and annoying people around her lol My Dad is right... My crush and my friend probably already find me avoidable... *just **** me*

WHY DID MY PARENTS LET ME LIVE??? THEY SHOULD'VE AB-RTED ME!!! NOW I HAVE TO FINISH IT ALL MYSELF AND WENT THROUGH TORTURE ALL MY LIFE!!!!! IT WAS SELFISH OF THEM TO LET ME LIVE!!! THEY SHOULD'VE NEVER BEEN PARENTS, ALL THEY EXPECT FROM ME IS TO BE PERFECT AND RIDICULE ME WHEN I'M NOT.... F--K IT!!!!!!

We're still texting and we've arranged to meet up on Friday. 

I know from experience that no matter how bad things become they do get better.

You're not ugly, you're not a freak and you're not a failure. You're someone who is sensitive and caring and someday you'll find a person who will love you for it. 

Is there a genuine reason to think the person who have a crush on wants to avoid you? 

:hugs:x

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16 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

That you @HeatherG and @RiverLightfor the advice... You are both amazing and I LOVE YOU!!!! :icon12:

I have absolutely no idea how people can block it out... I'm still p--sed off now... I mean, I was SO HAPPY after a rough couple of weeks... The first feeling of positivity since a long time. Then he ruined it all by saying complete s--t!!!! Now I'm scared they find me really creepy and annoying for friending and unfriending them... I'm SOOOO worried OMG...

That's right, back to all the worrying c--p I usually feel.. I should just end it all... My happiness always gets ruined. I'm serious... Like whenever I have a perfect day, there's always something that comes in to ruin the entire day...  What's the point??? I WAS TRULY HAPPY AT THE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY I NEVER FELT ALMOST ANYTHING LIKE IT!!!! I bet they hate me... Thank you Dad for opening my eyes :broken_heart: I felt so loved because they accepted it... Now, I'm wondering why I did... They are only friending me to be polite and they are already SICK OF ME!!!! F--k my life...

A therapist would help you learn how to deal with your dad's criticism/verbal abuse.  Seriously, those friends who accepted your friend requests on facebook don't know your dad, and they have nothing to do with his hurtful words.  They genuinely like you but depression will make you believe they do not.  A therapist will help you stay in the the happy moments.  2018 would be the perfect year to begin therapy -- at least try it.  I certainly am returning to a psychologist, I won't survive another dark dreary year.

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