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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)


Lindsay

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Arranged marriages are not good.  I think about the people I would marry in this world and I would do it because I love that person.  I would marry Sarah for sure.  The one I use to love that I went to her grave every day for 5 years.  I would marry her too.  I lost 100 pounds going to see her every day.  Love has been a drug to me my whole life.  When I love someone I'm all in.  Like with Sarah everyone knows I love her.  It's all I talk about with anyone.  If I met you for the first time somehow her name would be brought up in our conversation.  He name probably comes out of my mouth a hundred thousand times a day.  I'm so in love with her.  I have never felt this strongly about anyone in my whole life.  She's never going to leave her husband.  He's hot.  He's a 10 for sure looks wise but he treats her like crap.  He's an entitled a******!

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34 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Arranged marriages are not good.  I think about the people I would marry in this world and I would do it because I love that person.  I would marry Sarah for sure.  The one I use to love that I went to her grave every day for 5 years.  I would marry her too.  I lost 100 pounds going to see her every day.  Love has been a drug to me my whole life.  When I love someone I'm all in.  Like with Sarah everyone knows I love her.  It's all I talk about with anyone.  If I met you for the first time somehow her name would be brought up in our conversation.  He name probably comes out of my mouth a hundred thousand times a day.  I'm so in love with her.  I have never felt this strongly about anyone in my whole life.  She's never going to leave her husband.  He's hot.  He's a 10 for sure looks wise but he treats her like crap.  He's an entitled a******!

I feel you pain Sober.  You are an awesome guy.

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10 minutes ago, duck said:

I feel you pain Sober.  You are an awesome guy.

Thank you I very much needed to hear that.  I haven't spoke to Sarah in 4 months.  She never leaves my mind though.  Not for one second.  My schizophrenia gave me a gift that one day.  It was one of those days where my mind made up the whole day.  I went to the store where she works and I kissed her in front of everyone.  It was all fake though.  It never really happened.  I love her so much.  I love her so much that my mind had a need to make up a romantic day with her.  It was the most amazing moment of my life though.  It was like a fairy tale movie.  I would give anything to have that day back.  It felt so real.  That day was the only day of my life that made sense and that day I was more mentally sick than most people will ever be.:tear2:

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Thank you I very much needed to hear that.  I haven't spoke to Sarah in 4 months.  She never leaves my mind though.  Not for one second.  My schizophrenia gave me a gift that one day.  It was one of those days where my mind made up the whole day.  I went to the store where she works and I kissed her in front of everyone.  It was all fake though.  It never really happened.  I love her so much.  I love her so much that my mind had a need to make up a romantic day with her.  It was the most amazing moment of my life though.  It was like a fairy tale movie.  I would give anything to have that day back.  It felt so real.  That day was the only day of my life that made sense and that day I was more mentally sick than most people will ever be.:tear2:

A Big hug for you.  :hugs::hugs:

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My friend Tim has made my recovery his life time goal.  He calls it "Make Duck great again."

Throughout the month of August Tim has been trying to get me out of the house and engaged in summer festivals. I kept saying No but he kept persisting. Keeping in mind I was very busy in August.

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Tim is one of those angels that enter our lives that show us selfless love.  Arthur was my Tim.  I met him when I was homeless.  Everyone had given up on me but he was like a real father to me.  What did my real father do during that time?  He called me every day at the shelter asking for money.  There was no caring about how I felt or what I was going through.  How can you be that big of a monster to ask you son for money during his worst time?

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

Tim is one of those angels that enter our lives that show us selfless love.  Arthur was my Tim.  I met him when I was homeless.  Everyone had given up on me but he was like a real father to me.  What did my real father do during that time?  He called me every day at the shelter asking for money.  There was no caring about how I felt or what I was going through.  How can you be that big of a monster to ask you son for money during his worst time?

 

I like angels like Arthur. He was an awesome guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 hours ago, duck said:

My friend Tim has made my recovery his life time goal.  He calls it "Make Duck great again."

Throughout the month of August Tim has been trying to get me out of the house and engaged in summer festivals. I kept saying No but he kept persisting. Keeping in mind I was very busy in August.

I am glad you have such a supportive friend duck!

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8 hours ago, duck said:

Did I ever tell you guys my parents marriage was arranged?  That's another reason why I am so screwed up.   My parents never act as a couple in my eyes. They never call each other by their names. I do not know how normal people act. It is no wonder why I cannot fit into this world.  I often feel I am a child of rape. Many others share this same view.

My parents argued all the time. It was crazy. 

I think that most married couples, whether arranged or "from love", argue all of the time too. My parents argued incessantly, as did my ex and I. Actually, she yelled and I listened. There's a reason that the divorce rate is 50%, at least here in the US.

I don't know what the answer is. I tried booze and isolation but that wasn't correct.

 

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Here comes that dead horse for me to beat again...but I miss the hell out of my (ex) girlfriend. It is now 4 months since I've heard from her. I call every day and leave a voicemail, telling her that I miss & love her very much. No reply.

The last time we talked, she told me that she loved me. Then...silence.

It rips me up inside.

The one glimmer of hope I have is that she apparently hasn't blocked me entirely. I can still leave a message. I think if she really did not want to hear from me again, she would have blocked me.

But then, what has happened?

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I really don't know what to do anymore.  I'm more lost than I have ever been.  I don't believe there is a soul mate out there for me.  I doubt very seriously that I'll ever go on a date with anyone.  The only thing I ever want to do is go on dates.  In life it doesn't matter what you want.  When your life was meant to be suffering that's all there is.  I'm always the alone freak mainly because I'm too screwed up to have a relationship with anyone.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I really don't know what to do anymore.  I'm more lost than I have ever been.  I don't believe there is a soul mate out there for me.  I doubt very seriously that I'll ever go on a date with anyone.  The only thing I ever want to do is go on dates.  In life it doesn't matter what you want.  When your life was meant to be suffering that's all there is.  I'm always the alone freak mainly because I'm too screwed up to have a relationship with anyone.

We are in the same boat Sober but I would chose death before a date.

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I think that most married couples, whether arranged or "from love", argue all of the time too. My parents argued incessantly, as did my ex and I. Actually, she yelled and I listened. There's a reason that the divorce rate is 50%, at least here in the US.

I don't know what the answer is. I tried booze and isolation but that wasn't correct.

 

I thought the divorce rate was higher. I think in Alberta it is 60%.

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Here comes that dead horse for me to beat again...but I miss the hell out of my (ex) girlfriend. It is now 4 months since I've heard from her. I call every day and leave a voicemail, telling her that I miss & love her very much. No reply.

The last time we talked, she told me that she loved me. Then...silence.

It rips me up inside.

The one glimmer of hope I have is that she apparently hasn't blocked me entirely. I can still leave a message. I think if she really did not want to hear from me again, she would have blocked me.

But then, what has happened?

That's very strange. She does not respond to your calls.  I am guessing you are not as important to her as you thought.  Sorry Bro. HUGS.

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I had one hour sleep in the past twenty four hours.

I went to Wal-Mart to look for blinds. The old ones are finished. 

I text my big sister earlier today. She is having difficulty selling her house.

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Hi guys and gals. I'm back. Hope I didn't cause worry by suddenly disappearing for a while. If I did, I am so sorry. 

My truck broke down today, blown head gasket, possibly other damage as well. At least I won't be having to pay for labor since I can do it myself. There goes a day or two of work. The machine shop said it could be up to a week turn around on a cylinder head right now. Yup. The poo continues to hit the fan for me. Just about daily. Pretty comical actually.

Much :icon12:

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""""Make Duck great again."""

Anyone on board?

The problem with the above is I was never great. I have always had problems and felt inferior to everyone so how can my docs make me great again? During my best years 1995 to 2005 I was all alone and sad. 

 

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48 minutes ago, S_A_P_P_Y said:

Hi guys and gals. I'm back. Hope I didn't cause worry by suddenly disappearing for a while. If I did, I am so sorry. 

My truck broke down today, blown head gasket, possibly other damage as well. At least I won't be having to pay for labor since I can do it myself. There goes a day or two of work. The machine shop said it could be up to a week turn around on a cylinder head right now. Yup. The poo continues to hit the fan for me. Just about daily. Pretty comical actually.

Much :icon12:

Sorry about your truck. 

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